


Find My Way Back

by soo_ah0110



Series: Feeling of You [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Adulting is difficult, Alternate Universe - Adults Living Their Lives, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Break Up, Changing POV, Established Relationship, Friendship, Growing Up, Humor, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, New Beginnings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parting Ways, Romance, Slice of Life, Students, Swimming, Time Skips, how do you tag without spoilers??, painful lovestory, there will be heartbreak but i'm not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:40:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 127,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27328945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soo_ah0110/pseuds/soo_ah0110
Summary: Hyunwoo and Kihyun have been together for over two years and their studies are almost over, which means a big chapter in their lives is about to end. However, something comes and closes a completely different part of their lives than expected. Will they be able to find the way back or their group of friends will never be the same again?~~~A story about love, friendship, the price for secrets and finding the way back to what one would think is lost. There is humor, possibly heartbreak, occasional swearing and movie/TV show/music references :)
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Lee Jooheon/Lee Minhyuk, Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Series: Feeling of You [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990912
Comments: 270
Kudos: 100





	1. Let's Do This Again!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Hello! And welcome!!!! \\(*￣0￣)/ How have you been dear dear readers? ^^ <3 At the end of Petals of Love, I have promised a ShowKi story in this universe and here. it. is.
> 
> For those of you that are new and haven't read Petals of Love, I would suggest it, since I will be referencing the life of the group from before and there is an OFC in this story, whose story and character you would have had the chance to get acquainted with in Petals of Love (I promise she is not your common type of OFC... just sayin'). But you might read this as a stand alone, but just please, please keep in mind there might be moments might confuse you and/or the joke won't seem funny. ^^
> 
> And with the story, we are jumping into the beginning of 5th year at university (their last year), so we are not going back. Just like life we are moving forward and so is the gang! I have planned a couple interesting twists and turns in this story and if you have read Petals of Love, you would know how I like frustrating you guys by leading you on and having what-the-hell-? moments, so of course there will be an abundance of them! ^^
> 
> I don't want to spoil it, so I won't be saying much else, but later as the story goes on, I might add some more tags, just to make it a little more clear, but not yet ^_~'
> 
> Either way, I hope you enjoy the first chapter and without much further talking I'll let you get straight to it!!! ^^

**~END OF AUGUST - 4TH YEAR OF UNI~**

<Kihyun POV>

The gang was hanging out at Hyungwon’s parents’ house again and the rainy season was a month later than everyone has predicted, therefore the end of summer festivals were cancelled due to heavy rain and typhoon warnings. Hanna was so sad about it, but Kihyun couldn’t care less. The gang was going into their fifth year at university, their most difficult and most important one, even though, yes, Minhyuk complained that every single one of his years at university was difficult - whether it was due to work and study load or emotionally.

“Well, you know very well that the emotional side of things is 99.99% of the time your fault and your fault only,” Kihyun reminded Minhyuk for the nth time. This was how the fight began today. They’ve had this ‘argument’ in different variations about 5 times already. This time though the whole gang was present.

And it wouldn’t be Minhyuk if he didn’t fight back. “Well,” he set the same tone as Kihyun just to annoy him because he knows it always works. Every time. “Maybe you wouldn’t be so brave if you didn’t have Hyunwoo, Ki, who might I add, is your boyfriend of two years now. Let’s face it. You have an emotional anchor and support and thanks to that you are so stable, whereas me… I don’t have anyone to lean on and I sway from a side to side. And I’m the single person here, who doesn’t have a shoulder to cry on ever since Hanna got together with Changkyun.”

“You know what?” Changkyun called out from the other side of the living room, tearing his eyes away from the game he was playing against Jooheon on PS4. “Take her!” Kihyun noticed Hyunwoo choking on the water he was drinking and holding his laughter.

You see, Changkyun and Hanna were such a special couple. Hanna got sick with Hanahaki disease and was holding the secret for over a year and as she was gradually getting worse and worse right before everyone’s eyes, she decided to go get surgery done and along with the cherry blossom tree in her lungs get her romantic feelings removed. Hyunwoo told Changkyun in a wave of anger just 5 minutes to 12 as they say. Changkyun confessed his feelings (that he had been holding onto as well) to Hanna and with that her Hanahaki started to dissipate. And even though they are the ‘true love’, they aren’t romantic in the very least. Hanna gagged a lot whenever she saw Hoseok and Hyungwon get all mushy and Changkyun was no better, he only got mushy to tease her. Their love rooted in friendship and even a blind person could see just how much they love each other, even though they weren’t sappy about it at all. So that was why Changkyun’s answer was no surprise to anyone.

And neither was Hanna’s. “Or take him. I don’t care. I really don’t care!”

“Have you ever asked for my shoulder to cry on? No.” Hoseok jumped in offended before Minhyuk could answer.

Hyungwon was a person, who could never stay away from teasing Minhyuk - no scratch that and replace it with ‘anyone’ and if he was paired with his boyfriend, the captain of the diving team and last year Psychology student, Lee Hoseok, they were as destructive as Hanna and Changkyun. If not more. “Would you have given it to him?” he raised a brow as he turned his head from the comfortable chilling position on the couch to look at his muscular boyfriend.

“Also no,” Hoseok winked at Hyungwon and turned to Minhyuk with a conspicuous smile.

“Why can’t you guys leave me alone? Why do you always pick on me? Why do you never pick on Heoney here?” Minhyuk feigned being offended so theatrically but everyone knew he was just trying to bring the one of the two calmest people in the room into the fight.

“ _Because_ ,” Hanna emphasized and directed her attention to Jooheon. “Joo, do you complain about your life?”

“Me?” Jooheon raised his eyebrows, knowing exactly where this was headed. “No. Why would I complain? My parents let me study Music Producing instead of forcing me to Business Studies. And I’m doing quite well at music.”

“ _That’s why_ we don’t pick on him about this,” Kihyun closed the chapter and switched his eyes back to Minhyuk.

“Fine, fine!” Minhyuk huffed out. “You won _this_ round, Yoo Kihyun.” He turned on his heel from the middle of the living room and headed to the kitchen were Hyunwoo had been silently watching this whole fight trying to hold his laughter in. “Hyunwoo,” Minhyuk came close to him but said the name in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Yes?” Hyunwoo was obviously worried about what might come next but he was only met with huffy and puffy silence coming from Minhyuk.

“Should I?” Hanna asked in a whisper.

“No,” Kihyun shook his head softly and landed on the couch that wasn’t occupied by Hyungwon and reached for his phone paying the two in the kitchen no attention.

“Your boyfriend picked on me again. Hug it out or we’re not friends anymore,” Minhyuk stared at Hyunwoo, who had a soft spot for him and this guy freaking knew. Oh, he so knew about the spot that the big bear Hyunwoo had in his heart for all of his friends. Kihyun only rolled his eyes when he heard Minhyuk bargaining about the payment for Kihyun being ‘mean’ to him when Minhyuk could have just expected this to happen if he had only paid attention to the previous 5 times they fought about this.

“What are you? 6?” Hyungwon laughed shortly at Minhyuk’s attitude.

“Yeah,” Minhyuk replied with an irritated glare, “on a scale from 1 to 5.”

Hyunwoo spread his arms to give Minhyuk a bear hug to calm down whatever he’s been going through. Because no matter how much Minhyuk tried to look cool about everything, his world was crumbling down and Kihyun and the rest of the gang knew that this kind of bickering was taking his mind off of things that were currently storming through his life. He really took the divorce of his parents so badly. He’s been drinking more than normally this summer and the gang was seriously worried about the state that this summer break would leave Minhyuk’s liver in. No one could drink with him during these times and in many instances they found him drinking on his own and Kihyun knew first hand just how much that sucked. He remembered the nights when he would get drunk on cheap alcohol just to soothe the pain from loving Hyunwoo before they got together. Hanna was there for him and now Kihyun wanted to be there for Minhyuk. But the notorious Lee Minhyuk sometimes had very weird and very peculiar coping mechanisms.

As Kihyun was contemplating about what might be going on in his oldest friend’s head, Hanna whispered again: “Won… should I?”

Hyungwon chuckled lowly. “Nah.”

“Should you what?” Kihyun questioned curiously.

“I’m just like, you know…” her smirk was a little mysterious, a little mischievous when she looked at Kihyun, “like uuh… Minhyuk’s just about an inch from groping Hyunwoo’s ass, right?”

Kihyun jumped up from the couch the very moment the words left Hanna’s mouth and trailed his eyes towards the kitchen where Hyunwoo and Minhyuk stood in a hug that Kihyun wouldn’t mind because he knew none of the two were romantically interested in each other whatsoever, but he did fucking mind the sly smirk on Minhyuk’s face as he stared at Kihyun while slowly moving his hand from Hyunwoo’s lower back down to his ass. And Kihyun recognized that smile - it was the typical Minhyuk grin, which he put on his face whenever he wanted to tease or piss of Kihyun. He wasn’t the jealous type, not around his friends, except when he was. “LEE MINHYUK! Get your hand off my boyfriend’s ass this fucking instant!”

The shout that shook the house brought laughter to the gang scattered around the living area of the house. Hyungwon almost fell off the couch; Jooheon and Changkyun, who had to pause their game to watch the spectacle from the bean bags in front of the TV, were now laughing along Hyungwon; Hoseok choked on the ramyeon noodle he was slurping from the sudden shock of Kihyun’s loud shout and Hanna was trying to hold her laugher behind her lips as she pointed with her finger at the clueless looking Hyunwoo. And Minhyuk, well, Minhyuk had the audacity to lightly smack Hyunwoo’s ass before he had to start running as Kihyun began chasing him. He chose the difficult route and ran out to the terrace and out into the garden, which had rain soaked grass and his clothes got wet in the next half a minute from the torrential rain that was going on outside. As Kihyun ran after him, he noticed the others follow him and Minhyuk out into the yard. Hoseok and Hyungwon grabbed the water filled balloons they were storing for warmer days and started throwing them around.

And the fight began. It was a free for all battle, which didn’t cause anyone any damage since all of them were already wet from the rain anyway, but it made them forget reality for a while along with all of their feuds. For the brief fleeting memory of a summer fight, because they knew that this might just about be the last time they get to be like kids. The classes were starting in 8 days and in 4 they would move back into the dorms to settle in for their final year, after which their lives would begin with a new chapter.

The fight ended with everyone just lying on the grass in the warm summer rain breathing heavily. Hyunwoo had his fingers interlaced with Kihyun’s as he looked up at the sky. Kihyun turned his head to look at the content expression on his boyfriends face. He loved that expression so much he could drown in it. He wished he could see it every day for the rest of his life.

But as Kihyun knew very well, nothing lasted forever in our world.

**~1ST WEEK OF LECTURES, SEPTEMBER - 5TH YEAR OF UNI~**

Moving into dorms this year was one of the most difficult things Kihyun has done in a while. After hearing endless amount of complaints and reasonings from Hyunwoo about why they should move into a double room rather than both of them having a single during their final year, Kihyun at last broke in and agreed to be in one room with Hyunwoo. He was so happy to hear that they would be spending all of the nights together, minus the library and out of town swim meet ones that Kihyun had to calm him down a couple of times the day they were signing up for rooms at the end of the 4th year.

Kihyun knew it would end up like this. it was 5:30AM and Hyunwoo’s discreetly vibrating alarm woke Kihyun up as well on Tuesday morning. It was the first week of lectures and the first of many, countless actually, morning practices for Hyunwoo.

Hyunwoo did set the alarm to vibrate and he did wake up to it - his body just somehow knew that it was time to wake up and go be the awesome swimmer he was, but Kihyun wasn’t happy. Not that he slept in often, but 5:30 was too early even for him.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up,” Hyunwoo whispered apologizing to Kihyun, whom he noticed roll over as he was putting on his sweat pants to head out of the door.

“Mmmmnn, is okay,” Kihyun replied super sleepily and Hyunwoo leaned in to kiss him on the lips before leaving their shared dorm room. The university didn’t usually allow couples to sleep together in one room, but Hyunwoo and Kihyun had the advantage of being the same gender so they just said that they were friends, who wanted to share a room to cut down on expenses, just like the same leverage Hoseok and Hyungwon have been using on the campus dorms lady every year. It blinked to Kihyun’s mind just how did Changkyun and Hanna get a room together last year? He was going to have to ask, if he remembered later.

Kihyun fell back to a shallow sleep with a small smile on his lips thinking that he wouldn’t mind waking up at half past 5 in the morning just to have his boyfriend kiss him sweetly like that before heading out. Not only for the year, but for the rest of their time.

The gang got together for their first lunch of the year and they looked the same as ever if Kihyun could say anything about it. Hanna’s still wet hair was in a messy bun on the top of her head and she was wearing the swimming team hoodie that was a little too big for her as well as 4 years old and she was talking to Hoseok about team captain duties as the coach wanted to nominate her this year, but she wanted to politely refuse, avoiding the words ‘I want to have a fucking life, thank you very much’. Hyunwoo was listening to them attentively, because if Hanna refused the position, he was next in line. Jooheon and Changkyun were talking music with Hyungwon fairly animatedly, while Minhyuk was complaining about the final year long project that he had to make right into Kihyun’s ear as he was eating his steaming soup and thinking about the nutrition values of a packet made soup, because the liquid he was eating was for sure not fresh and did not pass around fresh ingredients in miles.

“And are you even listening to me, Yoo Kihyun?” Minhyuk nudged him lightly with a mildly worried expression.

“Leave him be. He’s not used to getting up at 5:30 yet,” Hanna snorted and stuffed a medium sized gochujang beef rice ball into her mouth that Kihyun brought her in a Tupperware box. Her cheeks grew three folds as she tried to chew the food down.

“And how do you know about it?” Kihyun asked her curious.

Hanna held a finger up, pointing to her mouth so the whole table went quiet and waited for he to swallow. “Because Hyunwoo came to the pool with a kicked puppy expression and when I asked him what it was about he said and I quote: ‘I woke up Kihyun with my alarm and I feel like the shittiest boyfriend. I don’t know what to do.’ And he kept talking about this, but I zoned out because I actually thought he was sad about something important.”

“Hey!” Hyunwoo exclaimed.

“What you want to tell me you truly said something important?” Hanna raised a brow at him and Hyungwon leaned his chin on his palm, interested what he was going to say. Kihyun suspected he was fishing for material for any of the two from the old couple to tease them.

“Well… I can’t remember anymore,” Hyunwoo objected and rolled his eyes at his best oldest friend.

“Then it wasn’t _that_ important,” Hoseok agreed with Hanna and took a bite of his boiled chicken breast that looked so dry Kihyun needed to take a sip of water for the poor diving team captain.

“How do you do that?”Kihyun shook his head at Hoseok’s eating habits.

“You get used to it,” Hoseok shrugged and took another bite.

“Kyun, how did you get through this period when you guys first started to share room before you got used to the alarm?” Kihyun asked interested to Changkyun.

Hanna choked on her laughter and Changkyun replied: “I never did.”

“He never woke up,” Hanna corrected him. “He literally doesn’t hear the alarm and I have it _loud_.”

“Yeah,” Changkyun nodded.

“Not for my lack of trying, though,” Hanna smirked and Changkyun glanced at her, half shocked by that revelation.

“You tried to wake me up at 5:30?”

“I wanted to see just about how far I can push the alarm volume, but after 2 nights I told myself that my peaceful waking up is worth more than trying to get you to at least turn around,” Hanna sent him a feigned annoyed glare and went back to eating, which was something swimmers never stopped doing.

“Yeah, you two just about love each other,” Minhyuk duly noted at the couple.

“Meh,” Changkyun shrugged and went back to talk to Hyungwon and Jooheon about their Masters Degree assignment.

Hyunwoo stood up from his spot next to Hanna and seated himself next to Kihyun, kissing him gently on the cheek. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I really didn’t want to wake you up,” he apologized yet again, making those puppy eyes that Kihyun had a quite obvious weakness for.

“I know. I completely understand. It’s okay, I’ll get used to it and hopefully will learn to either sleep through it or fall back asleep right after it rings when my brain realizes it’s not my alarm,” Kihyun tried to make Hyunwoo feel better.

“Kinda _gag_ , though,” Minhyuk’s voice reached Kihyun’s ears and he turned to see what his best friend was gagging at and noticed that Minhyuk, that little shit, was pointing to him and Hyunwoo. “You know, you remind me of Kyun with that bitch from second year?”

“I was never like that,” Changkyun protested against Minhyuk’s statement.

“No, you’re right,” Minhyuk lifted his hands in a ‘I give up’ manner, waiting for someone else to catch up.

“You were much worse,” Hyungwon finished for the painter and everyone at the table nodded in agreement to the truthful words.

“Don’t listen to them, babe,” Hyunwoo leaned in closer to Kihyun and whispered it just for him to hear. “I think they’re _just a little_ jealous because they don’t have what we have.”

“I think so too,” Kihyun replied in an equally low voice with a happy feeling that he could love a boyfriend like his, but none of these beautiful special moments lasted in the presence of anyone from the gang really.

“If you guys think only for a second that we are jealous…” Hanna began, because of course she did. She knew Hyunwoo for almost her whole life and Kihyun for almost a decade and she had been their matchmaker in the past, so of-fucking-course she knew exactly what the two had been whispering to each other.

“You’re so out of line you can’t even imagine,” Jooheon said, “cause I’m _hella_ freaking jealous!”

“Nah, you just need to get laid,” Minhyuk patted him on the shoulder sympathetically.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Jooheon replied with a smile.

And no matter what they all thought of his relationship with Hyunwoo, Kihyun knew they only wished them well, always. The jokes were both sided and they all rooted in the long years of their friendship. It also was to no use to keep ‘insulting’ their relationship because neither Hyunwoo nor Kihyun were going to change the romantic nature of it. Kihyun loved that they were sweet to each other but also had normal talks and he just adored the way Hyunwoo looked at him when he thought Kihyun wasn’t paying attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think of the first chapter? The start is a bit slow, but it will pick up soon, I promise. Even after a year of "not seeing them", they're still the same eh? Minhyuk and Kihyun bicker, Hoseok and Hyungwon endlessly make fun out of everyone and Kyun and Hanna together can create mayhem.
> 
> Please share your thoughts and opinions with me in the comments ^^ I love to read them and interact with you guys! <3 ^^
> 
> Next time Hyungwon gets angry at social norms and Changkyun makes a comeback to RapGround.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of the new story and will come back for more next time! Stay safe and take good care of yourself in these crazy ass times ^^ <3 see you next time (～￣▽￣)～ bye bye~~


	2. To Hell with Social Norms, Seriously…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello ^^ <3 I hope you doing well and welcome back! The gang is back dealing with both special problems as well as day to day. I hope you enjoy this chapter and without further a due...

**~FRIDAY, END OF SEPTEMBER - 5TH YEAR OF UNI~**

<Kihyun POV>

Nope.

Kihyun did not get used to the alarm that came at 5:30AM almost every day. He still woke up every morning that Hyunwoo had morning practice, but as the first month of uni had gone by, it was Hyunwoo, who stopped waking up to his own alarm.

“Nuwooooo,” Kihyun nudged him in the bed with his elbow and an annoyed groan. “Nuwoo. Wake up.”

“Hnnn?” Hyunwoo hummed and rolled over to snuggle to Kihyun.

“Turn off the alarm and go to the pool,” Kihyun pushed him off of himself and escaped the comfort of the warm bear hug.

“Hmmm,” Hyunwoo’s morning expressions were getting better and better or maybe it was Kihyun, who just began to understand the big bear he had for a boyfriend a little bit more.

These times were difficult for Hyunwoo, since he did take the position of the team captain after Hanna refused to take it. He mainly felt guilty and the loyalty he felt for their coach, who brought them to amazing results in the last year’s universiade. And then there was the team - Hyunwoo had an amazing team spirit and he was a naturally born leader. Everyone in the team respected him, not only for the results but also for the way he acted towards the juniors of the professional team. Well, everyone but Hanna had total respect for him, however there was nothing that could have been done about it. Hyunwoo mentioned over dinner to Kihyun how the role of team captain made him happy and accomplished, so of course Kihyun was rooting for him, even though that meant that Hyunwoo had more work and just a little less free time, but then again Kihyun was holed up in the library most of his ‘free time’ this month. He wanted to ace his final year to get the best job possible, even though Minhyuk kept repeating that was not how the life worked.

“Mhhmm, I’m going,” Hyunwoo finally scrambled off of the bed and Kihyun fell back asleep after registering a soft kiss being pressed to his forehead.

<Hyunwoo POV>

Hyunwoo walked onto the pool deck second to last, which almost never happened to him and it shouldn’t have happened to him since he was the team captain. He should be the inspiration for everyone else to come to the morning practice early and do the right warm up. He knew he should and yet he managed to sleep in yet again.

Considering the fact he actually wanted to call in sick today, he deemed showing up today to be an absolute success. He strolled up to sleepily and sloppily warming up Hanna and greeted her: “Morning.”

“Hey. You slept in?” she mocked him first thing in the morning, but Hyunwoo was just not feeling it.

He sighed and replied in all seriousness. “It’s killing me, Han.”

“What is?” she became alerted with the gravity of Hyunwoo’s manner of speaking.

“This whole captain thing. It’s too much considering the study load I have to do, plus the help I do for the coach and trying to be the boyfriend Ki deserves for all the support he gives me, you know,” he confined with her as he swayed his arms back and forth to warm up his sleep stiffened shoulders. “Plus I want to go out to have fun with you guys but I’m desperately worried I will fall asleep during Changkyun’s stage at RapGround tonight. It’s too much and I’m losing the grip I used to have on my life.”

“Then quit,” she said simply with a shrug. “Quit, it’s a volunteer position. They can’t expect you to do all of this in you last year of uni when, as you say, the study load itself is quite the amount. You’re not getting paid for it, it wasn’t your dream or anything, it’s not going to make your CV anymore hyped and it for sure is not doing any good for your mental health as well as your love life. So… just quit, Hyunwoo. There’s nothing simpler than this.”

“I can’t just quit,” Hyunwoo complained with a slight whine to his voice, which only made Hanna’s eyebrow knit together on her forehead and she stopped warming up her upper body only to place her hands onto her hips in a motherly manner.

“Okay, let me ask you this, then. Did you want the position?”

“Not really,” Hyunwoo shook his head.

“Would you rather have Kihyun, good grades, social life with the gang or the position of team captain? You can only choose three.”

Hyunwoo didn’t even need to give it some thought before replying. “Kihyun, grades, social life.”

“Aaaand we’re home. Quit being team captain. The coach can get any of the 3rd or 4th years to do it. She’ll understand if it means that either your grades or pool performance drops,” she went back to warming up with this closure of hers.

“I can’t, Han,” Hyunwoo repeated again, this time it felt like it was more out of habit than anything else.

“If you can’t do it, I’ll do it for you,” she suggested pulling her long hair into a low bun to put it under the cap with her name on it. Hyunwoo checked the clock and then pulled on his own cap and goggles on. He didn’t even get to protest against both Hanna’s statement and the fact she didn’t go take the shower before jumping into the cool chlorine soaked water.

“Showers!” Hyunwoo shouted at all of the junior teammates, but as they disappeared to get wet under the spray of not-pool water Hyunwoo decided to just fuck it and jumped in dry into the same lane as Hanna to begin the warm up the coach had written on the whiteboard at the side of the pool.

For the whole hour of Friday morning practice Hyunwoo sang the whole _Do I Wanna Know_ song by Arctic Monkeys over and over because Kihyun had the album _AM_ on repeat the whole evening while studying. Lately it’s been Imagine Dragons, Arctic Monkey, Bastille and many others Hyunwoo was just getting to know by name. Kihyun’s love for rock, indie rock and alternative rock was insane and it was starting to grow on Hyunwoo, too.

The Advanced Sports Education lecture was one of the most boring lectures Hyunwoo had to take due to the compulsory credit it gave him. Throughout the whole ninety minute lecture Hyunwoo was thinking about lunch, but the worst thing was that when the lecture was over, it was only 10:30 and there was no way he could have lunch even if he was hungry because no one would call that lunch.

But maybe…

**~[Listen Up Gang]** chat room~

 **[chef’s bf]** : guys

 **[chef’s bf]** : is 10.30 too early to eat lunch?

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : is 10.30 too early to wake up?

 **[chef’s bf]** : won im being serious here

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : me too

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : bcs the answer to both of those questions is the same

 **[Chef Ki]** : yes?

 **[Chef Ki]** : (being the answer)

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : no

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : most definitely NOT

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : the answer is

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : live ur fucking life the way u want to live it bcs its ur fckg life and norms set by some stupid bunch of uptight ppl should not tell u how to live ur life!!!

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : there i said it…

 **[Chef Ki]** : okaaaaay????

 **[still min]** : dont want to be the person who says it but

 **[onehanna]** : ur period came early won?

 **[still min]** : we rly share the same brain cell han

 **[honeyjoo]** : poor u, hanna

 **[onehanna]** : ikr -_-;

 **[still min]** : oh c’mooooon

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : just FYI guys…

 **[honeyjoo]** : oh no

 **[honeyjoo]** : do u see them 3 dots jumping up and down

 **[honeyjoo]** : hyungwon is pissed

 **[honeyjoo]** : im officially logging out

 **[honeyjoo]** : dont want to be on the receiving side of his anger

 **[honeyjoo]** : see ya

 **[honeyjoo]** : wouldnt wanna be ya, u two

 **[still min]** : what can happen

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : han i pity u already, y did u even dip ur toes in this??

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : first of all, just bcs i take it up the ass doesnt have to fckg mean i am any ‘less of a man’ or i get ‘periods’, second, u guys are supposed to be my friends and support me when i have to say smtg abt anything, its not just hoseok that is my support grp, so u should fckg hear me out, ok? so what tf is wrong w ppl when they find out that i like to sleep in and i like to do it w my fckg BOYfriend next to me so i can cuddle him, bcs he is just so fckg cuddleable. why the fuck should it be any of ppl’s concern?

 **[happybunny]** : baby, youre cuddleable too <3 <3

 **[happybunny]** : i'll cuddle with u anytime <3 <3 <3 <3

 **[still min]** : ok, what just happened?

 **[onehanna]** : no clue, but im speechless except saying that all guys have their periods, won, not only u

 **[onehanna]** : kyun had his last week XDDD

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : how did we even get to that point????

 **[Chef Ki]** : didnt this whole conversation start w hyunwoo just asking about lunch?

 **[Chef Ki]** : also… changkyun, u get periods? lol

 **[still min]** : *also interested in the matter* lmao

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : NO!

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : just some days im not in the mood to talk to ppl

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : pls lets move on from this now!!! 

**[honeyjoo]** : ok

 **[honeyjoo]** : that wasnt as bad as i thought it would be

 **[happybunny]** : but babe

 **[happybunny]** : what happened? :(

 **[happpybunny’s Won]** : ill tell u guys over lunch

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : sorry abt my burst of anger

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : i just…

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : i’ll explain

 **[happybunny]** : okay, wonnie <3 ily

 **[chef’s bf]** : okay

 **[chef’s bf]** : but

 **[chef’s bf]** : is it too early to eat lunch tho?

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : no

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : go eat ur fckg lunch!!!!

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : that was the moral of the story hyunwoo!!!!!!!!!!

Hyunwoo was shocked by the amount of emotion Hyungwon poured into the texts since Hyungwon was exactly the type of a person to not do that. Something must have really rubbed off on him in the wrong way. A thought crossed his mind and he made a mental not to ask his best friend about it if there came a time for that.

Hanna and Changkyun came to meet Hyunwoo in the cafeteria and he remembered his mental note from an hour ago, when they reached the table he was seated at with their food. Changkyun was eating the classical Friday chicken wings and Hanna had the same as Hyunwoo since Kihyun was packing her lunch too. He’s been doing that for both of them since first year.

 _He’s really the best boyfriend ever. Period_.

“What’s up. How was your day when I haven’t seen you in about… what… five hours?” Hanna greeted Hyunwoo and a smile settled on her lips. He knew that even if she saw him this often or didn’t see him for five months their friendship would never change.

“I have a question,” Hyunwoo said right away rather than beating around the bush.

“Is this ‘serious Friday’?” she quirked her brow.

“Well, I do have a lot on my mind, you know…”

“Just spit it,” she pushed him on with her mouth full of rice.

“Do you think I have an eating disorder?” Hyunwoo asked anxiously, while his hand played around with his own rice, mixing it over and over with the meat even after it became a sticky mess.

“Neeeehhhh,” she made the quiet sound of a huffing pterodactyl, which only she really knew how to make because Hyunwoo never heard anyone but her do it. She swallowed the food in her mouth and looked at Hyunwoo with a serious expression nestled on her face. “And what makes you think that?”

Hyunwoo shrugged at first and turned his eyes away from the stares of both Changkyun, who had been silent the whole time and Hanna, who was inspecting him as if something was wrong. “I mean, I’m always hungry and I always think about food. Or okay maybe not like 100% of the time but like pretty damn fucking often. Like, it could be a disorder. Like, I eat out of anxiety.”

Hanna sighed in relief and Changkyun’s shoulders fell down from the tension that was building up. Out of the corner of his eyes, Hyunwoo noticed Minhyuk joining them but the silent atmosphere somehow made him say nothing, which was strange. “Hyunwoo… you’re a big guy in a swimmer’s body. Being a swimmer and a man, who’s growing muscle and muscle requires food to function and to grow. So, no. You _don’t_ have an eating disorder.”

“Okay,” Hyunwoo acknowledged quietly but internally happy that it was just a thought.

“What’s going on?” Minhyuk questioned them confused.

“Hyunwoo’s having a rough day,” Changkyun answered for him and Hyunwoo assumed Hanna told him about their morning conversation. She would usually do that if something weighed her down. Before she got together with Changkyun, she used to confine like this to Hyunwoo.

“Then I have the perfect way to solve that,” Mihyuk beamed happily and slinked his arm around Hyunwoo’s shoulders with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “Tonight… at RapGround… we,” he gestured to them and to the arriving Hoseok, “will get him drunk. So drunk in fact, we’ll have to carry him home.”

“Great idea!” Hanna played an absolute sarcastic excitement, which made Hyunwoo snort because he knew what was coming. “Except… have _you_ ever carried this guy home? He’s _heavy._ ”

“I second that,” Hoseok sat down next to Minhyuk.

“Well, it’s the best way to escape your problems!” Minhyuk exclaimed, while animatedly gesturing with his hands.

“Who’s escaping problems?” Jooheon asked as he joined them at the table.

“Hyunwoo,” Changkyun explained.

“Ahhh,” Jooheon took a bite of his baguette and then spoke with his mouth half full. “I agree, though. Get drunk.”

“Finally, someone who agrees,” Minhyuk high fived Jooheon.

“I can’t, I have morning practice. _We_ have morning practice,” Hyunwoo pointed to himself and the only girl at the table.

“I’m not going,” she shook her head and looked at Hyunwoo as if he was crazy. “It’s Kyun’s first battle of the year. If he wins, we’re celebrating. If he loses, _I’m_ celebrating.”

“Remind me why I’m even dating you?” Changkyun shot her a sarcastic glare and Hyunwoo smiled at their antics.

“Do you want the whole list?” Kihyun spoke from beside Hyunwoo and startled the tall swimmer by his sudden presence.

“Nah, her ego is already big enough,” Changkyun ruffled her still wet hair in the high up messy bun.

“Finally,” Minhyuk looked to the last person joining them for lunch.

Hoseok immediately hugged Hyungwon when he plopped down next to him onto the chair and they sat like that in silence for at least a minute, just remaining in each other’s embrace, charging in their safe havens. Hyunwoo noticed the diving team captain murmur something to Hyungwon’s ear and guessed those words would be pretty much what he would tell Kihyun or vice versa, except they wouldn’t be able to do it public because Kihyun was not that big of a fan of public display of affection and Hyunwoo never wanted to put him into an uncomfortable space, so they usually just held hands or kissed and very quickly. Unless they got drunk - now that was a completely different story.

When the couple finally separated, Hyungwon sighed heavily and looked at the expecting group of friends waiting in silence for the explanation of his very unusual outburst. “My grandfather from whom the whole family kept my orientation somehow, and I have no idea how so don’t ask you don’t want to see me spiral into anger again, found out and he called me at like 8AM, which if I have a lecture at 9 is when I’m still sleeping for the last 15 minutes before being brutally woken up by an alarm that I postpone for the next 15 until I really have to get up, also don’t ask me, it’s a ritual at this point. So as I was saying, he found out and called yelling at me that this is not how I should be wasting away my life and that I’m a good-for-nothing and no wonder I’m so skinny since I’m a woman in a man’s body. And like now my interest in fashion and music and lack of talent for science now finally falls into the puzzle. And I don’t even remember all the bullshit because I literally left the phone in the room while I went to take a cold shower to calm the fuck down. My hands are still shaking from the anger and if he was at least ten years younger I would literally get my ass on the train, go to his house and punch him in the gut for being a homophobic shit. I can’t believe that before I realized to the dot that I was not straight I loved him so much. I just can’t fucking believe,” Hyungwon let out the words in a quick tandem. Hyunwoo has only heard Hyungwon talk like this a handful of times. The tall guy looked absolutely frustrated and Hyunwoo felt bad for the treatment he received because in the world they lived in right now, there was no place for an attitude like that, even if it was coming from someone as old as Hyungwon’s grandfather, who was in his 90s.

“Has he met Hoseok?” Jooheon asked curiously.

“Or has he talked to your mom lately or like... _ever_? She fucking adores this guy,” Minhyuk added to Jooheon’s words and points to Hoseok with his thumb.

“I mean, is there someone who doesn’t?” Hyungwon looked towards the duo as if they were dumb.

“That was not the point of what he was saying, guys,” Kihyun reminded them and put a hand on Hyungwon’s shoulder sympathetically.

“They’re just doing what Hanna always does, Ki,” Hyungwon smiled at him gratuitously.

“Well, if they are... they’re doing a shitty job of it,” Hanna winked at Hyungwon, who snorted a short laughter

“And what would you say?” Hoseok dared her with a smirk playing on his lips.

“I would ask Won how much the train ticket would be if we applied group and student discounts. Also whether he want to do it in broad daylight, golden hour or deep dark, 'cause I have to let coach know which practice I’m missing,” she shrugged and went back to her lunch. Changkyun snaked his arm around her waist as they sat next to each other.

“I love that you’re crazy,” he said and kissed her temple. She smiled smugly at the whole group.

“So no, Hyunwoo,” Hyungwon turned in his seat to give the swimming captain his undivided attention. “If you want to eat your lunch at 10:30, eat it. If you want to call you dinner ‘breakfast’, then so be it. Don’t change what you want in life because there might be some norms you should conform to. And remember this, because we have a friend like that bitch,” he pointed to Hanna, “who would literally buy the whole group a train ticket to kick your grandfather in the ass.”

They laughed and turned their talk to the upcoming night at RapGround.

They arrived at RapGround like a big thing and the guard at the door greeted them with a big familiar smile, asking how their summer break was, which also made them feel so much more at home. After getting drinks and everyone wished good luck to Changkyun, the gang took their usual corner.

“Tonight, I would like to welcome on stage, the returning legend of RapGround - I.M!” the DJ took it to his own hands to announce the upcoming battle. The crowd cheered. I.M became a very known name in this club and in some others too, because rappers talked (and Hyunwoo only knew that because Changkyun mentioned it at some point). “On the other side of the stage, we have a younger name, but not any less memorable…” except that Hyunwoo couldn’t remember it.

In any case, it was a nice battle, but Changkyun was just a lot better and the cheers of the crowd were only more of a proof of the rapper’s abilities. Nevertheless, the younger rapper took the loss with his head up and smiling wide at Changkyun after it was finished. Later, when he joined them again, Changkyun mentioned the guy said he truly respected I.M as a rapper. Needless to say Changkyun was so proud of this compliment.

And then the celebration began. Hyunwoo stopped counting the tequila shots sometime around the tenth and he dragged Kihyun to the dance floor. Both of them loved dancing together in the club, touching each other in the darkness interrupted only by the strobing lights synced with the heavy EDM beat.

Suddenly Kihyun started dragging Hyunwoo off the dance floor and back towards the corner. “I want to drink more,” he shouted into Hyunwoo’s ear, who only smiled at his boyfriend.

Minhyuk was placing more shots on the tall table as they arrived. “Let’s go, people! Bottoms up!”

Hyunwoo and Kihyun each grabbed a shot glass and tipped the clear liquid into their mouths after licking the salt off of their hands and chased it down with a bite of lemon. They set the glasses on the table and as Kihyun was about to leave Hyunwoo pulled on his hand and maneuvered the shorter body so that it was flush against him.

Kihyun smirked his typical cocky way that he only revealed around Hyunwoo. “Don’t want to go dancing anymore?” there was a teasing undertone to his voice and Hyunwoo just revelled in it.

“We can dance another night,” Hyunwoo grinned at his boyfriend suggestively.

“True,” Kihyun leaned in and pressed a kiss against Hyunwoo’s lips, who deepened the kiss and let his hand snake around Kihyun waist pulling him closer.

“I think I’m drunk,” Hyunwoo confessed when they broke apart for air after a long heated kiss, completely disregarding their surroundings of the club full of people. When Kihyun and Hyunwoo drank together like this all of their inhibitions about public skinship went out in smoke and they just did whatever felt right at that point. And both of them just loved that kind of freedom.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you were,” Kihyun winked at him, reaching for another two shots that magically appeared on the table.

“Hanna? Is that you?” Hyunwoo mocked his boyfriend, who broke into laughter, realizing that he sounded exactly like their best friend.

“Well, you do need to loosen up a bit, baby. I know there are things that are bothering you these days, but right now… just relax and let the flow take you. Let me help, baby. I’m always here for you,” Kihyun stared deep into his eyes and there was nothing but love and concern in them. “But if you’re too drunk, maybe we could head back?”

“I love you, Ki. But you know… you’re right. Let’s dance some more, drink some more, make out some more and the rest can wait until later,” Hyunwoo gave him a quick kiss and immediately started dragging laughing Kihyun back to the dance floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Hyunwoo had an eating disorder? Do you like Minhyuk's problem solving and life escaping method? This guy just never changes, eh? Will Minhyuk ever grow up and adult properly? Does anybody even want him to? And of course... is there anyone who doesn't adore Hoseok, really?
> 
> Please share you thoughts on this chapter, I love to read your comments ^^ <3
> 
> I hope you liked today's chapter, as we're still in the little bit of a slow part of the story, but soon the pace will pick up (I promise ^^). Please come back next time to find out what happens during Christmas break and how it may affect the whole life of certain characters we love. Someone's dreams are about to come true... but at what price...?
> 
> Until next time, please stay safe and take care of your health in these difficult times whether it's physical or mental! See you next time ~(￣▽￣)~* byeeeee <3


	3. Dreams Do Come True in Real Life??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's me! And I'm back with another chapter of Find My Way Back and... oh boy... this chapter has a serious reveal. 
> 
> But I also have some notes to better understand this chapter:  
> 'ISL' = International Swimming League - it's a new type of tournament introduced last year to the world of swimming where it's more dynamic than traditional meets (so that it's more interesting to the audience) and the teams are created kind of like other sports teams that are not national teams. I will not get into how the points are divided or how the whole system works, because we'd be here forever *heh* so please check it out if you're interested in that more closely.  
> 'London Roar' - a team that is a part of ISL and is mainly based in London, created by swimmers that are in London (but it is not the rule).  
> 'Skins' - a type of race at at ISL meet.  
> I'm sorry if I forgot anything - if so, please feel free to ask questions. ^^
> 
> So I hope you enjoy this chapter ^^ and without more pointless letters...

**~CHRISTMAS BREAK, DECEMBER - 5TH YEAR OF UNI~**

<Hyunwoo POV>

It was cold, it was dark and snowy and icy and his cheeks would go all burning and red when he entered a well heated interior and all of those other things Hyunwoo didn’t like about Christmas time. And on top of all of that, the dual daily practice continued after the success both him and Hanna reaped at the Winter Champs. So even during what was supposed to be a break from everything and times when everyone was supposed to enjoy the holidays and visit family and do all the other things such as lounge in PJs all day and do literal nothing while stuffing your face with Christmas cookies, Hyunwoo had to get up at 5:30AM to get to the pool by 7AM. Because even though the practice moved to be an hour later, Hyunwoo’s parents’ home was an hour away by public transport from the university pool.

Hyunwoo was sitting in the subway in his knee long feather parka listening to music, slightly annoyed at himself for getting out of the bed into the minus temperatures, which were the worst around the time he left his home. For 5 consecutive days he had to force himself to leave his warm and nice and good smelling and warm and comfortable and _warm_ home to go into the cold and wet and chlorine smelling and mainly just _cold_ pool. So yeah, Hyunwoo was just so excited to walk onto the pool deck, take a cold ass shower and jump into water.

But no matter how much he had to force him, no matter how much it was to his dismay to go, he knew he would very much regret not going ant not jumping into that cold water to leave his soul there in the morning only to do it again in the afternoon.

The deck was almost empty and some of the lights were just coming on and Hyunwoo noticed the coach leaving the Life Guards’ office from his spot at the entrance to the showers. The coach approached him as soon as he showed up with a smile on her face. “Hyunwoo, I have good news,” she announced to him.

“What’s going on coach?” The good vibe jumped onto him, instantly taking on her mood.

“I received an email last night, even though it’s Christmas break, from the Head Coach of London Roar ISL team,” her eyes were beaming with something Hyunwoo could classify as pride and utmost happiness. “They have been watching you since the Universiade this year and your success at the Winter Champs this year was a proof and a confirmation that they would like to approach you with an offer to join the team and become a part of London Roar.” As he was listening to the coach, his mouth slowly fell open in shock and surprise, but Hyunwoo couldn’t find the voice for his words because there were so many emotions flowing through him right now and his mind was all over the place, racing back and forth. “Why aren’t you saying anything? Are you not happy that you got the offer?”

“I… I am… happy. But, coach… I don’t know what to say,” Hyunwoo admitted his speechlessness and anxiously changed the weight from one leg to the other.

“Well, let’s do it like this. Let it mill over your mind for a couple of days, talk to your family about it, ask Hanna what she thinks because I’m sure she’ll be of help and then let me know what you think when we hop into the new year after Christmas break, hm?” the coach offered him time and Hyunwoo nodded gratefully. She patted his shoulder and reminded him to warm up.

Meanwhile most of the swimming team members came and were already warming up along the starting blocks like every morning as the checked out the placement in the lanes for this practice. The coach kept switching up the junior swimmers depending on the practice, but Hanna and Hyunwoo were always together, which Hyunwoo always found nice of her to do.

Hyunwoo noticed Hanna walk onto the deck with Hoseok joining her as they walked over to where Hyunwoo was still somewhat awkwardly standing.

“Hi, Hyunwoo,” Hoseok greeted him with a fist bump and a tired smile.

“Are you still sleeping or something actually happened?” Hanna questioned her best friend without saying hello first, but the truth was that they were apart for about 11 hours, so who cared about ‘hellos’ really.

“What are you doing after practice?” Hyunwoo asked her sheepishly. He didn’t want to talk about it just yet. He wanted to think over it alone at first, consider the offer without taking into account, even subconsciously, anyone’s opinion, even Hanna’s.

“I was thinking of going to mom’s café, since I’m angry with Kyun,” she shrugged nonchalantly.

“What did he do?” Hyunwoo smiled at her, knowing that her being angry at her boyfriend was most likely as serious as ripping a cap before morning practice. If you have another one you simply grab it from you bag and if you don’t you leave it be because nothing happens if you skip one morning practice and enjoy 1 hour of hot showers. In other words, not serious at all.

“He made me sit through the Notebook last night,” she let out an annoyed huff at which both Hoseok and Hyunwoo cracked up. “There is nothing wrong with the movie. I enjoyed it the first time I watched it, but come on… I really don’t need to watch something I didn’t enjoy as much... for the 5th time. And even emotionally blackmailed me into not leaving.”

“Really? What did he say?” Hoseok laughed.

“He was like: you’ll have to get up extra 30 minutes early and the rush to the station to sit on the train for about an hour, when here, you have it comfortable 45 minutes door to door, plus you already have your bag here tonight and you’d have to get dressed and go into the god awful minus twenties that are outside right now and ya-di-da. He freaking knows how much I love those extra 30 minutes of sleep and he blackmailed me,” she tried to look offended.

“C’mon, I bet you fell asleep long before the movie was over,” Hyunwoo nudged her with his elbow.

“I did, in the first half,’ she admitted, “but that was not my point.”

“Yes, what a bad boyfriend you have, boo hoo,” Hoseok feigned pity on her as he chuckles away. “Well, I wish you a beautiful practice and see you later tonight at Hyungwon’s?”

“That’s tonight?” Hyunwoo’s eyebrow flew almost to his hair line as he was stretching his cap. “It’s Saturday already?”

“Yeap. Difficult to keep track of time with the nonstop pool water treatment,” Hanna agreed with Hyunwoo just as she pulled on her own cap.

“That’s why we have Kihyun and Hyungwon to keep us on track. Changkyun and you never keep on track together in the first place, so,” Hoseok shrugged at the truthful statement and waved at the swimming duo as he walked off to join his own team at the diving tower.

“ _Oh man,_ I’m so sore,” Hanna complained as the two of them headed to their designated lane for today. “But tell me what’s troubling you, my dearest bestest friend.” Hanna hung a hand on Hyunwoo shoulder, which must have looked rather comical considering her short-short height.

“I’ll tell you after practice. Let’s get food after,” Hyunwoo suggested.

“Okay. You’re making me a little worried but sure... what should we eat?”

“Easy Chicken? I really feel like their breakfast Chicken Wrap.”

“Cool,” Hanna agreed and with a smirk pushed Hyunwoo’s body into the water as he stood on the edge of the pool.

As soon as his body broke the surface and the cold water wrapped around his body he cursed his best friend in his mind. _Bitch!_

“So, we’re sitting here, with our breakfast and coffee. It’s time to spill the beans,” Hanna took a big bite of her chicken wrap and turned her eyes to Hyunwoo expectantly.

Hyunwoo sighed, his eyes jumped from one spot to another before returning to Hanna. “I got an offer to join London Roar.”

“Hyunwoo! That’s awesome!” she exclaimed excitedly.

He glanced down at his food that suddenly lost all of the taste as his stomach dropped to somewhere below his chair. “In London,” he added in a small voice.

“Aaaah,” Hanna’s voice was soft and understanding of her best friend now. “So... you… don’t want to go?”

“No… I mean, yes… you know I’ve had dreams about doing swimming professionally. But, Han…” a silence came as he tried to find the right words. “I’d be going alone.”

She took a breath in to say something but the ringing of her phone on top of the table interrupted. Hyunwoo glanced at it and noticed Kihyun’s name. Hanna grabbed the phone and picked up the call. “Yeees?” Silence as she listened to something his boyfriend was telling his best friend. “Ki, look, I’m not sure why you’re still freaking out over the assignment that you have due _next_ semester. I’ll write up roughly what I’m eating during Christmas... that cool?” She rolled her eyes as Kihyun talked some more. “Okay, okay, okay… I’ll write it _exactly_ with all the grams and shit.” She sighed inaudibly to not irritate Kihyun even more and rolled her eyes, which got Hyunwoo grinning like a Cheshire cat. Kihyun was using them both for the Advanced Sports Nutrition class final assignment, so he pretty much monitored everything they ate. Well, he tried… “Yeah, I’ll tell him. See you lateeeer.” Hanna hung up on the call and shot an irritate glance at Hyunwoo. “Kihyun told me to remind you to write down exactly what you have eaten today so far.”

“Are you?” Hyunwoo chuckled.

“Am I what?” she took a big bite of her chicken wrap.

“Writing down exactly what you have eaten over the Christmas break to the gram?” Hyunwoo smirked because he knew the answer before she could voice it.

“Yeah, sure.” One could cut the sarcasm in her voice. They laughed and continued to eat in silence, however the topic of London Roar offer was still biting him.

“Han,” Hyunwoo began but she raised her hand to stop him from talking.

“Look, I know what you’re thinking. You’re worried about your relationship with Ki. Let me ask you this and please, please answer honestly.” Hyunwoo nodded. “If you weren’t with Ki, but you were still stuck head over heels for him as you were before you guys got together… would you have gone?”

Silence sat between them as Hanna waited for Hyunwoo to think it over.

“I would have gone to London,” Hyunwoo said with a certain certainty and determination in his voice.

“Okay, then let me tell you this and don’t interrupt midway. Yes, I’m warning you ahead because I know you would try. Just hear me out all the way, okay?” Hyunwoo nodded again. “You would have gone to London, if you weren’t with Ki. So what the hell is stopping you now? No, I’m not finished yet. I’m not saying that I want you two to break up or anything like that, freaking hell... I am the person that finally pushed you guys to be together, so why the fuck would I even try to separate you? All I’m saying is that you have the talent and the drive to go chase after your dream and you’ve been talking about swimming professionally, in the national team, since we were kids and remember how happy you were when you passed trial for Youth National Swimming Team and went to the Junior World Cup in Budapest? Hyunwoo, you were shining like the brightest star with happiness, everyone was envious of you…”

“I didn’t do well in Budapest,” Hyunwoo murmured in protest to Hanna’s words.

“You were the youngest on the team and you hyped yourself up too much. Even the coach said it was just regular ass nerves of a rookie. But I’ll get back to what I was saying. I want you think of about this okay. Consider your pros and cons, but please do take into account your lifelong dream. I’m here for you to openly discuss all of the possibilities and I promise to give you my opinion as little biased as possible, okay?”

Hyunwoo stared at the sincerity of Hanna’s eyes and nodded again. “Okay. I’ll give it some serious thinking time,” he smiled at her reassuringly. “There’s one thing that’s bugging me too, though.”

“Hm?” she was chewing again.

“Why didn’t you get an offer? Your percentage of improvement and ranking is also really high. Maybe even better than mine.”

Hanna snorted. “Nu, think about it. What do I swim? Long distance. How far into long distance does ISL go? 400.” Hyunwoo’s face lit up in immediate realization. “ISL is more of a show and Skins are definitely an audience favorite but I’m a long distancer, so of course I didn’t get an offer.”

The night at Hyungwon’s started fairly early, but would continue into wee hours of the morning since there was no practice for either Hyunwoo, Hoseok or Hanna.

“I feel like we’re getting old, you know,” Minhyuk whined a little as he sat down next to Jooheon and put a head on his shoulder.

“What do you mean?” Kihyun asked.

“Well,” he took a sip of his hot mulled wine. “Instead of going out to drink and going beyond recognition, as we used to... we’re sitting here, in a warm living room of Hyungwon’s parents’ house because _they_ went out with their friends.”

“You don’t look like you’re uncomfortable sitting there in your sweats snuggled up to Jooheon, Min,” Kihyun reminded him.

“He might be comfortable, but I don’t know about me,” Jooheon snorted, which only got Minhyuk more cuddly to him. Jooheon was forced to sit in a rather awkward position due to Minhyuk squishing to his side.

“Oh, don’t lie, Joo. You don’t mind,” Minhyuk shushed him.

“Not minding and not being comfortable are two completely different things,” Hyungwon didn’t and couldn’t miss the chance to tease someone.

“I agree,” Hoseok joined in. “I don’t _mind_ deep throating Hyungwon, I rather enjoy it actually, but I won’t claim I feel comfortable doing it.”

“There are so many other comparisons but you pick this one?” Changkyun managed to squeeze out in between laughter.

“We’re talking about Hoseok here,” Hanna stated plainly.

“If you say I think with my penis...” Hoseok threw a napkin at her and breathed in to finish but Changkyun decided to nip on Hoseok too.

“You’re gonna say she’s right?”

For a second Hoseok looked playfully offended and then Hyunwoo joined in as well. “C’mon, guys, leave him alone. It’s not his fault that he had hit his head on the water surface way too many times to have it think properly. He never fell dick first, so…”

Hyungwon barked out a short laughter, which quickly turned into a pained groan as his boyfriend elbowed him into the ribs. “I expected this from anyone but from you, Hyunwoo,” Hoseok clicked his tongue.

“I expected a lot of things from him and they never came,” Kihyun dully noted and shrugged as if he had just pointed out that it was cold outside. And at this point the laughing Minhyuk and Jooheon fell of the couch into a laughing tangle of limbs, Changkyun and Hanna were choking on their laughs and coughing from their saliva going down the wrong way, Hyungwon and Hoseok both slapped Hyunwoo’s back as they sat next to him and laughed soundlessly with tears in their eyes. Hyunwoo just looked completely appalled at what his boyfriend just said and Kihyun smiled at him coyly, feigning innocence. “What? I expected you to clean the room and you didn’t. I also expected you would do the laundry at least once in two weeks since all of the smelly clothes in the laundry bin are your sweaty shirts and shorts and unsurprisingly enough - you didn’t.” The laughter was dying down since the gang actually expected something else from Kihyun, but then it was Kihyun. His mind was not as dirty as Hoseok’s, Minhyuk’s and Hyungwon’s. “I also expected you to step up to the promise you made about making me come 3 times in one night and hello… _you didn’t._ ” And the laughter was back, louder and harder and way more whole hearted than before.

“Hyunwoo, I thought I taught you better,” Minhyuk said in between him trying to catch a breath while laughing. “You’re a disappointing student.”

“Well then, you’re also a shitty teacher,” Changkyun pointed out another fact to Minhyuk, which earned him a cushion thrown into his face.

“I don’t know about that…” Jooheon said. “My nights with him were quite enjoyable.”

Minhyuk turned to Jooheon at gave him his signature ‘brooooo’ smile and high fived him, showing his gratefulness for the compliment. Hyunwoo had to say that even years after they have ended whatever was between them the two were super close and really remain best of friends, creating a duo that was always there for each other. Their friendship had no parallel. In a way, they still loved each other.

The gang went to sleep really late. They all kind of scattered around the house, sleeping on couches and various beds squeezed together. Hyunwoo laid next to contently huffing Kihyun, hugging him close due to the smaller blanket they shared and even though he had drank enough alcohol to make him sleepy, the thought in his mind raced round and round like a whirlpool. He did what Hanna had asked him to do and thought going to London over and over, he tried to keep all the facts gathered and no matter how he looked at it, which stance he took, he would always reach the same thing in the end… he even took into consideration everything Ki might tell him, after all Hyunwoo had known his boyfriend for quite the amount of years to be able to say that he knew him.

It gnawed at Hyunwoo’s soul and heart that no matter how he looked at it, he always reached the same thing - the one Hanna had pointed out he would reach every time he thought it over - go to London and let his dream come true.

_But if I go, what will be of Kihyun and me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will be of Kihyun and Hyunwoo? What will happen to their relationship? What did you think of Kihyun's 'unmet expectations' of Hyunwoo? XD Mihyuk and Jooheon forever the bros right? ^^
> 
> What did you think of today's chapter? Please share your thought and comments with me, I really love to read them and interact with you in any way possible. <3 ^^
> 
> Next time, we will peak into Valentine's day and struggles of keeping secrets. *hmmm*
> 
> I really hoped you liked the chapter today and will come back to see what happens next.^^ As always, please stay safe and take care of yourselves. ^^ see you next time <33 bye bye (～￣▽￣)～


	4. There Are Two Types of People on Valentine's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beautiful Friday (finally!!!!!) to you all and welcome to the Valentine's chapter of Find My Way Back ^^ in which Kihyun is the complete opposite of Hanna and actually feels the need to be romantic on February 14th <33 So there is a little ShowKi something to look forward to, as well as the gang's banter of course... it wouldn't be chapter without it ^^
> 
> I hope you like it and let me know what you think ^^ <3

**~EARLY FEBRUARY, 5TH YEAR OF UNI~**

<Kihyun POV>

The time flew by like crazy and Kihyun had been stuck in a merry-go-round that wasn’t fucking merry at all. The first semester exams just finished and Kihyun had to jump back into studying and working on assignments right away because there was no way he would be able to get everything done if he didn’t.

Kihyun was willing to admit that he might be stressing out juuuuust a tiny bit, but he would also say that he would rather stress out at the beginning of the term when he can actually do something about the stuff he was not completely handling, than have nothing done and chase after time come end of semester. Like Minhyuk.

On top of everything, Valentine’s Day was coming and even though, Hyunwoo told him not to worry, because they both had a shit ton of study load to work through, Kihyun still worried. Hanna would shoo him away with words she didn’t believe in loving one day a year and both her and Changkyun were not planning anything special, so he didn’t even go ask her. Kihyun decided to approach Changkyun, because even if the music producer didn’t admit it super out loud, he was kind of a romantic in the deep soul. He said that they were either spending the night in the library or the music studio until the security guard came to kick them out - so nothing unusual in plan for those two, to which Changkyun opposed saying that they both love each other the whole year, so why stress out about a fabricated ‘holiday’. Kihyun was starting to get the impression that Hanna was imprinting on him more and more. But then, it could be said the other way around too.

Minhyuk and Valentine’s Day meant the same thing as every year - a couple rounds of one night stands and casual fucks with whomever he found attractive enough, be it a man or woman. As a true artist Minhyuk loved beauty in every form. Thank God, he stayed away from -philias that didn’t involve walking, living human beings, even though Kihyun would swear that Minhyuk definitely jerked off to a painting or two… or more…

Jooheon was currently quite good at following Minhyuk’s suit as he started working out and many people fell for his soft, yet strong image and a great character, so Kihyun also re-considered going to ask for advice from Jooheon.

Hyungwon and Hoseok were his only choice and he knew that would not end well. They were both extremely sappy whenever it got remotely close to Valentine’s Day (yes, it was actually possible - their group chat was a written proof) and yet they somehow managed to make fun of people around them.

So, Kihyun was at the end of his list and he wanted to do something special, just _because_ , you know… they have both been extremely busy and Hyunwoo gave even more effort into swimming than ever before, especially after he put down the position of team captain. Since Christmas he’s been doing a lot more extras for swimming, like stretching almost every day before going to bed, foam rolling, some therapy and sport massages and Kihyun had never seen him more determined. He wasn’t sure why Hyunwoo began doing all of these things, but Kihyun just felt so proud of his boyfriend. More than ever. However, Kihyun did blame himself a little, he thought it was his fault for being so busy and he wanted to make it up to Hyunwoo, who incidentally also looked like something was bothering him.

Since Kihyun’s mind was everywhere right now and he felt like he was collapsing, he wanted to go back into Hyunwoo embrace even if just for one night and feel calm and safe and cherished and loved, because he always felt best when he was spending time with his boyfriend, his first love.

Kihyun asked Hanna for lunch between the two of them 2 days before Valentine’s Day, pleading her to help him out, even though he swore she would be the last person he would go to.

“Ki, why are you fretting so much about this?” she asked him after he told he his worries for not having done anything for Valentine’s Day.

“Oh man, I knew you’d be like this but seriously, what did I even think, when I know you hate Valentine’s Day…” he groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Okay, it’s not that I hate it, but don’t you love Hyunwoo all year round?” Hanna pushed on with the same old story.

“Yes, yes, I do. But we’re both so stressed out and he’s been spending more and more time with everything involving swimming and I feel like it’s my fault that we’re somehow distancing from one another, because we don’t have time for each other or don’t appreciate the time we spend together,” Kihyun was very frustrated with this whole thing. But the silent friend that sat on the other side of the table was even worse than his frustration. “You know something? Did he say anything?”

Hanna bit her lip, which Kihyun knew to be a tell sign that she was hiding something. “Look, Ki… I know what you want from me right now, but I can’t. It’s not my story to tell and you know that I can’t ever betray Hyunwoo’s trust in any matter.”

Kihyun knew very well what that meant - Hyunwoo was keeping a secret from him and Hanna was involved, but there would be no moving her in this situation, those two were tighter than a straight man’s butt cheeks in a prison. “Fine, fine, I know how you guys are… but are you sure he’s never betrayed your trust? Like that one time he told Kyun about your Hanahaki person?” Kihyun had to try even though he realized it was a low blow.

“Yes, he did go behind my back and we have talked it out, Ki. You know it… you were there, like right there next to him.”

“I know, I know, I’m just desperate, okay?”

“Okay…” she sighed heavily and Kihyun didn’t know what to expect. “I’m definitely not telling you anything about the secret but here’s a little tip… but if you tell anyone, and I repeat _anyone_ , I will forever and ever deny it and might even denounce you as a friend… deal?”

“Deal, baby,” Kihyun smirked and leaned in closer to his conspicuous looking best friend.

Valentine’s Day came rolling and Kihyun woke on the sunny freezing Sunday in the warm embrace of his boyfriend. And he loved it! There was nothing simpler and more comforting in the world right now. Kihyun smiled to himself and turned in the arms of his sleeping boyfriend to face him.

He caressed the sleeping face and even after a couple years of the relationship his heart still fluttered and Kihyun considered that feeling so precious, just so _precious_.

Hyunwoo’s eyes slowly opened under the touch of Kihyun’s hand and his eyes slightly closed right back from the sleepiness. “Hmmm, can I wake up like this every day?” Hyunwoo whispered and pulled Kihyun a little closer to him, snuggling his face into his neck.

Kihyun giggled shortly, moving his hand from Hyunwoo’s face to his lower back. “Unfortunately, you gotta go be awesome every morning at half past five.”

“Hmmm, some days it’s really not worth it,” Hyunwoo sleepily protested.

“Well, if you woke up like this every day then you probably wouldn’t have cherished it, babe. And…” Kihyun pulled away slightly as kissed Hyunwoo’s lips so softly that Hyunwoo barely considered it a kiss. “I love that you’re as awesome as you are.”

“I love you, too, Yoo Kihyun,” Hyunwoo said, pressed his lips to Kihyun’s and rolled them over from their sides so that he was on top, between Kihyun’s legs. Kihyun laughed shortly at how the situation started to turn out but didn’t object when his laughter was silenced by Hyunwoo’s lips returning to his own in a deep kiss. The shorter one of the couple moaned into the kiss when Hyunwoo clashed his tongue with his own, moving his hands down Hyunwoo’s firm abdomen and slipping past the waist band of his pyjama shorts.

His cold fingers sent a shiver down Hyunwoo’s spine and Kihyun smiled into the kiss, thinking how adorable that actually was, he gave Hyunwoo’s already half-hard member a gentle stroke and felt how his boyfriend rolled his hips into the touch.

Kihyun broke the kiss and moved slightly to nibble on the sensitive spot just below Hyunwoo’s ear as he continued to lazily caress Hyunwoo’s erection. He groaned as he sought more friction that Kihyun was offering and rolled his hips against Kihyun’s touch harder.

It’s been so long that they had an actually good foreplay that Kihyun can barely remember. They still had sex all the time, but this kind of lazy foreplay was usually omitted either due to lack of time or energy and the couple inclined to ‘get down to it’ and not ‘waste time’ with a longer foreplay than needed. And Kihyun missed it crazy. He loved this kind of slow, lazy, beautiful time when both just couldn’t get enough of each other’s kisses and touches.

Suddenly, he felt one of Hyunwoo’s hands slither into his pyjama pants, lightly brush over his own hard length and down to his tight ass, where he tenderly massaged his opening. This earned him a hearty moan from the man below him. Kihyun revelled in the feeling of Hyunwoo softly pressing his fingers around the tight ring of muscles, but never faltered with his movements against Hyunwoo’s hardness.

They continued to make out and touch each other in all kinds of ways for what seemed like ages to both of them, never speaking a word, before they both felt so needy for more, yearning for that familiar feeling of connection.

Clothes on the floor long forgotten, Hyunwoo reached onto the make-shift night stand that was basically a shoe box turned to stand up length wise and grabbed a bottle of lube. Squirting a good amount on his hand and warming it up, he reached between Kihyun’s legs again and slowly, oh so slowly prodded with his middle finger until Kihyun was back to being a moaning mess, silently pleading Hyunwoo for more.

And more, he gave. Hyunwoo fingered Kihyun not only to stretch him open so that he can accommodate his length, but he also loved how Kihyun writhed underneath him when he stroked the right spot with the pads of his fingers and how he moaned his name when all other thoughts were pushed out of his mind and only Hyunwoo and his touch resided there.

“I want to ride you, babe,” Kihyun suddenly pushed gently at Hyunwoo’s shoulder. He nodded and they moved around on the joint beds until Hyunwoo was leaning back against the wall at the head sitting up and Kihyun straddled him. He slowly lowered himself of Hyunwoo’s erect cock, mouth falling open in a silent moan of pleasure. Hyunwoo circled his hands around Kihyun and placed them on the cheeks of his ass, not pushing or helping his boyfriend move, just rested them there as he drew small circles on the sensitive porcelain skin.

Kihyun set a slow pace, enjoying the friction their connection created. He leaned in and kissed Hyunwoo passionately, while moving his hips. After a long moment, Hyunwoo pulled away from Kihyun’s lips because he felt the shorter started to get out of breath after a wave of shivers ran through his body due to Hyunwoo’s tip stroking his prostate multiple times. So, Hyunwoo focused his lips towards the spot where Kihyun’s neck met his shoulder and suckled on the skin gently, knowing that Kihyun didn’t appreciate love marks on spots he couldn’t easily cover. This brought more moans to surface out of Kihyun and he picked up the pace a little, chasing both of their releases.

Hyunwoo started helping Kihyun with his hands on his ass a little bit as well as rolling his hips up to meet Kihyun in the movements. Kihyun arched his back and neck away from Hyunwoo, while leaving his hands tangled in the swimmers chlorine treated hair. He didn’t even realize when or how but most likely out of instinct Hyunwoo stared to thrust up into Kihyun harder and faster, groans spilling past his lips in perfect sync with Kihyun’s.

“Nu, I’m…” Kihyun didn’t manage to finish his words as he came untouched, spilling over Hyunwoo’s bare chest. And the sight of his boyfriend’s release pushed Hyunwoo’s over the edge as he came into Kihyun’s tightness. Kihyun’s hips stilled their movements and both of them breathed in and out in hard ragged manners.

Kihyun rolled over off of Hyunwoo on to his back, spent and sweaty. After a while, when his breathing calmed down and he stopped seeing stars in front of his eyes, Hyunwoo reached over to the shoe box night stand and pulled out a couple of tissues from the box to wipe the come off his chest and also to clean Kihyun.

“Let’s shower, hm?” Hyunwoo nuzzled Kihyun cheek with his nose and felt it crease as Kihyun smiled wide.

<Hyunwoo POV>

The Valentine’s Day dinner was so not what he had in plan for him and Kihyun. Hyunwoo really wanted to cuddle up on their bed, under a blanket and put a good movie on, which they wouldn’t finish because he was just so hungry for the touches of his boyfriend.

On the other hand, Kihyun had an itinerary in his mind already, which involved having the gang over for dinner because in his good soul Kihyun believed that no one ought to be alone on Valentine’s Day, even if the said ‘no one’ (namely Minhyuk and Jooheon because they were single) had already mentioned they had plans to go out and find somebody to ‘be alone with’.

“Well, leave it to Yoo Kihyun to plan a Sunday night for you,” Minhyuk groaned in frustration, while he went over and over his one night stand contact list. “I could have gotten so well laid tonight, you know. There was this girl, who really wanted me into a threesome with her boyfriend. And let me mention, the boyfriend is hot as hell, too. Like when you see them, you gotta think to yourself that you never really were pretty in the first place.”

“I know, right! Well, not with the threesome but man… this guy I met in Rap Ground last week was so into not being alone tonight and we even both met up during the day, but then I remembered that I have already agreed to this dinner and had to ditch him. I’m not sure, he’ll ever want to be down to fuck with me. Man, what a missed chance,” Jooheon joined his ex-crush while they both downed another shot of whiskey that Hanna and Changkyun brought with them.

And there they were in the kitchen of their dorms, all eight of them around the table with whining Minhyuk and complaining Jooheon. Hanna and Kyun found the two incredibly amusing and kept pouring more and more alcohol into them, even after Hyunwoo reminded the couple that tomorrow was regular Monday. They shrugged, said that was the whole point and continued to stir up trouble like the enjoyed it. Thankfully, at least Hoseok and Hyungwon were acting normal… well, they were cheesier and sappier than usual… but still normal.

Hanna leaned in to Hyunwoo and nudged him with her elbow. “So, Kihyun seems really happy. Did you not tell him yet?” she asked in a low voice, not to drag attention to her question.

“No,” Hyunwoo whispered back.

“Hyunwoo, you’re missing your chance here. You have to tell him before he finds out somehow,” Hanna chastised him a little, but he knew she only wanted well. “Or before it’s too late. The more you postpone it, the worse it’s going to be. Listen to me, if you hurt him…”

“I will tell him,” Hyunwoo cut his best friend off briskly. “Just not today. He’s so happy I don’t want to destroy it.”

“What are you two whispering about over there?” Minhyuk called out and all head turned to them.

“Oh, we’re just talking about ISL,” Hanna played it off but went too close to the actual topic that Hyunwoo’s stomach scrunched for a moment. But then again no one except them was really interested in the International Swimming League, so…

Changkyun sighed heavily but didn’t say anything. It was enough for Hoseok to react though. “Why the heavy sigh, bro?”

“Well, frankly…” he began with a deep voice that currently held the edge of irritation. “You guys know I’m not much of a romantic man, but…”

“Okay, shut up,” Kihyun said and everyone went quiet from the firmness in his voice. “If you guys hate the romantic ideas of Valentine’s Day so much… yes, except you Hoseok.... why don’t we make this about loving each other as a group.”

There was a moment of silence. But a short one.

“Ugh…gross. Imagine me loving Minhyuk,” Hyungwon twisted his face pretending he was utterly disgusted.

“Yeeeeaaah,” Hanna piped in a low voice and shrugged innocently when Minhyuk turned to her with feigned hurt in his eyes.

“Why no one loves me?” Minhyuk wailed theatrically, leaning on Jooheon’s shoulder he tried to sob but it looked more like something out of a Korean drama. There was another moment of silence as if Minhyuk was waiting for something. Then he lifted his head and looked at Jooheon’s stiffened face that gave off no emotion whatsoever. “Jooheon, I was waiting for you to say ‘I love you’,” he grabbed the shoulder he was leaning on before, his eyes pleading Jooheon to be on his side. And Hyunwoo thought to himself - _Scratch the Korean drama, this is a South American soap opera._

“Well,” Jooheon began to speak slowly, as if he was unsure of how to say those words that were on his tongue, but the corners of his mouth were twitching to form a smirk he was holding back, “my mom taught me that lying is bad.”

“Honey Joo,” Minhyuk wailed again and laughter sounded around the kitchen because two seconds after wailing Minhyuk broke the character and told everyone to go fuck themselves, because apparently tonight he would have to as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like that little Valentine's Sunday morning between Kihyun and Hyunwoo? What do you think of the fact that Hyunwoo still (!) had not told Kihyun about the offer he got from London? Do you like Hanna's decision not to tell Kihyun anything or would you be the friend who tells? What do you think about Jooheon's and Minhyuk's relationship now (especially if you read Petals of Love)? 'Bros before hoes' feels, right? ^^
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading the 4th chapter and please share your thoughts with me in the comments, I love to read your opinions on the story <3 ￣︶￣
> 
> Come back next time to find out... (I don't want to spoil it, though...) let's just say, some more people find out the secret Hyunwoo is hiding.
> 
> Stay awesome and see you next time (￣y▽￣)╭ <3 <3 bye bye


	5. Why Is the Truth So Hard to Tell?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, hi there 😃 the gang is back and Hyunwoo's still keeping a big, big secret from Kihyun, but more people get the whiff of it...
> 
> I hope you enjoy a little bit of a frustrating chapter with Hyunwoo, intercepted by a little HyungWonho fluff (because who doesn't love that, right?) and just wait until the end of the chapter... 😅

**~EASTER BREAK, MID APRIL - 5TH YEAR OF UNI~**

<Hoseok POV>

Easter break was the worst. Not only that Hoseok had an insane amount of essays and books to read and prepare for his final degree paper and exams, he also had the double daily practice for diving, which included the dreaded and insanely long lasting dry land practice with uncomfortable stretching and whining of first and second years, who only talked about wanting to go out and drink, while they cried about having to be at practice.

 _Was I like that too?_ Hoseok asked himself on Monday morning as the team was about to finish their pool session. He glanced over at the swimmer’s pool and noticed that both Hanna and Hyunwoo were climbing out of the pool

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Hoseok hear Hanna’s voice. She was angry and Hoseok became curious as he walked closer to his friends. “This is not a joke anymore, Hyunwoo. You gotta tell him.”

“Yeah?” Hyunwoo snapped back his attitude seeping with irritation. “Just like you told Changkyun about your Hanahaki?”

“That was different and you fucking know it!”

“How was it different, huh?” Hyunwoo raised his voice slightly and stepped closer to Hanna to tower over her with his height, but it did nothing to intimidate her, even though Hyunwoo would probably intimidate just about anyone at that point.

“Because I was not about to break his fucking heart. You _have to_ tell him and you have to do it _now._ I’m serious,” Hanna hissed at him as she squared her shoulders and stood her ground.

That was when Hoseok stepped closer to them and entered their field of vision. “Tell what to whom?” he asked interested about their fight, highly suspicious this was concerning Kihyun as well.

Both of his friends’ head quickly turned to him, Hyunwoo’s look scared, Hanna’s apprehensive of his appearance. She took a breath in and glanced at Hyunwoo and then back at Hoseok.

Hoseok could see thoughts running in her mind as she made a quick decision. “Hyunwoo got and offer from London Roar ISL team to swim for them, which would get him to relocate to London.”

“Broooo, that’s amazing,” Hoseok smiled widely, but caught the whiff of Hanna’s silent ‘but’ at the end of her sentence, so he quieted down to let her continue.

So before Hyunwoo had the chance to protest she spoke again. “And he still hasn’t told Kihyun… to which I’ll add he found out about the offer over Christmas.” Hanna’s voice was lace with so much bitter feeling, but Hoseok knew it wasn’t that she was jealous he got an offer and she didn’t. She was bitter because she was about to witness her best friend’s heart breaking again and she wanted to prevent that as much as possible.

“Brooo, you gotta tell him,” Hoseok agreed with Hanna. “This is so unfair to Kihyun. It’s not like he’s not going to support you, you know.”

“Yeah,” Hyunwoo sighed and his shoulders slumped. “You guys act like it’s so easy.”

“It _was_ easy. Over _Christmas_. Maybe January, too. Not _EASTER_!!!” Hanna barked at him again. Hoseok could feel just how angry she was and he completely understood. Kihyun was one of the most kind-hearted people Hoseok has ever met, so of course he didn’t want his friend to get hurt, especially not by another friend, who loved him very much. And for years, too. “If you’re not going to tell him, _I will._ And, trust me, you _don’t_ want me to do that,” she said and walked off with her packed equipment bag slinked over her shoulder, leaving Hyunwoo and Hoseok alone behind the starting block.

“You know,” Hoseok began with a heavy heart, “I hate to be that person, but… she’s right, Hyunwoo. Had you told him when you found out, you guys could have worked through it, I know you’d be able to. But this way… you’re only going to break his heart.” Hoseok patted the tall swimmer’s shoulder sympathetically and, just like Hanna, he left him alone behind the starting blocks.

Not that Hoseok ever needed an excuse to not go to dry land, but now he even had one.

Entering the room he shared with his boyfriend, Hoseok noticed Hyungwon still rolling around under the duvet. He let the backpack with wet swimsuit and towel drop off of his shoulder by the door and quietly walked over to the bed. He slipped under the blanket and hugged Hyungwon from behind, pressing close to him.

Hyungwon hummed contently and wiggled even closer to Hoseok. “You’re back early,” Hyungwon’s sleepy voice barely made a sound but Hoseok was so used to hearing the very quiet voice in the mornings for so many years that it was no problem to hear the words his boyfriend addressed to him.

“Yeah, I didn’t feel like not spending time with you today, even if you were sleeping,” Hoseok replied.

“What happened?” Hyungwon asked still sleepy but his interest was growing.

“Hyunwoo got an offer from London Roar ISL team to swim for them in London.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

“He hasn’t told Kihyun since Christmas,” Hoseok finished and he felt Hyungwon’s body go stiff before he turned around to face Hoseok.

“Are you serious?” Hyungwon gazed into Hoseok’s eyes with disbelief, his sleepy voice suddenly gone. He looked shell shocked and something that Hoseok couldn’t recognize flashed through his face just a moment before Hyungwon pressed his entire body against his and nuzzled his face against his neck. “Don’t do this to me… okay?... Please.” His voice was so low and muffled Hoseok thought for a second he imagined it, but he tightened his embraced around Hyungwon’s body nevertheless.

“I love you, Won.”

**~STUDY WEEK, MID MAY - 5TH YEAR OF UNI~**

<Changkyun POV>

It was kind of a habit for Changkyun now to hate study weeks. When he first began to study at university he didn’t think he would hate a week without having to go to lectures and hoped he would usually spend it making music, or writing raps, or just generally chilling. But he quickly found out that while most of his classmates did exactly that (the chilling part), he actually found himself studying after he met the rest of the gang members at the end of September of his first year. And this was because there were two soon-to-be doctors, who studied all the time because they really had a shit ton of materials to read and get into their heads and Kihyun, who just generally kept himself busy all the time and used study weeks for what they were actually meant to be used for - cramming in the library. And even though Hanna was more chill about it than Kihyun, she still did study quite a bit, especially now in the fifth year. The Orthopaedics Surgery course was giving her the most pain.

So it was an understatement to say that Changkyun was surprised when she walked into their room in the middle of the study week after practice with a lot of energy and threw her bag to the floor. Changkyun had barely time to take his headphones off before the salve of words was fired at him. “I can’t fucking believe this, Kyun! How the fuck does he think this is going to end? Is he an absolute dumbass? I don’t care if he says he loves him and cannot bear to see him hurt, but this is getting out of all sane reins of the whole fucking humanity! I am so fucking done with Hyunwoo… how can he even say he loves Kihyun when he’s been keeping the fact he’s leaving in _6 weeks…_ for 5 months?! For 5 months, Kyun!! How can he do this to him?” She stood in the middle of the room in front of their joint beds, all angry and done with her best friend.

“You did hide your Hanahaki from me for almost a year, you know,” Changkyun said with a heavy sigh, even though he knew it wasn’t the same thing for Hanna. She would have broken his heart too, but more importantly she would have damaged her own forever. However, yes, technically it wasn’t the same because Kihyun and Hyunwoo have been in love for years before they got together and have been in a relationship for almost 3 years at this point.

“That’s different and you know it,” she replied exactly what he thought she was going to say. “I’m not having this conversation again, Kyun.”

“Didn’t you say during Easter that you were going to tell Kihyun if he didn’t?” Changkyun reminded her.

“It’s not my story to tell… Like how can I come up to Ki and be like: ‘You know, Ki… this is really a bitchy thing of me to do and I’m a total traitor but hey and least you’ll know right? Your boyfriend’s leaving in about six weeks to live in London for at least a year because he got a contract offer from the London Roar ISL team, which potentially can get extended if he’s successful with them and like of course he took the offer. But I guess it slipped his mind to tell you. I mean, he’s just loved you for so many years, right?’ Really, Kyunnie?” the sarcasm in her voice was thicker than the Russian gas pipelines spidered across Europe.

“I’m just saying. How was practice?” he tried to take her attention off of the problem that might not have been hers to solve but definitely bothered her enough to make her this angry.

“Tiring. And if I just have to think about another surgery procedure today, I’m probably going to cut a vein,” she fell back onto the bed, spreading her arms wide. “Not to die, but just to avoid having to study this. My head is aching just from thinking about having to go study more. How the hell am I going to be a doctor, Kyun?”

“You’ll do well, I know you will,” he encouraged her and got up from the chair to go give his tired girlfriend a sympathetic hug to ease her pain of studying. And to also re-charge some energy for himself from holding her close to him.

Changkyun realized this was the ordeal of doctors and so did Hanna. Both she and Hoseok were extremely clever and talented (so far) in the field they have chosen. He knew they would somehow work through the 5 year residency that was awaiting her at the Orthopaedic Surgery department, but he wasn’t completely sure about how Hyunwoo thought of getting through being gone completely for a year, possibly more because he was really doing super well in swimming right now. He wished he could help his friends, but he couldn’t because just how Hanna had said, this was not something they should stick their nose in to the extent of telling Kihyun was what coming just one week after their graduation.

**~THRUSDAY, 2 WEEKS BEFORE GRADUATION CEREMONY, END OF JUNE - 5TH YEAR OF UNI~**

<Hyunwoo POV>

All the exams were done, all essays have been submitted the week prior and the gang has been kind of chilling for the past week, excluding the times they were running around finishing all the last paperwork before their graduation and final moving out of the dorms, which was supposed to happen on June 30th the latest.

Hyunwoo would love to say that everyone was running around looking for jobs, but he’s be lying. Hoseok’s internship that he got a couple of years ago thanks to his encounter with a famous and very well established psychologist in the gym, bloomed into a junior position offer after the graduation, so he was set.

Hyungwon was not completely set, but he received a couple of modelling and DJ offers for the summer festivals so he took them, saying that he would start looking for proper jobs when the summer was over, meanwhile he would live off of the money he would earn during summer - he counted it to be a nice amount.

Jooheon’s job went from part-time distance to full-time in house music producer in a recording label. He’s had this gig for a while so he was just pretty excited when they asked him to work full time after he finished his studies.

Changkyun had found a very similar job to Jooheon’s but for a different label, which also composed movie music and had a couple of foley studios as well, which was something that he was interested in before too.

Minhyuk was going to find a stable day job but then he got a call from someone, who had seen his paintings at one of the exhibitions the school has done and the man asked him to illustrate his new children’s book, so he decided to just wing it for now and become a freelance illustrator, since it gave him the freedom of work he always wanted as well as the ability to create his own art too.

Hanna applied for Orthopaedic surgery residency in a couple of hospitals and thanks to her flying colours of all her years’ grades, she got into the University Hospital she always wanted to work at - she had some tough time ahead of her.

Kihyun had been working hard on making a brand out of himself in the past few months and managed to somehow gain quite the following on the blog he’d been running this past year and thanks to the blog and his work on social media, he was noticed by some hot-shot celebrity and got contacted by the manager to work for him as a nutrition specialist, while the actor prepared for his next movie. It was paid well and Kihyun began working at the beginning of June, which made him exhausted but he also expect nothing other than the best grades on his exams and essays because of the time he had put into studying. It was needless to say Hyunwoo was extremely proud of his boyfriend.

And then there was Hyunwoo… he was leaving for London the day after his graduation ceremony and his mother has not stopped worrying and she even began to pack some things for Hyunwoo to take with him to the ‘strange country of United Kingdom’ (as she called it). Kihyun was a little worried for Hyunwoo’s lack of a future job, but Hyunwoo always brushed it off by saying he had applied but hadn’t received a response yet.

And no… Hyunwoo still hasn’t told Kihyun.

His current excuse was that Kihyun was always busy and tired, so he would always just postpone it.

This Thursday the group has met up for the last time in Hoseok’s and Hyungwon’s room before they moved out on the weekend. All of them. They were just sitting around drinking beer and talking about the times that have been, laughing at stories some of them didn’t remember or thought never happened. The atmosphere was light even though all of them felt like a chapter of their life was coming to an end.

“I can’t believe tomorrow I have the last practice,” Hanna sighed and leaned her head back to look at the ceiling. “I am so happy I met you that evening after practice in the September of first year and made you bring Hyungwon to lunch, Hoseokie.”

He smiled back at her and raised his bottle to give her cheers. “Me too. Imagine how lonely the four of us would be.”

“Do you remember what Min used to call us?” Jooheon laughed shortly reminiscing.

“Yeah, it was something like ‘The Core Four? Charlie’s Angels and a girl’ with a question mark,” Changkyun joined him, chuckling at the memory as well.

“I’ll never get why he was questioning my gender in the first place but fine. ‘Listen Up Gang’ is a better name anyway,” Hanna threw an empty water bottle at Minhyuk, who dodged it successfully.

“I mean, back then, had anybody looked at you they would question your gender,” Minhyuk threw a piece of popcorn into his mouth. “All the hoodies and wet messy buns… who would guess there was a girl hiding underneath?”

“You knew she was a girl at high school when we met her,” Kihyun laughed at his logic.

“That’s because she had the girls’ uniform. Other than that I would have never guessed,” Minhyuk shrugged it off.

“I have a girl’s face. Ki, does my face look like a man’s face?” she turned to Kihyun, hoping he would be her saviour.

“Maybe if you had a buzz cut?” Kihyun peeped and laughed when Hoseok threw a cushion at him.

“Do you know how much effort is behind hair that long?” Hoseok said and Hanna was about to thank him but then he continued. “How much neglecting and ignorance of proper hair care in her case?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Hanna huffed and puffed her cheeks out like an offended Jigglypuff.

Another week has flown by and the gang was helping Kihyun pack up the kitchen after their last meal together, so that he can move out the next day in one go when his parents come pick him up.

Hyunwoo felt down more than ever, since he still hasn’t told Kihyun about going to London. His departure was in two weeks and he even started secretly packing with the help of him mom at his parents’ place. He wanted to tell Kihyun, but he was still busy with his new job and always talked so excitedly about how his day has been. He even started looking for an apartment the two could move in at the end of the summer, just like Hanna and Changkyun were planning. Hoseok and Hyungwon said they would stay in Hoseok’s mom’s old apartment that she had been renting out, but asked the couple that was there before to move out so her son and his boyfriend could move in. Kihyun was way too excited for their new chapters together and Hyunwoo didn’t have the heart to destroy the idea for him.

“Have you told him?” Hanna whispered, when she suddenly appeared next to him, packing the dishes into his box.

“Uhmmm…”

“ _WHAT THE FUCK_!” she shouted, dragging everybody’s attention to them.

Hyunwoo’s shoulders slumped. _Is this what she meant when she said I didn’t want her to be the one who told Kihyun?_

“I’ve had enough,” she told Hyunwoo with an edge to her voice and he knew what she was about to do.

“Hanna, no…” he tried but his voice came out so weak.

“No, Hyunwoo. You have taken this _way_ too far.”

“What’s going on?” Kihyun asked confused, cutting through the thick atmosphere.

“Ki, you said you found an apartment for you guys to move in at the end of the summer?” Hanna turned to him and asked in a restrained voice.

“Yeah,” Kihyun nodded, still unaware of where the situation was going. Hyunwoo stared at his hands that held a mug that Kihyun always drank his evening tea out of.

“Cancel it. You won’t need it,” Hanna said, looking him dead straight in the eye.

“What?” Kihyun, Minhyuk and Jooheon asked at the same time.

“Hyunwoo’s leaving for London in two weeks and won’t come back for at least a year. He got an offer from the ISL team London Roar during Christmas and he took it,” Hanna explained and Kihyun’s face gradually turned from confused to realization and to disbelief.

“Babe, is it true?” he asked Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo finally lifted his eyes from the mug and looked at the distress in Kihyun face, but didn’t answer. “Is that why you have been distant these days? Why you have been putting more and more into swimming that before? _Is it true?_ ” Kihyun’s eyes were filled with tears that threatened to spill out.

Hyunwoo swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded weakly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...aaaand cliffhanger (sorry... 😅)
> 
> So, I guess, Hanna spilled the secret... what are your thoughts on this? Did you like the small fluffy insert of HyungWonho? 🤗 and what do you think will be Kihyun's reaction to this whole thing? How will he respond to his first love keeping such a secret and going away?
> 
> Please, share your comments and opinions with me... I love to read them and interact with you 😃🤍
> 
> In the next chapter, we'll find out what Kihyun's reaction will be to this whole mess, so please come back to read that one 😊
> 
> In any case, I hope you enjoyed today's chapter and until the next one, I hope you have a good day (～￣▽￣)～bye-bye


	6. Man, This Hurts So Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back! 😄😄 This chapter is directly following the end of the last one, so if you don't remember here is a quick recap - Hanna revealed Hyunwoo's departure and the chapter ended with Hyunwoo confirming it to Kihyun. So in this chapter we will see how Kihyun deals with the whole situation.
> 
> This is one of those chapters that I would call 'a little more painful', but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless 😉🤍

<Kihyun POV>

Kihyun felt like he couldn’t breathe.

No, he was definitely choking.

There was not enough air for him in the world right now.

Something was clenching his chest so hard that he wasn’t allowed to take a breath in.

His world was spinning endlessly out of control.

“Ki,” he heard the voice he treasured so much for so many years, speak his name that he loved hearing fall from the other’s lips, but now, it sounded vile… like poison. It was plaguing his ears and he started to feel his heart going from cracked into thousands of pieces to shattered into millions of little sharp shards that he knew he was never going to be able to pick them up and put them back together. “Ki, please…”

Hyunwoo stepped one step closer to him, but Kihyun stepped two back and lifted his eyes from the point on the floor that he was using as his anchor to help him not fall from how fast his world was spinning. He looked at Hyunwoo and saw the apologetic expression plastered on his face, begging to be forgiven. The tears were now making small wet streams down both of their cheeks, but Kihyun couldn’t bring himself to move towards the man he has loved for so many years, the man that has always made his day better, the man that always made him smile, the man who broke his heart and crushed the heart he had given him officially just two summers ago. “No,” Kihyun whispered when Hyunwoo wanted to take another step closer. “Don’t come closer… don’t come at all…” Kihyun’s voice was weak and broken, mirroring everything that was going on inside.

Kihyun turned to his oldest friend, Minhyuk, and slowly stretched out his hand, palm facing up. The eyes that stared into Minhyuk’s were determined and Minhyuk understood what he was asking for, so he reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out the key from his room and slowly deposited it into Kihyun’s hand. Kihyun bit his lip as his fingers curled around the key and the honey jar keychain that Minhyuk had on it even years after his thing with Jooheon had passed.

Silence and tension enveloped the kitchen and Kihyun slowly started stepping away from everyone and headed to the exit. His steps were weak and unbalanced as he walked out of the kitchen and down the hall, his world, time and life were a blur. He didn’t remember his way to Minhyuk’s room, just the moment he opened the door and fell on his bed, face down, hiding from the bad of the world.

He heard the door open and close, then two pairs of feet shuffled in and for all that was saint in the heaven hoped it wasn’t Hyunwoo, or that it was him, but only if he came to say it was a stupid prank, which would result in the worst fucking prank the gang has ever pulled. However something in Hyunwoo’s face when he nodded, confirming this whole thing was true, told Kihyun there was no prank involved.

The bed next to him dipped and by the perfumes that hit his nose, he knew it was Hanna and Minhyuk. They turned Kihyun’s limp body onto his back and Minhyuk hugged him tightly. And in their tight embrace he broke down full on. Sobs ripped through his body like strong tidal waves and he choked on his own saliva more times than not from how hard he was crying. He held tight onto Minhyuk’s slim body as the tremors never came to a halt.

Hanna petted the top of his head, smoothing the hair behind his ear, trying hard to soothe the pain she brought to her best friend. Even though she was the one who brought the bad and painful news, it wasn’t her fault that it happened in the first place and Kihyun knew it. He didn’t blame her for Hyunwoo’s decision and Kihyun himself very well knew how she hates spilling other people’s secrets (unless they’re funny of course).

_Why didn’t he tell me? Was he scared? Did he think I would try to talk him out of it? Was I too clingy? Did I rush things? Maybe he felt suffocated… could that be why he hasn’t told me for so long?_

The thoughts ran through Kihyun’s mind like little kids playing tag on a beautiful spring day. He kept crying and crying, his head began to ache and his eyes were still producing tears, but each and every one of them stung like salt in a wound in his swollen and dry eyes. But no matter how much his head panged and how much he cried, the pain in his chest just would not leave. It over powered and over shadowed all the other senses and feelings that flowed through him now. He wasn’t listening to the faint whispers of Hanna or Minhyuk, but it was nice to know they were there for him in times he didn’t know whether he would rather be alone with his pain or have someone hold him.

<Minhyuk POV>

After quite some time, the tremors that ran through Kihyun’s body with surprising strength and his half-muted sobs died down entirely. Now, just a motionless body laid between him and Hanna.

“He knocked himself out,” Minhyuk whispered ever so quietly to Hanna.

“Yeah, cried himself to sleep,” she sighed deeply, voice of the same volume as Minhyuk’s.

“You knew?” Minhyuk sat up along with Hanna, who never stopped raking through Kihyun’s hair gently, as if he was a child that needed soothing to fall asleep or reassurance that even while it was sleeping there was someone with it.

“Yeah, Hyunwoo told me when he found out,” she admitted and hung her head down in embarrassment.

“And you decided to keep it for yourself? Why?” Minhyuk questioned her mercilessly.

“You know well I don’t tell stuff that is not mine to tell,” she reminded him gently.

“You often don’t say things that are yours to tell, too,” Minhyuk accused her but there was no malice in his voice.

“Let’s not bring it up, Min. That’s past us at this point.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m not bitter anymore, just hurt that another important thing concerning one of my oldest friends got to me last. That’s all,” it was Minhyuk’s turn to sigh as he leaned his head back against the wall.

“I kept telling Hyunwoo to tell Kihyun. I told him over and over, but he always came with a fucking excuse to why he couldn’t or didn’t tell him. I even threatened to tell Kihyun myself, but never actually snapped. I don’t know what came over me today.”

“Protective instinct?” Minhyuk guessed. “But in either case, you should have come to me. I would have grabbed Hyunwoo by the scruff and bring him to Kihyun.”

Hanna scoffed as a short quiet laughter escaped her lips. “I can see you grabbing Hyunwoo by the scruff. Totally!”

“Underestimating me again, Kang?” Minhyuk slapped her shoulder playfully and then dropped it to Kihyun’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “He’s going to hurt so bad when he wakes up.”

“I’m afraid physical pain is not going to be our only concern for a while from now,” Hanna said and Minhyuk very well understood what she meant.

“We’ll have to keep an eye on him,” Minhyuk agreed. He knew Hanna thought he didn’t know about Kihyun drinking alone back then before he got together with Hyunwoo. But Kihuyn wasn’t as good with hiding the evidence as he had thought. Minhyuk never found bottles, but bottle caps and corks in their room was always something Kihyun forgot to throw out. “How long do you think he will be out for?”

“I don’t know. I never cried this hard to just fall asleep out of complete exhaustion,” Hanna shrugged unknowingly. “I just drugged myself to sleep without pain. I don’t think this is a comparable case.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Maybe a couple of hours? What time is it now?”

“It’s just past 5.”

<Kihyun POV>

The pounding in his head was the first thing Kihyun felt when he tried to open his eyes. He had never had such a headache before and his eyes felt like someone brushed them with coarse sandpaper. He guessed he fell asleep on Minhyuk’s bed in the afternoon when he bawled his eyes out in his and Hanna’s embrace. It was dark outside now and Kihyun felt anything but rested. He checked the time on Minhyuk’s phone that laid beside his sleeping friend, the desk light was on, illuminating the room in soft light for Kihyun’s hurting puffy and swollen eyes.

2:11AM. Kihyun sighed at the wallpaper of Minhyuk’s phone. It was a picture from last summer at the last festival before the rainy season came. They were all laughing at the stranger that was taking their picture and was trying to make them look more alive and festival like. It was such a happy memory that Kihyun loved to think of in the days when he felt down. All of the events of the day prior hit Kihyun like a train and the tears that have barely dried on his cheeks threatened to spill from his eyes again.

“Ki?” he heard Hanna whisper and turned to face her. “You up?” Her face was scrunched in a frown and a concerned look was settled there.

He decided to respond truthfully, because he knew he would only get shit for lying to Hanna. She and Minhyuk were the only people that saw through 100% of the times when Kihyun tried to lie to them. “I feel like shit,” Kihyun admitted and sighed.

“You look like one too,” she said and Kihyun knew she did was she would always do. And yet Kihyun gave her a look that spoke for _are you serious right now?_ as he noticed Minhyuk sit up, awake. Hanna turned to Minhyuk and asked him. “Too soon?”

Minhyuk shrugged. “I guess,” then he turned to Kihyun, “but that is who she is, Ki.”

“I know… I’m just…” he couldn’t even finish his sentence as a lump in his throat formed and suddenly crying felt dangerously close again.

“Just done with everything right now?” Hanna tried to complete his thoughts.

“Kinda… yeah,” Kihyun replied sadly.

“And more like tired and want to curl up to a ball under the blanket and sleep for a long ass time…” Minhyuk joined Hanna.

“While hoping that the more time passes the less it will hurt or be true?” Hanna finished for Minhyuk.

“Kinda… yeah,” Kihyun frowned at the truth of those sentences.

“And you just feel like you should be doing something but you feel complete apathy?” Minhyuk correctly described how Kihyun felt.

“Kinda, but at the same time…” Kihyun began talking but then was quickly cut off by Hanna.

“Well than I have results of all of these symptoms for you.”

Kihyun scoffed at her coming to results. “What is it? Heartbreak?”

“Yes, but it's _Kihyun style_ heartbreak,” Minhyuk pointed out.

“And how is my style of heartbreak different from yours?” Kihyun scoffed again.

Hanna moved to sit next to him and hugged him by the shoulders in a side hug. “Well for one, I know Minhyuk would call everyone to let them know he's heartbroken.”

Minhyuk nodded vigorously to show he absolutely agreed with her statement. “And I would cry to everyone.”

“And ask everyone to drink with him…”

“And destroy their livers along with mine…”

“And like 3000% he would avoid all kinds and types of work or anything that would come anywhere close…”

“While, you, Yoo Kihyun, feel like you need to do work or study or cook or something to take your mind off of anything going on in there right now…”

“You wouldn't call anyone to tell them you're not doing ok and if anyone, maybe except Min and me, called you, you would say everything is perfectly fine with you and nothing is bothering you whatsoever,” Hanna kept on going and Kihyun felt like these two were unstoppable and his heartache somehow got their rambling super power turned up big time.

“You wouldn't go drinking with people, rather you'd bust out the good old cheap wines you used to drink before and make an exemplar of an old lonely alcoholic out of yourself,” Minhyuk said.

_Wait…_

“Just so that everyone is thinking that you're okay, you are good in lying to yourself, Ki,” Hanna told him and gave his shoulder a squeeze.

“Very good,” Minhyuk affirmed.

Kihyun was silent for a bit, letting all that they said to soak in and think about it but wait…. “Hmmm, I guess you guys know me well… wait…” he turned to Hanna with an accusatory, “you told him about me drinking alone???”

“No...” Hanna shook her head and switched her attention to Minhyuk along with Kihyun. “Yeah, wait, Min how do you know about that?”

Minhyuk clicked his tongue and shook his head too. “You guys think I'm stupid or what? My dear old friend... you threw away bottles, but what about caps and corks? Ever thought of those? You thought that I wouldn't find them when you made me clean the room so super thoroughly? I was scared you would whoop my ass if I didn't do it as meticulously as you always have. That's how I know. I'm not stupid; I know signs of hangover when I see them.”

“Been there done that way too many times, right?” Hanna nudged Minhyuk and laughed shortly.

“Yeap,” Minhyuk laughed along with her and moved his attention back to Kihyun. “That's why you couldn't hide it from me,” he said sounding almost proud of himself, but Kihyun wasn’t sure whether this was something his best friend should use to boast with. It was rather sad, actually.

“Why did you never bring it up then?” Kihyun asked interested.

Minhyuk’s response came after a moment of silent thinking and Kihyun would lie if he said it didn’t surprised him that Minhyuk didn’t keep it light or brush it off. “I know things about having secrets you don't want others to know, Ki. And if you never decided to tell anyone about something as serious as drinking yourself into numbness alone, then I would bring it up only if I saw it get serious to the point of it becoming an addiction. We all have our ways to deal with something, some more healthy than others if I may be honest with you.”

Kihyun knew something of Minhyuk’s coping mechanisms and most of them were of the unhealthy kind. “What friends I have… really?”

“Good ones, right?” Hanna smirked at him.

“Yeah,” Kihyun gathered all the sarcastic voice he had in him right now. “One let’s me drink alone and the other drinks with me. Great friends, really.”

“Heeey!” Hanna called out with Minhyuk’s: “Oh c’mon!”

Kihyun laughed sadly. “I know… you guys are here for me whenever I need you.”

“Not only when you need us. Always, Ki,” Hanna placed her head on Kihyun’s shoulder in her own way of showing affection.

“Except the time I’m in bed with someone,” Minhyuk made an immediate exception of the ‘always’. “I’m rarely thinking about other people than me and the person beneath me or riding me.”

“Not sure if I needed to know that,” Hanna told Minhyuk, pursing her lips and squinting her eyes.

“Same,” Kihyun facepalmed and gently shook his head sighing. “But I still don’t feel any more ready to face the world.”

Hanna shrugged. “Then don’t,” she said as if it was that simple.

“Yeah,” Minhyuk joined her side again, “the world will be there tomorrow, too. Don’t worry, it won’t run away.”

“Buuuut theoretically… _you_ could run away from the world,” Hanna suggested and Kihyun just shook his head again as the idea left him speechless.

Minhyuk started jumping up and down in his seated position on the bed, making the whole mattress shake. “Oooh, ooh, ooh, let’s do that! Please, please, pleeeeaaaase!”

“Hmpf,” Kihyun scoffed. “You guys… thanks, but I think I should be an adult… and it’s better to do it sooner rather than later.”

“Yeah, Min. He’s Yoo Kihyun. Did you forget?” Hanna quite apparently mocked him.

“Way more responsible and more adult than the two of us,” Minhyuk nodded his head.

“Affirmative.”

“Hmmm, does using words like that make you feel more adult?” Minhyuk scratched his chin theatrically.

“Sometimes?” Hanna guessed.

Kihyun sighed again at the play his two oldest friends were pulling off. “You guys are really trying your best to take my mind off it for a bit, right?”

“Is it working?” Minhyuk asked.

“Yeah. I feel a little better now. Thanks,” Kihyun lied hoping they would not be able to catch it this time for once.

Hanna nodded and then put her hand to her mouth and whispered loudly to Minhyuk so that Kihyun heard it too. “He’s lying.”

“I know,” Minhyuk whispered back in the same manner. “But let’s let him think we trust him.”

“Okay,” Hanna showed a big thumbs up to Minhyuk theatrically and then smiled super fake a Kihyun.

Kihyun hissed as he inhaled through his teeth and question himself loudly: “Do they think I’m stupid?”

After a short moment of silence the three friends sitting on Minhyuk’s bed laughed at their own antics and Kihyun had to admit to himself, he felt momentarily better knowing he had friends to turn to when he was in need. There wasn’t much of a traceable happiness in his laughter but he wasn’t pretending his short-lived amusement as the pain he felt in his chest was numbed for a short while.

He knew he would have to face the reality and that doing it rather soon would be better, but he wanted to allow himself this small moment of stupid procrastination in his more or less thought out life. It was far from perfect, now maybe even further than before, but he knew one thing that his mother kept telling him over and over when he was a child and was worried over a cut or a new bruise. His mother would always tell him: _‘Don’t worry, it will be long healed by the time you get married.’_ And now finally, after two decades Kihyun understood that what she actually wanted to teach him, was that time had the ability to heal everything if we let it do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for stretching it into the next chapter too 🙁... but it is necessary. 😓
> 
> What do you think of Kihyun's initial reaction to Hyunwoo's confirmation? What are your opinions on his thoughts as he cried in Minhyuk's room, held by Min and Hanna? Anyway, the friendship of Kihyun, Minhyuk and Hanna is something through thick and thin, right? They're always there supporting each other and have each other's backs no matter what. 
> 
> So, what are your thoughts and feelings on the chapter? Please share your opinions with me in the comments, I love to read them and look forward to them every time I post a chapter. 🤍😃
> 
> In the next chapter, the Kihyun confronts Hyunwoo about his departure and makes a difficult decision... 
> 
> In either way, I hope you enjoyed your time while reading today's chapter of 'Find My Way Back' and I hope to see you in the next one! ||ヽ(*￣▽￣*)ノbye-bye


	7. The End of a Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay... here is the chapter no one was looking forward to... but it's here. It's the end of a chapter in life for the gang and it hurts... 🙁
> 
> I hope you like today's chapter even if you slightly hate it... (you know what I mean, right?) 🤍

<Hyunwoo POV>

Hyunwoo had stayed up all night last night, waiting for Kihyun to come back but he never showed up. He was sitting on his bed, walking around the room and a couple of times he even went to check the hallway when the outside door opened and closed, hoping it would be Kihyun returning from Minhyuk’s room. But not a single one of his wishes about Kihyun coming back came true.

He must have dozed off sitting on the bed because his phone started ringing and when Hyunwoo glanced at the screen he saw his mom’s photo and the time showed just past 10AM. She was coming to help him finish packing up his and Kihyun’s room to take him home, so he can start the properly packing for London, which Hyunwoo even reconsidered multiple times during the night.

“Hey, mom,” he picked up, tiredly rubbing his eyes.

“Hyunwoo, I’m sorry but I’ll be a little late. Well, maybe not a little, but can I come pick you up at 2-ish? Are you okay with that?” she wanted to confirm with him.

“Of course, mom. Whenever is convenient for you,” Hyunwoo replied reassuring his mom that there was no need to stress. He didn’t want to leave before Kihyun appeared back in their room again anyway.

“Okay, I’ll be there in the afternoon,” his mom told him and hung up before Hyunwoo could even say bye.

He sighed heavily and rubbed his face with his big palms. He could feel how puffy his eyes were from how he had stayed up all night and there were some traces of a headache coming to life.

Grabbing his phone again, Hyunwoo tried dialing Minhyuk’s number again. He called Hanna multiple times during the night, but she apparently switched her phone off, because the connection got cut before it even rang. But Minhyuk just didn’t pick up, so there still was hope that he might. Why not call Kihyun you may have asked? Because Kihyun left his phone in the room before they went to pack the kitchen, so…

“ _What?_ ” Minhyuk picked up to Hyunwoo’s utmost surprise. And he was annoyed with him, which was definitely not a good start.

“Min! You picked up!” Hyunwoo exclaimed happily.

“ _And I can easily hang up too_ ,” Minhyuk reminded him in a strong, angry voice that Hyunwoo has never heard before.

 _This is not good,_ Hyunwoo thought to himself.

“No, no, no, no. Please don’t hang up!” Hyunwoo responded quickly.

“ _So what do you want? I’m busy_.”

“Min, please don’t be like this,” Hyunwoo begged him. He hated this treatment he was getting from a friend he’s known for such a long, long time. Plus it was Minhyuk - this guy literally didn’t have an evil hair on his head. Hyunwoo believed Minhyuk didn’t even know how to be spiteful, but now he guessed he had been wrong the entire time he thought that.

“ _Is that all? Because if yes, I don’t have time for you right now…_ ”

“I just… is Kihyun there?” Hyunwoo asked hopeful. He was almost sure his boyfriend was there, but it was easier to ask just like this.

“ _I’m not obliged to answer that question_ ,” Minhyuk said courtly.

 _So, he’s there,_ Hyunwoo sighed. “Is Hanna there, then?”

“ _Yeah, why?_ ” his voice took a completely different stance. It was softer when answering about Hanna, almost to the point that Hyunwoo was beginning to believe that Minhyuk was back to being himself not this weird mean guy.

“’Cause, her phone’s off and my mom called and asked if she’d want to get some good scrubs for her residency. You know, since mom’s a nurse, she knows lots about it,” Hyunwoo lied to play it off, hoping to hear at least Kihyun shuffling around the room or talking to Hanna in soft voice.

“ _Hanna!_ ” Minhyuk called out suddenly. “ _Hyunwoo’s asking something about scrubs for residency? And that his mom could get you some good ones? You know anything about it?_ ”

“ _Yeah, tell him I’ll call her back when my phone charges_ ,” he heard her voice in the distance from the phone.

“ _You heard?_ ” Minhyuk asked Hyunwoo.

“Yeah. I did.”

Then there were more sounds across the line, some that seemed like clothes rustling but the call didn’t disconnect so Hyunwoo also stayed on the line. This continued on for a while before Minhyuk’s voice came back in a whisper and a much, much softer tone than the harsh one from before. “ _Okay, listen to me, Hyunwoo. Kihyun just left my room and I’m only going to tell you one thing. You broke my best friend’s heart, so don’t you dare shatter it any further. This doesn’t mean we are not friends anymore or that you don’t belong into our group, but I strongly, strongly disapprove of the way you have handled this situation. I’m on the same side with Hanna. You should have told him right away and you guys would have gotten through this together. So… like, to say it shortly… you_ fucked up _, Hyunwoo._ Big time _. But as I said… we are still friends, our friendship has not changed a bit and I’m happy for you and will support you in_ _the future when you go after your dreams. I’m just very, very hurt by what you have done and it_ _doesn’t even super directly affect me in a way it does to Kihyun. So just think about that when he comes back to the room. Don’t break him further, please, okay?_ ”

“Min…” Hyunwoo had to swallow a bulge in his throat. “Thank you.”

And then Hanna spoke through the connection. “ _Hyunwoo, let him talk if he wants to talk, okay?_ ”

“I will,” Hyunwoo promised her, not knowing what she meant.

“ _See you later_ ,” Minhyuk said and Hyunwoo responded with the same before the call cut off.

<Kihyun POV>

Kihyun was standing in front of the door to his and Hyunwoo’s room, from which they were to move out today. Kihyun’s parents were to come in the afternoon to pick up his packed things and their son. He was happy he managed to pack mostly everything in the room, except a couple of things he would need today, but he had no idea in what state the kitchen was left in when he walked out to cry his heart and soul out in Minhyuk’s room.

Taking a deep breath, his hand touched the door handle, but he had no strength to push it down and open the door. So he inhaled one more time to give himself courage. And still nothing. Kihyun still couldn’t bring himself to open the door and face his boyfriend that was definitely sitting on the other side of the door, anxiously waiting for Kihyun to return.

He knew they needed to talk. But even though this was made obvious by the situation, Kihyun feared the decision he’s made during his long night with Hanna and Minhyuk. He could say that he felt ever so slightly better, but the choice he wanted to make was just so difficult for him, even if it was logical and ‘the right one’ to make.

One more breath in and out and Kihyun opened the door, his head poked in cautiously and right away he noticed Hyunwoo sitting on the bed watching the door intently. When his eyes met with Kihyun’s they brightened up and saddened the next moment right away. He seemed like he was going to say something but stopped himself and fear flashed his face.

Kihyun walked into the room and closed the door behind him in silence. He stood in the middle of the room while Hyunwoo took his place to stand by the foot of the joint beds.

“We have to talk, Hyunwoo,” Kihyun said, staring into Hyunwoo’s eyes without wavering, even though it took all of his internal strength not to break down and have Hyunwoo hold him through it.

 _No. I’m a strong being. A strong man and this is the only thing that can be done. The right decisions are rarely the easy ones to make,_ Kihyun encouraged himself internally and assured his aching heart that this was the time to be rational and rational only. It was no time for emotions.

“I know,” Hyunwoo sighed and turned his eyes to the floor before quickly reverting them back to Kihyun’s face, “but I wish we didn’t have to.”

“Why? So you can keep avoiding telling me the truth?” Kihyun’s words came out harsh and Hyunwoo recognized the lash out as a reflex of a hurt beast - attack so that no one can see you got hurt in the first place.

“No. I know that keeping it away from you was wrong all along. It’s the words that usually come after the four ‘we have to talk’ that I wish we could avoid.”

“So why did you? Why did you withhold this from me? Why have you never said anything? There were so many moments when you could have mentioned it. The best one was right after you found out, you know. I would have been happy for you and proud of your accomplishments, of you being able to follow your dreams,” Kihyun told him, his attitude was getting more and more angry and before he could allow himself to think it over he started to blame Hyunwoo for the downfall of their relationship.

“I guess I never found the right one,” Hyunwoo replied quietly, feeling smaller than the man standing on the other side of the room.

“You never found the right one?” Kihyun scoffed sarcastically and crossed his arms over his chest. The corners of his lips turned to a sarcastic hurt smirk. “Well, then you’re definitely not going to like me finding the right moment to say this,” Kihyun took a deep breath in and gazed deeply into Hyunwoo’s dark brown eyes that he knew so well, or at least he thought so. “It’s for the best we go our separate ways from here, Hyunwoo.”

Hyunwoo swallowed dryly and bit his lip to keep himself from starting to cry and running to Kihyun’s side and begging him for forgiveness. There was no way Hyunwoo wanted to break up with Kihyun, but he had guessed the situation would go down this way. Kihyun seemed very sure about what he was doing right now.

“Kihyun…” Hyunwoo had so many words that he wanted to say, but he didn’t want to hurt Kihyun any further. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore, so I won’t openly protest against your decision. I know where it’s coming from, but you seem you have a lot to tell me. Don’t hold it in, please, Ki. For once, just let your anger out and say all that you want to say. Don’t worry about hurting me. It can’t be worse than what I’ve done to you.”

When Kihyun heard this from Hyunwoo, his chest closed up and he almost openly grabbed it right in front of his (now) ex-boyfriend. At first, he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he was indeed hurting but he wanted to get it out so badly. “You know what?! Okay, I’ll say everything that’s on my heart right now and you will not interrupt me even once,” Kihyun said and for a short moment remained silent, waiting for Hyunwoo to show he understood. When Hyunwoo nodded, Kihyun continued, “Did you actually think that I would not support you going to London to chase after a lifelong dream to swim professionally? Did you think I would try to stop you or use our relationship as a leverage to make you decide not to go? Do you think that lowly of me?” Kihyun saw Hyunwoo take a breath in so he held his hand up reminding him that he didn’t want to be interrupted. “I would have never done that. _I fucking loved you, Son Hyunwoo._ I fucking loved you so fucking much. And that’s the reason we’re breaking up. Because I loved you and I still do. But I also know the value of myself, which I do have to admit I learned only after falling in love with you all those years ago, way before we started dating. You taught me the importance of self-confidence and self-value and I am eternally going to be grateful for that, trust me. And so, exactly due to that recognition of how much I’m actually worth, it’s best to break it off. It’s not that you lied to me, but I don’t want to be with someone, who keeps such important secrets to himself. And since I do consider myself a decent human being, I will give you advice for your next relationship, Hyunwoo - _honesty_ … absolute fucking honesty… because years after falling in and out of love and the butterflies are gone, the only thing that remains and holds the relationship together through the thick and thin is fucking honesty and loyalty and friendship. Remember that the next time you want to begin a serious relationship with someone… and if you think there might be instances when you won’t be honest with them, then don’t even go into the relationship… So go become a legendary swimmer like you’ve always dreamed of becoming, however… you’ll have to do it without me, just like I’ll learn to live without you too. That’s all there is to say Hyunwoo. I’m sorry it turned out like this because I truly used to see us together, you know… you _were_ my happy place. And since I don’t have nothing more to say and egoistically want to protect my already shattered heart… let’s just not speak after you leave,” Kihyun spoke with such clarity of his voice. No trace of crying left in it - just a strong man, who spoke his mind to his ex-partner that had made him hurt so freaking much.

It was needless to say Kihyun felt proud of himself and how he had handled the situation he found himself in. And also it was unnecessary to mention that Hyunwoo felt worse that shit right now. Every emotion that flowed through him while Kihyun was talking was visible, the most obvious ones being hurt, shame and understanding.

Hyunwoo nodded in acknowledgment of Kihyun’s words and after another short moment of silence he spoke again. “Ki… I know this is such a shitty thing of me to do, but can I ask you for a small favour?”

Kihyun raised his brows in disbelief at Hyunwoo’s shamelessness, but decided that he wasn’t going to be a dick to a man he loved. “What is it?”

“Now that I think of it, it’s two actually,” Hyunwoo scratched the back of his head. Kihyun shrugged and motioned with his hand for Hyunwoo to continue, keeping his cool and strong demeanour. “Can we both please stay in the group chat? I promise I won’t talk much in it when I’m gone, I just want to know how you guys are doing and when I feel lonely there, I would love to have something comforting to go back to,” Hyunwoo barely had any strength to ask for a favour like this but when he had seen Kihyun’s apprehensive silence he decided to continue. “And the other one… on the graduation day, do you think we’d be able to be in the group picture together? We can absolutely be as far away from each other as possible, but I’m asking if you’re okay to take a picture like that, all 8 of us together. I just want to make sure you’re comfortable with this.”

Kihyun’s heart almost melted at how considerate Hyunwoo was. But Kihyun too wished for this. He wanted to have a picture of him and his 7 friends from their graduation day to put among the other ones they have taken together during those almost 5 years they’ve all know each other and formed this small gang of theirs. It would be their very last picture together (even though just two days ago it was not supposed to be as far as Kihyun knew) before they all end this chapter of their lives.

“I want that picture too, Hyunwoo,” Kihyun admitted and turned away from his ex-boyfriend to finish up his packing, hoping they could go through this in silence.

In the end, the two ended up talking only about information important about packing and dealing with the paperwork concerning the moving out of dorms. It was only a couple words here and there, cold and court. Nothing like what the two were used to saying but that was how things would be from now on and Kihyun wanted to be strong until the very end.

**~GRADUATION DAY, BEGINNING OF JULY - THE VERY END OF 5TH YEAR~**

“Kihyun! Move your ass over here!” Kihyun heard Minhyuk call out at him from where the gang was gathering to take their final pictures in their gowns and caps.

His mom straightened Kihyun’s gown one last time and patted his shoulder that he was good to go and Kihyun quickly moved to where the group was standing. “I’m here, Jesus Christ.”

“He ain’t no…” Hoseok began to chime very, very off tune before Hyungwon slapped a hand over his boyfriend’s mouth.

“NO! We went over this _years ago,_ Hoseok. You are _not_ doing this anymore,” Hyungwon chastised him at repeating the same joke after s many years. Hoseok always thought of it as really funny but Hyungwon hated the shit out of it.

“One last time, please!” Hoseok begged him, almost dropping to his knees.

“No!” Hyungwon, Jooheon and Changkyun said in unison. Minhyuk, Hanna and Hyunwoo had a nice fun out of them.

“Children, stop arguing and get together!” Minhyuk’s father shouted holding the camera with a wide smile on his face. “You don’t want to waste your youth here, eh?”

They huddled closer together. Hoseok hunched Hanna on to his back, Kihyun went to center front and took a victorious knee stance. Hyunwoo lifted Hyungwon bridal style in the top center and on the far right Minhyuk, Jooheon and Changkyun dabbed all the while interweaving their hands.

“Okay, now a normal one,” Hyungwon’s mom laughed at the group.

“A what now?” Changkyun asked laughing shortly.

“I don’t think we’ve ever been normal,” Hyunwoo spoke for everyone.

“Just smile, you dorks,” Hanna’s mom stepped in. And so, once again they shuffled around and took their positions going from left to right: Hyunwoo, Minhyuk, Hanna, Kihyun, Hyungwon, Hoseok, Jooheon and Changkyun on the far right.

Minhyuk’s dad snapped the picture of them smiling and even caught one lucky candid as they all laughed at something someone said and they didn’t pay attention to him taking pictures. Even years later, Kihyun would say that this was his favourite picture because it was so natural, so them. There was nothing like their friendship and even though the 5 years were difficult, he would never change a single moment that happened throughout.

And so, a chapter of all of their lives just closed and a door to a new part just opened. They have all graduated university and now held respectable degrees, soon their jobs would start and they would become full on adults, who have to pay their bills.

Even though Kihyun was sad that his university years have come to an end he was happy that a new beginning was coming, he was looking forward to what life might bring him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what to say, to be honest... Kihyun's words stung, right? But he was so strong, right? So kind, too. 🙁🙁 But even though, Hyunwoo is completely loveable, he deserved it, right? Right? And Minhyuk and Hanna - those guys are friends for life, aren't they? 🤍😁 They're always there, no matter what. What did you think of the graduation day part - how could the gang get a normal picture?
> 
> Please share your thoughts and opinions with me in the comments, I love to read them, write you back and get your feedback on the story! 😃🤍
> 
> I hope you liked today's chapter and will come back next time to find out how the gang lives 5 years later (yes, we're doing time skiiiip!!). I'm glad you came to read this rather painful chapter and I promise some bright ones in the future. But until then, I wish you a beautiful weekend and take care 🤍🤗 ヽ(*￣▽￣*)ノ bye bye


	8. Long Time No See

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 😃😃 I'm back with a new chapter. We have skipped 5 years into the future (which is now the present) and... well... you'll just see for yourself, why would I need to write what happens in the chapter, right?! 😅 Especially if everything is explained there, right? 😃
> 
> In either case, I will not hold you further... hope you enjoy this one, too! 😏

**~LATE AUGUST, 5 YEARS LATER~**

<Hyunwoo POV>

Hyunwoo has woken up to his alarm on Wednesday morning with an entirely new attitude to life than he had the day prior, because yesterday he successfully defended his Professional Doctorate (at least that was what the teacher had told him later between four eyes when they met by chance in a café at the university library), of course that made him happy, but what was even better was that he bought his flight ticket home.

After 5 fairly successful years as a part of London Roar, Son Hyunwoo became quite a known name in the ISL as he helped with earning points at meets, which later on meant winning the league. London Roar won 2 out of 5 years that Hyunwoo was present and the other years always placed in the Top 3. His teammates were the craziest bunch of people he’s met outside his group of friends, whom he hasn’t seen in 5 years, except the occasional video call with Hanna or Minhyuk. He’s had so much fun being a part of the London Roar, but his left rotator cuff thought different and during the 5th year Hyunwoo found himself on medication in effort to slow down the damage, since at this point it there was no possibility of complete recovery. Even when he described his pains to Hanna, she agreed with his decision that it was time to finish his swimming carrier and move on to other things in life. After all, it was her area of expertise. Hyunwoo thought it over many times, even called with Hoseok about it and the psychologist agreed with what Hyunwoo was saying. But Hyunwoo never mentioned his return home to any of his friends. He kind of wanted to do it last minute to surprise them. At least Hanna - she deserved a shocker anyway.

When Hyunwoo first arrived to London, he was lonely and in between practices a little bored. His teammates suggested him to go sightseeing but after a week, Hyunwoo stopped being interested in sights and it slipped to his mind that maybe, but just maybe, he could go back to school again. He’s already had the before the name degrees, but what about a doctorate studies? He didn’t really feel like doing theory, so Professional Doctorate was a better option than a PhD.

And so it had been decided. He searched for a university in London that offered a doctorate course he wanted to take and he got accepted and got lucky even when he applied for a grant - the full fee was paid by the UK government. So, in the end, Hyunwoo earned money from swimming and studied full time for his doctorate title and it took him almost 5 years to get it.

Just like every morning right upon waking up, Hyunwoo opened the [Listen Up Gang] group chat that now must have been about 10 years old, to check up what is going on with his friends. Hyunwoo didn’t always interact with his friends, due to the time zone difference he was usually late with his responses and his jokes would come in vain, so often he would just read and laugh at his friends being idiots.

Hyunwoo often texted with Hanna, in fact almost daily. Similar with Minhyuk and Hoseok, funny thing was that he never actually texted with Changkyun properly, because he would either be on Hanna’s phone texting Hyunwoo or on Jooheon’s or Hyungwon’s. Hyungwon on the other hand, only conversed with Hyunwoo in the forms of memes, GIFs and reaction pictures, if he wanted something important he would get Hoseok to text it to Hyunwoo. And Jooheon usually turned to Hyunwoo for advice of any kind. The only person that Hyunwoo hasn’t talked to in 5 years was Kihyun. He knew more or less what Kihyun had been up to in the mean time, but he also guessed a lot of things were withheld into private chats. Hyunwoo suspected that Kihyun avoided all kinds of interaction with him at every cost. And that made him sad as hell, even though he knew he deserved it.

**~[Listen Up Gang]** chat room~

 **[happybunny]** : did u guys know that the guy who acted in Love Forever…

 **[happybunny]** : the film we watched 2 months ago on movie night

 **[happybunny]** : this guy has capgras syndrome

 **[still min]** : i dont want to sound stupid but

 **[honeyjoo]** : what is capgras syndrome?

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : min i wouldnt worry abt sounding stupid when u talk

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : ppl first notice the looks and only then they focus on the smarts

 **[still min]** : u know, years after knowing u won, i wont fall for this…

 **[honeyjoo]** : then i suggest u stop typing min

 **[honeyjoo]** : bcs u’ve already fallen for it XDDD

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : did u actually think he would call u handsome AND smart???

 **[still min]** : just once… i wanted my dreams to come true…

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : i suggest u keep dreaming then lol

 **[yooham]** : is capgras syndrome the one where someone thinks their partner is an imposter?

 **[happybunny]** : correct!

 **[happybunny]** : 10 points to house of yoo \\*o*/

 **[onehanna]** : i have just one thing to say before we move on to any other topic

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : just one? that’s new…

 **[onehanna]** : hoseok, especially in your sphere… the doctor patient secret really tells u nothing??? just saying…

 **[happybunny]** : shit

Hyunwoo laughed at how really nothing has changed (just like he did everyday if there was a conversation like this) and then continued to read the exchange. When he finished it, it was time for him to get out of bed, wash up and go catch the tube to the university where after 5 years of research and occasional teaching, he was going to pack his small desk and drawers. Another chapter of his life was closing but, unlike last time he was looking forward to going back home and hopefully still being a part of the group even after being gone for so long. He hoped he would get the same treatment he used to and that nothing in their friendship would be different.

Hyunwoo picked up a box from the main office to pack his things and headed to the office/study he shared with some of the other doctorate and PhD. students, namely those, who didn’t do their research in labs. It was like an open space office with desks that resembled library - the only exception being that the students were allowed to sleep there in the chairs at their desks, unlike the students in the 24/7 library.

“You alright, Hyunwoo,” he heard his across-the-desk mate call out from behind him as he appeared behind him with a cup of coffee. Even years after living in London, Hyunwoo never got used to this kind of greeting. He just did not understand it at all. How would one even answer that… After 2 years, he gave up, though. “What’s with the box?” he asked eyeing the box.

“Morning, Matt,” Hyunwoo greeted in his typical manner and smiled at the guy, who worked hard to get his PhD. in some film related field. “I’m going home,” he replied with a happy sigh and even a brighter smile.

Matt set the coffee cup onto his desk and glanced up at Hyunwoo with wide surprised eyes. “Home? Like home-home?”

“Yeap.”

“So you got the doctorate? You won the defence?” Matt smiled at him with a sincere smile.

“Yeah, I got it,” Hyunwoo didn’t think it was possible but his own lips stretched even more, to the point when he felt his cheeks protesting against the smile.

“Wow! Congrats! You deserve it, you’ve worked so hard on the study you did. Maaan, three years of sitting on the opposite side of you… I gotta say, mate - I’m going to miss you,” Matt extended his hand to shake Hyunwoo’s.

Hyunwoo grabbed the man’s hand and gave it a good shake. “I wish I could say the same,” he joked with a smug smile

Matt laughed it off and went back to his desk, knowing well that Hyunwoo was indeed just joking. They have spent many nights sitting opposite each other, joking together, keeping each other awake and giving each other strength on their long journeys. “Did you tell your friends?”

“Not yet. But I want to call Hanna first. I wonder if she’s on night duty tonight.”

“That’s the orto surgeon, right?”

“Yes, she’s supposed to finish residency soon. I hope I’m going to make it to the party. The guys haven’t changed a bit, the parties still sound rather epic,” Hyunwoo chuckled at the gang that he was looking forward to see back home.

“Dude, call her now. It’s like what, evening back home for you, right? I want to hear her reaction, even though I don’t understand a word you guys say,” Matt encouraged him and Hyunwoo had to silently admit it wasn’t a bad idea. He had been excited to tell Hanna and he wouldn’t be waking her up now, too.

“Wait a sec, I’ll try,” he reached into his pants to pull out his phone and search Hanna’s contact. He just hoped she was online somewhere, so that he didn’t have to do it via classic call, because that would cost a freaking fortune.

The phone rang and Hyunwoo almost wanted to give up when a familiar voice pick up. “ _He’s aliiiiive! But I’m sorry, kinda don’t have much time. I’m changing for my night shift now. I’m in ER tonight_.”

“Sure. I’ll be quick, then. What are you doing in two weeks? Namely on the September 3rd?” Hyunwoo asked and felt flutters in his stomach as he tried to hold his excitement in.

“ _Wait_ ,” Hanna said and he heard shuffling and rustling of clothes. “ _I have a day shift, why?_ ”

“I was just wondering if you felt like picking me up at the airport around 3PM… but it’s okay if you’re working,” Hyunwoo tried to brush it off like nothing is happening but the other side of the call fell silent for a minute, most likely as Hanna processed the information.

“ _No way!_ ” she laughed excitedly. “No freaking way! _You’re finally coming back? How long will you stay for?_ ”

“Uhm… I’m moving back,” Hyunwoo announced with a happy tone and then he had to cover the speaker of the phone a little as a loud scream travelled across the globe.

“ _You got your doctorate?_ ” he heard the elation in her voice. “ _Why didn’t you open with that? We gotta celebrate! Like properly celebrate. I’m finishing my residency on the September 1st and Hyungwon and Hoseok are celebrating their 4000 days together on the 30th of August. So we can all get together again! All of us!_ ”

“I’d love to,” Hyunwoo said and wanted to add something before he was cut off by Hanna.

“ _I’m coming!_ ” she shouted to someone. “ _Listen, I gotta go, but I’m so freaking happy that you’re finally coming back. My best friend is going to be back hooooome! I’m so happy! I am at loss for words. Congrats on your doctorate! I promise we’ll celebrate._ ”

“Go save lives, doctor Kang. Thanks for being excited about me coming back.”

“ _Are you joking? And I mean on both. I don’t save lives; I mainly deal with twisted ankles and worries of overly motivated moms. And on the second - Hyunwoo_ ,” she sighed, annoyance lacing her voice a little, “ _you have left 5 years ago. We’ve all missed you. The gang’s going to be ecstatic when they hear about you coming back. Trust me on this!_ ”

“You sure? I don’t want to…”

“ _Yes, I’m sure. Last time Minhyuk got drunk he whined about me dragging him into that cab saying that you would at least pick him up, unlike my sorry ass that lacks all strength that I used to have in my swimming years_ ,” she told him quickly and Hyunwoo noticed hospital noises around her, supposing she had moved to the ER to begin her shift.

“I guess he didn’t like your reply?” Hyunwoo chuckled.

“Nope. _I left his sorry ass in front of the bar without a coat in the rain. Unfortunately it backfired at me, when Kihyun took him home and gave me a good earful the next day for leaving him there_.”

“I’m sure he did. Ever the mom of the group, eh?” a hint of sadness appeared in Hyunwoo’s voice, it always did when he remembered the events from 5 years ago.

“ _He changed, but didn’t at the same time, but I can only see it if I compare him now with Kihyun from the early years of uni… okay, now I really gotta go. A kid with a broken leg came in._ ”

“Go! See you soon, Han,” he ushered her back to work.

“ _See you, Hyunwoo_ ,” she hung up and a heavy but glad sigh left Hyunwoo as his face relaxed.

“She seemed happy to hear the news,” Matt noted from his desk already opening his laptop. Then an idea sparked up in Hyunwoo’s mind and before he got to packing his stuff he opened the private chat with Hanna.

~ **Private chat** between users _shark_ and _bear_ ~

 **[bear]** : han, i have an idea

 **[bear]** : dont tell anyone im coming until the day before

 **[bear]** : i arrive 1 day before hwh’s party, right?

 **[bear]** : so on the day when u go pick me up, tell them :)

 **[shark]** : ok, but can i tell kyun?

 **[bear]** : just keep one secret from him pls

 **[bear]** : only if he gets suspicious u can

 **[shark]** : ok ok ok ^^

 **[shark]** : happy ure coming back finally ^^ see u soon

Now all he had to do was settle all of his affairs - close his bank account, cancel the phone plan, find someone to take care of that one plant he had been nursing for 5 years and pack up all of the things in his tiny studio that he had occupied for the couple of years he’s spent in London.

Hyunwoo was sure he would miss some of the things in this city, but he was looking forward to home more and more, even if he hadn’t had a job yet. He managed to save some money during his time in the capitol of UK and his parents were happy to give him his room back until he would find a place of his own along with a job that he’d start the search for soon. He was thinking of going back to teaching and with his doctorate he might be able to get a position of a university professor. There might even be weekends when him and Hanna go for a swim and practice together after such a long time, even if none of them swam for nothing else than pleasure anymore.

So many thought were swimming around Hyunwoo’s mind, but the most important one was a small quiet one in the very back - what about Kihyun? Would he meet him? By chance or planned? How would he react to seeing his ex-boyfriend if they happen to meet?

**~2 WEKS LATER, D-1 TO HYUNWOO’S RETURN, EARLY SEPTEMBER~**

<Hanna POV>

Keeping the secret that Hyunwoo’s was coming back was more difficult than Hanna thought. At first she thought: _How difficult can it be, if I kept my Hanahaki from everyone for almost a year, right?_ But very, very soon she found out it was so much more challenging than she would have ever considered. The most difficult person to keep it away from was of course her boyfriend.

Changkyun noticed almost right away that she was hiding something and when asked about it, she just admitted that she was keeping a secret for someone and that he shouldn’t worry because it would be revealed soon enough. Thankfully, he let it slide by saying that at long as it didn’t threaten anyone’s health or the status of their relationship, he could wait until the reveal.

Tomorrow, was the day of Hyunwoo’s arrival and it was 2 days before Hoseok’s and Hyungwon’s anniversary party and the gang, minus Kihyun, whom they were waiting for, has gathered at the couple’s apartment to finish up some last minute things before the party.

They all agreed that it wasn’t only the 4000 days of their relationship they would celebrate but also the end of Hanna’s 5 years long residency and unknowing to them (yet) the return of the 8th member of their group.

Minhyuk set a glass of white wine into Hanna’s hand and moved to sit in his spot on the couch next to Jooheon.

“When is Ki coming?” Hanna asked the group.

“In about 15 minutes, why?” Hyungwon replied after checking the clock on the far wall of the kitchen.

“Well… I talked to Hyunwoo… and…” the group looked at her expectantly, since their friend had been exceptionally quiet in both the group chat and their private chats for about 2 weeks now, “he’s coming back tomorrow.”

“What?!” Hoseok shouted excitedly. Minhyuk covered his wide opened mouth in shock and jumped up and down on his spot on the couch. Jooheon and Hyungwon smiled widely, happiness in their faces clearly obvious.

“Is this the secret you were keeping?” Changkyun asked as he kissed Hanna’s cheek.

She nodded and then turned to the group. “Yeah, I told him about the party and he said he’d love to come.”

“Yeah, of course,” Hyungwon gladly agreed. “He’s welcome anytime. Literally.”

“So we can now celebrate three great things!” Minhyuk exclaimed. “More drinking than what we’ve done in the last 5 years I guess, eh?”

“Just one small problem, guys,” Hanna mentioned with a worry lacing her voice.

“What is it?” Jooheon asked.

“Ki…” she reminded them of the guy, in front of whom no one spoke about Hyunwoo. It was like an unwritten rule of the group, even after Kihyun found another boyfriend, then another and then another. For 5 years, the group has never spoken about Hyunwoo when Kihyun was around. And now they just wanted to thrown him into the cold, cold water head first.

“Oh yeah,” Hoseok sighed when the realization hit him.

“Fuck,” Changkyun cursed under his breath and rubbed his face.

“We should tell him,” Hanna tried to break the rule.

“No. He wouldn’t come then,” Hyungwon shook his head and in his eyes they could see a plan weaving already.

“But it’s going to be real awkward,” Jooheon protested, taking Hanna’s side.

“Well, awkward is better than a gang member missing,” Hoseok said and received ‘the look’ from Hanna and Jooheon. “Come on, you guys… we would be all together again. Like old times after 5 years!”

“I do have to say, I really like the sound of that,” Changkyun admitted and gave his best friend a smile and his girlfriend a shoulder squeeze.

“So we tell Kihyun nothing,” Minhyuk suggested. “All for?”

“Yeah,” the group called out in unison, but Hanna’s voice was much softer than the others’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyunwoo's got a doctorate degree!!! Smart cookie this guy, right?! But what are your thoughts about the gang's plan for the party? How's that going to turn out? Why does Minhyuk and Hoseok think it's such a good idea? 
> 
> Please share your thoughts with me in the comments, I love reading them and interacting with you! 🤗😄🤍
> 
> Next time we'll find out how the party turns out and someone says something mean that might create regrets later. 😧 So I hope you come back to see who and what that is! 🤔
> 
> Take care and stay safe! Until next time ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	9. Opening Old Wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, hello... omg, even the chapter name is already painful... btw has anyone ever (meaning in Petals of Love too) noticed that the chapter names always have a meaning? And some even link chapters together? No? Okay, I'm sorry. 😅🤫
> 
> I know many of you (hopefully at least one person) was waiting for what is going to happen in today's chapter so... there you go...

<Hyunwoo POV>

After a very, very long and tiring flight, Hyunwoo finally landed in his home country, but with the realization that there would be no one waiting for him at the arrivals hall. He told his parents that Hanna would be there waiting for him, he would see them at home after all; and he told Hanna that his parents would be there waiting for him, so that she can go to her day shift without having to worry about Hyunwoo.

He passed all the security checks and now waited for his luggage. He pulled the phone out of his pocket and switched off the flight mode. He found two texts on it when the signal was renewed. One from his mom welcoming him back and one from his dad, basically saying the same thing but in more words. Nothing from anyone of the gang. He wondered if Hanna told them anything or just left it to be a complete surprise. He had info from his best and longest friend that the party prep was well under way and the only thing he was obliged to bring was himself and something to drink - and Hyunwoo already felt like he was home and back in the good old times.

The luggage he was looking out for appeared on the belt and Hyunwoo patiently waited until it came to him and then grabbed it. He hoisted his old and heavy swimming backpack (yes, of course, he still used it - he wasn’t just going to throw it away just because he stopped swimming, it was still useful) and searched for the sign that pointed to the exit. Upon finding it, he headed that way squeezing around people going the same way in the afternoon airport rush.

He stepped out into the arrivals hall and made his way to the exit. Hyunwoo wasn’t far out into his way to the exit when he heard a loud scream carry across the big hall: “ _SON HYUNWOO!!!!_ ” Spinning around in the direction from which the scream came, he noticed a short person holding a big sign with his name on it. And below: _Hurry up, I’m hungry!_

Hyunwoo laughed at the sign and made his way to the only person, who could have been standing there with a sign like that - Hanna Kang, the best friend he hasn’t seen (accept phone screen) in a little over 5 years. It was a short person using their inside joke of always being hungry - so who else could it be?

“Hanna!” he exclaimed as he came close, he let go of his luggage and hugged the short girl tightly. When he felt her arms do the same, his heart almost jumped out of his chest from happiness. He was so freaking excited to be back with his people. “Oh man, I missed you… but aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

She stepped back from the hug and smiled brightly at him. “I took a day off for you. Duh!”

“Thanks, you can’t imagine how much it made my day. But wait…” he suddenly noticed the hair coming only to her chin, “your hair… when did you cut it?” The shock of seeing her in short hair was quite big for Hyunwoo, as Hanna spent her whole life nurturing her lower back long hair, even during all those years of swimming when people kept telling her that it would be so much easier if she just cut it. She never did and now she was standing here with her hair at her chin.

“About a year ago, but when we called I always had it pulled back. It was tiresome to keep the long hair in check and clean during residency. I was always so tired and just couldn’t bother. So after a year of going back and forth on deciding whether or not to cut it, I just chopped it off myself one night at home,” she shrugged as the two made their way out of the arrivals to get a cab to Hyunwoo’s parents’ house.

“What did Changkyun say?”

“That he’s sad he doesn’t have much to pull on now,” she laughed happily.

Hyunwoo joined her but with a little exasperation in his laugh. “Now, that’s a piece of TMI I did not need to know.”

She chuckled one more time and Hyunwoo thought of how happy he was that nothing had changed. “No, but seriously… he said he likes me with long hair, he likes me with short hair and he likes me with no hair. But I told him I’m not going through chemo unless I absolutely have to.”

 _What?_ “Wait. What? _Chemo?_ ” Hyunwoo stopped dead in his tracks, eyes wide and blood frozen due to the shock received.

Hanna laughed again at his expression. “I’m joking, I’m joking, Jesus. I’m fit as a fiddle.”

Hyunwoo relaxed and groaned from the bad jokes that Hanna sometimes liked pulling off. He almost told her off, but then realized it would be a waste of words and he was way too tired from his long flight from Europe to argue with his best friend.

The swimming duo found a cab and loaded Hyunwoo’s luggage in. On their way to Hyunwoo’s parents’ house Hanna asked him a couple of questions about his last week in London and Hyunwoo just briefly ran over all of the adult things he had done. They talked almost all the time during the 5 years, so they were pretty much caught up on their lives, therefore there was no need to talk about older stuff.

Hyunwoo’s parents were so happy to see him that they almost squeezed the living spirit out of Hyunwoo in their hugs. Both his mom and his dad were waiting for him at home - both got off work a little early to welcome their son home and after 5 years, Hyunwoo would finally eat his mom’s home cooked food and with this thought a loud rumble of his stomach came when they entered the flat.

“Hanna, come on in and have dinner with us,” Hyunwoo’s mom called Hanna in from the door, but the doctor never took her shoes off when she stood just behind the door.

“Sorry, auntie,” she smiled apologetically. “I promised Changkyun to be home a little earlier today.”

“Oh, okay then. I sometimes forget that you’re all grown up and with a serious boyfriend,” Mrs. Son cooed at Hanna with adoration for the girl and Hyunwoo smiled widely.

“Well, I’m trying to be an adult,” she said with the utmost honesty in the most Hanna way possible.

Hyunwoo chuckled at his friend. “Tomorrow’s the party?”

“Yeah, come around 7, I think. I doubt Minhyuk will come earlier than 8 though. But we have stopped waiting for him these days and then he gets ‘offended’ for us not waiting for him when we begin without him. But with Min, there are days when you’re never right, really,” Hanna shrugged.

“True. I’ll come 7-ish, then,” Hyunwoo replied and gave her a quick hug before she left to go home to Changkyun.

<Kihyun POV>

Finally, everything was done for the day at 4PM and Kihyun could leave his small office that he rented downtown. It was a small flat he had turned into an office. He was specifically looking for a flat, because he needed a kitchen to work on his meals and recipes. And even though Kihyun would have managed to work from home (maybe) and he wouldn’t pay an arm and a leg for the rest of the small studio flat, he needed to be closer to his prominent clientele.

In the last 5 years, Kihyun’s hard work has paid off. And it paid off really well. Not only that he had a large social media following on both his blog and instagram, where he shared recipes and healthy tips as well as some small insights about things he was up to in life (but only as long as they were about the food or drinks he was working on, so yes, basically everything could be somehow traced back to nutrition) but also his clients came from the ‘wealthier’ corner. He usually worked with celebrities these days - he overlooked the food they were eating to reach their given goal; and many of these famous actors and singers recommended him further and further. At some point in the past he’s had so many clients that Kihyun had virtually no social life and it was Hanna and Hoseok, who stopped him from working himself to an early grave. After that he’s started to manage his clients better after sitting down with Hoseok one day and talking about his problems. At this point in life, Kihyun was not doing this for money anymore. His well known name gave him enough opportunities for work. And even if the celebrities stopped one day, Kihyun wasn’t worried about his further work - there was enough he could do, plus he was really good at saving money and investing most of what he had extra, so that the money didn’t just lay around in his bank account doing nothing, while it could grow in stocks and funds.

Kihyun left his office studio after cleaning it spotless to go change back home and then head to Hyungwon’s and Hoseok’s apartment to celebrate their 4000th day together, which was almost 11 full years and the successful end of Hanna’s 5 years of residency at the Orthopedic Surgery.

When Kihyun arrived he was extremely surprised to see Minhyuk already there with a glass of wine in his hand. “How come you’re already here?” Kihyun asked him the moment he entered the kitchen with shock obvious in his face.

“I got off work early,” he shrugged and handed Kihyun a glass so that Minhyuk could pour him some of the white he had been sipping himself.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you haven’t even gone,” Hyungwon quirked a brow in his direction as he tried to help Hoseok prepare some food, but failed miserably at everything but opening bags of snacks that were always lying around in their pantry. Kihyun shook his head over this matter so many times and the fact that the couple ate more snacks than actual meals - 90% of this was Hyungwon on his own though.

“True. It’s so easy to work from home,” Minhyuk smiled contently.

But it wouldn’t be Hoseok and Hyungwon if they didn’t make a comeback. “Yeah… your fashion sense says a lot about that,” Hoseok nipped at Minhyuk from where he was sitting on the couch.

“Yeah, like what’s your favorite color again? Average?” Hyungwon asked with a ‘genuine’ interest in his voice.

“Guuuys, don’t pick on him,” Kihyun jumped in, but Minhyuk didn’t even give him a thankful look because he just knew another diss was coming from that side of the kitchen. “It’s not his fault he couldn’t find a _proper_ job. He’s an _artist_ ,” he made air quotes at the end there to emphasize his point.

Minhyuk sighed with an obnoxious roll of his eyes. “What are you, Yoo Kihyun? My _grandmother_? Because you, for sure, are the same size and use the same exact words she did whenever I visited… _which_ … now that I think of it is probably the reason I stopped visiting her. How’s Yoongi, by the way?” Minhyuk turned to Kihyun to ask about his boyfriend, which had always been a good way to get Kihyun off his back, but sadly the man couldn’t make it today because he had some important work meeting.

When Kihyun first brought Yoongi to meet the gang, he expected him to be just a teeny tiny bit better accepted than Changkyun’s girlfriend before Hanna, and Kihyun swore to God he didn’t remember her name, even if it was rude. She was just so insignificant that he just could not find her name in his memory. Nevertheless, the group actually accepted Yoongi very well and he was almost a part of the gang… almost. It was always as if he was just slightly missing something all of them had, but Kihyun could never point out what it was exactly.

Hanna and Changkyun came not long after this exchange along with Jooheon and the gang sat around the living room as they were about to go for cheers… or at least Kihyun thought so, before the door bell rang again.

“Are we expecting someone else?” Kihyun turned to Hoseok while Hyungwon went to get the door. Hoseok quirked his brow a little and then a light laughter sounded from the hall, followed by two pairs of feet walking towards the living room where the gang was gathered.

“Guess who’s back?!” Hyungwon shouted as he entered the living room. A loud squealing cheer sounded from Minhyuk’s corner as he jumped to his feet and ran the entrance of the living room.

However…

‘Absolute and utter shock’ was a complete understatement to what Kihyun felt when he saw the tall man that entered the living room behind Hyungwon.

Son Hyunwoo.

_Son Hyunwoo…_

His ex-boyfriend Son Hyunwoo.

His first love Son Hyunwoo.

His biggest pain Son Hyunwoo…

Hyunwoo’s smile was as bright as the sun as he hugged Minhyuk and his eyes roam over all of his friends, happiness dripped from them showing exactly how he felt about seeing them again after almost 5 years and 3 months.

Oh yes… Kihyun counted. He really, _really_ wanted himself not to, but somehow he did, somehow subconsciously had Hyunwoo in the back of his mind, even though he tried so hard in his waking moments to push him out so that his ex-boyfriend wouldn’t appear in front of his eyes every time he closed them.

But then… there he was… in flesh… right in front of him… after 5 years of not a single word spoken between the two of them… smiling brightly at all of his _… their_ … friends.

And then (it felt like minutes to Kihyun, while in reality this moment took only a couple of seconds), Hyunwoo’s eyes stopped at Kihyun and the happiness in them was gone, only to be replaced with shock and apology. He stopped dead in his tracks and the hands that hugged Minhyuk fell to his sides and he fidgeted nervously before opening his mouth to speak. “Oh… uhm, uhh-“ he looked away from Kihyun’s eyes for a moment and he didn’t even realize he was holding his breath. “I’m, I-I’m sorry, Ki… they, uh, didn’t tell me you’d be here,” Hyunwoo rubbed the nape of his own neck nervously and this motion was so familiar to Kihyun that he had to swallow a big bulge that started to form in his throat.

_God… how wrong I was when I thought it stopped hurting…_

“Well, I’ve been here for the past 5 years so…” Kihyun attacked. Because that was the thing he got good at - attacking when he was hurt, to show that he wasn’t weak and it was because of the man standing on the other side of the room that he learned this skill.

“Yeah, I just wanted to see everyone when I got home…” Hyunwoo swallowed dryly, unsure what to say, fearing to say the wrong thing.

“You could have asked them for a coffee. You definitely knew I would be here,” the blame in Kihyun voice was stabbing Hyunwoo in his gut like a hot knife.

“Kihyun, you’re a part of the gang. We’re friends-“

“No… no, we’re not. And you’re ripping me apart, Hyunwoo, _again_ ,” Kihyun just straight out said what he actually felt rather than beating around the bush. He didn’t want any of this. Had anyone of the group told him that Hyunwoo was coming, Kihyun for sure wouldn’t even set foot in the vicinity of Hyungwon’s and Hoseok’s apartment. The truth was that it took him so long, so freaking painfully long, to start functioning like a human and not a robot on autopilot. Maybe it was his first boyfriend after Hyunwoo or the second that got him out of the emotional slump, but Kihyun was happy, which was something he thought he wouldn’t be after his first love left him. Kihyun was happy without Hyunwoo now and there was no way he was going to let the man hurt him again.

“I never meant to do that,” Hyunwoo protested, his face mirroring the hurt he felt on the inside.

“But you did.”

“I told you, I wouldn’t have gone if you said no,” Hyunwoo stepped one small step closer to Kihyun and the shorter one stood up from where he was sitting on the couch.

The first tear fell out of Kihyun’s eyes without him even noticing and that was the trigger for Kihyun to snap. “And look at you for the rest of our lives knowing I stopped you from chasing after your lifelong dream?! How could I do that?!! To you?! To _myself_?!!” he asked him with a cry lacing his voice, his throat closed due to the ball that formed there. He was trying so hard to not cry in front of his ex-boyfriend, but he couldn’t… the emotions hit him like a freight train. So he did the same thing that worked 5 years ago. “It’s better we never meet again.”

“Kihyun,” Hanna’s voice sounded from next to Kihyun and it was full of hurt and she was audibly on the verge of crying.

Kihyun turned to her and directed his attack at his best friend. “No, Hanna. _You’re_ the one, who played matchmaker all those years ago. Couldn’t you just stay quiet, for God’s sake? Look at what you’ve done!”

“Kihyun-“ Minhyuk’s warning voice sounded from next to Hyunwoo and Kihyun sent him an angry glare.

“Shut up, Minhyuk,” he said and then continued to have his eyes travel over every member of the gang, showing his hurt and rage as he continued speaking. “I can’t believe my friends did this to me.”

Kihyun shook his head as he walked out of the living room at a calm pace (because in his mind storming out would only make him a looser, so he’s rather appear that he had it all under control, even though that was a big fat lie).

“Baby, don’t cry,” Changkyun whispered to crying Hanna and kissed her temple gingerly.

“No, he’s right,” she sobbed. “I destroyed our group.”

Suddenly an empty water bottle flew in her direction, hitting her on the shoulder. “Oh please,” Jooheon said with a reassuring voice. “If Min and I didn’t destroy our group, these two sure won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe Hyunwoo still catches the hooks on Hanna's stupid jokes? 😅 Hyungwonho never stop, do they? 😂 Kihyuk couple can also burn with feisty sassy remarks, right? 😄 And what about Hyunwoo's entrance back to the gang? What are your thoughts on that? They really threw Kihyun in like that and just the whole thing was a... Okay, and also do you think Hanna deserved that one thrown into her face? Didn't Kihyun go a little overboard? I mean, that was a quite a low blow, no? 🤨 Back then they were so happy...
> 
> Please let me know what you think about this chapter. Your opinions and thoughts on the story are very very valuable to me and I love interacting with you guys in the comments. 🤗🤍
> 
> Wow, a lot has happened in today's chapter, hasn't it? In either case I really hope you enjoyed it and please come back next time to meet Kihyun's bf Yoongi. 😃😃 But until then, take care and have a nice day ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	10. Bleeding Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello... the gang is back and today we dive into a chapter full of regrets. And we meet Kihyun's boyfriend Yoongi. 😃
> 
> I hope you enjoy it 🤍

<Kihyun POV>

Kihyun walked out of his friends’ apartment and headed straight home. At first he thought he wouldn’t look back at all, however the moment he stepped into the subway carriage and sat down in an empty seat, regret washed all over him. He sighed heavily as he brought his hands to his face and roughly rubbed it in frustration, making sure he didn’t groan out loud as to not disturb other passengers, who were having their own problems during the day. Kihyun was way too considerate to do something like this.

He regretted what he had said to his best friends, to people, who held him tight that one night he cried so hard over Hyunwoo that he choked on his own tears, the night he cried himself to sleep because the pain would just not go away. Minhyuk and Hanna were there for him and consoled him when he needed it the most and now he spat fire in their direction when they have been the pillars of his sanity even after Hyunwoo left, standing by his side no matter what, getting him out from working himself to death just so that his mind didn’t have time to think about Hyunwoo. No matter in how much despair Kihyun was, they never failed to be there for him, even when he pretended to be okay - especially then.

But the amount of regret equaled the amount of anger and feeling of betrayal that surged through Kihyun as well. And he knew only of one person, who could calm him down right now.

The train ride usually took much longer that what it seemed today and Kihyun found himself mindlessly opening the door to his apartment, where he currently lived with his boyfriend of 2 years. Yoongi moved in only 3 months ago and the couple had never had a better phase than the one they were currently going through.

He walked in and took off his shoes, his mind still swarming with the buzz of his thoughts and mixed emotions. So it was only natural that he jumped in surprise when an arm snaked around his waist and a chin landed on his shoulder. “Oh my God!” he exclaimed.

“Didn’t you say you’d be really late or maybe you wouldn’t come at all tonight?” Yoongi said in a calm voice that warmed Kihyun’s heart with love and comfort. “I thought you guys were having a big celebration.”

Kihyun sighed and turned in his boyfriend’s embrace and hugged him back tightly. “We were, but stuff happened.” He knew he sounded like he was on the verge of crying, but that was only because he was.

“Baby…” Yoongi pulled away from the embrace and place both of his soft palms onto Kihyun’s cheeks in a loving manner and stared deeply into his eyes, “what happened? You seem so upset.”

Kihyun huffed another sigh and closed his eyes. He barely wanted to speak the words but he knew that Yoongi needed to know to be able to help him through whatever he was currently trying to handle himself. “Huuuhh, uhmmm… Hyunwoo came back.”

“Oh?”

“He came to the party, obviously invited by the guys. They knew he was coming… or at least some of them and no one told me,” Kihyun said in a small voice, his eyes seeking solace in his dark ones. “I feel so betrayed…” the last word was broken by a soft sob.

“Awww, Ki,” Yoongi knitted his brows together as he took Kihyun back into his embrace and rocked them ever so gently back and forth. After a couple of seconds he pulled away and guided Kihyun to the living room to sit on the couch.

“I am so angry and upset about what they’ve done. It feels like they cut open an old scar that has healed but still remain there on the skin to be forever remembered even though I’ve learned to live with it,” Kihyun hung his head into his hands as soon as he sat down on the comfortable futon of his dark grey couch. Tears began to stream down his face wordlessly and Yoongi stroked his back up and down in effort to calm him down.

“Ki… I know this is the last thing you want to hear from me, but remember that one time I asked you to be my voice of reason?” Kihyun nodded to Yoongi’s question in acknowledgment. “Can I be your voice of reason now too?” Kihyun nodded again, patiently waiting for what his boyfriend had to say. “Okay… I know that this won’t be an easy pill to swallow, but I think it’s important for you… put yourself into Hanna’s shoes or Hoseok’s or Minhyuk’s or whoever else’s out of your 6 friends. They haven’t seen him in 5 years and I’m sure that they missed him crazy even though they never mentioned it in front of you. You, yourself, told me that you took it very badly when he left, but imagine how they felt when they could never talk about their friend when you were around, no good or bad stuff that happened could be discussed. For 5 years they have been walking on eggshells around you because they were considerate of your feelings. I’m saying this because I remember how much fun you guys always had when you had been talking about stuff you’ve done at uni and re-told me and my friends stories of your crazy days and nights. It must have been so difficult for them to never mention him. And he, too, must have missed all of you so much. Imagine yourself not being able to meet and hang out with them for 5 years… wouldn’t you be happy and excited to see them right after your return?”

“Oh man,” Kihyun suddenly realized how truthfully Yoongi’s words sounded, even though they hurt him. And the regret he felt in the train overpowered the anger and feeling of betrayal. “I was such a dick to all of them.” He choked on a sob and then he was back in the arms of his boyfriend.

“Baby, calm down. It will all be okay, just genuinely apologize and I’m sure you will be forgiven and understood. They all love you, maybe even more than I do, but I’m not sure that is possible,” Yoongi said and Kihyun could hear that he was smiling towards the end.

“Yeah, I’ll call Hanna first,” Kihyun made a motion to move for his phone but Yoongi stopped him gently.

“Call her tomorrow. You’re emotional and I’m sure she is as well. Tomorrow both of you will be calm.“

“But-“

“She has Changkyun and I’m sure he’ll be able to take care of her. People argue and people get over it. Okay?” he kissed his cheek lovingly and Kihyun felt calmness and love in his heart. “You said you got over him a long time ago, right?”

“Yeah, I have. I have you now and that’s all I need, now and in the future,” Kihyun said in a soft voice and leaned in to press a kiss onto Yoongi’s lips.

“Then why would there be a problem to be friends now?”

And Kihyun wanted to see a problem, he wanted to see many, and the superficial him saw all the hurt and pain he felt because of Hyunwoo 5 years ago. But the _inside_ Kihyun, the _kind_ Kihyun, the _loving friend_ Kihyun… he felt like there was a chance to have the times that once were (or at least similar) back and that Kihyun did not want to pass on that opportunity.

The next day, Kihyun went to his office in the morning but he could barely concentrate on his work, so he did one of the most unlike-Kihyun thing ever and only did the pressing works that couldn’t be rescheduled until the next day and postponed all else until tomorrow. He’s barely ever done something like this, however the stuff he had said the day prior to his friends were seriously bothering him and that was something that could not be rescheduled.

He then sat at the desk of his small studio office and dialed Hanna’s number, but it rang out. She was probably in the ER, pre-operation briefing or currently in the OR, so Kihyun just left it at the missed call and sent her a text to call him back when she had the chance.

Next up was Minhyuk. “ _What’s up?_ ” he picked up.

“Min, I… listen… I’m sorry about what happened yesterday,” Kihyun apologized right away, not wanting to beat around the bush. It was easier like this.

“ _What happened yesterday?_ ” Minhyuk asked, which made Kihyun confused for a moment.

“You know… with what I said to you and Hanna?”

“ _What did you say to me and Hanna?_ ”

And only then Kihyun understood. This was Minhyuk’s way to accept an apology for a situation like this - pretending it didn’t happen so that Kihyun (or anyone of the group, really) didn’t feel bad or apologetic. Minhyuk hated apologizing and hated being apologized to, unless it was a joke or teasing or otherwise no serious matter related. So Kihyun smiled to himself and he was just happy to have someone like Minhyuk. “Yeah, you’re right. I just wanted to say I’m sorry, that’s all.”

“ _Still don’t know what you’re apologizing for, but I take it. Yoo Kihyun giving out apologies is always nice. I’ll stash that one away_ ,” Minhyuk joked and Kihyun laughed with him shortly.

“Hey, do you know if Hanna’s busy today? I don’t remember if she had anything serious scheduled,” Kihyun said, wondering where his other oldest friend was.

“ _She said she’d be in ER today. You called her first?_ ” he could hear Minhyuk’s feigned offence over the phone call.

“Yeah.”

“ _Now that’s something you should be sorry for, Kihyun_ ,” Minhyuk tisked and Kihyun chuckled.

“Not gonna happen.”

“ _Okay, Yoo little. I don’t have time for you anyway_ ,” Minhyuk huffed pretending to be angry.

“Alright then. Bye,” Kihyun hung up before Minhyuk could say anything else, but he knew Min would be texting him shortly and calling him names for hanging up on him like that but that was just who he was. He was that kind of a friend… and Kihyun loved that about him.

Kihyun decided to shoot everyone a private message rather that call them, because normally people worked this time of the day, unlike Minhyuk, who was an artist and a freelancer therefore he worked either all the time or never.

Changkyun invited Kihyun over that evening saying that Hanna should be back around 7ish because not only she’d been in ER since 8AM for the morning shift until 1PM, but also had a rather difficult operation later that was supposed to start at 3PM with the pre-operation meeting held at 1.30PM. Apparently the poor girl barely had time for lunch and would have had to eat during the meeting. She was the first assistant to the performing surgeon, which was quite exceptional for someone, who just now finished residency but Kihyun had heard many times over the 5 years that Hanna was super dedicated and hardworking, which made her the seniors’ favorite. On top of that, she was always thinking on her feet, her smartness tightly grabbed in her hand and also talented for the field she had chosen, even though she would never admit it, unless it was for a joke. She would never boast off.

Kihyun told Changkyun he would come early and could make dinner for the 3 of them if he’d be okay with that. To no surprise Changkyun’s answer was positive, mentioning that he didn’t have much time to prepare anything (or at least try and then fail miserably) himself due to a movie sequence his foley studio was currently working on. He was the head supervisor now but still worked on a lot of the sounds himself as that was something he enjoyed doing in the first place. The supervisor position came with a better pay, but a lot more paperwork too. Kyun said that he usually did the paperwork when Hanna had night shift or when she wasn’t home in general.

The two have changed very little in the last 5 years, Kihyun had to give them that. They still enjoyed their time together and always made sure that even if they were busy, they still made time for themselves to spend together and to spend with their friends.

Changkyun opened the door for Kihyun with a tired smile. “Hi. You’re even earlier than you said you’d be.”

“I supposed there would be traffic,” Kihyun walked in and took off his shoes, accepting the slippers Changkyun offered him.

“What are we eating today?” that was the first thing the guy thought of and this thing literally had Kihyun completely entertained. He reminded him of Hanna, as both of them took something from the other and made it their own. They were a special couple and Kihyun couldn’t be happier for them.

“I thought maybe I could try making a recipe I’ve been trying out and I think I finally managed to get it completely right - a spicy Kimchi Mac and Cheese. More or less a one-pot recipe. I got everything in the bag here, except like salt and pepper and that kind of stuff, which I supposed you have,” Kihyun explained and he was happy as he saw Changkyun’s tired smile grow into a delighted one.

“Maaan, I’ve been craving some American soul food for a while but both of us have been quite busy lately, so take out was pretty much all we’ve had. We were kind of looking forward to yesterday and the food, but-“

“About that,” Kihyun sighed and shifted his eyes around the room before they landed back on Changkyun with an apology showing in them. “I know I texted you but… I still feel pretty bad about what I’ve said. None of you deserved my anger like that. I guess… I was just-“

“Hurt,” Changkyun cut him off before Kihyun could ramble on again. “You were hurt and probably still are, Kihyun.” At these words Kihyun lifted his brows not completely understanding what Changkyun meant by that and also to try and disagree but before he had the chance to say something Kyun continued: “You couldn’t heal properly because you kept pretending you weren’t hurt. It’s okay to be hurt, you know.”

Kihyun was going to say something, but then a silent uncontrolled tear left his eyes and fell onto his cheek. “You’re right. I kept going and going, telling myself that I’m not hurt… that… that people break up even if they loved each other dearly… that it’s just how life is… that I didn’t miss him. And I kept telling everyone it was okay, that I was okay, instead of admitting.”

“You’re a strong man, Kihyun. We all know that and no one is taking that away from you, but even strong people get hurt but to get back on their feet properly, they need the help of others in any way they deem best for them. You tried to be strong on your own and you just snapped,” Changkyun stepped closer to Kihyun and put both hands on the man’s shoulders. “Maybe this time, if you feel like you need someone to be there for you and to be strong with you… just ask. Any of us, all of us, we will be there for you. And so will Yoongi.”

Kihyun swallowed the big lump in his throat and nodded in acknowledgment to Changkyun’s words because he was sure he wouldn’t be able to find his voice to answer due to how constricted his throat was.

Hanna came just about 15 minutes before the meal was done, which was enough for her to wash her hands and face, pour herself a glass of white wine and diss Kihyun for his choice of said wine as well as his outfit.

“You’re drinking the wine, aren’t you?” Kihyun narrowed his eyes at her.

“Yeah, because it’s the only one we have now, isn’t it? Not to be ungrateful or whatever,” she smirked at him and sat next to Changkyun on a bar stool in their kitchen, dressed in her home sweats and a dark washed out hoodie that obviously _now_ belonged to her.

“Han, I want to get this off the table before we get to dinner. I called you in the morning,” Kihyun began but Hanna lifted her hand up to stop him before he could finish.

“I’ve seen the missed call and I’m sorry I didn’t call back, but I’ve been swarmed at the hospital today and then when I was on my way home and called Kyun about going to the store to buy groceries, he told me you were coming to make dinner. But I know what you want to say and listen…” she took a deep breath before she continued with her speech. “We kept it away from you because we were worried you wouldn’t show up at all and sometimes _you…_ need to dive right in. And Kihyun, I was the first person to find out that Hyunwoo was coming back and when I told the gang they were the ones, who convinced me that it’s a better idea not to tell you, but I’m happy I ended up siding with them, honestly. You remember I was the one, who had been preaching to Hyunwoo to tell you back then. But that’s not important anymore. I didn’t want you to get hurt… I never wanted that… _ever_. And I’m sure you want to say ‘sorry’ to me, but I’m not the person you should be apologizing to. I think that person is Hyunwoo. We didn’t tell him you’d be there because we thought he would put that 1 and 1 together, plus all 6 of us were just so excited to see him again that we really just hoped you would be too… We just wanted the gang back together and I’m sorry if this is something that you cannot bite down or if it’s too much for you, but… I cannot exclude Hyunwoo from my life. However, if you never want to see him again, I’ll understand and I’ll never force a meeting on you again. I promise.”

Kihyun saw the sincerity in her eyes and understood that what she had been feeling all along. He was looking at himself rather than look at the group too and he suddenly felt sad about that.

Hyunwoo really just wanted to come back to his group and to have his friends around him again. And Yoongi said it just the day before… Kihyun knew back then he had been right but now he was even more sure. They were friends above all else. They were friends before and they could be after. And Kihyun made it seem as if he regretted those 3 years of their relationship, which was not true at all.

“Thank you, Hanna,” Kihyun smiled at her and pushed back tears that started to pool in his eyes again. Before he could say that he wanted to find a way to apologize to Hyunwoo and find a way to become friends again the timer on his phone went off and took him out of the sadness he was currently feeling. “I hope you guys are craving some carbs!” Cheers erupted from the couple as the dinner was served once again by Chef Ki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay... I know some of you might be frustrated with how Kihuyn is treating this whole situation, BUT in this story, Kihyun is the kindest person (please don't judge him for it) and he has the biggest heart and (unfortunately for him most of the time) he wears it on his sleeve 🤗🤍
> 
> So did you like Yoongi and how he was the voice of reason for Kihyun? And what did you think about Minhyuk's reaction to Kihyun's apology? What about what Changkyun said about healing? And Hanna's confession to Kihyun that she cannot exclude Hyunwoo from her life? 🥺
> 
> Please share your thoughts on the chapter with me in the comments. I love reading your opinions and insights and interacting with you guys in the comments. 🤗🤍😃
> 
> Next time on Find My Way Back: Hyunwoo moves into a small studio and Hanna helps him unpack and they talk about... some stuff... and some other things I won't spoil for you 🤫
> 
> Nevertheless, I hope you have enjoyed today's chapter and let's see each other next time. 🤍Take care! ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	11. A Chance Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, hello, my dear readers. I hope you don't hate me yet, truly I do, but 🥺🥺... today's chapter signifies an end of an ark in the story of Find My Way Back. 😓😔 I cannot tell you more because I don't want to give out any spoilers. So I'm sorry (well not all that much really, because you know I love frustration with characters)... ㅠ-ㅠ please don't hate me...

**~LATE SEPTEMBER - 5 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Hyunwoo POV>

Hyunwoo was so happy when he got the job he applied for at a private university that was even excited to welcome a new professor with skills and research background such as Hyunwoo’s, so they weren’t even opposing to accept him just a week before the term began. He knew he would be very busy, especially at the beginning of the term when he had almost nothing prepared for his new classes but Hyunwoo couldn’t be happier than to get right to work when he came back home. He was used to working hard and was ready to pour his heart and soul to teaching the new generation of teachers.

It’s been two weeks since Hyunwoo’s comeback and just yesterday he moved into his new apartment that was a nice 30 minute walk from his work. And there was even a bus stop very close to his house that had a straight bus line to the university. Hyunwoo didn’t understand how he got so lucky as to find a studio like that. Hanna promised she would come after his first day of work, which was today and help him unpack. Minhyuk said he would come too, but then he found out he had a deadline he had somehow forgotten about and pulled out. But then Hyunwoo remembered about how the studio looked and somewhat doubted the three of them would have fitted in if Minhyuk was just lying around instead of helping just like he usually did. But everyone loved him nevertheless.

Hyunwoo was walking down the street in the early fall afternoon with a slight smile on his face, thinking of the days when the gang was still at university and how their hang outs were always filled with laughter and good energy, many times courtesy of Minhyuk or Hyungwon.

Kihyun’s face slipped into his mind and Hyunwoo’s smile faltered, but somehow he felt a little fonder. His heart still ached from how much he had hurt the man he loved and truth be told, he never got over Kihyun. He had one night stands in London, but it was all only physical. He just needed to get off and that was the only thing he was chasing. Anyone could call him an asshole but he could never remember the name of the guy in the morning. His heart was too occupied by Kihyun. And to this day still was. However, Hyunwoo told himself, promised the Heavens, he was not going to hurt Kihyun anymore and only wished happiness for the love of his life, so there was no way he was going to try to fight for him again.

Hyunwoo sighed as a thought crossed his mind. _Kihyun deserves better than a man, who brought him so much pain. I’m not worth someone like him._ It was a sad thought, but Hyunwoo considered it to be the ultimate truth

Hanna was waiting by the apartment building, where Hyunwoo’s new rented studio was and as soon as Hyunwoo turned the corner and saw her, he jogged a little. “Hey. Sorry I’m late,” he apologized.

Hanna smiled at him. “You’re not. But I couldn’t sleep much after the night shift and it’s a beautiful day outside, so I wanted to take a walk by the river before coming. Here, this is for you,” she handed him a cake box.

“What is it?” Hyunwoo looked at the box curiously.

“My mom sends you the new dark red velvet cake to try. It’s not in the offer just yet, but she is trying new winter-ish recipes again and since I stopped swimming I can’t eat everything in my sight anymore,” she explained and Hyunwoo took the box from her.

“You’re on your feet all day and Kyun said that sometimes you barely eat. I think you can have a little bit of cake,” Hyunwoo gave her a look that showed his concern for her. After all she was a doctor, who not only worked with regular patients, but also in the ER. She wanted to focus on sports injuries at first but then found quite a fondness of working in the ER as an Orthopaedic specialist during her residency. So she’s been doing that for now, even though she mentioned they were very fond of her in the hospital, so she didn’t know where exactly she was headed. But the option of continuing into Sports Medicine and Orthopaedic Surgery fellowship was still on the table for her, she just had to decide.

“Who says I didn’t have any?” she quirked a brow at him as he was opening the entrance door to the building with his chip key.

“That’s more like you, Han,” Hyunwoo chuckled.

The ride in the elevator to the 12th floor was relatively short and filled with small talk of the two. Hanna was curious about Hyunwoo’s first day at the university, this time as a preparing professor, and Hyunwoo eagerly shared the details of his day with someone.

“You know,” Hyunwoo opened the door to his studio and both took their shoes off, “it’s nice to have someone to meet after work, someone to tell about your day.” Hyunwoo smiled weakly and Hanna put her hand on his shoulder.

“I know I’ve said this before, but I’m happy you’re back. And who knows, maybe you’ll find someone to come back home to, to spill the tea that happened at work to, to fall asleep with. I’m sure the world is big enough, Hyunwoo,” her smile was warm and portrayed all the reassuring emotions Hyunwoo wanted and needed to feel right now.

 _She grew up to be such a smart woman_ , a thought flew through Hyunwoo’s mind as he took Hanna into a short hug.

“You don’t have much to unpack,” Hanna looked around the studio when they broke apart from their emotional breakaway.

“Yes, just like I told you,” he sighed. “I guess when you move out from a country to a country, you really reconsider the amount of things you actually need for life.”

“I guess,” she sighed glancing around. “Let’s get to it. The sooner we begin the sooner we’ll be done with it.”

Couple of hours later, the cardboard boxes have been emptied and folded neatly by the entrance door, waiting to be taken out to the recycling. Hyunwoo wasn’t kidding when he said he didn’t own many things.

The kitchen box contained, two plates, two bowls, two mugs, two sets of cutleries, one pot, one pan, one cutting board and three sharp knives. When asked why he had two of each instead of one, Hyunwoo said that sometimes he was too lazy to wash the dishes right away. When he first moved to London he only had one of each, but then quickly found out that for his own comfort having two of each was better.

The bedroom/living room box was filled with beddings and Hyunwoo said it would have been filled with books too but when he had to move after his first year in London to another place, he got rid of his books and bought a Kindle to get e-books because it was so much more convenient to him. But he loved physical books way more. There was no TV and he mentioned he didn’t watch TV much anyway, his laptop and streaming services were enough, just like during uni days.

The clothes box was the fullest - it was filled with workout clothes, casual clothes and also some formal wear. Hyunwoo would never admit it out loud, especially not before Minhyuk or Hanna, or God forbid Hyungwon, but he like to dress up to the occasion. He thought of himself as good looking whenever he had the chance to whip out the suit or put on a dress shirt. That was even why, he made his ‘uniform’ that he would have often worn to the university, out of dark slim fit jeans and a white button up, some days he would add a tie but that wasn’t too often. He usually finished it off with a black leather jacket and in winter months he usually wore a nicely fitted coat and V-neck sweater over the shirt. It was an easy uniform to wear that accentuated his swimmer’s body that he was often proud of.

“I think that’s all of it,” Hyunwoo looked around the small studio again after unpacking the last of the bathroom box and joining Hanna in the one room.

“Yeah.”

“We deserve a beer,” Hyunwoo chuckled and made his way to the kitchenette and pulled out two bottles of beer from the fridge.

“You don’t have food, but you have beer?” Hanna laughed at her best friend.

“Well, I can’t cook much and last night I had take away. I slept among boxes, just to be able to get out of my parents’ house. They’re sweet and all but I’m too old to be living with them,” he clung their bottles together and both took a thirsty drink out of them.

“Yeah, I couldn’t imagine living with my dad, now,” Hanna sat down on the small couch Hyunwoo had there and put the feet up onto Hyunwoo’s lap.

“You couldn’t imagine living with your dad when you were 15,” Hyunwoo shook his head at her with a wide smile.

“True…” she sighed but her lips were still turned up in a smile.

There was a short silence between the two before Hyunwoo spoke again. “I know I should have probably asked this before but I didn’t really have the guts to, so…” he hesitated a little bit before continuing but when he noticed Hanna being apprehensive to his question he gathered the courage to ask. “How has Kihyun been all these years?”

Hanna sighed heavily, as if it was from the bottom of her heart, and a calm but slightly pained expression settled on her face. “You know, Kihyun is the type of a person, who somehow perfectly falls into today’s society that… has bought into the idea that if he stays busy enough, the truth of his life won’t catch up with him. He kept himself so busy that he started to wither away. Hoseok and I caught him soon enough and gave him a massive pep talk. Then he found his first boyfriend after you and it was a _clear_ rebound. They broke up quite early on. He started working in a normal busy-Kihyun mode and after a while met his second boyfriend. During this relationship, you could see Kihyun flourish and he mentioned once when he was drunk that he finally got over you, but no more than 3 weeks later he broke up with the guy. A little over two years ago he met his current boyfriend, but he’s still busy with work. Sometimes he wears himself out so much that he falls asleep in the middle of our hang out… But, listen, I talked to Yoongi the other day…”

“Who’s Yoongi?” Hyunwoo asked confused by a name he hasn’t heard before.

“Kihyun’s boyfriend,” Hanna quickly cleared. “And it’s not like he told me to say this to you, but I guess I just think you should know about this, ‘cause he’s not a bad guy, really. He said that he gets why you came back the way you did, even though it wasn’t the best for Kihyun and had he been in your place, he would have wanted to see his friends too. And the other night Kihyun came to me and apologized for what he’d said the night at Hoseok’s and Hyungwon’s along with kind of non-verbally putting out there that you were friends before and maybe you could be now too. We all just want you back, Hyunwoo. And Kihyun probably does too, he just needs time.”

Hyunwoo sighed softly, thinking about what she just said. No matter which way he looked at it, he always came to the same conclusion - he wanted Kihyun in his life anyway he could get him. After all it was the truth that they were friends before they got together, even before they realized their feelings for one another, so why wouldn’t they be able to be friends now? “I’m happy he’s happy. And you can bet your ass I would do anything to be a part of the 8 member Listen Up Gang, again.”

“Good,” she grinned at him like a Cheshire cat.

The next day Hyunwoo woke up into a clean apartment without any boxes or pointless stuff lying around. Hanna left two beers later and they promised to go swimming together on the weekend when she won’t have a day shift. Both excitedly clapping at the idea they would be back in the pool together even if they take it chill.

There was one thing that was missing in Hyunwoo’s small studio, though - a coffee machine. He’s been living off of the coffee from cafés that were all over in London, especially on campus, so he never bothered to get more than a Vietnamese drip coffee filter for weekend morning coffees. But now he realized he needed his dose of caffeine first thing in the morning after he stopped drinking pre-workout drinks and needed to head out of the flat and to work.

While getting dressed Hyunwoo used the ever amazing thing called ‘the Internet’ and searched for cafes that were along the walk of his 30 minute walk to the university. He found one called Maddrip and decided to give it a shot this morning. And since his fridge was empty he was hoping to score some breakfast to take away there too.

It was another beautiful day outside, the second half of September tended to be colder than this, but Hyunwoo didn’t protest against the weather. He found the café along the way and noticed a short cue for order as the staff looked like they were missing a guy there.

Finally, it was Hyunwoo’s turn and he got his usual double espresso into a take away cup and noticed some freshly made baguettes and decided to give the prosciutto one a try. After ordering he moved to the side to wait for his order to be finished. As he was about to take his coffee, he noticed a very familiar figure in the queue for ordering.

Kihyun.

Hyunwoo panicked slightly and quietly took the coffee when the barista handed it to him with a smile that was reciprocated. He tried to cower and slip out unnoticed by his ex-boyfriend and not turn this into some weird random chance encounter.

However, he suddenly came to the realization that he had been unsuccessful as Kihyun grabbed him by the elbow and stopped him from leaving the café. “Hi, Hyunwoo,” he greeted the tall professor with a half smile

“Hi, Kihyun,” Hyunwoo responded in a small voice, slightly awkwardly too.

Kihyun’s eyes darted around the café, settling anywhere but at Hyunwoo, who knew this to be a tell sign of Kihyun being nervous. “I… I wanted to apologize for how I’ve acted at Hoseok’s and Hyungwon’s party.”

Hyunwoo shook his head slightly, giving Kihyun the same small smile he had received from him earlier. “No, no, it’s understandable,” Hyunwoo said.

“Nah,” Kihyun protested, “it was really mean of me to say those things.”

“You know…” Hyunwoo ran his empty hand through his hair to calm himself down slightly. “I get it. You don’t have to apologize to me. I think Hanna deserved your apology more than me, those words were pretty harsh on her.” Hyunwoo tried not to reveal that he knew anything about Hanna’s conversation with Kihyun, he tried to act as if even if he had talked to Hanna, the two never talked about Kihyun. Hyunwoo thought it would only make Kihyun more nervous around him.

Kihyun sighed and looked Hyunwoo in the eyes. “Yeah, I know. I’ve already chatted with her about this, but I’m still ashamed of myself. None of you deserved the shit I gave you that night. But don’t worry, I made it up to her,” Kihyun forced a smile in Hyunwoo’s direction and it hurt him that the shorter man was not able to even smile genuinely at him, when he had the absolute prettiest eye-smile Hyunwoo had ever seen.

As Hyunwoo didn’t know what to do, he thought that escape was currently his best choice, so he checked the watch on his wrist and then looked to Kihyun apologetically. “Yeah, well… I gotta go. Was nice seeing you, Kihyun.” Hyunwoo turned around but he wasn’t even two steps further when he heard Kihyun’s voice

“Nu!” Kihyun called out to him with his old nickname and that warmed Hyunwoo’s heart inside and out. “I…,” Kihyun sighed. There was so much emotion floating on Kihyun’s face when he stared back at him awaiting what the shorter wanted to say. “I really loved you.”

And before Hyunwoo walked out of the café and left Kihyun to stand alone in the queue, he had given him a sad smile and an answer: “Me too, Ki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What about the ending? Oh my God, ShowKi really told each other that!🥺😭 What did you think of Hanna's definition of how Kihyun has lived these 5 years? Hyunwoo's willing to keep Kihyun in his life no matter what, even if they're just friends... 💔🥺😧
> 
> What are your thoughts on this chapter? Please share your opinions in the comments with me. They mean so much to me and they always make my day. 🤗🤍🤍
> 
> Next time, we are beginning a new ark in the story. Jooheon seeks out a friend in Changkyun after a fight with his boyfriend and Minhyuk listens while Kihyun talks his heart out. 🤫
> 
> I promise the next ark is as good as this one, so please come back to find out what happens next and what life has in stock for the gang. Until then, please stay safe and take care. ヾ(^▽^*))) bye~bye


	12. My Own Personal Raincloud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hi, dear readers. 😃 The new ark of Find My Way back is beginning and I hope it won't let you down. It might be a little bit of a slower start but I promise there are twists and turns and things hidden in subtext and in between lines. In this chapter we get to see friendship above all else...
> 
> I hope you like it! 😊

<Jooheon POV>

Lately Jooheon has been working with many artists, many coming to him searching for their next great song. Jooheon was a sought out producer and even the fans started to recognize the name when the track list of their favourite artist came out.

Just the other day Jooheon overheard a conversation in a café, where he was picking up his order. A group of 4 girls were talking about a comeback of their chosen artist and when Jooheon heard the name of the group he smiled internally to himself, thinking about the b-track he made for them.

But then he heard one of the girls mention the track list and how she was excited to hear the song that was produced by Jooheon. As he was waiting in the queue to order, he kept listening intently. The girl talked about how she noticed that she had enjoyed his songs across various groups and one day found herself search for the songs he produced in particular, saying that the vibe a lot of them gave out either motivated her to move forward or fight the obstacles she was facing, that many times she felt they were getting her out of her pit of despair.

It was needless to say that moment made Jooheon’s day. Hell, it made his week. He shared this with Changkyun the other day and his best friend replied by saying that he was proud of him and he had done an amazing job.

However… not everything lasted a life time. Jooheon has fallen into a slump lately and he couldn’t get a solid base for a song out, even if he had standing orders from both male and female artists, group or solo. For days he had been just coming into the studio and sitting there for hours. There were times when he would make something only to delete it minutes later. Jooheon was frustrated with himself and it showed in his personal life as well.

Last night, his boyfriend Mino came to his place and almost immediately started complaining about some author he was working with as an editor. Jooheon was barely handling his work life, so taking up the problems of his boyfriend was really over his abilities. When Jooheon wasn’t responsive to the conversation Mino was trying to have with him, they got into a fight and it was safe to say Jooheon didn’t even know how they had fallen into it or how it went. It’s gone by so fast and suddenly there was a door slam and Jooheon was left alone in his apartment.

And Jooheon did what Jooheon had always done when he needed help with anything - he turned to his friends. The first person he always called was Changkyun, who was actually in the co-joined first place of the best possible help with his work with Hyungwon, since the tall model was now a fairly famous DJ, who decided to invest some money that he earned and was basically living off of this - gigs he wanted to do and smartly investing into things no one in the group really understood. Smart guy - Jooheon had to give him that.

“Yo,” Jooheon greeted Changkyun into the phone call. “You have time today?”

“ _We’d just finished a movie, you know, the one I mentioned I was working on and I will be going back to composing music for the new animation feature film. Why? Is everything alright, Joo?”_ Changkyun asked his voice growing worried. He’s always been perceptive of others (except Hanna back then) and kind of empathically knew something was going on.

“I’m stuck in a slump like chewing gum in hair. It’s been almost a week and I can’t seem to get out of it,” Jooheon sighed heavily, admitting all that was not working out in his life.

“ _I’ll come over. Let me just finish this paper, though. It shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes and then I’ll get a cab to your studio_ ,” Changkyun offered and Jooheon internally thanked God for a friend like him.

“Thanks, man. I will owe you a big one,” Jooheon chuckled.

“ _You’ll never owe me shit… unless it’s a bet - they you owe me whatever was bet. See you in a bit_ ,” Changkyun hung up and Jooheon looked at the clock on his wall. It showed it was only a couple minutes past 2PM - long before he usually went home.

Changkyun arrived shortly past 3PM, apologizing about the paper he had to finish.

“Nah, it’s cool, bro. Thank for coming in the first place,” Jooheon told him, stopping Changkyun’s apologies almost right away.

“No problem. I’m always here for you, brother. I even would get outta bed for you,” Changkyun nudged him lightly to show his affection for his best friend.

“Even if you weren’t alone in it?” Jooheon questioned Changkyun’s loyalty jokingly.

“I would think about it for a second or more… but ultimately I think you would win. One, I can cuddle my girl anytime and two… she’d kick me out of the bed saying: ‘Go see Jooheon, you piece of a shitty friend!’,” Changkyun laughed imitating his girlfriend Hanna.

Jooheon joined him in laughing, nodding his head along. “Yeah, I can see Hanna saying that!” But the moment of laughter went away quickly and Jooheon’s face was back to long, sad and troubled.

“But you look a little down, mate,” Changkyun stated, getting back to his serious attitude. “Is it just the slump, or is there more?”

Jooheon sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. There was a thick silence in the room and Changkyun waited for his friend to think about what to say and Jooheon had to admit he was just so fucking grateful for having a friend like him. Changkyun always heard him out, offered possible solutions and could joke just about anything. Changkyun, Hyungwon and Jooheon had been friends since elementary school and even when they went to high school, it was always just the 3 of them. Then Hyungwon met Hoseok and their trio grew one person, although at the beginning it was done rather reluctantly for Jooheon and Changkyun, both slightly introverted and both didn’t understand at all how a massively introverted person such as Hyungwon even managed to talk to a stranger, let alone date him. Hoseok later on told them that he annoyed Hyungwon so much that the poor tall guy agreed to go on a coffee date with him if he managed to finally the hell up. So Hoseok did and pushed Hyungwon a small paper with time and date of the closest Saturday (which was the next day). Since then, they’ve been together.

“I had another fight with Mino,” Jooheon admitted and rubbed his face in despair.

“Hmm.”

“It’s like... we’ve been fighting a lot lately, but every time we deal with it and get over it, we get better than ever… for a while,” Jooheon explained and he was aware of that Changkyun knew about his situation but he just needed to say out loud, because he felt like he couldn’t or shouldn’t go on like this anymore.

“ _For a while_ , Jooheon. And from what I have noticed it’s always a short one, too,” Changkyun scooted closer on the office chair and leaned closer to his best friend. His voice with an empathic tone was like music to Jooheon’s ears.

“I know… it’s just… I don’t know,” Jooheon groaned.

I hate to be that friend, Heonie…” Changkyun sighed to show his displeasure about what he was going to say, but when he noticed Jooheon waiting for him to continue, he got the courage up. “But why don’t you take a break? You guys have been in this kind of on and off thing for the past 2 years and it feels like a never ending rollercoaster. And I’m somewhat seeing signs of you spinning out of control over your life… I don’t want that to happen to my best friend, you know.”

“Take a break, huh?” Jooheon turned his eyes back to the ceiling as if it had the answers he was so desperately searching.

“Might not be for the worst… if you need to wait until you fight next time, then wait. However, I know I would not wait for this shit to go down another time, really. But then again… I wouldn’t know, right? I’ve been with the same person for 7 years, right?” Changkyun ended on a scoff and Jooheon chuckled sadly too.

“It’s not the same… you guys are like Hoseok and Hyungwon. Those two will never stop loving each other, they never seem to be on the wrong side of each other,” Jooheon said and Changkyun could almost literally see the stars in Jooheon’s eyes when he talked about the couple.

“Eeeeh…”

“What?”Jooheon’s head whipped to Changkyun, eyes wary. “You know something I don’t?”

“Hanna talks.”

“For all the years I’ve known her, I have never thought she’d be a gossiper,” Jooheon’s lips turned upward into a smirk.

“It’s not gossip, really. It’s her way of dealing with problems,” Changkyun explained with a small sigh. “She just needs to talk them out and as she’s talking, she usually finds the solutions she’s been looking for. There are times when I shut her out and let her just talk, especially if it’s about surgery.” Changkyun smirked at the end. “And that, my friend, is the key to keeping a woman happy.”

Jooheon laughed from the bottom of his heart at the last statement of his best friend. “When did you grow up?”

“What do I know? But I really wish I wasn’t getting any older.”

“Same. We’ve been out of uni for 5 years and I feel like I still suck at being an adult,” Jooheon scoffed jokingly at himself.

“Yeeeaah. You know how great it feels to go have lunch at my parents’ or Hanna’s parents’ place? When none of us has to cook or clean the dishes after?” Changkyun joined him.

“I know, that’s why I’ve gone to my parents’ every other week for the last 3 months, man,” Jooheon laughed and Changkyun didn’t hold back his laughter either.

Eventually the two discussed the slump problem as well, but Changkyun (even after saying he’s not doctor like Hoseok) said that this whole artist block might be directly connected to his relationship with Mino.

Jooheon took to heart everything he had talked about with Changkyun before he locked his small studio behind them and they both walked to the subway station and separated on the platforms to take the trains in the other directions.

On his way home, Jooheon’s mind got lost in the memories of his university years and how simple life had been back then, how he enjoyed life in those years and how he wanted to find the same pleasure in living he’d had before.

<Minhyuk POV>

Minhyuk knew he shouldn’t have postponed the illustration for the wedding he was working on. The bride somehow found him via mutual contacts and begged him to make illustrated ‘thank you’ cards that she will handwrite herself, but he was making the template/border she would be writing into. He’s made the invitations months ago and thought he was done with this extremely demanding and bratty bride, who basically knew exactly what she wanted, but didn’t know how to draw. She literally had that one thing in her mind, but her hands were not able to do such thing as draw. But Minhyuk was an artist and she didn’t let him _“artist”_. She needed a machine that would make her visions come to paper.

And this pissed Minhyuk off so much.

He truly, truly thought he was done when he submitted the invitations and received a fairly hefty paycheck into his bank account and swore he would never, ever, in the whole fucking life time and even after that, work with another bride.

However, then she came to him again _begging_ him to make her the cards. When Minhyuk tried to politely refuse, saying he was super busy and didn’t have too much time and it was very rushed for her and about billion other excuses; she mentioned the price.

And Minhyuk couldn’t say ‘no’ even though he should have had.

Now, he was about to tear the hair out of his head in frustration, the music blasting in his apartment, reminding himself to earn that fat stack of money that that bitch was willing to pay him, because… yes, he was busy and technically he didn’t _need_ the money; the extra that this would provide that Minhyuk could _very_ confidently give his parents the amount he ‘owed’ them, even if his mother kept telling him he wasn’t indebted to them.

He may not have had a debt to pay back, but they brought him up and his mother still brought him kimchi to feed an army along with homemade side dishes almost every weekend (which cost money) and, again, they freaking brought them up (which also cost money… _especially_ during his university years). So it was more like he wanted to help them out to finally pay off the mortgage on the house they bought so many years ago. He wanted them to go on the vacation to New Zealand they’ve been talking about for the last 2 years, hoping they would manage to save enough to go. And he just wanted to give them the same comfort they gave him when he was growing up.

Minhyuk didn’t realize that someone entered his apartment, but he noticed the lights in the kitchen being on through the gap in the opened door of his office. And there were only two option on what was happening: one - there were burglars in his flat; and two - Kihyun came. And if this was a quiz, Minhyuk would choose ‘two’.

He left his office and strode over to the kitchen, where he noticed his best friend unpacking a pre-made tray of wine accompaniments and two bottles of nice white beside it.

 _Uh-oh. Something is up_ , a thought crossed Minhyuk’s mind as he approached the kitchen bar.

“Well, hello there. I haven’t seen you in ages, feel free to come in,” Minhyuk joked with his greeting, feeling the need to at least hear a scoff coming from Kihyun. Or a snicker. Or anything that _wasn’t_ silence. _Or_ the next thing that came - a small soft sob.

Kihyun still stood his back to Minhyuk, unpacking the snacks, but his hands stilled and Minhyuk watched another silenced sob ran through his oldest friend, so he came around the kitchen island and grabbed one bottle and two glasses into his hand and wrapped the other arm around Kihyun’s shoulders. “I’m not gonna cry,” Kihyun told him irritated.

“Really? ‘Cause what I’ve just seen looked exactly like a sob,” Minhyuk raised a brown as he pushed Kihyun into the comfortable soft couch.

“I’ve already cried on the way here. I think I’m fine, now,” Kihyun nodded his head and sat back into the couch. He stretched his hand out for Minhyuk to give him a glass. The artist somehow felt in his bones that Kihyun didn’t need all the shit he would normally give him, so he just decided to go easy on the guy on his couch.

“What happened? You don’t cry often these days,” Minhyuk mentioned off-handily as he padded back to the kitchen to bring the aluminium tray with cheeses, olives, dried meat and some sun-dried tomatoes.

“You could have at least put it on a normal plate,” Kihyun chastised him lightly when he placed the aluminium tray on the coffee table in front of the couch.

“And who’s gonna wash it?”

“You have a dishwasher,” Kihyun reminded him.

“This is still my flat, Yoo Kihyun,” was the only argument that came to Minhyuk’s mind right now. Minhyuk plopped himself next to Kihyun and pulled his feet onto the couch to sit cross-legged, turned in Kihyun’s direction. He swirled his wine mindlessly in the glass, knowing well that only red wine needed it, but it somehow calmed Minhyuk down, while he waited for Kihyun to begin talking.

Kihyun was starting into nothingness in front of him and took a sip of the wine before he began to talk. “I met Hyunwoo today,” he said in a small voice.

A hopeful spark lit up in Minhyuk’s heart. “And?” he asked softly, not wanting to ruin anything. He wanted the gang back together as much as everyone else.

“It was…” Kihyun fell silent as if he was searching the correct words to describe the situation he’d found himself in today, “ _strange?_ ”

“How so?” Minhyuk’s interest peaked as he opened his ears and heart to listen to Kihyun.

“Actually… you know what’s the saddest thing?” Kihyun kept staring in front of him, his eyes lost somewhere, where Minhyuk couldn’t see.

“What is?”

“That we went full circle,” one corner of Kihyun’s lips turned up in the saddest smile Minhyuk has ever seen him wear.

“What circle?” Minhyuk didn’t understand.

“Strangers to strangers,” Kihyun sighed and the sadness in that sigh made Minhyuk’s hear almost break.

And since he already came to the conclusion that Kihyun really didn’t need any of his ‘bratty’ attitude right now, no matter how much Minhyuk wanted to use it to make his friend laugh or get bitchy with him, he wanted Kihyun to just talk it out. “How does it work?” he asked instead of riling Kihyun up.

Kihyun finally turned to Minhyuk and a single tear slipped out of his eye onto the dry smooth cheek below. “When you meet, you begin as strangers, who become friends as the time goes on. Then you fall in love and get together as lovers, after that you break up and in the end of all things you both emerge as strangers again,” Kihyun’s voice had been strong all throughout the time he was speaking but as soon as he uttered the last word he began to cry. One tear fell after another in a waterfall that Minhyuk didn’t know how to stop.

Minhyuk took both his and Kihyun’s glass and set them on the coffee table. Then he moved to sit right next to Kihyun so that he could hug his oldest friend tightly, knowing that this was one of the only things in the world that could calm Kihyun down - if someone held him while he cried. Because even though Kihyun was a strong person, who has jumped through a lot of obstacles alone in his life, he hated being alone in situations like these, even if he never said so out loud.

“Ki,” Minhyuk said in a soft voice, trying to soothe Kihyun by stroking his back gently.

“And that fucking breaks my heart the most,” Kihyun said through sobs. “I don’t regret a single minute that I spent with him as lovers and never _ever_ will, but these stupid thoughts I’m having are the worst.”

“They are,” Minhyuk agreed even thought he didn’t know, which thoughts Kihyun meant, but in this moment if Kihyun thought they were stupid, then they were, because Kihyun just needed to let it all out.

“Thoughts that maybe… just maybe had I kept my feelings to myself, this painful stab in my heart wouldn’t be there right now. That maybe had we just never gotten together I wouldn’t have lost him… because I would have never had him in the first place,” Kihyun confessed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Kihyunnie... 😢 Hyunwoo and Kihyun went the full circle, but Kihyun doesn't regret a single moment he spent with him... 😢💔 and the last words he said... 💔😭 Minhyuk was there for him unconditionally 🤍 What did you think about this part? And what were your opinions on the conversation between Jooheon and Changkyun? Is Jooheon going to listen to Changkyun about taking a break from his current boyfriend Mino? 🤔 What will Jooheon do?
> 
> So what did you think about this chapter? Please share your thoughts and opinions with me in the comments, I love reading them and interact with you... it makes my day every time 🤗🤍😄
> 
> Next time, the conversation between Minhyuk and Kihyun continues and the gang gets together... 🤫 but until then, I hope that you're enjoying the nearing end of 2020. And on that note, please stay safe and take care of your health in all the ways possible. ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	13. My Own Personal Sunshine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! 🤙 The gang is back and the story moves forward... I'm not giving out spoilers or anything, but in this ark some serious stuff happens too... 🤫🤫 also it's not the final ark either so... there's a lot in stock for these guys.
> 
> I hope you enjoy today's chapter and without further ado...

<Minhyuk POV>

“Thoughts that maybe… just maybe had I kept my feelings to myself this painful stab in my heart wouldn’t be there right now. That maybe had we just never got together I wouldn’t have lost him… because I would have never had him in the first place,” Kihyun confessed and Minhyuk felt like he needed to get the biggest protest out of him right now.

“Well, those are some _real_ stupid thoughts, let me tell you that much. I thought you were smarter than that, Yoo Kihyun. Didn’t you graduate with straight As?” Minhyuk gave him shit because he was just in a desperate situation. His heart broke into tiny bits when he saw anyone of the gang cry, so he selfishly couldn’t handle this anymore.

Kihyun chuckled while sobs ripped through him. “Yeah, I had much better grades than you did.”

“And did it make you happy in the end?” Minhyuk pulled away and looked straight into Kihyun’s eyes.

“Yes,” Kihyun claimed.

“No! You were supposed to say ‘no’,” Minhyuk facepalmed.

“Why?” Kihyun cocked his head to the side, confused.

“Because then I would be able to say: ‘and look where it brought you.’,” Minhyuk told him with all the seriousness that he had in him.

Kihyun actually laughed at this and Minyhyun felt a small sense of accomplishment soar through him. “But my grades brought me pretty far if we’re talking professional sphere.”

“Okay, whatever. I was just trying to make you laugh anyway,” Minhyuk waved him off with his hand and reached for his glass of wine.

“You did. I can’t believe you managed to do it without Hanna,” Kihyun mocked him with his newly returned smile, even if it was still sad.

“Bitch… I made you cry from laughter _before_ we even met Hanna,” Minhyuk threw an olive into his mouth, reminding Kihyun of the old-old times.

“Yeah,” Kihyun sighed and took another big sip of his wine. “But I decided that I won’t let the past stop me from a happy future, you know.”

“What do you mean?” it was Minhyuk’s time to be confused by Kihyun’s words.

“I wasn’t completely, _absolutely_ decided before, but after meeting him today I realized something” Kihyun’s lips turned into a small smile.

“And what is that?” Minhyuk smiled himself, somewhat seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

“That we haven’t seen him in 5 years. He hasn’t hung out with us in 5 years and I think that the gang should have 8 members and not 7,” Kihyun said and Minhyuk’s eyes must have sparked like crazy because of what he was hearing right now. “I want to be friends with Hyunwoo again.”

Kihyun left shortly before midnight, when he received a worried message from Yoongi, asking if he’s alright and if he needed to be picked up somewhere. He called him back right away, saying he’s fine that he had an unexpected late wine night with Minhyuk and he’d tell him when he got back home. Minhyuk heard Yoongi sigh in relief through the phone speaker in the silence of his living room.

“I love your relationship with, Yoongi,” Minhyuk chuckled and poured himself and Kihyun the remaining wine left in the second bottle. The two have talked about so much stuff as they hung out in his living room for hours. Both of them easing each other’s problems off of their shoulders.

“You love it like Hyungwon’s and Hoseok’s or you love it like Jooheon’s and Mino’s?” Kihyun asked the right question. Because in the former case Minhyuk would be genuine about his answer and in the latter extremely sarcastic.

Minhyuk barked out a laugh. “I love it like Kyun’s and Han’s,” Minhyuk claimed, meaning he wasn’t sarcastic, but he was amusingly adoring the couple, which was a positive thing. To the couple of Hyungwon and Hoseok, Minhyuk looked up as if they were his parents, who have been together for nearly 30 years; to Changkyun and Hanna, Minhyuk cooed, made fun of and adored their relationship because he desperately believed in true love and those two found it thanks to that stupid Hanahaki that totally could have been fucking avoided had the two not been dumb. And Jooheon and Mino… well Minhyuk hated Mino for more reasons than one even he he’d never admit it ‘on paper’ everyone knew about his feelings to Jooheon’s boyfriend.

“Thanks,” Kihyun nudged him with his elbow as he got up from the couch when he finished his wine. “I really needed this.”

“Me too,” Minhyuk smirked. “I needed to get away from that stupid bride shit.”

“You’re still doing it?” Kihyun’s brows raised in surprise.

“She wanted a template for her ‘thank you’ cards. And it’s good money,” Minhyuk shrugged and Kihyun tisked at his response.

“Min, you earn well. You don’t need odd jobs that damage your creativity, you know.”

“Yeah, just a couple more, though,” Minhyuk sighed and hope Kihyun would get the hint. And even though Kihyun might not have been the ultimately smartest person, when it came to hints he got this one.

“Alright then, good night,” he said as he moved towards the door to go to his own apartment and his boyfriend.

“G’night,” Minhyuk saw him out and then moved to his office to sit over the table, when his papers, pencils and paints were placed next to the tabled he was drawing on before. However he didn’t touch any of that, rather he reached for his phone and dialed a familiar number.

After a couple of rings an annoyed voice picked up. “ _You do know what time it is, right?_ ”

“Yes? Well, maybe not exactly, but it might be around midnight,” Minhyuk replied.

“ _Why are you calling?_ ” the person asked him after sighing.

“Honestly… normally I would find some stupid reason… but you know me too well, so I’ll just say the truth - I felt like it. Just something told me to call you,” Minhyuk admitted truthfully, his fingers playing mindlessly with a pencil now.

“ _Some days I really just don’t understand you, Min_ ,” he said and Minhyuk could hear there was something troubling the other person.

“Joo, did you fight with Mino again?” Min asked knowingly.

There was another sigh as he imagined Jooheon to nod as an answer. “ _Yeah. And Kyun came with ‘maybe take a break?’ and I’m just like…_ fuck _… I don’t know, Min_.”

“Maybe Kyunnie is right, you know. He’s really smart when it comes to dealing with problems in other people’s relationships.”

“ _You’re damn right about that. He was always dumb only about his own_ ,” Jooheon laughed sarcastically.

“You know what? Come hang out over the weekend. We’ll play some games and watch movies. I’ll call the gang in. Someone’s gonna join for sure,” Minhyuk suggested to try and cheer Jooheon up.

“ _Huuuh, I’m not sure_ …”

“C’mon, Joo, pleeeeaaase,” Minhyuk begged him with a pout.

“ _Alright, fuck it. Text into the group chat then_ ,” Jooheon broke in and a wide bright smile spread over Minhyuk’s face.

“Awesome. See ya, honeybee,” Minhyuk used the old nickname he had for Jooheon and hung up after the other said his goodbyes too.

**~[Listen Up Gang]** chat room~

 **[still min]** : all of u come to my place to hang out

 **[onehanna]** : now?

 **[onehanna]** : really?

 **[still min]** : on the weekend, han

 **[still min]** : surprised u’re still up tho

 **[onehanna]** : night shift

 **[still min]** : awwwww babyyyyyy

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : ok, smthg happened… im suspicious

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : me too

 **[still min]** : y when I just want to hang out u guys think smthg happened?

 **[still min]** : every time

 **[honeyjoo]** : this time I stand by him guys

 **[still min]** : thnx joo ^^

 **[onehanna]** : does not raise the suspicion away tho -_-

 **[yooham]** : tru

 **[still min]** : just come, ffs

 **[happybunny]** : ki cooks?

 **[onehanna]** : sure

 **[yooham]** : wth hanna?

 **[yooham]** : what if i dont want to?

 **[onehanna]** : u gon let min do it?

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : pls dont

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : ki have mercy

 **[honeyjoo]** : if min is cooking im not coming

 **[still min]** : same

 **[happybunny]** : min XDDDDDD

 **[yooham]** : alright

 **[yooham]** : fine

 **[yooham]** : i will cook

 **[silent_roar]** : can i come too?

_Oh my God, oh my God! Hyunwoo texted!_ Minhyuk squealed internally.

**~[Listen Up Gang]** chat room~

 **[still min]** : guys

 **[still min]** : r u seeing what im seeing????

 **[happybunny]** : yeah *O*

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : i never thought this moment would come again

 **[honeyjoo]** : how many times did we change his name for fun and he never replied?

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : too many tbh

 **[onehanna]** : u cant remember what u had for dinner last night

 **[onehanna]** : how could u remember how many times we changed his name?

 **[still min]** : did she just…

 **[yooham]** : i hate to interrupt this

 **[yooham]** : but there still is a question unanswered…

 **[honeyjoo]** : hyunwoo if u dont come minhyuk will get angry

 **[happybunny]** : so u better deliver ur ass to min’s place this weekend

 **[still min]** : what they said

 **[silent_roar]** : thanks ^^

 **[onehanna]** : oh dont be thankful just yet

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : u r buying the alcohol

 **[honeyjoo]** : yea, u missed out on way too much drinking

 **[happybunny]** : u gotta pay up

 **[silent_roar]** : guys

 **[silent_roar]** : im a teacher

 **[silent_roar]** : i dont have that amount of money

 **[still min]** : u say it like we drink a fckng river!!!!!

 **[yooham]** : dont u min?

 **[still min]** : shut up yoo kihyun

Minhyuk looked around his studio and sighed heavily thinking why he even signed up for this. Because it was needless to say that Minhyuk had to clean his apartment before the gang could come. His apartment wasn’t as big as Hoseok’s and Hyungwon’s but it would suffice. As the gang got older they started to sit on the floor more and more, closer together and shouted less and less at each other while hanging out and drinking. The still played games and drank, but they began to only go out in summers and days of good weather, since all of them were now working people and being sick was not a pleasant thing to be at work with.

Well, unless there was a reason to celebrate, then they would go out in any kind of weather - like the time Hanna left Minhyuk in the rain because apparently he had said something shitty to her, even though he didn’t remember anything, but Kihyun said he did, so he probably did.

Minhyuk looked to the clock at the wall and considered his 1AM options. He could go to bed and sleep, but that was not going to happen because it still wasn’t the time Minhyuk usually went to bed. He could go act like an adult and go back to work and finish those stupid cards, so he can later go to sleep (like an adult). Or he could go watch a show and procrastinate, stay up all night and fall asleep on the couch, wake up with aching neck from his couch sleeping positions.

He was already reaching for the Apple TV remote to go on Netflix and watch something, when suddenly a thought hit him. _No! Go to work and then you can stay up all night._

And for the first time in a long time, Minhyuk did the right thing… nope, he went to watch Netflix because he literally turned on his heel in the doorway of his office, telling himself the bride can wait until noon the next day.

“She’s getting married next week for fuck’s sake, she can wait. I’m never taking up another wedding thing,” Minhyuk mumbled to himself as he turned on the TV and went to the kitchen to grab a bag of snacks to munch on while the fictional lives unraveled on the screen.

On Saturday morning, Minhyuk ran to the bakery and fresh food market to get some fruit and veggies. It has been his Saturday morning ritual for about 3 years and it helped bring some order into his otherwise messily programmed life.

Stopping by his typical Saturday morning café on the way to the market, he chatted with the waitress as he did every week. The girl was in her second year at university and Minhyuk has met her every week without a fail for the last 1 and a half year. He could tell the girl had a little bit of a crush and always called him her ‘favorite customer’. At first, it was because she thought he was very handsome but later found out he was also an artist and a freelancer. She was studying Digital Art as her major for Bachelor’s degree, which Minhyuk did as his Masters course and he was so happy he did.

Upon returning home with full three bags of food, varying from bread and pastries to fruit, Minhyuk looked at his hamper and decided that today was the day he needed to do laundry. And while the washing machine cleaned his clothes Minhyuk tidied the apartment, vacuumed, placed all items into their rightful place and finally made himself the much deserved second cup of coffee of the day. As he was drinking it, he looked around the studio and suddenly thought back to his years of room-sharing with Kihyun… because frankly, this was the result of it - his cleaned up apartment. Back then Minhyuk wouldn’t have thought he’d be grateful of Kihyun’s 4-years-long nagging about cleaning the room properly, but in hindsight, he was glad that Kihyun nagged him so much. Not that he would ever admit it to anyone… _ever_.

The guys started slowly coming to Minhyuk’s place, bringing various things with them. Jooheon came first with a full paper bag of unhealthy snacks that were great to munch on at any point and always. After Jooheon, Kihyun appeared in the door, carrying the groceries he didn’t put onto Minhyuk’s shopping list. Hoseok and Hyungwon stepped through the threshold with the first six bottles of wine, both of them were fond of white so they brought various kinds. Changkyun and Hanna brought 4 more bottles of white and 5 bottles of Italian prossecco that Minhyuk had tried with Hanna once, when she brought it to a night at Kihyun’s and Yoongi’s, saying that it was her new vice and both him and Kihyun fell in love with it. Last one to show up was Hyunwoo, carrying cold cuts and cheeses, profusely apologizing for being late because he got lost on his way to Minhyuk’s, since his apartment building was in a very new neighborhood and everyone knew that Hyunwoo’s orientation skills were never the best in the first place.

Kihyun’s curry was cooking on the stove and he came over from behind the bar, where Hanna and Hoseok were sitting, keeping Kihyun company, talking about nutrition and some medical stuff that Minhyuk didn’t understand and couldn’t care enough to understand unless they offered to explain.

The three joined the rest of them in the living room part of the big room and chimed to the conversation, which swiveled around Hyunwoo talking about what was going on at university campus.

“There is this new kind of like, uhh, hazing challenge or something,” Hyunwoo was saying when the three joined them, Hanna going to sit next to Hyunwoo, Kihyun on the far opposite of his ex-boyfriend and Hoseok on the couch behind Hyungwon. “The first year Sports Ed students walk into the classroom early and usually put some stupid stuff on the projector, like porn pictures or funny memes. Then if it’s funny they post it online.”

“Was yours funny?” Hyungwon smirked behind his glass of wine.

“I don’t think so, but they still put it up on some of the social media,” Hyunwoo just shrugged.

“What did they use?” Minhyuk became curious.

“There was a rather explicit picture of a woman in a threesome and uh… you can imagine what that did to me,” Hyunwoo chuckled.

“Absolute nothing?” Jooheon joined him in chuckling away.

“Yeah, you should have seen their faces when I told them it would have been nice and hall had I swayed that way. The lecture hall fell into complete silence and the shocked expressions… _priceless_!”

Minhyuk noticed Kihyun smirk at this and take a fairly loud breath to say something, but as he was about to speak he suddenly changed his mind and wanted to stay silent. The only problem was that everyone’s eyes had already turned to him, expecting him to say something. It was as if he realized he would be talking to Hyunwoo, but didn’t want to actually, even though he claimed he wanted to go back to friends.

 _What a little coward,_ Minhyuk thought to himself.

Then quite of an awkward silence fell over them and Minhyuk just felt like he absolutely had to do something about it. A mischievous idea sparked in his mind when he looked around some of the best partners in crime he’s ever had. “You know what’s like really awkward, though?” he asked to everyone.

“ _No, what_?” Hoseok’s eyes sparked evil and understanding and as Minhyuk knew Hoseok, he would never miss out on a jab.

“Those two,” Jooheon exclaimed pointing to Hyunwoo and Kihyun.

“Yeah, you guys at least used to joke back then when you were only slightly awkward,” Hyungwon joined in, going back to the time before Hyunwoo and Kihyun got together at university.

“You call that _slight_ awkwardness? They used to talk about the _weather_ ,” Hanna raised her brow in Hyungwon’s direction and Changkyun found it hard to stifle a laugh and then breathed in to try and calm down.

“And food,” Jooheon finished for her.

Kihyun gave them a dirty look. “Hey! I still talk to people about food.”

Minhyuk just waved his hand in Hyunwoo’s direction while addressing Kihyun. “And Hyunwoo eats food and is a people-“

“A _person_ ,” Changkyun cut him off with a correction and a much saying look, which had Hyunwoo pressing his lips together to not smile or laugh and made the corner’s of Kihyun’s lips twitch upwards.

Minhyuk shot Changkyun a glare. “Can you _not_? I’m having a monologue here…”

“Well then, that was rather quick,” Jooheon added.

“That’s what she said,” Hanna said in a constrained voice as she tried hard not to burst out laughing, making such a cheap joke.

“What are you? 10?” Minhyuk shook his head over his best friend.

“More like a 9 and a half,” Changkyun stated and pretended to actually think about it for a moment. Hoseok and Hyungwon laughed without making any sound, slapping each other, Kihyun bit his lip to stay silent, but his face scrunched from the strain. Hyunwoo breathed heavily in and out through his nose, still pursing his lips to not let any laughter out from between them.

Hanna turned to Changkyun, her mouth open in angry shock that Minhyuk couldn’t tell whether she pretended or not. “Did you just…?

Jooheon began laughing at this point, no longer able to with hold the laughter, even though he tried to stifle it down.

“Kyun, I think you slept with your 9 and a half last night for the last time,” Hoseok mocked him.

Hanna switched to a neutral face as she corrected Hoseok: “This morning actually, but not important,” then her attention was back at Changkyun, who was barely holding his laugh down. “You’re laughing? Is it funny?” her voice was mocking and not at all playful sounding anymore, which Minhyuk noted to himself as being very dangerous with Hanna.

“Kyunnie, abort the mission, nothing is worth that voice,” Kihyun whispered loudly to Changkyun, to whose eyes fear started to suddenly creep its way in.

“Hyunwoo, how are you with me sleeping on your couch?” Hanna turned to Hyunwoo.

“Uuuhhh… h-how long?” Hyunwoo sounded unwilling to help.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she replied in a much sweeter voice to Hyunwoo before once more returning her gaze to her boyfriend, “ _forever._ ”

“Baby, c’mon, it was just a joke,” Changkyun chimes reaching with his hand closer to Hanna.

“So how would you like sleeping on the couch tonight? You know, as a joke. And tomorrow and next week and the whole of next month,” Hanna kept slowly raising her voice but never actually shouted, just put more power behind her words really.

“Come on, Han, are you on your period or something?” Hyungwon chimed in with a slightly mischievous glint in his eyes.

Hanna’s face turned lightly furious. “No, but I will be… in 2 days… shut the fuck up!” The more she spoke, the faster the words came out. Hyungwon’s lips twitched upwards to a smirk for a split second before regaining his composure.

“But wait…” Changkyun furrowed his brows and squinted his eyes. “You had it 2 weeks ago.”

“Not that I want to talk about my period,” Hanna’s voice and attitude back to normal, “but your faces were just _priceless_.”

“You _bitch_ ,” Minhyuk breathed out in realization.

Hanna and Hyungwon both break into full hearted massive laughter, seal-clapping their hands in satisfaction of the scene they pulled. They high fived each other over the coffee table and Hyungwon wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes.

“Oh God,” Kihyun sighed with exasperation but hid his face in his hands as the laughter waves flow through him. Hyunwoo chuckled away along with Jooheon and Hoseok, while Hanna leaned in to Changkyun and pecked him on the cheek.

“You face was a ten, Kyunnie, you gotta admit,” Hoseok threw Changkyun’s way and the latter could just not as he kept chuckling under his breath for falling for such a stupid joke of his girlfriend.

The rest of the night went on without more awkward silences and to Minhyuk’s pleasure, Hyunwoo and Kihyun actually spoke a couple of direct words to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun said it! Kihyun said it! He wants to be friends with Hyunwoo again!!! YAAAYY! 😲🙌 What do you guys think of his decision? Good or bad? The friendship between JooHyuk will never die, I swear... do you like it? Did Changkyun's 'nine and a half' crack you up at least a little bit? Or any other part? Let me know, please! 😄😄
> 
> How did you like this chapter?? Please share your thoughts and opinions with me in the comments. 🤍 Each one is special to me! 🤗
> 
> In the next episode - the guys experience another hangover morning (nothing like the old times, right? 😅) and Hyungwon tries to persuade Changkyun to do a song with him. 
> 
> On another note (sorry I'm sticking it here 👉👈)... I have finished 'Little Psycho' yesterday and if you're into a little bloody 'mafia' au with a ridiculously smart Kihyun and some 'family bonds' AND some ChangKi time... just saying, you know... it's there (sorry about the shameless advertising😔😓).
> 
> In either case, I hope you liked today's chapter and let's see each other in all the next ones! 😃 Until then, however, take care! ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	14. Sometimes Good Things Fall Apart…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! The hangover gang is back!😂 and yet again, someone swears to never drink again. Feels like old times, doesn't it? But sometimes old times don't last and people realize important things...
> 
> I hope you like this chapter! 😉

<Jooheon POV>

“Minhyuk, next time we drink, please remind me that I _don’t_ drink,” Jooheon grunted as he tried to sit up on the couch, but his effort only resulted in falling back down. He held his hands over his face and frowned at the horse-power headache he was now an owner of.

“Yeah,” Minhyuk groaned from the armchair, where he was sitting, elbows on his knees, holding his head, voice croaking from the screaming during the games they played yesterday.

“Well, I’m no medical expert… but you two look terrible,” a deep voice sounded from the door, followed by a rustle of plastic bags. Changkyun and Hanna had the hangover soup mission and judging from the smell, they succeeded.

The night was everything it should have been and could have been. It was fun, laughter, games, alcohol, food and friends. And best of all - it felt like old times.

What _didn’t_ feel like old times were the hangovers of the gang’s late 20s ages. _However_ , there was no way in hot burning hell Jooheon or Minhyuk were going to admit they were getting too old to drink over their limit. All of the other gang members started to slow down just before they hit the limit, but there was this stupid chase of memories that both Joo and Min sought out… or something. Jooheon once thought to himself during one of these parties the year before that he just didn’t want to be old.

“And I don’t need to be a medical expert to tell you to shut the fuck up, Kyun,” Minhyuk snapped from his position in the armchair and groaned again. He started to be a little snappier as he got older and had a hangover and Jooheon sometimes wondered what was the reason for it, because he had never used to be like that.

Changkyun even had the audacity to laugh shortly at the artist with a hangover, but Jooheon knew it would be better to kind of just shut up and let Minhyuk fizzle out. But then, it might be due to the fact that Jooheon drank more often with Minhyuk than anyone else from the gang.

“Yeah, I don’t think that medical education would make you eligible to say that,” Hyunwoo appeared from the guest room with barely opened eyes, messy hair and he also bore a frown on his face. “Man, I haven’t had a hangover like this in over 5 years. Jesus.”

“Where are the others?” Hanna asked. “Kihyun didn’t go home, did he?”

“At 5ish,” Minhyuk replied to her with the slightest annoyance lacing his voice. “Yoongi called.” And you could hear it more in the second part of the sentence. It wasn’t that Minhyuk didn’t like Yoongi - no, he thought they were great together, but Kihyun went to him when he called 99.99% of the time the gang hung out to stay overnight at someone’s place.

Jooheon understood Minhyuk’s feeling about Yoongi, because he shared fairly the same ones on the guy. It wasn’t that he wasn’t good to Kihyun or that they didn’t go together really well. It was the fact that ever since he moved in to live with Kihyun in his apartment, Kihyun felt as if obliged to not leave him there alone for too long, which ultimately meant not spending time as much time at these hang outs (that, _just saying_ , the gang didn’t do all that often these days).

So in the biggest of technicalities, it wasn’t Yoongi’s fault at all, but if his relationship with Kihyun meant that he was growing away from the gang, it was almost a given there would be one or more people, who wouldn’t like Kihyun’s ‘leaving’ manners. Or if it meant that that’s what a real adult relationship was (growing away from your friends that is) then Jooheon didn’t want one. Even though he wanted to be loved, wanted to be desired, wanted to be cared for by someone at least a little bit - he was not leaving any of his friends, because to him they meant more than a relationship.

Or maybe he just didn’t find the one he’d be willing to do it for…

“Every time. I swear to God, he does this every time,” Hanna sighed as she and Kyun started unpacking 5 out of 8 portions of soup on the kitchen’s small breakfast bar. “Come have soup, you two.”

Jooheon lifted his hands from his face, letting the morning light hit his eyes… to check who were the two Hanna was speaking to. Then he realized it was Minhyuk and him, so with about a millionth grunt of the morning he lifted himself of the couch heavily and went over.

“Thank you,” Hyunwoo said in a hushed voice as he already began slurping the soup in his bowl.

“You’re the best, Han,” Jooheon tried to smile, but it felt like too much effort for his face right now, so he didn’t know how that turned out.

“Hey, I bought them,” Changkyun protested softly.

“Don’t you guys have a shared bank account or something?” Minhyuk raised his brow at the couple.

“You mean the one, where we send extra money that we managed to save and invest into buying small stocks? Because other than that one, I ain’t sharing my paycheck with him,” Hanna sipped her coffee.

“Same. I don’t want her to know what I buy,” Changkyun agreed. “We might be a couple and all that crap, but we’re still two people, who can act separately. We share our finances, we tell each other about all major purchases, but it’s not like we only live off of one account.”

“That’s smart,” Hyunwoo muttered, nodding to what the two have been saying.

“Do I smell soup?” Hoseok’s voice sounded from the door to Minhyuk’s bedroom. “Kihyun went home again, eh?” he asked as he noticed the number of people in the kitchen.

“Of course,” Jooheon explained. “Boyfriend called.”

Hoseok just sighed and made his way to the counter where Hanna was already preparing his soup. “Man, we drank so much again…”

“Tell me about it,” Minhyuk groaned, still only staring at the bowl of soup.

“I, for sure, am not drinking again,” Jooheon repeated the mantra the gang has known all too well, as everyone has used a variation of the sentence on multiple occasions.

Changkyun smirked at the statement as he continued to eat his soup. Hyunwoo finished with his bowl and leaned against the counter once more on his elbows, his head in his hands and he looked like he was in a lot of pain.

“How did we used to do this almost pretty much every week will never cease to amaze me,” Hyunwoo croaked out and sighed afterwards.

Memories sprung into Jooheon’s mind of almost endless drinking at RapGround, whether they were celebrating or not; drunk games they used to play in the room that Hoseok and Hyungwon occupied, because they somehow always landed one of the biggest ones on campus; and finally images of throwing up in the alleys between buildings on their way back to the dorms from whichever party they just got smashed at.

 _Good times_ , Jooheon thought and nodded to himself with a half smile playing on his lips.

“What are you smiling about, Joo?” Minhyuk asked with interest gleaming in his eyes.

“I just remembered some of the parties where we all got hammered. Like the one Kyun got his eyebrow pierced and in the morning, no one knew what the hell happened,” Jooheon chuckled under his breath shortly, but fondly.

“I actually don’t remember that party,” Hanna laughed out loud and Hoseok joined her, saying that neither did he.

“Sometimes I wish we could go back to those times,” Minhyuk said with a sad smile as he laid his cheek against the cold surface of the breakfast bar, bending over on his chair.

“I don’t,” Changkyun spoke, his voice clear and the feel of standing behind his words was very easily legible, form the way the words came out. “Those times are still there for us in our memories… no one is going to take that away from us, but… growing up and moving on is important.”

Jooheon felt like Changkyun has really worked up this kind of adult intelligence in the last year, but there was no one in the room that _felt_ the words just said more than Hyunwoo. His normally, almost illegible face now had a slightly sorrowful yet understanding expression and his sigh gave away more than he ever would with his words. It stood for all those years that he spent with Kihyun as a friend, when he harbored feelings for him; all those years he spent with him as his boyfriend when he openly loved him to bits and pieces; all those years he spent away from him, most likely loving him the same. It was as if the words that made Changkyun seem more adult gave Hyunwoo some other sense - sense of letting go of something that will never come back.

As Jooheon’s mother taught him when he was about to go to university, there were 4 things in life that you couldn’t get back - the stone after it’s thrown, the words after they are said, the opportunity after it’s missed and the time after it’s gone. Hyunwoo didn’t miss the opportunity he had to go chase after his dream, but he couldn’t take back the words said and the time passed.

And Jooheon felt pity and compassion for one of his best friends. Hyunwoo obviously (like… everyone has always seen that) loved Kihyun and would have loved him until the end of his days. That realization broke Jooheon’s heart… again - that Hyunwoo now realized he had to let go…

When Sunday afternoon rolled around Jooheon found himself seated next to Hyungwon in a bean bag in Changkyun’s small makeshift studio that he built in the extra bedroom of the apartment he lived in with Hanna. It was the bigger one of the bedrooms but it wasn’t like the two used the bedroom for other then sleeping and some other night activities that Jooheon didn’t really like hearing about.

Maybe had Hanna, not been a part of the gang, then he would want to hear of it. But Changkyun didn’t really like sharing their private life like this, so… really only Minhyuk and Hoseok enjoyed over-sharing facts from the bedroom.

The three of them agreed to meet at Changkyun’s because Jooheon was so stuck in his slump that he needed to work with his friends on something new. Hyungwon brought a set of songs he was working on for his next release and he tried to talk Changkyun into doing a song with him, begging him to rap again. Because truth be told, the gang missed hearing Changkyun rap, even though he did occasionally release songs on his Soundcloud, but it wasn’t the kind he used to make for RapGround back in the day.

Joohoen agreed wholeheartedly with this, he used to get so many sparks of inspiration during their nights at RapGround that he really did miss those times. He hoped that one afternoon and evening with Hyungwon and Changkyun would help him get back on track… or at least out of the slump.

“Kyun, please, just one song…” Hyungwon repeated himself for about 10th time that afternoon.

“You know what, Won… when Hanna comes back and she likes one of the songs that you want to give me, I’ll do it,” Changkyun finally crumbled under the pressure.

“Why are you pushing this to her court? Can’t you do anything without her approval?” Jooheon joked. He knew very well that both of them respected each other’s wishes. This was more a way for Changkyun to refuse politely, because he was damn sure if he texted Hanna to say she did not to like any of Hyungwon’s songs, she would probably do it, claiming she only respected Changkyun’s wish to not go back to RapGround style rap.

“You realize that I will make her like at least one, right?” Hyungwon smirked at the rapper.

“Don’t be so sure,” Changkyun grinned back and the two fist bumped with made Jooheon chuckle.

“Challenge accepted. When is she coming back?”

“Should be home around 10. She had the afternoon ER shift today, the Sundays are usually pretty quiet.”

They dived back into the music and Jooheon was slowly starting to feel the slump going away as his mind started to give him ideas.

<Changkyun POV>

The three of them have fallen into a trance and when Jooheon finally joined the bickering DJ/producer and rapper/producer duo, Changkyun felt very happy because the bouncy excitement of music creation combined with intense concentration that was so characteristic to Jooheon and that meant that the slump problem was solved and therefore maybe even Jooheon’s personal life would take another turn.

Changkyun really hoped that Jooheon would take (or maybe already have taken) his words into consideration and would actually give the thinking about taking a break from the relationship with Mino some time of the day. Not that Changkyun didn’t like the guy, but him and Jooheon were not really suited for each other long term. He would love to say that he knew of someone, who would be a good counterpart to Jooheon. The issue here was that Jooheon was the kind of a person, who would accommodate the person he’s in relationship with and take on some of their features - sometimes good ones, sometimes bad ones. And from Mino, he happened to take more of the bad ones, as if to kind of compensate for his good nature.

It was now Changkyun’s turn to sit on one of the beanbags with Jooheon at the computer, showing Hyungwon some tweaks he thought would fit one of his songs better than the original arrangement. Changkyun was really just enjoying what was going on around him and spending time with his friends was as important to him as spending time with Hanna.

The ringing of Hyungwon’s phone tore the trio out of their session with a bright chirping sound. Hyungwon picked up and put it on speaker phone. “Hey, babe. What’s up?”

“ _When are you coming home? Should I wait up?_ ” Hoseok asked from the other side of the line.

“You’re already going to bed? It’s not even 10 yet,” Hyungwon replied with his eyes still fixated on the computer screen, but his face was not decorated with a confused frown.

“ _Wonnie, it’s almost midnight_ ,” Hoseok said softly. “ _Did you guys get lost in the music again?_ ”

“No, but Hanna was supposed to come home at 10, but she’s not in yet,” Hyungwon turned to Changkyun with a questioning gaze.

“ _Oh? Is she okay?_ ” Hoseok sounded concerned.

“Ummm, Kyun?”

“Let me check,” Changkyun pulled out his phone, but no message and no missed call appeared on the screen. A frown settled on his face as he clicked her contact icon and dialed her number. There was silence in the room while the ringing tone sounded in Changkyun’s ears. The call eventually went into the automatic voicemail. “Voicemail.”

“Nothing could have happened, right?” Jooheon asked, worry lacing his voice.

“I don’t know,” Changkyun shook his head and replied slowly. He was worried about her, but it could really be nothing.

“Babe, I’ll stay until she comes back and then I’ll go home, okay?” Hyungwon told Hoseok.

“ _Okay. Text me when she comes back, so I don’t have to worry. I’ll try to wait up for you, too._ ”

“Okay. Love you.”

“ _Love you, too_.” Hyungwon hung up on the call and the studio fell into complete silence as Jooheon and Hyungwon stared at the worried rapper, who was nervously biting his lips.

The time ticked by and all three tried to call Hanna but to no avail. It was just past 1AM when the electronic key pad on the door beeped and the front door opened. Changkyun darted from the living room and he arrived just in time to see Hanna slide down the wall and hold her knees with her hands and place her forehead on top of them.

He quickly kneeled by her on the floor by the door. “Han, Han, what happened?”

A heavy sigh came out of her and she spoke to her arms. “Just a really long day…”

“Baby, is everything okay?” Changkyun pushed further as he reached to pull her head up. She had a bruise on her right cheekbone and a tired face. Changkyun ever so gently brushed the spot with the pad of his fingers and Hanna flinched away from the pain that zinged from it. “What happened?”

She then noticed Jooheon and Hyungwon standing in the door to the living room quietly but with worried faces. “Just…” she sighed and leaned her head back against the wall behind her, “there was a big bus crash on one of the main boulevards. Some drunk driver caused a collision of his car, a public transport bus and a bus behind, in which some big children’s gymnastics team was going home from a competition. There were so many heavily injured kids and many people in the public transport were even worse. They came in about 15 minutes before the end of my shift and I had to stay behind. It was a lot of work, I don’t know if I’ve ever fixed so many broken legs and arms as today.”

“What about the bruise?” Kyun asked curiously.

“In all the turmoil and commotion, one of my colleagues hit me in the face with the edge of a surgical tray, when he was trying to avoid a group of paramedics bringing in a heavily bleeding child,” Hanna shook her head softly, explaining the reason for her decorated cheekbone.

“Do you want to go take a shower?” Changkyun asked with a comforting voice, completely understanding the hardships of the job in the ER. He could see how difficult it was for her to handle these kinds of things and wondered if there was more to it that just the bus crash, but he also knew that pressuring Hanna into telling him something was somewhat pointless. She would come to him and tell him what was troubling her in her own time. That is how their relationship worked and Changkyun loved every aspect of it.

She nodded and Changkyun helped her stand up in a very loving and caring manner. He opened the door to the bathroom for her and closed them behind her, turning to their friends.

“Thanks for staying, guys,” he said and smiled tiredly at Hyungwon and Jooheon who began to put their shoes and jackets on.

“Of course. I’m just happy it wasn’t anything bad in the end,” Jooheon patted Changkyun’s shoulder.

“Exactly, I can go home with peace in my mind now,” Hyungwon agreed and both of them made their way down the hallway to the elevator and into the night to get to their own homes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Hyunwoo realized that he had to let go... doesn't that make you just a little sad? 😢💔 Hyungwon didn't succeed in convincing Changkyun to go back to RapGround-style rap but there's always another day, right? And it seems that slowly but surely the adult life it catching up to all of them...
> 
> Please tell me what you think of today's chapter! I value all of your comments and opinions a lot. 🤍🤗
> 
> Next time - it's HALLOWEEN❗ and if you have been following the story for a while you would know that a lot of stuff goes down for the gang on Halloween in particular. And this time it's no different.😉 and it seems that it will be up on December 24th, making it a little bit of Christmas gift for you guys - what do you say??? 
> 
> But until then, please take care and stay healthy. See you next time for another chapter! ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	15. …So That Better Things Can Fall Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone! 🎄 I hope you all have a good one this year, even though 2020 was not what most people wanted it to be.
> 
> The gang is back and it's Halloween time. I have mentioned in the notes of the previous chapter Halloween has always been a time when something goes down for the group. And today's chapter is no different. 😉
> 
> But without further ado, I hope you enjoy the chapter 🤗

**~HALLOWEEN TIME - 5 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Jooheon POV>

The next couple of weeks passed real fast for Jooheon. The company he’s been working in was currently trying to get as many songs out as possible since the awards season was falling upon them and Jooheon got out of his slump the night when Hanna came home completely beat up from work.

He also made up with Mino and for the last 3 weeks their time together has been better than ever. Just like always after they fought. Jooheon could see the pattern that Changkyun had mentioned before. And when he got that minute to think about it during his busy days, he was slowly getting annoyed with it.

**~[Listen Up Gang]** chat room~

 **[honeyjoo]** : guys

 **[honeyjoo]** : we should get together

 **[honeyjoo]** : halloween is coming and we dont have anything planned yet -_-‘

 **[still min]** : i thought we were meeting and h&h’s place

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : where did u get that?

 **[happybunny]** : also interested

 **[silent_roar]** : i thought it was a given ^^;

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : we were counting on it too

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : hanna is next to me, but she is too lazy to grab her phone

 **[yooham]** : was it not already set that we were going to yours?

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : why cant we go wreck someone else’s place this year?

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : like kyun’s and han’s for example

 **[silent_roar]** : their living room isnt as big

 **[still min]** : and they dont have gaming consoles

 **[happybunny]** : min, u should grow up first of all

 **[still min]** : i tried

 **[still min]** : its not working out for me

 **[still min]** : maybe next year?

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : doubtful…

 **[happybunny]** : why dont we meet at mins this year

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : maybe for once nobody would have to carry him home then?

 **[honeyjoo]** : im in

 **[honeyjoo]** : mins place then

 **[yooham]** : cool cool cool

 **[still min]** : when did i agree?????

 **[silent_roar]** : i thought it was a given…

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : we were counting on it…

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : (still talking for han too)

 **[yooham]** : yeah min, was it not already set?

 **[still min]** : did u just…?

 **[still min]** : …

 **[still min]** : fine

 **[still min]** : FINE

 **[still min]** : FINE!!!!!!!!!

 **[still min]** : halloween is at mine this year

 **[still min]** : whatever

 **[honeyjoo]** : hahahahah

 **[honeyjoo]** : thanks for the invite, min

 **[happybunny]** : cheers, mate ^^

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : i will try not to come late

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : dont make fake promises won

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : that is why i said i will TRY

 **[happybunny]** : we just know how you are won

 **[happybunny]** : thats all

 **[honeyjoo]** : yea, u just dont usually turn up on time and awake so…

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : hey!

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : i still sleep much less these days

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : and i blame hoseok

 **[silent_roar]** : why?

 **[silent_roar]** : does he keep u up at night? hihi *wiggles eyebrows*

 **[still min]** : wait…

 **[still min]** : was that a…?

 **[yooham]** : yes… yes it was…

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : sadly…

 **[happybunny]** : hyunwoo can be funny too, guys!

 **[honeyjoo]** : just not now…

 **[honeyjoo]** : any other time… maybe

 **[still min]** : yeah, i pity the students that sit in your class hyunwoo

 **[still min]** : i mean i like you as friend, hell u r one of my best friends

 **[still min]** : but i still pity them

 **[silent_roar]** : r u guys done dissing me?

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : sadly…

 **[yooham]** : lol ‘sadly’ hahahahha

 **[yooham]** : sorry not sorry

 **[silent_roar]** : cool cool cool cool cool cool

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : no doubt no doubt

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : loooool

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : should we have a brooklyn 99 marathon?

 **[happybunny]** : tell me why?

 **[silent_roar]** : ain’t nothing but a heart ache!

 **[happybunny]** : teeeell me WHY?!

 **[silent_roar]** : ain’t nothing but a mistake

 **[yooham]** : i never wanna heeeaar you say

 **[silent_roar]** : i want it thaaat way!

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : chills

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : literal chills XDDDDD

(A/N.: [[the referenced joke]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlBYdiXdUa8&ab_channel=BrooklynNine-Nine) Here is the link for the part the guys are referencing. After you watch it, I’m sure you’ll get the joke. It’s arguably the best cold open in Brooklyn Nine-Nine, which btw is a great freaking show and I whole heartedly recommend it if you have never watched it!)

Jooheon laughed at the exchange between his friends and his day instantly lit up a little bit. For one, he had a place to spend Halloween at. Whether Mino liked it or not, Jooheon couldn’t give less fuck. His boyfriend had mentioned some party at some club, but the last thing Jooheon wanted to do was go to a club and rescue Hyunwoo or Minhyuk when they get too drunk.

In the last 3 weeks Hyunwoo has spent so much time with the gang members, together or separately. He’s really making up for the lost time and even Kihyun was slowly warming up to him. And slowly meaning like very very very very slowly, even a snail would be faster. But at this point Kihyun was able to stay with Hyunwoo in the same room if only one other person was there, which admittedly was a massive improvement from their first meeting after 5 years, when he couldn’t be in the same apartment with him at all. They still didn’t talk much, but a polite ‘hello, how are you?’ and ‘good, thank you’ were always counted as a step forward.

Halloween was on Thursday and Jooheon took Friday off - he _was_ thinking ahead this time and he was really looking forward to whatever the Halloween was going to bring.

When Jooheon arrived at home, he was almost dead from how tired he was. He stayed extra long to make up for his day off on Friday, but he was kind of happy to find out that the light were on when he opened the door to his apartment.

“Hi,” Mino called out from the living room. “Nice of you to finally show up!”

And Jooheon’s good mood went down the drain right that instant.

“Some of us actually work hard, you know,” Jooheon replied before he could stop himself. And he walked into the living room after taking his shoes off.

“What? What the hell, Jooheon?!” Mino stood up from the couch and an angry expression settled on his face.

“I said that some of us work hard, Mino. And I know you heard me well. You have no problems hearing and if you do, you should visit a doctor, because that would not be good for a man your age,” Jooheon plopped himself tiredly onto the couch as he calmly spoke to his boyfriend, whom he really even wanted to begin a fight so they have a reason to break up, because Jooheon was too much of a chicken to do it when everything was calm.

“I’m starting to get tired of your bullshit, Jooheon,” Mino raised his voice.

“Then pack your shit and go,” Jooheon sighed, hoping the man would get the message. The advice from Changkyun was eating Jooheon alive and he knew now how right his best friend was.

“Are you serious right now?” he shot at him with an angry glare and tense shoulders. “Or is this one of your great friends talking again?”

This made Jooheon get out of the carelessness for the way their relationship was heading in. However, he never lost his calm demeanor. “Don’t drag my friends into this, Mino. You think I cannot think for myself? You know, I’m just so fucking tired of this back and forth that we’ve had ever since we began. We were never meant to work long time and it’s just a shame that I realized that only now. So just…” Jooheon went silent for a moment as if he was looking for that one word, “ _go._ ”

Mino looked at him like a wounded dear. “Just don’t regret this one day, Heonie. Okay?”

“Yeah. Don’t hold your breath,” he said and walked out of the room and into the bathroom to give the man time to leave his apartment with his stuff packed.

 _Hopefully, he won’t forget anything_ , Jooheon sighed as he took off his clothes and stepped into the shower.

Thursday rolled around and Jooheon couldn’t wait to leave work. He has been looking forward to chilling with his friends for a very long time now. Actually, he was excited more for Halloween celebration that for Hoseok’s and Hyungwon’s 4000 days party/end of Hanna’s residency/Hyunwoo’s home coming party.

He left work in a good enough time to make it to Minhyuk’s place around 6. And since Jooheon supposed the traffic would be bad he decided (smartly) to take the public transport in the morning. It was the second morning he woke up as a single man and, frankly, he felt _great_.

The first one was a little strange and he the silence of the apartment was a little more crowding than the mornings when Mino just didn’t sleep over, but today he just bloomed with liberty and freedom. He felt like he was back in uni times when his (almost) carefree life was bringing him to doom. And he loved it… until he realized he had a day job to go to.

What a way to spoil happy morning.

After stopping by at the small convenience store by Minhyuk’s house he bought some whiskey and beer, knowing others would bring either more alcohol or more food, he made his way to Minhyuk’s apartment building. He loved how the gang just worked on autopilot when it came to going to parties and organizing stuff, especially after so many years of practice.

“Hey. I’m here first?” Jooheon asked Minhyuk when he noticed the lack of shoes in Minhyuk’s hall.

“Hyunwoo’s in the bathroom - makes you second,” Minhyuk smirked at him.

“Are you not doing a costume this year?” Jooheon took in Minhyuk’s appearance top to bottom.

“Nah, had a lot to do this week. What’s your excuse, honeybee?”

“Same shit, different day?”

Minhyuk chuckled at the response and nodded in acknowledgement. “I feel ya, brother.”

<Minhyuk POV>

The gang was all at Minhyuk’s place just before 7PM. They were just waiting for Kihyun and Yoongi to arrive, so that they could make their night memorable again… depending on the amount of alcohol they would consume.

When the two appeared in the doorway, cheers could be heard from the living room and they were all directed at Yoongi. They saw Kihyun often enough, so…

“Welcome, Thy Voice of Reason,” Hanna clapped and smiled widely at Kihyun’s boyfriend from her spot next to Hoseok. “Thank you, thank you for coming to our small gathering!”

A small smile played on the man’s lips as he answered. “Uhhh, when did I become the voice of reason?”

“Do you have to oppose everything I say? Are you my boyfriend?” Hanna snapped back in a joking manner, seemingly offended.

“No, _no_ ,” Yoongi widened his eyes comically and waved his hands in front of him, “no thank God, no.”

“What?” Hanna gave off an appalled face and furrowed her brows in shock. “Are you saying…?”

“Uhhhh, uuuhh, ugh,” Yoongi stuttered, clearly not knowing what to say.

In that moment Hyunwoo passed Yoongi in the doorway to the living room and leaned in to whisper a mocking warning to him loudly, so that everyone could hear. “Choose your words carefully now.”

Yoongi looked at Hyunwoo, who was smiling and swallowed dryly. He shot an unsure glance back at Hanna. “Uuuuhh, I-uhm… I love Kihyun?”

Hanna pursed her lips and makes a comical, slightly judging expression. “Mhm, mhm, I see, I see. You’re the 6 outta 10 kinda guy.”

“Hey!” Kihyun exclaimed from his spot at the breakfast bar. “Since when did I become a 6 out of 10?”

“Yeah,” Hyunwoo nonchalantly ‘agreed; with Kihyun. “Kihyun’s just 5’9”.”

That second all the jaws in the room dropped. Kihyun’s was accompanied by a terrified stare at the jab from Hyunwoo, everyone else’s just from pure shock of the fact the Hyunwoo was able to produce a diss like that - and so casually with _such nonchalance_. Only Son Hyunwoo, really - he also topped it off with a face that showed how pleased he was with himself. There was such a beautiful shit eating grin settled on his face that Minhyuk had to push his dropped jaw back up and bite his lips, so he didn’t burst out laughing.

Meanwhile, Hyungwon stood up from the couch and grabbed an aloe plant from Minhyuk’s window and walked over to Kihyun, handing it to him.

“What is this?” Kihyun confusingly glanced from the flower to his tall friend that was holding it.

“They say aloe soothes burnt areas,” Hyungwon stated as a matter of fact wiggling it closer to Kihyun.

“Fuck you, Hyungwon,” Kihyun said but there was no spite in his voice.

“Oh, come on… no need to be mean, Ki,” Hoseok called out from the couch. “Apparently, aloes also grow really fast, so maybe _if_ your rub it all over yourself, you might get a late growth spurt along with the burn soothing sensation.”

Yoongi cracked up for a split second and then Kihyun turned to him feigning anger and shock. “Are you laughing?”

His boyfriend looked milliseconds from bursting into laughter, barely holding the smirk off his lips with great effort. “No,” his voice came out strangled, “I would never.”

“I see, I see,” Kihyun sighed theatrically. “I have great friends… truly spectacular.

“That’s not _our_ fault you have friends like that,” Minhyuk walked past him and patted Kihyun’s shoulder, holding a shot in one of his hands.

“Yeah, you chose to be friends with us,” Hanna joined Minhyuk and sipped from her wine glass.

“So don’t drag us into it,” Jooheon grinned at the nutritionist as he took a big bite out of one of the sandwiches Kihyun prepared.

“Yeah, I noticed this choice will haunt me for the rest of my life,” Kihyun spoke as he made his way to Minhyuk. When he finished, he took the shot glass from Minhyuk’s hand and kicked it back classic bottoms up style. He then placed the empty glass back into Minhyuk’s hand.

Minhyuk was left astonished. He glanced at everyone, pretending to be utterly shocked. “Did you guys see that? _So rude_.”

The apartment was rid off all of the guests, except Jooheon, at something past 4AM. Minhyuk thought of the Halloween party as a success, since all of his friends got sufficiently drunk, Hyunwoo and Kihyun even joked together, Yoongi and Hyunwoo surprisingly found common interests that did not involve Kihyun, who by the way was ever the responsible guest and just before him and Yoongi called the cab, helped clean some part of the apartment so Minhyuk didn’t have as much of a difficult job in the morning.

Jooheon was sprawled on the couch in a very weird position that would most surely result in him having a bitch of a back pain in the morning or afternoon, depending on when he came to.

Minhyuk stared at Jooheon’s face for a bit and he remembered his uni years, when the two used to ‘hang out’. And it must have been the alcohol talking in Minhyuk’s mind but he fucking missed those days and nights. Looking back, Jooheon was probably the best person Minhyuk has every slept with, man or woman. And Minhyuk has slept with _many_. None of them made him feel like Jooheon’s proximity did.

He didn’t know why he was getting these thoughts now that he was kneeling by the couch, about the wake Jooheon up from his doze, but he realized how everything was fine in the back of his mind all the while before Jooheon got into his really bad relationship with Mino. Up until then the two were hanging out together, drinking, eating… just normal friends stuff. Bu then Mino came in and took Minhyuk’s Jooheon away and replaced him with Mino’s Jooheon and Minhyuk was always so angry when Jooheon told him he would have to cancel their hang out or dinner or something they planned, because Mino this or Mino that. Nothing ever made Minhyuk more angry than that these days, so one could imagine how happy he was when Jooheon had said he would come alone to the Halloween party. Minhyuk had no idea why he was reacting to Jooheon’s boyfriend so badly and why he couldn’t just be happy for his best friend, but he simply wasn’t.

He would also love to know the reason as to why his hand was pushing Jooheon’s long hair out of his forehead now, stroking his face gently. “Heonnie, hey, you can’t stay on the couch like this. Your back will hurt in the morning,” he so softly whispered to the lightly sleeping man. His hand still continuing in its motions across his forehead and dimpled cheeks.

“Hmmm,” Jooheon hummed and leaned ever so slightly towards Minhyuk’s hand.

And in that moment, couraged by the alcohol, Minhyuk did something he swore he would never, _ever_ do in his life ever again, because it led to so much pain in the life of a person he adored _so fucking_ much…

He kissed Jooheon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... I know I cut it off. But the next chapter will be directly connected to the end of this one, so...
> 
> Jooheon broke up with Mino - doesn't just feel great? 🙌 Hyunwoo's joking with Kihyun and has similar interests as Yoongi that don't involve Kihyun? It's obvious that Yoongi is a good guy and so is Hyunwoo! 😉 But most importantly - MINHYUK KISSED JOOHEON!!!! 😲🤯 Did you guys expect that? 🤔 He swore he would never do that again! If you read Petals of Love, you what happened between the two, so... 💔
> 
> Please share your opinions and thoughts on the chapter in the comments... I love reading them and it makes my day when I can interact with you guys! 🤍🥰🤗
> 
> Next time, a little bit of Joohyuk time 🙈 and both Minhyuk and Hanna think of starting a new business, but both for completely different reasons 😂🤫
> 
> I wish you all a beautiful Christmas holiday 🎄 with lots of good family time and important rest that you deserve after this crazy year! 🌟🤍🤗
> 
> I hope you enjoyed today's chapter, maybe even that it surprised you a little bit... and let's see each other in the next one as well! Stay safe and take care. Merry Christmas 🎄🤍🥰 ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	16. Starting a New Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, hello 😄 this chapter is directly connected to the end of the previous one, so I hope you enjoy it! 🙈

<Minhyuk POV>

Minhyuk swore he would never kiss Jooheon again in his life, even if it was for a stupid dare or a prank. _Never._ He caused his honeybee friend so much pain by rejecting him all those years ago, saying that he no longer had feelings for him. The two didn’t speak for a while back then and then finally settled on being the best of friends.

But something in Minhyuk, selfishly (yes, _very incredibly selfishly_ ), wanted to kiss Jooheon in this moment, where only a soft light from the kitchen shone into the living room and it made him look so fucking handsome and that something in Minhyuk simply could not resist that one thing he made to be an absolutely forbidden fruit. Minhyuk’s decision was bold thanks to the alcohol he consumed, but it wasn’t one that wasn’t done of his own volition. He had very much wanted to do that probably ever since he kissed Jooheon’s lips the last time all the way back in the summer after the second year of university. It was so hard for him to admit it now, but he finally saw through the veil that he’d been putting in front of his eyes.

When Minhyuk’s lips touched Jooheon’s soft ones, for a split second the man on the couch froze before his lips started to slightly push against Minhyuk’s own. Minhyuk reached one with one hand and caressed Jooheon’s cheek ever so tenderly with his fingertips and he leaned in closer to the lying man in the couch.

Then Jooheon started to move his lips against Minhyuk’s in perfect harmony, opening his mouth a little bit, which allowed Minhyuk to graze Jooheon’s lower lip with his teeth. Jooheon hummed into the kiss pleasantly and his hand settled at the nape of Minhyuk’s neck, but it didn’t push or pull, it just rested there.

This encouraged Minhyuk to deepen the kiss as he pushed his tongue past Jooheon’s lips and licked into his mouth. Jooheon moaned softly and contently, returning the fervor of the kiss, but this time the hand that rested at Minhyuk’s nape pushed the kneeling man closer as if he couldn’t get enough of the kiss once he got the taste of it.

However, Minhyuk was the same. His thirst was insatiable and the kiss only made it worse. He tasted that one thing he said he never would again and it was sweeter, better and more joyful than ever before.

Without breaking the kiss, Minhyuk straightened his body and brought one knee onto the couch, then the other one and in the next moment, he was straddling Jooheon’s hips as he laid on the sofa.

The kiss was passionate and both men were battling with their tongues and lips, biting and licking. Apart from the soft sounds of pleasure there were no other sounds in the apartment, but neither of them cared.

Suddenly Minhyuk broke the kiss and turned his attention to the spot just below Jooheon’s jaw that was so sensitive, eliciting another one of those delicious moans from Jooheon as he sucked on the skin a little bit. Minhyuk knew all of the man’s soft spots and he was going to use it to his advantage right now.

Jooheon’s hands settled on Minhyuk’s hips for a moment before he started to push them underneath Minhyuk’s shirt to feel the hot milky skin with his finger tips, while Minhyuk kept working wonders on his neck and collarbones. Jooheon’s melodic moans and hums sounded through the room and to Minhyuk they were like the most beautiful music, his heart soared just from the fact that he was the one getting these out of Jooheon.

“Min,” Jooheon managed to say softly in between Minhyuk’s kisses, drawing his attention. Jooheon didn’t even know what he wanted to say by this but he just needed to say his friend’s name, because he even loved how it laid on his tongue and how it fell of his lips when the man in question was doing what he was doing.

“Honey, please,” Minhyuk whispered and pulled away, but only far away to see the other’s eyes clearly as he stared deep into them, “just let me worship your body one more time. Please…” he pleaded with some apology lacing his voice. His eyes were almost literally dripping with love as he dove back in for another deep and passionate kiss.

“Mmmm,” another moan, this type louder and ever fuller of pleasure, came from Jooheon, reverberating through Minhyuk’s chest as well. Jooheon pushed his hands up, hiking up the shirt along the way until he stopped at Minhyuk’s pecks, where he waited for a moment before he broke the kiss. “Off,” he said simply, signaling for Minhyuk to take the garment off.

Minhyuk pulled the t-shirt off and while he did that he seductively rolled his hips against Jooheon’s once and felt the half-erect hardness trapped in Jooheon’s jeans rub his equally restrained member in his own pants. He moaned and threw his head back and did the same motion again. And then again. And again.

Judging by the sounds that were echoing through Minhyuk’s apartment both of them enjoyed what was currently happening on the couch in the dark living room. Jooheon held tighter onto Minhyuk’s hips and rutted his hips up, the friction proving little satisfaction. So he grabbed Minhyuk’s elbow and pulled him down for another kiss, this one a fast, hungry battle of lips and tongues.

“Bedroom,” Minhyuk murmured when he broke for air after the searing kiss, panting ever so slightly. He began to rise up but Jooheon quickly pulled him in for seconds of the same kind of kiss they just broke apart from. It was obvious that neither of them could get enough of the other.

Jooheon somehow managed to sit up on the couch without breaking away from Minhyuk’s lips and pushed his clothed chest against Minhyuk’s naked one, but it still wasn’t enough. He wanted to feel the other’s hot skin on his - leave burning touches that felt like they seared the skin and left only scars behind.

But neither of them cared about the possibility of pain in this moment, because there was only passion and thirst for the other driving them forward. If there were going to be regrets about this night, they would definitely not be of the sort that would be considered right in this moment. They would worry about the future when the future came.

“Let’s go,” Jooheon agreed to Minhyuk’s suggestion a little out of breath when he finally got a full breather.

Minhyuk stood up from the couch and gently took Jooheon by the hand, helping him stand up from the couch. He hastily planted another peck on Jooheon’s lips and then gently pulled on his hand to follow him to the bedroom, even though Jooheon knew where the room was.

Once they were in the room, the clothes literally flew off of their bodies in rapid, yet coordinated motions as both just couldn’t wait to get rid of them. They were left in their underwear, the thin fabric doing nothing to conceal both hard lengths, tenting the material as Minhyuk once again had Jooheon on his back and in a moaning and panting mess, when he began working his skilled hand over Jooheon’s body, worshipping it just like he promised.

Minhyuk cupped Jooheon’s erection through the material of his underwear, noticing the wet spot that was caused by the leaking pre-cum.

“Min,” Jooheon panted, “don’t tease. Please.” As he said this, he slid his hand into Minhyuk’s boxers wrapping his fingers around his hard length.

“Anything for you, honey,” Minhyuk’s voice came out clouded and dark from need. He removed his hands from Jooheon’s skin and reached to the nightstand beside his bed, where he knew he had some condoms and lube. After grabbing those important items, he dropped them next to Jooheon and dove in for another kiss, his lips already hungry for the kisses of the other.

The two never went to sleep before the sun rose to the clear sky of the late fall. Both just laid next to each other, fingers drawing shapes with feather-light touches on the skin, no words were spoken between the two as Minhyuk’s bedroom kept gaining light from the rising sun. The two just enjoyed each other’s close proximity and comfort the embrace of the other was providing, the alcohol long gone from their bloods.

It must have been quite a while before Jooheon sighed heavily and began to sit up without a word. Minhyuk scrunched his brows a bit but didn’t sit up, only stared into Jooheon’s back.

“I should go,” Jooheon uttered quietly.

Minhyuk nodded even though he knew the other couldn’t see him. “Yeah, of course,” he replied in a hushed voice, doing his hardest to detach any stray bit of feeling that might have clung onto it.

Jooheon got up from the bed and slowly got dressed in silence as he walked around the bedroom collecting his clothes scattered across the floor. Minhyuk watched him from the corner of his eyes, trying not to look at him too intently.

When the other was dressed at last, Minhyuk jumped out of bed, threw the first pair of sweats over his naked bottom half and walked out of the bedroom, following Jooheon to the living room, where he was currently packing away his wallet and dead phone into his pockets.

Without another word he headed to the door and Minhyuk followed after him bare feet tapping on the wooden floors. Minhyuk watched Jooheon put his shoes on and stand up straight. For the first time in the morning, he looked Minhyuk dead straight in the eye. “You’re gonna be alright… cleaning all of that?” he beckoned with his chin to the apartment behind Minhyuk.

“Hm?” Minhyuk looked behind him confused and turned back to Jooheon with acknowledgment in his eyes. “Pffft, yeah… of course,” he dragged out. He seemed he wanted to add something, but couldn’t find the words. “I-“

“Well, then… I’ll go,” Jooheon said and opened the door.

“Yeah. Get home safely,” Minhyuk wished him and then door closed, enveloping Minhyuk in the silence of his apartment. He sighed heavily and with the exhale his head fell forward and his shoulders slumped as he quietly swore. “ _Fuck._ ”

Minhyuk cleaned up faster than he thought, plus it was Friday night and he decided to do something he hasn’t done in a while. He packed his bag for an overnight stay, which basically only consisted of a toothbrush and a chapstick and headed out.

He arrived at the apartment building and buzzed the doorbell and waited until the person in the apartment came to the intercom. He didn’t say he would come, but he supposed the two were at home.

“ _Hello?_ ” Changkyun’s deep voice sounded through the intercom.

“Open up,” Minhyuk replied.

“ _Minhyuk?_ ” Changkyun’s confusion would normally be pretty funny, but the November wind was rather bitey and Minhyuk didn’t really enjoy it.

“Open up.”

“ _What are you doing here?_ ”

“Open up,” Minhyuk said the last time before he heard the buzzer of the door. He pushed and walked in. He took the elevator to the floor on which Hanna’s and Changkyun’s apartment was and headed down the hallway, where surprised and confused Changkyun stood in the door.

“Hey. What’s up?” he asked when Minhyuk entered their flat and took their shoes off.

He then proceeded to walk into the living room. Hanna noticed him and from the shock of seeing him randomly appear in their living room didn’t even say anything. Minhyuk plopped himself on the couch. “ _Maaaan_ , I’m so good at fucking things up I might as well start a business and make a living out of it,” he groaned staring up at the ceiling.

“Sad… but true,” Hanna agreed with a casual voice.

Minhyuk turned away from the ceiling and aimed his eyes at her, piercing her with the glare he gave her through his squinted eyes. “Tell me please… why am I even friends with you?”

“’Cause she doesn’t fuck things up like you do?” an answer came from Changkyun, who brought Hanna a cup of tea and set it into her hand before sitting next to her on the L-shaped couch, placing his feet onto her lap.

“True… sad but true,” Hanna nodded with a smirk playing on her lips as blew air to cool her tea faster.

“Ugh, give me a break, you two. I’m only friends with you ‘cause we all have compatible livers and you guys are like my emergency harvestable organs farm,” Minhyuk admitted with a dismissing wave of his hand.

“Now that’s just sad,” Changkyun noted.

“I know, right?” Hanna agreed yet again.

Minhyuk sighed and something changed in his demeanor. “Can I stay the night?”

“Sure,” Hanna replied, noticing the change. His voice was suddenly sadder and there must have been something that was bothering him very much. It was unlike Minhyuk to not spill the tea right away, which meant it was a rather serious deal for him.

“But you’re sleeping on the couch,” Changkyun added.

This woke Minhyuk up from his train of sad, self-pitying thoughts. “What? I slept on the couch last time. You’d do that to a guest?”

“Yes,” Hanna confirmed the statement.

“You guys are terrible,” he groaned dramatically and didn’t forget to swat a hand over his eyes in an exaggerated gesture.

Changkyun shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, you can go crash to Kihyun’s if you don’t like us.”

Minhyuk woke up from his drama that very instant. “Have I mentioned how lovely you two are? Definitely my faves out of the gang. De-fi-ni-te-ly.”

Hanna laughed at the little soap opera Minhyuk was playing and Changkyun shot him a look that spoke for ‘you know that!’. “Yeap, we know,” he said.

**~COUPLE DAYS LATER, EARLY NOVEMBER - 5 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Jooheon POV>

The music sounded through the studio as Jooheon listened to the stuff he’d made and he could say he was content, while nodding his head to the beat. The company he was working for wanted to debut a new group and they asked Jooheon for 2 songs with the possibility of making one of them their debut title song, which was a big deal for Jooheon as a producer, but also in terms of money. The royalties they would pay for a debut title song were the good stuff.

The song finished and Jooheon picked up his phone to call one of the managers of the group over to let him know the song was ready. That moment his phone rang and Changkyun’s name jumped up on the screen.

“Yo, what’s up?” Jooheon greeted him with an uplifted voice.

“ _Should be my question though_ ,” Changkyun said without greeting whatsoever.

“Why? Something happened?” Jooheon grew concerned.

“ _You tell me. We left after 3AM on Hallowen and all was good and now Minhyuk has been sleeping over on our couch for the last 4 nights and I can’t say I’m anywhere near excited ‘cause he has his own apartment, yet he occupies our couch every night, even though he went home to work and then came back. You know, not that I’m complaining, but his late night sleeping schedule’s gotten me pretty annoyed, because you know I was used to having our time with Hanna, kind of whenever we wanted. So…_ ” Changkyun’s words fell out with the speed he used to spit bars in RapGround.

Jooheon laughed from the bottom of his belly after hearing Changkyun’s complaint that he claimed was not a complaint. “Did he actually interrupt you guys at some point?” Jooheon’s curiosity got the best of him.

“ _Yeah_ ,” Changkyun spat angrily. “ _Dude, we were just about to… and then Minhyuk shouted from the living room:_ ‘Guys I know you’re not sleeping, but can I order pizza? I forgot the exact address again.’ _I almost got out of the room and killed him, but Hanna was faster since she was dressed just a little more than I was._ ”

“Ooohhoohoo, that’s gold! Solid gold,” Jooheon laughed at the story.

“ _So, what happened, Jooheon?_ ” Changkyun pressed on again.

“We slept together,” Jooheon admitted, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly even though he knew the other couldn’t see him. “But don’t tell Hanna.”

“ _Why? ‘Cause you know I’m going to. I enjoy Minhyuk’s company and all but I enjoy sex with my girl like a million times more, so…_ just saying. _And if Hanna can get him out of the apartment, I don’t give a fuck about how she does it._ ”

“Don’t, Kyun, seriously. I’m worried she’s not going to take it well and that she would hurt Minhyuk physically. She wasn’t angry back then, but Minhyuk swore he would never do anything again. However, he was the one, who initiated the kiss and honestly I fucking enjoyed it. It was the best kiss I got since uni days. Plus it felt so nice, especially after the break up with Mino and all,” Jooheon explain with a slight sigh at the end.

“ _You finally broke it off?”_ Changkyun’s voice got all hopeful.

“Yeah. You were right, it was time.”

“ _When?_ ”

“Monday before Halloween.”

“ _And you didn’t tell anyone about it?_ ”

“No.”

“ _Why?_ ”

“I didn’t feel like saying anything before Halloween because I knew Minhyuk would make me ‘drink the sorrows away’ and I would end up really badly. And I didn’t need that, mate. Been there done that,” Jooheon reminded Changkyun of his past adventures of drowning his sorrows in alcohol.

“ _True. So are you gonna say something or…?_ ”

“I should text it to the group chat, I guess,” Jooheon said and checked the clock on the wall that read just pass 6PM.

“ _I guess_ ,” Changkyun agreed and chuckled at the expression. “ _You did the right thing, Joo. I think it’s going to benefit you._ ”

“Yeah. Oh and by the way, how did it end with the song that Hyungwon wanted to play to Hanna after you made the deal?” Jooheon asked.

“ _Effectively and thankfully fended off_ ,” Changkyun replied and he seemed fairly proud of his achievements. “ _Listen, I love music, I love rapping, but right now, in this very moment I don’t feel like I’m in the right head space for it. I am so busy with the movie composition and that’s where my mind is. Plus there’s also the other thing that I told you I don’t want to talk about, so yeah._ ”

“You’d do it after this movie is over?”

“ _Probably. I told the management I’m taking a break from movies for a bit, unless an epic comic movie comes our way, where I can let the imagination loose a little. I kinda want to dive back into track producing and composing again_ ,” Changkyun shared his plans with his best friend. “ _Anyway, gotta go, man. But seriously. Text into the group chat and get Minhyuk out of our apartment, because if I don’t get laid tonight I will begin to blame you_.”

“Sure, man. Whatever floats your boat,” Jooheon chuckled and hung up.

Deciding to leave the call to the manager for the next day, Jooheon opened the group chat to find that he’s a couple messages late to the party.

**~[Listen Up Gang]** chat room~

 **[onehanna]** : im offering a friend for sale

 **[still min]** : which one?

 **[onehanna]** : u r not eligible to make this purchase

 **[yooham]** : i talked w yoongi

 **[yooham]** : we dont want him

 **[happybunny]** : same

 **[happybunny]** : won would give me an earful if i tried to bring more trinkets into the apartment

 **[silent_roar]** : i have enough friends, thanks

 **[still min]** : WHO is up for sale???

 **[still min]** : guys?

 **[onehanna]** : i rly hoped someone would take him :/

 **[honeyjoo]** : not that i want to buy him or anything

 **[honeyjoo]** : i have different news

 **[honeyjoo]** : i broke up w mino

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : abt time

 **[silent_roar]** : not to sound stupid but

 **[silent_roar]** : who is mino?

 **[yooham]** : ohhhhh, u lucky unknowing human

 **[still min]** : good job joo \^o^/

 **[still min]** : lets celebrate

 **[still min]** : we should drink on it

 **[honeyjoo]** : and this is exactly why i didnt say anything before halloween

 **[honeyjoo]** : my liver is hard as stone

 **[honeyjoo]** : im in desperate need of a break from drinking w u min

 **[onehanna]** : just take him please

 **[onehanna]** : PLEASE

 **[still min]** : wait

 **[still min]** : WAIT

 **[still min]** : …

 **[still min]** : wait a fckng second right there!!!!!!!!

 **[still min]** : were u offering ME for sale????

 **[yooham]** : i was wondering how long it would take him to get it XDDD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... what did you think of JooHyuk time? 🙈 Jooheon walked out in the morning rather coldly and Minhyuk 'moved' into Kyun's and Hanna's place and Kyun wasn't all too happy about it, eh? 🙊😂 Jooheon spilled the beans on his break-up with Mino and no one wanted to 'buy' Minhyuk as friend - what are your thoughts on this? 😅 Is Minhyuk going to end-up heartbroken again? What about Jooheon? 🥺💔🤷♀️
> 
> Please share your opinions and thoughts with me, I love reading them and interacting with you guys! It always brightens up my day! 🤗🤍🤍
> 
> Next time - Hyunwoo and Hanna go swimming in the morning, more of Hyunwoo's daily life will be revealed and we will have a one month time skip in the middle of the chapter.
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter today and until the next one stay safe and healthy. ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	17. We Meet Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hi! I'm back sooner than I thought with another chapter. 🤗 I hope you enjoy this one as it holds some important stuff for the future. 🤫

**~MID-NOVEMBER - 5 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Hyunwoo POV>

Hyunwoo couldn’t say he enjoyed getting up at a God forbidden hour again but he planned to go swimming with Hanna, so of course he went with it. They have finally gotten down to working out a regular schedule at the beginning of November and would start going to the pool in the mornings 4 times a week when Hanna didn’t have a morning schedule at the hospital.

With the end of her residency a more regular schedule came in and she worked more regular hours and more surgeries; come new year she was set to begin fellowship in the sports focused department of the hospital. This consisted of sets of specialized doctors and specialists that went into the field of sports related orthopedic injuries and surgeries, physiotherapy as well as rehabilitation of athletes. It was one of the first internal sports department that could be found within a hospital. These kinds of centers were usually a solitary private practice that never wanted to be associated with any big hospitals, but somehow The University Hospital managed to get enough people to work in their own department. However, considering the fact that they already had a great base in forms of some of the best orthopedic surgeons in the country, Hyunwoo guessed it wasn’t all that difficult to establish. Hanna still had to work some ER shifts, until she would finish her fellowship. But she was ridiculously happy to be out of residency and back in Sports Medicine. She mentioned once she was going crazy from fixing sprained wrists and ankles.

Today was another Friday and Hyunwoo walked onto the pool deck at 6.30AM, politely bowing to a coach from one of the city’s teams, when he got a little stared at for being someone from the broad public this early in the morning. The kids he was training could have been late middle school/early high school kids and most likely jumped in at 6AM like Hyunwoo and Hanna used to have to.

Hyunwoo set his bag down on one of the public benches and took out a cap and goggles, anchoring them under the bottom edge of his swimsuit. He began to sway his hands a little bit to warm up before he would jump in with Hanna.

“ _Oh God_ , this is entirely way too early,” Hanna groaned, appearing next to him out of nowhere. “I’m not used to this anymore. Staying up all night at a hospital - yeah sure. Waking up early for a morning shift at the ER - piece o’cake. Getting up to go the pool for 6.30AM again - not a chance, bitch. I’m getting old, Hyunwoo.”

Hyunwoo chuckled sleepily at the complaints of one Hanna Kang and looked towards the pool. “Check the kids out, swimming their hearts out. We should go, too. Lane 3 is empty.”

“You are _heartless_ ,” she said but made her way to lane 3 nonetheless, while pulling her short hair into a mini-bun of hair at the nape of her neck and then just like Hyunwoo she pulled on her cap.

Hyunwoo couldn’t believe she still owned the same uni team cap from back in the day. Hyunwoo’s tore just a couple of weeks after he came to London. Ever since then he went through a plethora of London Roar green and gold caps and even today he was stretching the silicone cap of those colors over his head.

The coach kept on staring when the two passed him, but they paid him no more of their attention. The duo stepped up next to the starting block after dropping their equipment to each side respectively. “4 four-hundreds?” Hyunwoo suggested the typical easy warm up of 400 free, 400 medley pull, 400 medley kick and 400 medley.

“Alright,” Hanna agreed and reached over the block to push Hyunwoo in but he was expecting it so it ended up being her, who was pushed into the cold morning water.

“That’s what you get,” he mumbled under his breath as he watched his best friend fall into the pool, jumping after her mentally bracing himself for the cold chlorine water.

The duo came out of the water almost two hours later, properly wrung out by the practice. “Man, we have to stop training like we have something to train for,” Hanna complained as she packed her equipment away.

“Nah, I think it’s good to keep up. Plus, we could enter the Masters division, eh?” Hyunwoo nudged her with his elbow and smirked at the suggestively.

“Haven’t you hurt your shoulder enough already?” she quirked her brow at him, speaking with her doctor voice at him.

“Okay, doc… I’ll tone it down. Whatever,” he muttered grumpily and walked away towards his backpack, thinking about how Hanna didn’t and, frankly, couldn’t realize how swimming was the only thing keeping his sanity intact. “Listen, I gotta go, but see you at Minhyuk’s tonight, yeah?” he rushed away waving at his best friend.

“See ya,” she called after him.

On his way back home, Hyunwoo remembered he had no coffee left at home, so he would have to stop by a café before the lecture he had at noon. His favorite, since he came home, was Maddrip that he discovered one day on his way to the university and accidentally met Kihyun there.

And even though every time Hyunwoo went to the came he hoped he would get a glimpse of his ex-boyfriend, whom (yes) he could meet during the gang hang outs, it was different seeing him in the café because he wasn’t guarded. He was just the Kihyun Hyunwoo knew him to be.

Hyunwoo knew he had no chance to ever witness the Kihyun that used to be his, that he used to call his, but at least he wanted to see the normal Kihyun, not the guarded one. Yes, one could say they became friends again but it was never meant to be the same.

Hyunwoo made a real quick stop by at his apartment, dropped his bag and changed his clothes, then hung up the wet swimsuit and towel and headed out once he heard his stomach growl annoyingly at him for not having more than a banana and a protein bar before going to swim.

Maddrip was a short 10 minute walk away from Hyunwoo’s place and he really came to liking this café and he felt as if he even became a regular in the café. He would always stop by for coffee on the days when he had early morning lectures, which meant having to leave the comfort of his home at 8AM, so that he didn’t have to rush his 30 minute walk, while he sipped his coffee. Or he would stop by for breakfasts and stay in coffee on Fridays when his first (and only) lecture of the day was from noon to 2PM.

Hyunwoo got easily used to his new lie and he could say he was quite enjoying it, even though there was something missing. He couldn’t pinpoint the thing that his life was lacking because it was more of a _feeling_ that something wasn’t there rather than an actual thing. He had everything when it came to materialistic things, so why did he feel that the only happy moments in his life were when he was with anyone from the gang or the whole group?

Entering the café, he instantly recognized the familiar scent the small intimate and cozy place had. There weren’t many tables or chairs but those that were there were very comfortable and Hyunwoo could see himself spending the whole morning or afternoon just sitting there and drinking coffee.

When he came in there was no queue so he headed straight to the counter, greeting the girl that was there every Friday morning.

“Hi. The regular and a toasted prosciutto baguette?” she greeted him back with a kind smile.

Hyunwoo nodded in agreement. “Please. I’ll sit at the corner table,” he smiled back at her and swiped his card.

“I’ll bring it when it’s all ready,” she replied and got to work on his late breakfast and coffee. Hyunwoo went to take his seat and took out his phone while he waited. He checked his instagram and caught up on some of the things his old teammates from London Roar did, checked out some memes and smiled at the messages his London swimming friends sent him as a reaction to the story he posted in the morning with Hanna - _for the first time after more than 5 years back home with my swim or die @iamhannakang_ , he wrote on their picture.

One of his old teammates texted him: _‘I want a teammate like her! I would be at the pool all the time then!’_ Hyunwoo laughed at this, since the guy was at the pool everyday anyway but often joked that if he ever managed to get a girlfriend he would spend all the time with her.

Before Hyunwoo could text him back the barista was back with his coffee and baguette and Hyunwoo thanked her with all his heart as his stomach rumbled again. As he was peacefully drinking his coffee and reading some news on his phone, a voice that sounded like music to his ears pierced through the lofi hiphop that played in the café. Hyunwoo didn’t have to lift his head up to know to whom the voice belonged to, but he raised his eyes from the phone anyway, because he could never resist and he would never deny himself the torture of taking in the handsome face of his ex-boyfriend.

Hyunwoo felt a little creepy as he watched Kihyun order his black coffee with an extra shot, wearing that amazing smile he always had in stock for baristas, cashiers, shop assistants and waiters/waitresses that smiled at him. It was a kind and considering one that he would offer to any stranger, who was willing to share theirs. Kihyun was just like that - a good human being to the bottom of his heart.

And the only person he hated was Hyunwoo.

With a sigh, Hyunwoo averted his gaze, deciding that it would be better to just mind his own business and he returned his attention back to his phone, continuing to read the news. He read the letters and words but the information did not get into his brain. Only a couple minutes later he was brave enough to look around the café once more, seeing Kihyun gone, he released the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

After he finished his breakfast and coffee, Hyunwoo went about his Friday with both a new energy that was given to him by the glimpse of Kihyun and also little bit of self loathing for his past doings that have one - ruined everything; and two - hurt the love of his life.

**~TUESDAY, MID-DECEMBER - 5 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

_The study week_ \- once hated beyond and now a much less burdensome feat of Hyunwoo’s life. This week Hyunwoo didn’t have to go to the office as much, except for the scheduled two hours he had to stay in the library on Tuesday and Thursday so that the students, who had question could come ask them in person, but that was from 1PM to 3PM.

It was half past 10-ish in the morning when Hyunwoo passed the threshold of Maddrip with one of his newly discovered books in hand and met the same barista he would in the morning for his regular pick up. She smiled at him a little surprised asking why he was so late today. Hyunwoo politely explained the situation and got his regular but to stay in since he had time and company in his hand.

Hyunwoo sat at the corner table and opened his book right away. It was in the thrilling part and he didn’t want to miss a letter. He didn’t use to read as much but ever since he started teaching he found himself at the bookstore more and more often, whether it was in the section relating to his teaching or not. Books became Hyunwoo’s every day companion and he already thought of expanding the bookshelf in his small studio.

His food and coffee arrived at his table and a small ‘thank you’ fell from his lips along with a smile towards the waitress, as he was too swallowed by the gripping story in the book to pay attention to anything else.

Half of the baguette and two thirds of his coffee later, someone stopped by his table. Hyunwoo looked up curious as to who would do that and his breath froze in his lungs.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” the man asked with a smile playing on his lips.

“It’s study week, Kihyun,” Hyunwoo replied to the standing man kindly and straightened his back as he closed the book.

“Ahh, the most hated week of them all,” Kihyun chuckled at the memories of the years they spend getting their university education.

“Wanna join?” Hyunwoo motioned to the chair on the opposite side of the table from him with a certain nonchalance that he had to pretend so hard he felt like it was the most fake thing he’d ever done.

“Um, I have take-away,” Kihyun shook his head slightly and gave him a polite smile. “What are you reading?”

Hyunwoo followed Kihyun’s line of sight and smirked to himself when his hands picked up the book once again. “Tokyo Vice by Jake Adelstein. Great book, really. It’s a real story of an American journalist in Tokyo and it’s so thrilling. I would give my full review but as you can see I’m just past half way. But when I’m done you can borrow it.”

“I don’t read that many books, maybe like one a year when I’m on holiday,” Kihyun said with a sigh.

“Are you in a rush? Why don’t you sit down for a bit,” Hyunwoo offered again, this time Kihyun actually seemed to consider the offer.

He checked his watch and thought about it for a split moment. “I only have ten minutes,” he uttered the words as he sat down on the opposite side of his ex-boyfriend.

Hyunwoo glanced at his own watch that read a couple minutes past noon. He had to go soon too. “I won’t hold you longer anyway. I have an appointment in the library at 1, so I’ll have to go shortly too.” He reached for his coffee and sipped from the mug, only to find out it went completely cold. He must have been so invested in the book that the outside world disappeared.

“Good thing I appeared then, you would have been late otherwise,” Kihyun threw a smirk Hyunwoo’s way and the professor nodded in acknowledgement of the truthful statement.

“That’s what a good book does to you. What are you doing in the area?” Hyunwoo questioned interested.

“One of my clients lives around here and they make really good coffee. He wanted some Christmas treats that would not disturb his diet too much as he needs to keep in shape for his upcoming action movie. So I’m just dropping off these cookies I made for him along with the list of foods he can eat during the Christmas festivities and how much of each he can eat to be in a good position with his calories,” Kihyun explained expertly.

“Wow, you’re busy. Oh, by the way are you and Yoongi coming to the movie night at Hyungwon’s and Hoseok’s on Friday?”

“Uh, no. We’re going to Yoongi’s hometown to have dinner with his family,” Kihyun said with a very pushed on voice. He wanted to seem happy about it but he could not.

“You don’t seem very… _excited_ about it,” Hyunwoo quirked his brows.

“Yeah, well… let’s just say that had I been a woman, Yoongi’s parents would like me much more,” he tried to smile as he admitted the truth to his ex-boyfriend.

“Ahh, that kind of parents,” Hyunwoo scrunched his brows and felt a pang of pity for Kihyun’s current boyfriend. Hyunwoo was so happy that his parents accepted him the way he was that he couldn’t imagine being in Yoongi’s place, he was a nice guy after all.

“Hmmm. Okay, I gotta go, sorry,” Kihyun said and stood up.

“Don’t apologize. You have to hustle. I get it,” Hyunwoo smiled the kindest and brightest smile he could and waved to Kihyun as he left. On the inside, he was nothing but shattered glass though. But there was nothing he could do at this point, so he just decided to finish his baguette and coffee instead; and head on over to the university campus to meet a bunch of grumpy students, who had to go through the study week.

**~FRIDAY, MID-DECEMBER - 5 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

Hyunwoo sat in the corner of the room on one of the old bean bags that he was sure Hoseok and Hyungwon would have thrown away had it not been for the nostalgia that they carried with them since uni days. He had his own bowl of popcorn settled on his lap and the gang was almost ready to begin with the movie night. They were just missing Hoseok.

“Guys, guys, guys!” Hoseok ran out of the bathroom with a hasty breath.

“What, what, what? You’re pregnant?” Hanna jumped up from her spot on the couch with a shocked face and Hyunwoo had to bite down his lip to not smile.

Hoseok gave her a confused, like a super confused, look and seemed to actually think about it for a moment. “No. How could…?”

Hanna sat back down next to Changkyun and turned to Hyungwon with the biggest shit eating grin Hyunwoo’s seen in a while. “You owe me a tenner.”

Changkyun laughed and kissed her cheek.

“Seriously, babe?” Hyungwon asked Hoseok with irritation in his voice. “We prank these guys, we make fun of them together so grandly that last time Minhyuk didn’t speak to us for 10 whole days and those days were, _oh man_ …”

“Excuse me?” Minhyuk interrupted him with feigned offense.

“And you get caught on _this_ hook?” Hyungwon kept on going as if Minhyuk had never jumped into his speech. He put his face into his hands and rubbed thoroughly with a heavy sigh. Then his eyes went back to Hoseok. “We’re done. Let’s break up.”

Hoseok face flashed with the expression of absolute shock, then utmost sadness and followed by a heartfelt regret - he looked like he was about to cry. “Wonnie, no…”

There was a moment of silence before an excited cheer came from Changkyun. “Maaan! We’re on a roll tonight!” he highfived Hanna. “Another tenner!” The couple laughed again and Hyunwoo chuckled quietly from his place on the bean bag, munching on popcorn.

Hyungwon shot Hoseok and annoyed glare. “Babe, _stop_ losing our money!”

“Our money?” Hoseok sniffled and then frowned. “Wait… did you guys bet on me? _Again_?” he looked to Minhyuk, Jooheon, Changkyun and Hanna.

“Well… if you can earn money off your friends…?” she shrugged.

“Why not do it?” Changkyun added.

“So why’s Minhyuk not paying rent for staying at your place?” Hyungwon asked Changkyun and Hanna.

The group watched an evil-ish grin flash over Changkyun’s face. “Oh, he will.”

“I will?” Minhyuk peeped up, his voice high on tension.

“You will,” Changkyun winked at Minhyuk and his grin turned all-knowing. Hyunwoo laughed his full belly happy laugh at the situation that occurred and thanked God for his friends once again, because they were the light of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Hyunwoo met Kihyun again (by chance this time) and they kind of had a talk... what do you think about that situation? 🤔 Apparently, Minhyuk will have to start paying rent to Kyun and Hanna or staying at their place 🤷♀️😅 And what about Hyunwoo's desire to torture himself by seeing Kihyun? 💔
> 
> Please share your thoughts on this chapter with me 🤗 you always make my day when you do. 🤍
> 
> Next time we will see Hyunwoo struggle and Kihyun will seek out Hanna with a thing that is troubling him. 🤫
> 
> I hope you liked today's chapter and I hope to see you soon. Until then, please stay safe and take care. ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	18. Love Is Blind...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello and first of all before you dive into the chapter I would love to wish you a happy new year, where ever you are in the world and hopefully it will be better than 2020 for everyone! 🥳🎊🥂
> 
> I hope you like today's chapter! 🤗

**~MID-JANUARY - 5 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Kihyun POV>

The Christmas period was the most stressful out of all holidays that were around the year and Kihyun began to hate Christmas a couple of years ago. No, okay… maybe not ‘hate’ per se, but _strongly dislike_ for sure. He would always wear himself out during the holidays so much that he barely decorated the Christmas tree in his flat, or even cooked a proper meal. And before he started dating with Yoongi, he barely even went to his parents’ house during the festive times because: one - he felt like a burden to them since he was a well earning, well skilled adult that didn’t need his parents to take care of him, even if they were happy to do it; and two - it always reminded him of not being in a serious relationship and subconsciously his mind would glide to those 3 years of Christmas holidays he spent in a very serious relationship. So Kihyun would rather work himself to death.

And now it was finally over. All was over. Everyone had their fill with Christmas and Kihyun could have one night of good sleep before going back to full-on regular mode. It wasn’t as if he ever switched off but he didn’t have to be constantly near his phone in case a hysterical actress was going to call him because she just now realized she had eaten 2 more small potatoes than she was allowed to and now she didn’t know what to do - and yes… this actually happened this year.

Kihyun was on his way to one of his more prominent clients and just like every time when he went there, he stopped by in Maddrip for a cup of coffee. After his mid-December encounter with Hyunwoo he’s seen him there 3 more times but never went to say hi. At the first one, he really tried hard not to just pretend like he didn’t know him, but told himself they were friends after all.

Hyunwoo was always so entranced by the book he was reading, whether he was just standing in the queue or sitting down and having his breakfast. Sometimes a small smile played on his lips, sometimes his furrowed brows creating a small crease between them. He looked content and seemed he wouldn’t want to be disturbed, so Kihyun never did.

Today, Kihyun walked into Maddrip and came up to the counter to order. As he was waiting or his coffee a laughter sounded from behind his back and he instantly recognized it, since it used to be music to his ears, a sound that always made him happy. He didn’t have to turn around but he did nevertheless. Hyunwoo was sitting in the corner again, but thankfully he hasn’t noticed Kihyun, because he was talking on his phone in English, looking out through the window to the semi-busy street. He listened to something the other person said and then replied with what seemed like a perfect English to Kihyun with a slight British accent. It suited Hyunwoo so much and Kihyun’s inside Kihyun wanted to hear more, wanted to keep listening to it. Hyunwoo laughed again and Kihyun’s order came. He took the coffee and quickly slid out of Maddrip hoping to remain unseen by his ex-boyfriend.

<Hyunwoo POV>

Coming home after a rough Wednesday at work wasn’t a thing that belonged onto Hyunwoo’s list of favorite things in life. He had a morning lecture at 9AM that lasted for 2 hours, that he had 30 minutes to get to the next lecture hall for a three-hour lecture and then from 3PM he had office hours in the library until 6PM. At the beginning of the term no one ever used them… now, just one week before the end of term exams he was swarmed with requests and meetings.

And instead of leaving the library at six, Hyunwoo left at half past seven, thanking the all the gods in heavens, hells, mythical worlds of old and new that he didn’t have pre-noon lectures on Thursdays.

Hyunwoo dragged himself into his apartment, tired out completely. He has been going almost non-stop ever since the school year for university students began in early October. The only time he took a 2-day break was over the Christmas and New Year’s holiday. He was already looking forward to the Lunar New Year holiday, when he would get two days off again at last.

Opening the door to his apartment, the familiar darkness welcomed him again - as always the small studio flat he lived in was empty, dark and cold. Of course, Hyunwoo could turn on the heating but what for, really? He lived alone and if he was cold he would just throw on a hoodie and a thicker pair of sweats instead of the t-shirt and shorts he would wear normally. And it helped him save some money, too.

After washing his hands, he turned on the light in the living room as he walked through it into the kitchen, reaching the fridge for something to eat as Hyunwoo hasn’t eaten anything substantial since lunch. He opened it, only to discover it was empty aside from some sauces and two bottles of beer.

Closing it Hyunwoo groaned out frustrated and let his forehead lean against the door of the fridge. For some unknown reason, he felt tears prick his eyes and he sighed heavily, trying to organize his thoughts.

Hyunwoo completely forgot to go grocery shopping even though he now clearly remembered telling himself he would have to do it on his way from work. He opened the fridge again and took out a bottle of beer and after opening it he moved to the living room where he sat on the floor with his back leaning against the couch.

Sighing again, Hyunwoo pulled out his phone and contemplated what he was going to do now. He finally decided to dial Hanna’s number.

“Hanna?”

“ _Hey. What’s up?_ ” she picked up.

“I can’t go tomorrow, let’s go again on Sunday, okay?” Hyunwoo said, not even noticing his voice went from normal to sad.

“ _Is something wrong?_ ” she asked, the voice grew concerned over the line.

“Nah, all good. I just don’t feel like going… that’s all,” Hyunwoo replied and his eyes fell to his other hand that held the bottle of beer. He rolled the bottle around a little, small frown appearing on his face.

“ _Are you sure?_ ” Hanna wanted to confirm again with her best friend, knowing that there was something going on, but Hyunwoo was not letting her in on it.

“Yep, of course. Sleep in tomorrow, you said you have a surgery scheduled at 11, so get your good-brain sleep, Dr. Kang,” Hyunwoo chuckled, trying to hide away the fact that he didn’t feel all that well.

“ _Well, okay… if you say so… but, uhm… Hyunwoo if something’s wrong you’ll tell me, right?_ ” she demanded of him with worry.

“There’s nothing wrong, Han. Seriously. And if there was, you’d be the first one I tell. Just like always,” he responded referring back to the times when she told him of her almost terminal sickness.

“ _Okay. Well, see you on Sunday then_ ,” she told him unconvinced by whatever he told her.

“See ya,” Hyunwoo hung up before she could say anything else.

He looked around his flat and noticed a pile of finished books next to the bookshelf he promised himself he would organize in alphabetical order. However, it felt somewhat pointless to do it now because the pile of books he’s read since he’s moved in has grown so much that the bookshelf could no longer fit all of his books. They were laid on tables, stacked in the corner between the wall and the couch, there was a tower on his night stand and a small one under the TV that he usually only used to make some white noise in the background so that the apartment didn’t feel as empty.

“Huuuh” he sighed from the top of his lungs “I need something stronger than beer.” But he had no strength to go out to the shop to even get alcohol, not to mention food. So he caved in to make the last resort decision.

Hyunwoo finished the beer in two long chugs and walked over to the kitchen cupboard where he stored rice. He washed it and put it to cook in the rice cooker while he went to take a shower. Tonight he would eat plain rice in his quiet empty studio and he’d go to the shop in the morning before work.

As he was stepping into the shower a thought flashed through his mind: _On one hand, thank God I live alone… at least no one can see me like this._

**~END OF JANUARY - 5 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Kihyun POV>

Kihyun was in the whirlwind of preparing dinner for him and Yoongi as his beloved boyfriend was about to make a big step at the company he was working in. They managed to seal a deal in acquiring some other company and… well, if Kihyun was to be honest… he didn’t understand what all of that meant no matter how many times Yoongi explained. This whole company play was so far out of Kihyun’s freelance one-man job, that even if he tried he wouldn’t understand what the hell was going on in that world.

They said they would eat celebratory dinner that Kihyun wanted to cook for Yoongi, as lately the man has been coming home wrung out from endless cat and mouse games the other company was playing and the whole negotiations were on his shoulders. That far Kihyun understood.

His phone rang as Kihyun was checking on the slow roasting beef in the oven. He closed the oven and leaned over to reach for his phone, noticing it was Yoongi.

“Hi, baby,” Kihyun greeted him with a smile on his face.

“ _Hi_ ,” a sad voice came through the phone.

“What’s wrong?” Kihyun stopped all of his motions upon hearing the darkened voice of his boyfriend.

“ _Ki… I don’t think I will make dinner_ ,” Yoongi’s voice was so apologetic and Kihyun knew it was sincere.

“Oh? Did something go wrong?” Kihyun asked interested.

“ _Yeah… I’m so sorry, baby. I really wanted to be home and celebrate this with you_ ,” Yoongi said. And if Kihyun has ever heard genuineness, it was now.

“No, it’s okay. We can do this another time, when you have actually won the fight,” Kihyun tried to put his bright face on as he peaked at the meat in the oven and sighed inaudibly.

“ _You cooked up a masterpiece and I’m wasting it away like this_ ,” his boyfriend sighed and Kihyun imagined him putting his face into his hands and rubbing his forehead as he has done many times before.

“Yoongi, please… it’s fine. How many times have I reschedules something you planned? Many. It’s fine, don’t worry,” Kihyun replied as he shouldered the phone and reached for an opened bottle of white wine from the fridge and poured himself a glass with one skilled hand, making zero noise.

“ _I worry, Ki, because I love you_ ,” Yoongi told him.

“I love you too and that’s why I’m telling you to stop worrying. You are an amazing person, who works hard and excels at what he does. So go be awesome for a couple more hours. It’s not like I’m going to vanish from the face of the Earth,” Kihyun sipped from his wine, swallowing quickly, letting the cool liquid flow down his body and the expensive taste laid on his tongue as he took another sip.

Yoongi sighed again. “ _I don’t know how long I’ll be, but hopefully I’ll be home by midnight._ ”

“Okay. See you then, baby,” Kihyun said and pushed out a sad smile.

“ _I love you, Ki_.”

“I love you, too,” Kihyun hung up on the call and in one big chug finished the glass of wine in his hand. After he poured himself another, he looked at the clock. The meat needed about one more hour before it would be the best to be taken out and then about 20 minutes of rest under an aluminum foil to keep the nice juices in once he would cut into it.

Suddenly he remembered that Hanna had a late afternoon surgery, which would be followed by a night shift, so he decided to check when she finished and go to the hospital to surprise her with nice dinner.

Only then he remembered he wouldn’t be able to drive because he just drank wine, but with a shrug of a shoulder he dismissed all thoughts he might have had about not going, because he could just get a cab.

Before that, he decided to make one more call.

“ _Hey, what’s up?_ ” Hoseok asked him once he picked up.

“Hey. I was wondering what are you and Hyungwon having for desert today?” Kihyun knew he was being a little weird but he couldn’t care less right now.

“ _Ummm, well… I don’t know about Won, but I…_ ”

“Not that kind of dessert, you bafoon,” Kihyun shook his head and chuckled at his friend, who thought of dessert in a dirtier way than Kihyun in this situation.

“ _Oh?_ ”

“I made triple chocolate brownies with maple-pecan glaze and I kind of want to get rid of it,” Kihyun explained.

“ _You made Yoongi’s favourite dessert and you want to get rid of it?_ ” Hoseok asked with a suspicious voice.

“He cannot make the celebratory dinner and the brownies aren’t good the next day. Do you want them?”

“ _Do I want amazing free brownies? Kihyun, Kihyun… why is that even a question?_ ” Hoseok laughed at his friend. “ _But other than that… is everything alright?_ ”

“Yeah, all good.”

“ _What’s happening to the rest of the food?_ ” Hoseok was curious.

“Hanna has a late surgery and I thought of bringing the meat and veggies to her and we would eat together at the hospital,” Kihyun mentioned his plans and he hear Hoseok hum in approval from the other side.

“ _Bring the brownies, Ki. I’m already salivating just thinking about them_ ,” Hoseok laughed again and it also brought a smile to Kihyun’s face. At least someone would be happy from the food he’d made.

After dropping off the brownies at Hyungwon’s and Hoseok’s place, Kihyun called another cab to get to the hospital. He didn’t even realize but he finished the bottle of wine that was in the fridge before the meat was done and he even poured a glass from another one. He hasn’t finished that glass, but Kihyun could confidently say he wasn’t completely sober. Not tipsy, but not sober either.

It was also needless to say that Hoseok and Hyungwon had been extremely excited about receiving a full baking sheet of fresh brownies and Kihyun was happy to see their smiles. He said he would have stayed and chatted but he wanted to surprise Hanna at the hospital.

Arriving at the hospital, he already knew the procedure. He went up to the reception and asked for Dr. Kang Hanna. He was told she was still in surgery but he could leave her a note if he wanted to.

“Yes. Please tell her that her best friend and personal chef is waiting for her in the cafeteria,” Kihyun told the receptionist with a kind smile as she wrote down the note to not forget.

Not even 35 minutes after Kihyun sat down in the cafeteria Hanna appeared on the other side of the table wearing scrubs and no coat, her short hair was pulled back and she had a tired glimmer in her eyes.

“Hi,” she greeted him as she sat down. “Weren’t you supposed to have some fancy dinner with Yoongi?”

“I was, but now I’m having a fancy dinner with my best friend,” he replied as he started to take out his fancy cutlery from a small box he brought with him and handed them to Hanna.

“Something happened?”

“Problems at work, he wouldn’t make the dinner and this stuff isn’t good re-heated, so…”

“Hmmm,” she nodded, processing the received information.

“Do you mind if I…?” Kihyun motioned to a rather strangely looking wine he transported in a Voss bottle. He couldn’t be seen drinking out in the open in a hospital, right? What would people think?

“Go ahead,” Hanna smiled at him weekly, thinking it was the first wine he drank today and that he deserved it.

When the meal was finished, Hanna’s face glowed with contentment and Kihyun’s beamed with a wine blush. He ate with Hanna, but due to her lack of energy she ate much slower, so for the half of her meal he only drank his wine, which started to hit him slightly.

“Ki… you seem like something’s bothering you,” she said studying his face. He couldn’t deny that she knew him better than healthy. “And please don’t tell me it’s nothing.”

Kihyun contemplated telling her it was exactly that - _nothing_ , but he acknowledged the fact that he wouldn’t hide a thing from Hanna. “I hate it, Han. I shouldn’t, but I do…”

“What do you mean?” she leaned forward onto her elbows and scrunched her brows slightly.

“I hate seeing Hyunwoo so… so happy,” Kihyun blurted the confession right out before getting himself to stop these words. He blamed the alcohol. “It’s like he’s happy without me. I don’t know why but it feels weird. It doesn’t hurt… it just feels weird that I’m not a part of it, I guess.”

Hanna sighed heavily and hung her head for a moment before lifting it back up and staring Kihyun straight into his eyes. “Kihyun, you know I hate being the person, who tells someone else’s stories, but… I would hate for you to see something that is not there.”

“What do you mean?” it was Kihyun’s turn to furrow his brows in confusion.

“Hyunwoo, well… he… is not happy, Kihyun. He just puts his best face forward.”

“I don’t understand, Han.”

“He’s lonely, Ki… very lonely. He would never admit it, even to himself probably, but he is. He went from seeing us every single day to not seeing us for 5 years at all. And then when he came back home, he most likely subconsciously hoped to see us more often than this. We kind of slid out of that uni life into adult life gradually. We were still around each other, but Hyunwoo, even though, yes, it was out of his own volition, was torn out of that. In London, he had the chance to focus on his studies and swimming, so he probably never really noticed that he was getting lonely. I don’t think he even fully realizes it now, but I’m starting to notice some signs of a developing depression, but this is more of Hoseok’s expertise than mine, really. He calls me pretty much every day, Ki. Sometimes it’s to just ‘check up on me’, how I’m doing and stuff, whether I’ve eaten et cetera. If we don’t call, then we text but I know that he comes home every day into an empty dark apartment and even though he never says anything, it’s painful and sad for him,” Hanna explained in a pain laced voice, as her heart ached for her longest friend. Kihyun dared not to speak throughout the whole time of her speech.

“Oh my God, I never thought something like this was going on,” Kihyun admitted, thinking of Hyunwoo in a different light for a bit.

“Because he doesn’t want anyone to know something like this is going on. And honestly, I think he doesn’t want to admit it to himself either. And Kihyun, _you_ in particular have to realize one thing…” Hanna looked his dead straight in the eye, face determined and serious.

“What is that?”

“This has _absolutely_ nothing to do with you,” she said with a strong voice and Kihyun knew she was pointing at his kind character traits that would do anything for his friends.

“What do you mean? I could-“

“You could what? Go to his apartment and cook him dinner? Keep him company until he falls asleep just so that you don’t blame yourself for something that shouldn’t be your problem? What would Yoongi say? If there is someone, who can help him right now, it’s either Hoseok or Hyunwoo himself. But in both cases he would have to admit that something is wrong it the first place. And you know very well…”

“How that would go… yes, yes. I know,” Kihyun sighed and glanced towards his hands. “I just wish there was something I could do… I mean, he is my friend too after all, you know.”

“I know, Kihyun, but except keeping him company and pretending we don’t know about any kind of a problem he might have until he wants to come forth with it… there’s really nothing even I can do. He’s too stubborn,” she reached or his hands and gave them a tight squeeze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, Hyunwoo's had a rough day... are you seeing the signs that Hanna mentions? (they've been in between lines in some of the previous chapters, but here we could have seen them named a little more closely 😓) How would you describe Kihyun's feelings right now? He wants to help Hyunwoo but there's nothing he can or should do, really. Because as Hanna said, it's not his direct problem... what would Yoongi think? This whole situation is a little bit of a mess, isn't it? Kihyun is too kind for his own good, isn't he? 😧 Hoseok's dirty mind for the win, eh? 😅
> 
> Please share your thoughts and opinions with me in the comments 🥰 I love reading them and interacting with you guys makes my day better every time! 🤍🤍
> 
> Before I share with you the typical 'next time...', I would once again like to wish you all the very best in the year 2021, strong health, lots of happy days, fun time with your loved ones and friends, but don't forget to take care of yourselves and take time to rest when you feel that you need it. 🤗 Happy new year! 🎊🥳🤍
> 
> Next chapter's name is directly connected to the name of this one, so make sure to look out for it as the two give off the vibe of the chapter and I often put important stuff into the titles 🤫🤫 but the chapter will also reveal Kihyun's pre-Valentine's Day rush and there will also be a fluffy HanKyun (couple name courtesy of NidavellirB - thank you! 😊) scene.
> 
> Let's see each other more in 2021 and until the next time, please stay safe and take care! ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	19. …But Friendship Closes Its Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 🤗 I don't know what to say today, so just... I hope you enjoy today's chapter! 😄

**~COUPLE DAYS BEFORE VALENTINE’S DAY, FEBRUARY - 5 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Kihyun POV>

Ever since Kihyun got together with Yoongi Valentine’s Day became an ordinary day unless you looked at the small gifts the two would exchange in the morning of the day. Kihyun finally understood what Hanna had always meant by saying that just because it was Valentine ’s Day you wouldn’t love your partner more.

This year, Kihyun didn’t have much time to plan anything, so they both agreed to exchange a _small_ gift in the morning. ‘Small’ was the whole point of their conversation. Yoongi’s company was keeping him busy and Kihyun was working on his 4 years long dream of making a cook book that would not only contain recipes but also educate about how the well-being of the body directly affected the well-being of the mind and how if the mind was not completely okay the body wouldn’t be either.

Kihyun managed to write all the recipes and take pictures of the foods over the last 2 months at his own pace that didn’t tangle up his normal working schedule with clients too much and now he was down to writing the personal stories and essays (supported by researches, of course) for each food that was in the book. All of them carried Kihyun’s signature soul warming touch but they were also nutritionally balanced and many of them could be easily implemented into diets.

However, even though Kihyun was at a position where he had to help people lose weight, those were celebrities that needed to look a part for a movie, a music video or a fashion show/photoshoot. Those were not ordinary people, who got through their day jobs, only to then go pick up their kids from the schools and send them to after school academies or sports. And these ordinary people needed nutritionally balanced soul foods that would suit their lifestyles and their schedules. That was what Kihyun wanted provide with this book - comfort for people, who didn’t want to keep eating food that wasn’t made in their kitchen but at the same time didn’t want to spend hours thinking about what to cook and then couple more doing so. Kihyun wanted to get out to the regular, every day people that followed his blog and his instagram.

Finding a publishing company actually wasn’t as difficult as he thought it would be. Hyungwon, Changkyun and Jooheon had work friends in music publishing houses, who hooked them onto their friends in book publishing houses and then Kihyun got a couple of contacts forwarded and he managed to fall through with a couple of meetings. Finally, he decided many meetings later to go with one of the companies that Hyungwon offered contacts of. They offered the best things in Kihyun’s eyes. And even now, some time later after signing a contract with them, he was happy he had done it.

But that meant Kihyun was _busy_.

Kihyun went to see that one client he had been avoiding due to his house’s proximity to Maddrip and Kihyun’s inability to avoid the café when he was in the area. He was always worried he would meet Hyunwoo there again, but after that talk with Hanna about two weeks ago, he dreaded the possibility of a meeting even more. He didn’t know what he would do if he saw him again. He acknowledged Hanna’s words that it wasn’t his problem to solve but…

Entering Maddrip with a heavy sigh and a stomach that fell somewhere to his feet, Kihyun nervously looked around even before he came up to the counter. And indeed, his eyes landed on Hyunwoo, this time at a different table than usually, but holding yet another new book, considering the fact he was at the beginning and the book was pretty thick. A pang of a bad feeling flowed through Kihyun and he wondered whether it was guilt, pity or regret, but he decided to not try to identify it for fear of running out of the café.

For a moment he pondered again whether or not to come up to him, but then Hanna’s words hit him again. ‘ _He’s lonely, Ki_ ’, he heard her say in his mind and Kihyun’s sense of loyalty to his friends kicked in, even though Hanna’s voice came to him once more. _‘But Ki, it’s not your problem to solve._ ’ And he heard her, he really did and one part wanted to listen to her, the part that was still a little hurt about what happened way over 5 years ago, but the Kihyun that lived in the present was not the one that lived 5 years ago. This Kihyun was different - he was Hyunwoo’s friend in the first place, not his ex-boyfriend.

So instead, of turning on his heel, he came up to the counter and ordered a stay in coffee and a croissant with butter and jam on the side and asked the barista if she could bring it to him to the table he was pointing at - Hyunwoo’s table. She nodded and smiled.

“Is the book any good?” Kihyun asked when he walked over to Hyunwoo’s table. The reading man lifted his eyes from the book with almost a confused glance at the person standing on the opposite side of the table, then realization flashed through his eyes when he saw Kihyun.

“So far? Not much, but it’s over 800 pages and I’m only on page 73, so I’m still hopeful,” Hyunwoo replied with a shrug and then smiled up at Kihyun. “Hi, Ki.”

“Hi,” Kihyun chuckled while pulling out the chair on his side of the table and sitting down. “I’m supposing you won’t oppose if I join you for a bit.”

“I always welcome company,” Hyunwoo smiled kindly and closed the book. The barista came and brought Kihyun’s order and he thanked her with a smile. “You come around quite often.”

“I told you I have a client in the area and these guys make killer coffee,” Kihyun played it off, hoping Hyunwoo never noticed him all those times he avoided him before.

“I remember, yeah,” Hyunwoo nodded and took a sip of his coffee.

“But what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be raising the new generation of teachers in their tertiary education?” Kihyun quirked his brow at Hyunwoo as he tore the extra flakey croissant into smaller bites.

“I am, I am, but my lecture got cancelled when I was waiting in the line to order, so I just decided to spend some time escaping the reality and reading about the search for Atlantis that most likely just like all the other ones is going to be successful and they will find the city after jumping over many struggles and internal fights somewhere deep in the ocean or something,” Hyunwoo chuckled at his estimation of the story.

_Escaping reality…_

Kihyun smiled even though the two words weirded him out a little and he hoped it was just a play on words that he caught only because of his recent talk with Hanna. “Why did your lecture get cancelled?”

“Fire drill gone bad,” Hyunwoo replied. “But I have no other info.”

“Mhm, mhm,” Kihyun hummed as he took a piece of jammed croissant. “How did the end of term exams go? Did you fail anyone?”

“No, Yoo Kihyun. I am a good teacher and none of my students failed the exams for my class,” he said feigning offence and that made Kihyun laugh. “Although, some of them had less than satisfactory results, but…” he chuckled, joining Kihyun. “Any plans for Valentine’s with Yoongi?” Hyunwoo asked casually and Kihyun was internally so pleased with the sound of that friendly casual tone that Hyunwoo spoke in. It meant that everything was kind of back to how it used to be years ago. Or at least Kihyun had hoped it to be.

“Actually, we kind of grew up of that idea that you need that one day when you’re all sweet to each other and stuff. We have given each other small gifts and this year we’ll do the same. Kinda like Hanna and Kyun, but a little less casual,” Kihyun answered, explaining the situation him and his boyfriend were in. “Plus we’re both really busy. The book is going to kill me sooner or later.”

“The book?” Hyunwoo’s face showed that he was confused before clarity of realization appeared on his very handsome face. “Oh, the _book_. Yeah, sorry… I completely forgot for a moment,” he apologized quickly, which got Kihyun smiling again. “Well, I hope that when it’s published and I’m able to buy a copy, you’ll sign it for me.”

“My autograph is expensive, professor,” Kihyun warned him jokingly.

“Oh shit. Well then, since I’m broke buying other books and swimsuits, I’ll have to get over it then,” Hyunwoo joked lightheartedly.

“I can give you the friends and family discount.”

‘Really? You would do that?” Hyunwoo pretended to be positively shocked.

“Yeah, but only for this book, the other ones you’ll have to go stand in the queue for the sign like all of the other people,” Kihyun winked at him playfully and Hyunwoo smiled all brightly, lit up like the post-midnight sky on New Year’s Eve during the firework display.

“Awww, Ki, you’re the best!” he laughed with his characteristic whole hearted laughter.

“But what about you? Any plans for Valentine’s?” Kihyun took a sip from his coffee, twisting the conversation to what he was aiming for previously.

“Not really, I was thinking of going out with Minhyuk and Jooheon, but the two are acting a little strange if I’m being honest. I don’t know if they’re sleeping together again or they had a fight or something, but they seem a little off. Have you noticed?” Hyunwoo leaned forward, suddenly all serious.

“I haven’t,” Kihyun shook his head, trying to remember if his friends acted the way Hyunwoo described. “Maybe I’m not noticing all of this stuff because I wouldn’t really expect those two to fight or sleep together to be honest. I know you haven’t been here, but those two are like ridiculously close best friends. I wouldn’t be surprised if they even showered together without any sexual context or subtext, really.”

“Yeah, I get that, but Kyun seemed to have noticed as well when we were at the New Years Eve party. Maybe he just decided not to comment,” Hyunwoo shrugged again and finished his coffee, which has probably gone cold at this point. All of their respective foods and coffees were finished and Hyunwoo slapped his own thighs lightly once before looking back to Kihyun. “Hate saying this, but… I gotta go. They may have cancelled my lecture but I should still show up for the office hours in library.”

“No, no. I have to go, too. I have a delivery to be made to the client,” Kihyun pointed to a bad he left by his feet and then checked his watch. “But thanks for shortening my waiting time, Hyunwoo.”

“Same, Kihyun,” Hyunwoo stood up and put on his coat, while Kihyun did the same. “See you later, yeah?”

“Of course, see you,” Kihyun said as Hyunwoo left the café, leaving him behind. Kihyun felt _something_ seeing Hyunwoo’s back walk out of the café, but he couldn’t identify the feeling. He just knew somewhere deep down in his heart that it was more bitter than anything.

<Hanna POV>

Changkyun came home after Hanna, which wasn’t unusual these days when she was going through her fellowship, which required daily office hours and consulting with patients under the watchful and careful eyes of her superior doctor, but she was always praised for her knowledge and tactful consulting. Changkyun’s work was now a little more time-demanding as he got back on track with song writing and producing and some big production companies caught a whiff of I.M again, this time as a producer and he even began freelancing for other companies and free artists. The royalties have been paying really well, but more than that Hanna noticed Changkyun’s life got more busy and yet more peaceful at the same time if that made any sense at all. He was finally doing music according to his own rules again, even though he knew well he could have been doing that all along.

In the last 5 years, it seemed Kyun needed a break from film music production and working in foley studios and OST departments gave him what he wanted then. Someone would say that going through life like this was extremely risky and that Hanna should be worried about their future, but she wasn’t. She trusted Changkyun’s decisions no matter what those were.

The door of the apartment opened and Hanna heard Changkyun grunt in frustration as he was taking of his boots. There were good 20cm of snow outside in the middle of February and she didn’t let him walk around in Air Forces anymore. Changkyun wasn’t too happy but she also said that if he broke his leg on a bit of slippery sidewalk when wearing sneakers she wouldn’t help him do anything, in fact she would tell him the words he hated the most from her, because she could ( _and would_ ) make them extremely spiteful and venomous. Those words were: _I told you so_.

“Hi, baby,” he said and hugged her from the back and rested his chin on her shoulder as she was preparing their dinner in the kitchen. “What are you cooking?”

“Tangsuyuk,” she replied and turned her head to give him a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Are you tired?”

“A little, but nothing a shower wouldn’t cure,” Changkyun nuzzled Hanna’s neck, giving her a quick kiss on the tender skin.

“Then you have 10 minutes to shower before this is ready,” she noted as her hands skillfully worked.

“Okay,” and he walked away after giving his girlfriend a quick peck on her cheek.

A little over 10 minutes later the couple sat at their kitchen table opposite each other, both with their respective bowl of rice, with the meat in the middle and sauce separate since both liked to dip their meat in the sauce rather than pour it over.

“Kyun, I was thinking,” Hanna said when she reached for another small piece of fried pork with her chopsticks.

“Did it hurt?” Changkyun asked with rounded cheeks since his mouth was full of rice. He asked with utmost seriousness in his voice, but it was their internal joke and they both knew the other wouldn’t get offended. They were always like this - if they fought, they did so as if they were a married couple, they talked and laughed like best friends about anything and everything, flirted like they just fell in love with each other.

And yet Hanna countered with: “Do you have to be a dick about it?”

“Is that what you were thinking about?” Changkyun chewed and swallowed, the serious expression still hasn’t left his face. “Because if so, the answer is ‘yes’.”

“If I didn’t love you I’d be out of the door years ago,” Hanna sighed and dipped her piece of meat in the sauce peacefully and placed it in her mouth.

“But you love me,” Changkyun said confidently with a shit eating grin.

“But I love you,” she dismissed him with her hand jokingly.

“Yeah, me too. I’m so lovable,” he smirked and his voice was so dreamy, as if to show what of a catch he was.

Hanna reached for her mug of lukewarm tea and placed it to her lips. She then proceeded to slurp it loudly and theatrically. Simultaneously she reached for her phone. When she put the mug down, she dialed Changkyun’s mother’s number and put the call on speakerphone.

“ _Hanna, hi. Is everything alright?_ ” her mother-in-law’s voice sounded from the phone.

“Auntie, did you know that Kyun is an arrogant ass?” Hanna asked staring Changkyun dead straight into his eyes. Hanna called his mother ‘auntie’ only when she was teasing Changkyun with her.

“ _Of course, honey_ ,” Changkyun’s mom replied with nonchalance in her voice. After all this wasn’t the first call of this sort that she had received in the last 7 years. “ _That’s why I’m so happy you took him out of my house_ ,” she told her with a casually sweet voice.

Changkyun stared at the phone dumbfounded. “Wow, mom. Thanks for the honesty. Really appreciate it,” he leaned closer to the phone, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Bye, auntie,” Hanna hung up with a sarcastic, yet smug smile. She then glanced back to Changkyun, since it was her turn to plaster a shit eating grin on her face. “Guess we both got burned tonight.”

Changkyun looked at her and his eyes glimmered with humor and love. “This is why I love you.”

“Same.”

“So what was the thing you were thinking about?” Changkyun went back to the topic.

“You mean the one I wanted to talk to you about before you so rudely interrupted me?” she teased him ever so slightly.

“The exact one,” he smirked up at her, knowing well what she was doing.

Hanna’s expression turned somber. “You know, the two of us don’t really celebrate Valentine’s but…”

“You wanna celebrate Valentine’s day?” Chagkyun’s jaw dropped in disbelief at his girlfriend, who hated Valentine’s Day so much she had her Hanahaki operation scheduled on the ‘day of the lovers’ just to have it as a ‘ _fuck you_ ’ to life itself.

“No, but I don’t want Hyunwoo to be alone, you know. He’s been getting quite lonely lately,” she explained.

Changkyun nodded apprehensively. “Of course, I don’t know why you’re even asking. Maybe we could finally do that Brooklyn Nine-Nine marathon. Or Archer?”

“Hyunwoo doesn’t like Archer,” Hanna protested with a shake of her head, because how was it possible that her best friend didn’t like one of her most favorite shows? She would never understand that.

“Then maybe we should make him like Archer,” Changkyun suggested slyly.

“This is why I love you,” she repeated Changkyun’s words, the love behind them thick.

“Same,” Changkyun replied and smiled at his girlfriend with all the love he had for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun decided to sit with Hyunwoo and keep him company, even though Hanna warned him that it isn't his problem. But then he ended up enjoying his time in the café conversing with Hyunwoo... 😊 What do you think of his decision? Do you approve? 🤔 Is there anyone who missed Changkyun's and Hanna's banter? Did you like the glimpse into the relationship Hanna has with Changkyun's mom? 😅 
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this chapter. Your comments with opinions always make my day better! 🤍🤗🤗
> 
> Next time we look at life from Hyungwon's POV, some home-y fluff with Hoseok but ending with a inquisitive question from Hyungwon that shocks the whole group. 🤫🤫 But until then, I hope 2021 has been good to you so far and please stay safe! ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	20. Curiosity Killed the Cat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hi, hi! 🤗 Sorry it took me longer than expected but... life happened. We have here a chapter all in Hyungwon's POV, which will also give us a small insight into the life of the HyungWonho couple, including a fluffy scene.
> 
> Also, thank you so much for 1k reads! 🤍
> 
> I hope you enjoy the 20th chapter. 😄

**~SATURDAY, LATE FEBRUARY - 5 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Hyungwon POV>

Saturday was the only day Hyungwon was allowed to sleep in, so of course Saturday mornings became special to him and Hoseok. During the week he always woke up alongside his boyfriend, who usually had his first patient (that he preferred to call ‘clients’) at 10AM, but on most days wanted to be at least half an hour early in his office.

Hoseok was still in the same office located at the same private clinic where he had done his internship thanks to a chance meeting all those years ago at the gym. Except now, he was a partner in the clinic he helped build. His senior was a really nice guy; him and Hoseok even became friends during his internship, which resulted in a permanent position there. Not even 3 years later Hoseok made partner and his name appeared on the door to the prestigious psychology clinic. The clientele has grown and ever since the beginning Hoseok dealt with the many kinds of depressions his celebrity patients were struggling with. Hoseok’s primary field during his studies was depression treatment, so he was more than happy to land a position like this and he’s worked hard all those years to keep it. While his senior colleague treated patients with various other kinds of mental problems that Hoseok never disclosed, not only due to the doctor-patient secret but also because Hyungwon didn’t really want to know. He wished to keep the images of the celebrities the way they were in the news or who they were as a person in case he met and worked with them. It was Hoseok’s ordeal to sit in the office and have them strip down their ego and outside persona to help them with their mental states.

On Sundays, the couple either went for brunch or made brunch themselves if the weather wasn’t nice or they just simply felt lazy. After eating, they would go for a walk around the place where they have gone for brunch, or down to the river and if they stayed home, they would often snuggle up under a blanket and watch a movie. Hyungwon began to love Sundays, when they made this a tradition about 4 years ago. He didn’t even mind not being able to sleep in longer than 9AM when Hoseok set the alarm to go off so they can have a small lazy morning before heading out to the place they agreed upon the day before usually. It didn’t matter if it was way too hot or way too cold, the two didn’t go out due to weather only when it rained or snowed heavily. Hyungwon loved his Sundays with Hoseok, but he’d already mentioned… no?

But it was Saturday and after so many years of the same routine, Hyungwon barely ever slept longer than till half past nine unless it was after a party or a hangout. And today he woke up before Hoseok, surprisingly enough. Hyungwon usually slept on the side in a small ball and Hoseok on his back with his hand extended to touch a part of Hyungwon’s body. Any part really, they just needed to be connected. Even if the two fell asleep spooning they would always wake up like this in the morning. So he did the thing that Hoseok would always do when he woke up earlier that his once sleepy-head counterpart. He turned around and laid his head onto Hoseok’s chest, throwing an arm around his still muscular torso and felt the calm rise and fall of his ribcage as the love of his life calmly breathed in and out. Hoseok’s hand automatically wrapped around Hyungwon’s shoulder, loosely bringing him closer.

“You’re up early,” Hoseok murmured a couple of minutes after Hyungwon cuddled up to him.

“Mhm,” he only hummed to acknowledge Hoseok’s statement, but did nothing else to move or open his eyes again.

Without opening his eyes he lifted his hand from Hyungwon’s shoulders and began to rake his fingers through his boyfriend’s semi-long hair. He loved Hyungwon’s longer hair as much as the other loved the feeling of Hoseok playing with it and softly massaging his scalp with the pads of his fingers. If Hyungwon were a cat he would purr right now in this very moment.

The two laid like this for a while softly breathing, maybe even dozing off for a couple of minutes before Hoseok’s stomach made itself known with a small, tiny growl… just to remind the well build half of the pair that breakfast was supposed to be served in the morning and not later.

Lying on Hoseok’s chest, Hyungwon heard the sound loud and clear. “What should we eat?”

“Eggs?” Hoseok asked. He was going through his reoccurring ‘eggs’ phase. At the beginning of the year it was toast with honey and butter and before Christmas it was oatmeal with protein powder. Hyungwon went along with whatever Hoseok wanted to eat, he was easy game in that way.

Hyungwon chuckled at the choice and slowly peeled himself off of the nice body possessed by his boyfriend. Hoseok usually slept bare-chested and today was no different. Hyungwon gave himself a moment to admire the shaped muscles of his pecks and abs.

“Like what you see, baby?” Hoseok flirted with his boyfriend, his face sporting a small smirk and a spark in his eyes completed the man Hyungwon fell for over 11 years ago. It was a long time and some years were more turbulent than others, but Hyungwon never loved Hoseok less even when they fought.

“I was just thinking about sending Matt a thank you card,” Hyungwon replied casually with a small shrug, mentioning one of Hoseok’s friends he acquired through his senior doctor colleague. Hoseok met Matt for the first time when he went to the gym with his senior couple of weeks after finishing his internship. The two shared their love for the gym and thanks to their similar personalities quickly befriended each other. The American born Matt, moved a couple of years prior to their meeting and worked as a P.E. teacher at high school and a dance teacher in a renowned studio located downtown that many young and aspiring dancers and idols craved to dance at, because dancing at that academy meant the person had talent and a bright future in the entertainment and music industry. Every time Hyungwon had a chance to meet Matt, he joked about sending him a thank you card for getting Hoseok into the ‘Big Tiddie Gang’.

“Another one?” Hoseok raised his brows with a smile. His voice was uplifted and clearly he enjoyed the inside joke his boyfriend had with his gym-buddy turned good friend.

“I mean…” Hyungwon slid his eyes from Hoseok’s head to his hips, which were covered by the duvet, following the same trail with his pointing finger, “maybe you should send it?”

“Chae Hyungwon!” Hoseok hurled a pillow at him, roaring with laughter. “I worked for this body myself. No one gave it to me.”

Hyungwon laughed as he blocked the pillow before it could hit him. “Maybe I should send _you_ a ‘thank you’ card then.”

The couple went about their morning, making breakfast and coffee with synchronized moves round the kitchen before settling at the breakfast bar that divided the kitchen from the living room. They lazily ate their meal in comfortable silence between them as the TV in the living room provided them with white noise of whatever show was currently airing.

“When are the guys coming?” Hoseok broke the silence once both of them finished the eggs and rice, along with the side dishes their mothers took turn to bring to their ‘poor’ sons, even though both protested saying they could either buy them or make them, which was only ridiculed by both mothers that never forgot to remind the pair what happened to the kimchi they once tried to make. That was a disaster if they’ve ever seen one.

“Around 6. Did you not read the group chat?” Hyungwon questioned with a raised brow.

“Nah, I didn’t feel like looking at the phone when you were in the chat anyway,” Hoseok shrugged. He had these times when he really needed to withdraw from his phone and live in the present, Hyungwon understood.

“Yeah, well… Min, Joo and Kyun said they wanted to order in pizza for dinner with the movie and Hanna will come straight from work, so of course she agreed on pizza. Kihyun will come with Yoongi and Hyunwoo mentioned something about the pool, but I can’t remember anymore. Guess he might arrive after his practice. Man… I swear he stopped swimming only to begin again,” Hyungwon sighed, remembering one of the fights that Hanna had with Hyunwoo during one of their Christmas break hangouts, when she chastised him for overexerting his shoulder again, threatening him with more medication and/or the high possibility of extreme damage of mobility if he continued to swim the amounts he did without a proper rest. She warned him that he wouldn’t be able to lift his arm past shoulder height if he kep doing what he was doing. He retaliated by saying that she didn’t realize how much swimming meant for him and if all those years in the pool were nothing to her then she shouldn’t stick her nose into his business. To which Hanna responded with a cold ‘okay’ followed by saying that once he came to seek her out as a sports orthopedic specialist, she would refuse to treat him, because she would use the words all men hated to hear from women: _‘I told you so.’_

“The thing is,” Hoseok shook his head slightly, “that I’m more worried about his mental health rather than his physical.”

“Isn’t that your job, baby?” Hyungwon gazed at him lovingly.

“Yes… but Hyunwoo is my friend, I shouldn’t apply practice onto him,” Hoseok smiled at his boyfriend, the smile carried the same love as Hyungwon’s stare. “He’s using swimming and books as a buy-out from the fact that he’s lonely. I’m by no means saying that he needs someone to be in a relationship with, but out of instinct human beings are sociable creatures that tend to gravitate towards building relationships with others. And if this biological need isn’t met, it usually ends up souring the person, making their life bitter and they tend to close off. I just don’t want him to fall under the rule.”

“Hmmm, you mentioned that Hanna asked you about depression…”

“It’s too early to talk about that,” Hoseok clarified. “The signs would have to be there for longer, but I get what she’s pointing at.”

The two men fell into silence again, both lost in their thoughts as they drank their coffees, occasionally glancing at what was happening on the TV. “Do you know which film was picked?”

“Hanna gave another 10 suggestions to Kihyun, so I guess he’s gonna pick from them,” Hoseok said, referencing the tradition of their movie nights that rooted in their university years.

“I hope there’s Tarantino on the list,” Hyungwon wished, “I’m in the mood for swearing and blood. Pulp Fiction or Django would be nice.

“It’s Hanna’s list, Won. There will be a Tarantino movie even if we’ve seen all of them already. But knowing Kihyun, he won’t pick it,” Hoseok reminded Hyungwon.

“True.”

“Buuut… until the guys come… do you have any suggestions about what we could do with the time at our hands?” Hoseok’s voice got that mischievous undertone to it as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at his boyfriend, lips turning into a semi-hungry smirk.

Hyungwon’s own lips turned into a naughty smirk as he hummed seductively. “I know of one thing,” he leaned in closer to his boyfriend, whose skin tingled with excitement, when Hyungwon got near and brushed his lips against Hoseok’s own, “how about… you finally fold the laundry, since it’s your turn this week.” Hyungwon casually broadened the gap between them and placed a wide shit-eating grin onto his handsome face as he reached for his coffee cup, leaving Hoseok groaning in frustration.

The gang started to gather around 6, some came before, some after. Last two to arrive were Hyunwoo and Hanna, who passed the threshold in a heated discussion mode.

“I don’t know… I just hate Cyril that’s all,” Hyunwoo admitted with a slightly heavy voice.

“Everyone hates Cyril. That’s the whole point of that character,” Hanna argued back when they entered the living room, neither of them saying any words of greetings to the other 7 people in the joint living room and kitchen.

“Lana doesn’t. She was with him for a while,” Hyunwoo countered.

“To get back at Archer! Hyunwoo, just admit it, for God’s sake. You’re not special for hating Cyril,” Hanna said as she poured herself a glass of wine, the bottle of which she took out of Minhyuk’s hand as he watched the two get at it about a show Changkyun and Hanna finally convinced Hyunwoo to binge watch.

“Rude,” Minhyuk said about Hanna taking the bottle out of his grasp, but his comment remained unnoticed by the pair of best friends.

“Are you two going to keep arguing or we can get on with the movie?” Jooheon asked from the beanbag, holding a bottle of beer. “Because I really want to watch the film Kihyun picked.”

“Courtesy of Hanna,” Hyungwon didn’t forget to add as their inside joke, which got Yoongi looking rather confused.

“I would explain it, Yoongi,” Hoseok began turning his body to Kihyun’s boyfriend, “but it’s such a long story that it will have its own chapter when Hanna finally writes a biography.”

“And what would she write there?” Hyunwoo scoffed.

“I don’t know. Maybe about the night Changkyun got his eyebrow pierced? No, wait, she doesn’t remember that one. Ooh-ooh, what about the one when she got the tattoo on her ribcage? No, wait… she doesn’t remember that one either. Perhaps the one at RapGround-“ Minhyuk started guessing, making his point by emphasizing the details.

“Or maybe I could make it about how I used to smash you every time we played Crash Bash in high school,” Hanna reminded Minhyuk of his uninterrupted losing streak from the times of their teenage-hood afternoons spent playing PS1.

“Or you could make it about all of the old hook ups, ex- friends with benefits or not and potential fucks you were given the task to fend off for Minhyuk at uni,” Kihyun joined in with a happy lilt in his voice. He adored when he could nip at either of the two. And this clearly made Mihyuk slightly infuriated as he turned to Kihyun with accusative dagger shooting out of his eyes.

“I still think it would be more interesting if Minhyuk wrote a biography,” Hyungwon said, not letting himself miss out on the fun.

“Oh yeah? According to your ideal of my biography, Won, I would write about my ‘terrible’ fashion sense while singing odes to yours. So excuse me, but I will have to remove yours even from the nominations for the ideas for the book of my life,” Minhyuk rejected Hyungwon’s idea before it even came to life, which had Hyunwoo bursting into short laughter he covered with a small cough and a sip from his beer, as he assumed his position by the foot of the couch on the floor.

Hyungwon tried to look hurt, but the truth was that Minhyuk saw right through him.

Finally the 9 people settled around the living room to watch the movie around quarter to seven, the pizza boxes opened on the coffee table so anyone could eat whatever they wanted. Kihyun settled on picking The Hitman’s Bodyguard… it was somewhat expected though, since Kihyun was an avid fan of the movies Ryan Reynolds was in, even if they somewhat carried the same characteristic of the portrayed characters. The humor was still enough to crack all of them up when it was needed.

However, Hyungwon has already seen this movie. Hoseok and him went on a date together when it came out a couple years ago. It wasn’t the fact that the movie was no longer funny or entertaining, but Hyungwon felt a weird vibe settling around the group of his friends. So, rather than devote his full attention to the movie, he split it and watched the behaviors of the group members.

Kihyun and Yoongi were Kihyun and Yoongi - there was nothing strange about the way they sat next to each other. Both of them showed affection to each other on a normal level, so Hyungwon grew bored watching the two and moved on to the next person.

Hyunwoo sat on the floor, often rubbing his shoulder - the one that was the center of the small but heated dispute between him and Hanna over Christmas break. Hyungwon judged the moment, thinking to himself it must be hurting even out of working mode. But the tension that stiffened Hyunwoo’s posture when he first came back and him and Kihyun were in the same room for the time that they hung out for was no longer there. It seemed he had settled back into the group as was expected.

Hanna and Changkyun sat next to each other on the beanbags. Jooheon switched places with Hanna for an unknown reason. She never said she wanted to sit next to Kyun. She usually opposed, saying she got enough of him at home.

But what drew Hyungwon’s attention was the strange behavior between Jooheon and Minhyuk. The two were next to each other, really close too, but they weren’t touching at all. If at any point those two were together over the years, one of them would have legs on the other’s lap or had a hand thrown over the shoulder in a bro-ish way. Ever since they came back as friends after their fling, they were inseparable bros. However, now there seemed to be tension and Hyungwon would swear to God he’s seen that tension before somewhere…

Then a light bulb flicked alight in Hyungwon’s mind and he almost burst out laughing at himself for realizing and noticing it just now. So Hyungwon decided to reach for the Apple TV remote and paused the film.

“Hey, sorry about this guys. I really don’t want to be the vibe killer right now,” Hyungwon said as the room grew quiet and eyes turned to him, silently demanding a reason for his actions. “But I have an urgent matter to ask of Min and Joo.”

The two straightened their back in sync and Jooheon gulped rather dryly. Worry had shown in his face, but Hyungwon was way too curious about which side broke the promise. They awaited the question warily.

“I just want to know when the two of you started fucking again?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon asked a pretty serious question, didn't he? 🤔😏 How's that going to turn out? Their last fling ended how it did and no side was happy about it... can you even try to guess what might happen next between the two? 😯 Hyunwoo fell back into the group really easily and his friendship with Kihyun is back on track - that's good, right? Did you like the peek into HyungWonho's life? 🤭
> 
> I realize that you might be bored from these 'filler' chapters, but actually this is one of those I call 'calm before the storm'... I'm sorry but I feel like these are also necessary for a good story, especially one with so many character in it. I promise there won't be too many from now on. 🤗😉 I'm sorry and hope you weren't too bored lately.
> 
> Please share your thoughts and opinions on this chapter with me in the comments. 🙏🤗 Your comments always make my day and I'm always excited when I can interact with you guys. 🤍
> 
> Next time: Minhyuk is worried about Hanna's reaction to the revelation, because after all she was the one who glued his shattered heart back together all those years ago and heard his promises to never hurt Jooheon again. And also, Minhyuk makes a very important and serious decision, but he won't be alone to make it. 🤫 Please come back to find out what turns Minhyuk's life will take.
> 
> I hope you liked reading today's chapter and that I will see you in the next one as well. But until then, please take care of yourselves in these hectic times and stay safe. 🤍🤍 ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	21. Confessions of a Lifetime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Find My Way Back! 🤗 Today's chapter is directly connected to the previous one, so I hope you enjoy it and without further ado... 😊

<Minhyuk POV>

“I just want to know, when the two of you started fucking again?” Hyungwon questioned, one of the corners of his lips turned slightly upwards and his voice was beyond curious.

“It was just once. On Halloween,” Jooheon replied coldly, which was something Minhyuk half-expected but it still hurt.

Following their night on Halloween, well actually quite some time before that, Minhyuk started feeling something for Jooheon after long years of being best of friends that followed Jooheon’s confession, which was responded to by Minhyuk’s rejection. That event brought them closer, deepening their friendship. Jooheon had moved on, had a couple of fairly serious relationships, while Minhyuk dated around, never serious because he had never found that _something_ he was searching for in anyone he had been with. Only when Jooheon met Mino, Minhyuk slowly came to realizing what was happening in his brain and heart. After all those years, Minhyuk was back to feeling romantic emotions for Jooheon… however this time… they were not reciprocated, even if for a bit Minhyuk allowed himself to think other way. For Jooheon that one night was just that - a night with someone he knew he was compatible with, a night of pleasure and passion, a night of fiery lust. But for Minhyuk, that night symbolized him coming to terms with his heart once again and realizing that the feeling of love never went away when it came to Lee Jooheon.

There was dead silence in the room and Minhyuk awaited judgment as if it was Dooms Day. But the worst of them all was coming from within - yet again he felt like he fucked everything up; that he had some kind of a superpower when it came to destroying things and people he romantically loved. Minhyuk turned his eyes to Hanna, worried glimmer very obvious.

“Can we just please go back to the movie?” Hanna asked from her spot on the beanbag, eyes trained on the TV, shoulders stiff and voice constricted. Her attitude stabbed Minhyuk like a smoldering dagger right into the heart. He betrayed a promise he made to her so many years ago when he was crying in her room after breaking Jooheon’s heart. She was the one, who held him through it, listened to his sobs and then in the morning brewed green tea only to then use the tea bags for Minhyuk’s puffy cried out eyes in hopes of reducing the swollen areas faster. She was his solace, the one, who always supported all of him in everything. Kihyun and Hanna were Minhyuk’s definition of a best friend… and now he felt like he disappointed Hanna, which was frankly way worse of a feeling that had she been mad at him.

Minhyuk’s eyes flickered to Kihyun, who was watching him intently with slight shock in his eyes, but gratefully there wasn’t judgment - just confusion. Slowly Minhyuk guided his eyes, over the others but the main emotion that showed on their faces was confusion. He then directed his gaze back at the only woman in the room. “Han…”

“No, Min. You guys are adults. If you want to go around, breaking each other’s hearts again, then that’s up to you. Also… it’s no point telling you not to come crying to me, because we both very well know that if you knock on my door I will not shut them in front of your face, so…” she looked at him with cold apprehension, making it clear she didn’t stand with his decision to break the promise he made to himself. The last thing he wanted now and ever was to break Jooheon’s heart again… or his own. “Let’s just please get back to the movie.”

“Changkyun, you didn’t tell her?” Jooheon turned to his best friend.

“Your break up message got Minhyuk out of our place for 2 nights, so…” Changkyun shrugged and Minhyuk thought this would get some emotion out of Hanna. After all, he didn’t tell her something that somewhat directly affected her, since Minhyuk was staying at their apartment most nights of the week until 2 weeks before Christmas.

“I’ll be honest… I’m happy I didn’t know,” she got up from the bean bag, grabbed her glass from the floor and headed to the kitchen space. There, she set the glass into the sink and walked by everyone towards the hall, where the stunned friends in the living room quietly listened to her getting dressed and putting her shoes on. “Hyunwoo!” she called out. “Come to my office sometimes next week. I’ll check out that shoulder and give you some exercises to make it better. Maybe some medication, too.”

As Hyunwoo was about to answer, the door opened and closed.

“Alright… what the hell just happened?” Kihyun whispered, more to himself than others but it was still audible in the silence that still lingered in the room.

“Guys, I know that we’ve almost messed up the group relationships once in uni, but I swear it’s not the same this time,” Jooheon said, glancing at everyone. “It was a onetime thing.”

Minhyuk swallowed the lump in his throat and pushed back the sting in his eyes that usually signified there would be tears coming into his eyes. Those words were definitely the last ones he wanted to hear, but he truly did think he had deserved them. He made the mistake to fall for his desires, to fall for his dreams, to fall for Jooheonie again… but he didn’t regret. He would just take a moment to recover.

“As Hanna said, you guys are adults with free will. You do you,” Hoseok noted. “If you need, we’ll be here to pick up the pieces again.” He’s known Jooheon for a fairly long time and he knew when the man was lying, plus his knowledge of humans and their behavior gave him advantage to be able to see things others might have missed.

“Yeah, let’s just watch the movie,” Minhyuk scooted closer to Hyunwoo, laying his head on the professor’s shoulder, relaxing his back into the couch. His posture might have been laid back and casual but his stomach was flipping around and every time he accidentally swiped his eyes over Jooheon in the half-lit room something poked him sharply to the heart. But he knew he’d made his bed and now he had to lie in it.

On Sunday morning Minhyuk woke up with a killer headache that wasn’t caused by the alcohol because he barely drank two glasses the night before. Also it couldn’t be due to crying, ‘cause he didn’t really cry either. So, for a reason unbeknownst to him, he decided to just take a freaking painkiller like he’s always done.

Then he gathered some stuff and opened his phone, to find it without notifications. The time read a couple minutes past 11AM. He decided to text the people he needed to talk to, noticing that the chat with Hanna has never had the nicknames changed since uni days. Minhyuk smiled over the old-old inside joke.

**~Private chat** between users _failing fine arts_ and _walking chlorine~_

 **[failing fine arts]** : han…

 **[failing fine arts]** : i need to talk to u

 **[failing fine arts]** : u up right?

 **[walking chlorine]** : whats up?

 **[failing fine arts]** : can we meet in ur mom’s café?

 **[walking chlorine]** : ok

 **[walking chlorine]** : 1pm?

 **[failing fine arts]** : yea

 **[failing fine arts]** : i’ll text ki too

 **[walking chlorine]** : ok, c u

**~Private chat** between users _min_ and _ki~_

 **[min]** : ki, have any plans for the early afternoon?

 **[ki]** : not much, thought of working on the book a little bit

 **[ki]** : why?

 **[ki]** : something happened?

 **[min]** : can u meet me and han in her moms café?

 **[ki]** : ofc

 **[ki]** : what time?

 **[min]** : 1pm ok w u?

 **[ki]** : yeah no problem, see you

When Minhyuk arrived in the café, Hanna was already there chatting with her mom behind the counter as she made herself coffee with practiced movements of a barista that she had gotten down during all of those times she worked in the café alongside Mrs. Kang. The café was in their normal busy mode with only one empty table in the back.

“Minhyuk, hello, sweetie,” Mrs. Kang greeted him with a bright smile and a kind voice.

“Hi, Mrs. Kang,” Minhyuk replied, essaying the same smile, but he felt it was flat compared to hers. “Hey, Han,” he turned to his best friend, who nodded to him as she sipped her fresh coffee.

“Drink?” she asked him.

“Just coffee today, really.”

“Have you eaten?” she pointed with her chin to the daily cakes and breakfasts. Minhyuk spotted one of his favorite things that appeared back on the menu after being on break for the winter - the delicious banana-raspberry bread with white chocolate chips. It was rich and decadent and yet still kept its fresh taste thanks to the raspberries that provided just a slight hint of tartness.

“Not yet,” he said, eyeing the banana bread.

Hanna reached for a plate and placed two slices of the yummy banana bread. She then set it on a tray, next to her coffee and a personal tea mug that only she was allowed to use in the café because it was old and chipped; and got to the making of Minhyuk’s coffee. There was silence between the two best friends and Minhyuk could see the small surprise on Mrs. Kang’s face, because usually these two would have some banter going on or chat about various things that were currently going on, but obviously Hanna’s mother decided not to interfere and rather she went to look around the tables checking if everything was alright and maybe pick up some empty mugs or plates so the customers could be more comfortable. Normally the part-timer would do it, but the girl was eating lunch and Mrs. Kang was way too nice to interrupt the university student, who came to work over weekends just when she was on the short lunch break.

Kihyun walked in as Hanna finished Minhyuk’s coffee. “Hey, guys. Sorry I’m late. I missed the right train because I forgot to top up the citypass card.”

“S’alright,” Minhyuk offered a small but genuine smile.

“Coffee?”

“Most certainly,” Kihyun responded to Hanna’s question eagerly, glancing over at the cakes too. “And a cardamom bun, please?”

“Sure,” Hanna smiled back and worked on the desired coffee, then placing a specialty cardamom and cinnamon bun on a plate. She then grabbed the tray with all of their things, walking out from behind the counter and leading them towards the back table.

The trio sat down and all of them grabbed their respective items off the tray and Hanna took the tray off the table and balanced it against the wall.

“So, I…” Minhyuk began but Hanna lifted her hand to stop him. Minhyuk knew her well enough to know that when she did it in the manner in which she’d done it now, she had something that bothered her and was most likely going to apologize. Even if he thought she had nothing to apologize for, he let her speak first.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry for walking out yesterday, but I really couldn’t stay, Min. I was worried I would say something I would regret way more than just walking away and clearing my head, really. This thing that you have with Jooheon is… none of my business. Like at all. It doesn’t concern me in any direct way other than some of my best friends sleeping together. But…” her voice sounded apologetic however the ‘but’ came with a heavy sigh, “I don’t want you to get hurt again, Min. Even if back then it was you, who rejected Jooheon, you were still so deeply hurt and then I saw you after Halloween now and, frankly, I thought something like this was going on, but I decided not to push for anything… not because you wouldn’t have listened to me, but compared to Kihyun, you’re the type of the person that hears the warning and even then, does whatever the fuck he wants, so it would have been as useful as rearranging the chairs on Titanic, really. You do things in such manners that it’s usually you that gets hurt… and well… to be completely honest with you… I hate seeing that happen over and over again. The last 5 years were no different to the ones at uni and the ones during high school. It’s you who comes out hurt out of all of this. So, I guess... I just want to say that you should be careful, because once… you’ll break too far.”

As Hanna spoke, a lump grew in Minhyuk’s throat and no matter how many times he tried to swallow it, it only enlarged. Tears pricked into his eyes and when she finished they spilled onto his cheeks. He was afraid she would be angry, but rather, she was worried that he would yet again end up broken hearted. Minhyuk lowered his head and stared at the cup in his hands.

Kihyun grabbed him around the shoulders, and Minhyuk peaked up at him. “I agree with Hanna, Min. It’s so difficult to see you hurt, way more difficult that being hurt myself and trust me I know something about that,” he scoffed and then his face got serious again. “So, why don’t you tell us what’s going on. We’ll listen. Always.”

Minhyuk sighed and wiped the stray tears off of his cheek. “I don’t know what I’m doing in life, really. Like I know where I’m going with my work and I like it. I’m doing well in the freelancing and I earn well, even though it at first looked like I would fail. But… in personal life… besides you guys there’s really nothing. Even when I hooked up with someone, it was really just to satiate some physical need. It’s been like that for a while.”

“Min,” Kihyun squeezed his shoulder. “It’s okay not to 100% know where your life is headed. It’s okay to not be sure to 100% about what you want as long as you keep going forward and never stop looking for it until you find it.”

“Yeah…” Minhyuk sighed softly, “except I found it.”

“Jooheon,” Hanna whispered, understanding the situation.

“Mhm,” Minhyuk hummed. He placed a torn-off piece of the banana bread into his mouth and chewed slowly. “It must have been around the time when he got together with Mino, maybe when they had their first major fight and Heonnie called me crying. My inside kept telling me that I would have treated him better, that I would have never walked out again… that had I only had one more chance… I would have given him all of my heart to care for. The only thing I wouldn’t have done was travel back in time, because back then at uni I didn’t know the value of my feelings for Joo. Today, I do and… God… if I just have one more shot… I won’t let myself fuck up. But for him, it’s a onetime thing...”

“And have you asked him about it?” Hanna reached over the table and placed her hands on top of Minhyuk’s that still hugged the cup.

“I know him so well, Han. It’s like I can read his mind,” Minhyuk shook his head.

“I hate to be that person, Min, but you can’t read shit,” Kihyun chuckled lowly and when Minhyuk shot him a slightly angry glare, his chuckle changed into laughter. “You never read it back then… why do you think you can do it now?”

“Because I’ve known him for more than 10 years now, Kihyun,” Minhyuk explained still, irritated by Kihyun’s laugh.

“Well, I have to side with Kihyun on this one. Min, you’re terrible at reading people’s emotions, especially if they concern you,” Hanna sided with Kihyun, smirk playing on her lips.

“Didn’t you guys say you would listen to me?” Minhyuk barked with accusation in his tone.

“We did listen to you,” Kihyun protested sassily hand sipped from his coffee. “Look, I just think that maybe, just maybe, you should talk to Jooheon about it. Who knows you might be surprised by what you find out.”

“Again, I agree with Ki,” Hanna took her hands off of Minhyuk’s and leaned back in her chair.

“Do you know something from Kyun?” Minhyuk got suspicious.

“No. We haven’t talked about it all, other than the brief relief when he said he and Mino had broken up. I swear none of us liked that guy,” Hanna replied truthfully.

“Is there something going on with you two?” Minhyuk strayed away from the original conversation.

“Not really and that is not the topic of the table talk today, so…” Hanna crossed her arms over her chest and quirked her brow to remind Minhyuk that this was not what they were there to chat about.

“Get Jooheon to meet you and talk about it, Min,” Kihyun said. “You need to get this out of your system whether you get the answer you want or the one that you think you’re gonna get.”

“But how do I do that?”

“I don’t know… call him and get a coffee together?” Hanna stared at him as if he were dumb.

“And preferably spit it out right away and don’t ‘wait for the right moment’,” Kihyun made air quotes. “’Cause I know firsthand that waiting for ‘the right moment’ is definitely not the right way to do it.”

Minhyuk couldn’t believe his ears. Kihyun cracked a joke, or tried to (still counts), about what happened between him and Hyunwoo long over 5 years ago. What happened to Kihyun and who was this person seated next to him. Have aliens abducted him and brought this guy? “Did you just…?”

“I did. Hyunwoo and I have met up, _by accident_ mainly, in a café that’s near his place and the home of one of my more prestigious clients and we talked. A lot. For a long time too. And I have to say… I don’t hurt anymore…” Kihyun confessed with flaming confidence and a genuine smile.

“Oh my God, and you’re saying this only now?” Minhyuk exclaimed and slapped Kihyun on the side of his bicep. Kihyun chuckled and drank his coffee.

Hanna smiled too, pleased with the development of her friends’ relationship status going back to friends. “So Min… what are you going to do?”

“I’m gonna call him,” Minhyuk decided, his voice firm.

Then he added to himself: _I’m going to tell him I love him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that was a flip from Petals - this time it's Minhyuk who's desperate for his feelings to be reciprocated... Do you think he will meet Jooheon? If so, how do you think it will go? 🤔 Hanna's reaction was so different to revelation, right? 🤷♀️ Kihyun and Hanna are the most supportive friends, am I right? (*both sarcastic and not*) 😅😅
> 
> Please share your thoughts and opinions with me, I love talking to you when I get the chance! 🥰🤍🤗
> 
> Next time we will dive into the final chapter of this JooHyuk ark. Will Jooheon accept Minhyuk's feelings or will the event from 8 years ago repeat, but with switched positions? 🤔
> 
> Oh, I hope you enjoyed today's chapter and that you're looking forward to the next one as well! 🥰 Please take care and stay safe! See you next time ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	22. Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are at the end of the JooHyuk ark, so let's see how it ends. I hope you enjoy it. ✊✊

<Minhyuk POV>

Minhyuk chickened out.

When Minhyuk arrived home from his meeting with Hanna and Kihyun, he was going to call Jooheon and invite him out for coffee or beer. Sitting at the breakfast bar of his kitchen he dialed Jooheon’s number, but before it even began to ring, he hung up. He totally chickened out.

Huffing and puffing, Minhyuk stomped over to the couch where he threw himself on the couch and crossed his arms around his chest. His bottom lip pulled into a pout as he intently stared a hole into his kitchen counter. Minhyuk kept telling himself he couldn’t chicken out, not again. It took him so long to realize that the primary reason for his hatred towards Mino wasn’t that he was a bad guy, which he most certainly was - no need to misunderstand that; rather it was the jealousy he felt towards Jooheon’s ex. And then when he did finally come to the result that it was jealousy, he didn’t know why he was jealous - was it because his best bro didn’t and couldn’t hang out with him as often anymore? He kept telling himself that this must have been the reason, because why else on Earth would he be feeling that way?

And that was when the ‘friend’ Minhyuk didn’t like to use often to think his life over came into play. Before Halloween Minhyuk only drank when he was out with the gang or getting someone to hook up with, however couple weeks prior to Halloween, he opened a bottle of whiskey after arriving home when he went to hang out with Jooheon after his work and Mino came to pick him up into the pub. Those two were grossly all over each other and Minhyuk could barely stomach it. So, he decided to drown his sorrows in a bottle of rye. As he was trying to forget the picture of Mino and Jooheon, his excellent brain chose to show him a possible image of himself with Jooheon, kissing softly after leaving a pub and then walking home together, hands held lovingly tight.

The realization of this whole situation hit him like a freight train. For a very long moment, Minhyuk couldn’t breathe. He only managed to get a couple of gasps of oxygen into his lungs when something rigidly constricted his insides. He downed the glass in his hand and then the next one.

It was needless to say, Minhyuk woke up with the biggest fucking headache the next day, barely able to move around the apartment from the bed to bathroom and back, stopping in the kitchen for a glass of water, before returning into the lying position he had been in before. The hangover disgustingly mixed with the bitter feeling of realization and jealousy was one of the worst feelings Minhyuk has ever felt. The only worse one he could remember at that point was breaking Jooheon’s heart in the summer after 2nd year of uni.

Minhyuk glared at the breakfast bar for a couple more minutes in dead silence, occasionally puffing some air or sighing in frustration. His knee started to bop up and down at a fast nervous pace and he pulled his lower lip between his teeth gnawing at it as if it would provide some kind of a solution to a problem he wasn’t really seeing.

“Okay, Min, stop being a fucking coward,” Minhyuk began to give himself a pep talk. Standing up from the couch was the easy part, but he took no further step towards the kitchen. “Oh my God! Why are you such a chicken, Lee Minhyuk?” This time he walked over to the place where the phone was laying with a blacked out screen with his body all tense. Hands by his sides he was still staring at the phone.

Suddenly, he jumped up and grasped his heart all startled when a beeping sound came from the device. His breathing got quicker and Minhyuk had to stabilize himself with his hand on the bar as he tried to calm down his heart. “Oh my God… almost had a heart attack…fuck…” The screen lit up with a small Twitter notification and Minhyuk got a little angry with himself for giving him such a jump scare for nothing really.

Once the fastened heartbeat calmed down, Minhyuk grabbed the phone and looked at the time. The clock showed it was a couple minute after half past eight. Jooheon was definitely still awake…

“It’s now or never,” Minhyuk took a deep breath in and then exhaled with big determination and pressed the call button next to his contact. He almost backed out again, but then it began ringing and there was no way out unless he wanted to explain to Jooheon why he rang only to hang up right after.

“ _What’s up?_ ” Jooheon’s voice sounded uplifted as if he just finished laughing at a good joke.

“Uuuhhh, Joo… I know it’s Monday tomorrow but by any chance… you have time in the evening. I kinda want to talk about something with you,” Minhyuk pushed the words out with great effort.

“ _Min, you alright?_ ” Jooheon noticed the difference between his voice and Minhyuk’s. “Did anything happen?”

“No… no, I’m fine,” Minhyuk said quickly. “I just… there’s something on my mind and you’re the only person I can talk about it to, so… I thought, you know… if you had time.”

“ _Minhyuk, you’re worrying me know. You’re not usually like this. Man, what happened?_ ” Jooheon pushed on knowing that he never got things out of him in such a difficult way. Minhyuk always spoke his mind, so Jooheon was worried why he acted this way.

“I’m good, really… just need to talk to someone, who would understand fully what I need to say, that’s all,” Minhyuk calmed down his voice and sounded more normal than couple of moments ago.

“ _Okay… still… I don’t like the way you sound, but okay. Let’s meet tomorrow then. I will most likely finish around six, maybe six thirty, but not too long after that. I’ll text you, yeah?_ ” Jooheon suggested.

“Sorry, I thought you’d be over later. I have one physical hand-over of a bag I was painting for one client at half past six in downtown. You’re normally done much later…”

“ _Yeah. I have a meeting with an artist at 5 and I rarely work right after a meeting because I need to tidy up my thoughts before doing more work, but like… why am I even telling you when you know this about me?_ ” Jooheon chuckled shortly.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. So maybe at seven in World’s End? Should be mid-way between your studio and my hand-over place,” Minhyuk thought of one the pubs the gang used to go to if they wanted to watch a baseball game, which frankly said none of them completely understood but it gave them about 3 hours of justifiable time in a pub and then some if they were celebrating. Hanna and Hoseok jumped onto the sport, quickly understanding the rules. For Minhyuk the fact that they were together in a pub was the important one.

“ _Okay, cool. See you then, Min_ ,” Jooheon said and Minhyuk could hear even through the phone that the man he was in love with was smiling. He imagined the dimples in his cheeks and smiled too.

“See you, Heonie,” Minhyuk replied and hung up. When he was sure the call was over, he squealed and lifted a hand in a sign of victory, very obviously pleased with himself that he only backed out once. One happy dance around the kitchen later, Minhyuk found his way to his office with a sudden burst of inspiration for some personal work, which he had been lacking for months.

Now he had to manage the difficult part - the talk.

Surprisingly, Minhyuk fell asleep almost right away on Sunday night. His mind was at peace even when he woke up on Monday and during all of his errands, too. The moment he began to feel like he might back out with some lame excuse came when he arrived home around 5PM to drop off the package that he went to pick up to the post office and some groceries he bought (which he would get dissed for so much by Kihyun, because he literally bought mainly frozen food and instant ramen). He also wanted to change clothes when he went to meet with Jooheon, so of course he would stop by at home. Minhyuk also didn’t want to carry around a big box with a bag in it, so…

After taking a quick shower and blow drying his hair, he styled it messily and picked out a simple yet good looking outfit that had been pre-approved by Kihyun and suggested by unknowing Hyungwon via Hanna. Minhyuk would probably dress in something else, but to quote himself: ‘I want to look nice and at the same time effortless.’ - so he ended up with an outfit consisting of staple pieces. But thanks to his slender figure, it looked great on him.

The time was up and with a heavy determined sigh Minhyuk left his apartment to drop off the hand-painted bag. The client was a nice lady, who wanted to give something special to her daughter for her 20th birthday as the girl studied Fine Arts at university.

Minhyuk arrived at World’s End a couple minutes after seven, because the chat with his client went on for 2 minutes more than he had planned for and he missed the right subway, which resulted in him missing the bus that took the shortcut. However, he had texted Jooheon, who only mentioned he had been of the same luck and even though he ran to the bus when he saw it arrive at the stop, the bus driver was not kind enough to wait for him. So Minhyuk ended up passing the threshold to the pub before Jooheon even though he was late.

He found a table in the back where the smaller ones occupied a tighter space, further from the TVs. Apparently there was a game from the USA league being broadcasted later today, so he was lucky to get a spot. A couple of minutes later Jooheon walked in as well.

“Hey, Joo” Minhyuk smiled when the music producer reached the table.

“Sorry, huuuuh, the bus…” Jooheon apologized.

“Nah, it’s okay. It’s not like I’ve been here for hours, so…”

“Alright,” Jooheon chuckled at Minhyuk’s habit of disliking apologies for unimportant things.

“What do you want to drink? First round’s on me, since I pulled you out tonight,” Minyuk offered.

“I have to work tomorrow, so beer is fine with me,” Jooheon returned the same smile, but compared to Minhyuk’s, his incredibly adorable dimples have shown and Min’s heart almost melted and he almost got cold feet again.

“Be right back, then,” Minhyuk escaped the table, mentally hitting himself on the head and calling himself a dummy. _You had this down, Lee Minhyuk. Please, just don’t chicken out another time. You begged for this one last chance, there won’t be any more,_ he pleaded with himself.

After he brought two beers to the table, Jooheon and Minhyuk clanged their tall pints in the way they used to in uni with all the other guys from the gang - top of the glass clang, bottom of the glass clang and touch the table, then drink. Same went for bottles as well. The cold beer was refreshing and Minhyuk felt energized to take on what he should have tackled a long time ago.

“So, why did you call me?” Jooheon beat him to speaking the first, his face grew concerned as he didn’t know what to expect from Minhyuk right now.

“I… Joo, I feel like the bad guy here, right now…” Minhyuk said in an unsure voice.

“Why? What happened?”

“Well… to be 100% honest with you… I hate to say it but I have to start from the beginning.”

“Okay…?” Jooheon nodded slowly, getting weirded out slowly but surely.

“I really should have realized this years ago. Not 8 years ago really, but maybe like 2?” Minhyuk took a sip of the beer for courage again, stealing a glance at the other man. Confusion was still the main emotion on Jooheon’s face. “Eight years ago I was too young, too dumb to know what the fuck was going on in my heart and my mind and maybe it was for the better because thanks to that I know now 100% that I’m right, right now in this very moment… I know for the first time of my adulthood that I am sure I know what I feel. And, yes… I realize that I’m rambling, but we both know it helps me calm down and say everything I need to get out, so please just hear me out, okay?”

“Okay…” Jooheon agreed quietly, his fingers gripped the glass a little tighter.

“I would love to say that I wish you had never met Mino, but if you had never gotten into a relationship with him I would have never known why I get stupidly jealous of your hook ups when I have them too. Or why I got angry when you told me you’re hanging out with your boyfriend rather than coming to mine to play some random game on PS4. I really would have never known, because I’m just that stupid sometimes, yes… But thanks to him I realized that what I feel for you is different than how I felt back in uni years…” Minhyuk went silent for a bit and studied Jooheon’s face, which bore a fairly illegible expression and Minhyuk internally had to admit that Hanna and Kihyun were right - he was shitty at reading people. “I realized it a couple weeks before Halloween, but you were with Mino and I had once broken your heart and shattered it, so I didn’t want to act on another whim of mine. However, the feeling of missing you and emptiness when I wasn’t around you kept on coming to light, but I never had the balls to say anything. I’m just not as brave as Hoseok when it comes to this feeling stuff. It’s not like I planned for what happened on Halloween to happen but I’m so fucking happy it did. The alcohol gave me courage to do something I should have done some years ago and I also know that you have all the valid reasons to turn me down, to shut me out and stop talking to me completely, but I just really needed to say this, because it was eating me up alive…”

“Min…” Jooheon interrupted him, but Minhyuk was on a roll so he didn’t let himself be stopped. He had to get it out… he just had to.

“I am so fucking happy about what has happened on Halloween night that you can’t even imagine. It was the best night I have had since the one before I broke your heart more than 8 years ago and if I’m kidding a lightning can strike me now. Lee Jooheon, today I know something I hadn’t known eight years ago and that is that _I love you_ … and I know I don’t deserve another chance with you, but I truly felt that if I don’t tell you now and I don’t let you know, I will forever live in ‘what ifs’ and I don’t want that, ‘cause egoistically I don’t want to see you with another boyfriend before I even have the chance to have a say in it. And I’m sorry for being such an asshole, proclaiming my love for you on a Monday in a pub like this where people come to have a good time… but that’s who I am and I love you.” There Minhyuk has said it. He has done it. All of what had been in his heart was now poured out and he pulled his heart out and put it into Jooheon’s palms to do with as he pleased.

“Min…” Jooheon tried again but…

“Ooh-ooh! I forgot to add that now I know that you’re the love of my life,” Minhyuk added with a very unhopeful voice and Jooheon fell silent, waiting whether he would be cut off again.

“Can I talk now or is there more?” Jooheon raised his brows and Minhyuk hated the fact that he couldn’t read him.

“No, no. I’m done. I’ve said everything,” Minhyuk shook his head and leaned closer to Jooheon to hear him over the loudening atmosphere in the pub.

“Min…” Jooheon sighed for the third time. “I’m actually… how to say this, man…” Jooheon cleared his throat, “I’m actually pretty happy it took you 8 years, you know? Because thanks to that I have experienced other loves and felt other things and I can’t say that now I’m too much of a different person, but I have definitely grown up at least a little bit and the thoughts in my head now fall into better lines and my heart is a little tidier too. But what has happened on Halloween has flipped my world upside down and inside out.”

Minhyuk’s eyes stung with coming tears… this was going way too much like their meeting at the café 8 years ago, except back then, their positions were reversed.

“The morning after Halloween was so eye opening for me, because for the first time in 3 years there was a certain clarity I felt, a certain harmony between my soul and my heart… as if they finally fell together to be one piece. And that was because you somehow managed to mend them together in a way I was not able to. Unfortunately, at first I didn’t know how to deal with it and that’s why I distanced myself from you. Only during the New Year’s Eve when we were counting down the seconds to midnight, you and I just holding onto each other, I realized that even if you had broken my heart into millions of small pieces eight years ago, I would let you do it again, because you’re the only person, who can put it back together without any seams or filled out cracks - you completely repair it and polish my heart back to its shiny perfection,” Jooheon confessed and for a second Minhyuk didn’t understand as he was expecting Jooheon to react the way he did all those years ago.

However, he didn’t. “Are you saying…?” Minhyuk questioned in a small voice.

“That I love you too?” Jooheon smirked. “Yes, I’m saying exactly that, Lee Minhyuk.”

The widest smile that the sun has ever seen has spread on Minhyuk’s lips, his eyes dripped happiness as he reached his hand out to catch Jooheon’s finger with his own and thread them together. Minhyuk’s heart swell with love thanks to the man sitting on the other side of a small table on a Monday night at the end of February in World’s End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did it end the way you thought it would? 🤭 Are you happy with the turnout of events? What are your thoughts on Jooheon and Minhyuk getting together? 😊 What did you think of both confessions? 😉 Was there any other part that you liked about the chapter?
> 
> Please share your opinions and thoughts on this chapter with me in the comments. I love reading them and having the chance to interact with you. 🤍🤗🥰
> 
> As I said, this is the last chapter of this ark, so next time we have a small time skip. We find out about a new habit of someone from the gang and Kihyun has some alone time to think about some stuff. 🤫🤫
> 
> I really hope you liked today's chapter as it filled a special place in my heart. I will be honest with you and tell you right away that when I finished Petals of Love and decided that I would write the second story in the AU, I knew that JooHyuk will find their way back to each other. 😏😉 I really wanted those two to have a happy ending even if it came later than most people, who read Petals would have wanted. 🤭 Let's see each other next time, but until then, please stay safe and take care! ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	23. Things End but Memories Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hi, hi! 🤗 Welcome to the new ark of Find My Way Back! We have a small time skip here, so just saying. It might be a little bit of a slower chapter, but it will pick up again when we dive into the ark deeper again, I promise. I hope you enjoy today's chapter and I'll let you get to it! 🤭

**~MID-DECEMBER - 6 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Hyunwoo POV>

Even in his second year of teaching the study week was something Hyunwoo was looking forward to. Not only because, he had a little bit of a looser schedule but also thanks to that he managed to get some gift shopping done. Hyunwoo wasn’t one to go to the shops, so most of his gifts were bought online but that still took time.

Another perk that came from study week was the time he could spend in the library book shop or Maddrip. The café unofficially became his second home and Hyunwoo was on first name basis with all baristas and the owner, who always spared a couple of words with him whenever she saw him there. He was there every day, even on weekends, and the owner lady began to joke that he was dating Maddrip or he came there because of her. When the straightforward professor assured her he was as straight as her braided hair that day, she laughed from the bottom of her heart, but kept the jokes going. She was a nice woman and Hyunwoo enjoyed her company, when she needed someone to talk to about something and he was sitting there alone.

On days, Hyunwoo wasn’t sitting alone; she would send him a wink, which Hyunwoo would laugh off. The first time Kihyun, who was the person sitting on the opposite side of the table raised a confused brow at the professor, so Hyunwoo explained the situation to him.

“The owner is a really nice lady but she keeps joking that I’m dating the café since I’m here every day instead of being with some beautiful partner,” Hyunwoo told him with a smirk playing on his lips. Kihyun laughed shortly with his bright laugh that sounded like music to Hyunwoo’s ears.

It must have been the warmest summer they’ve had in the last 10 years this year and during that summer Hyunwoo’s and Kihyun’s friendship bloomed again. The two usually met 2 times a week in Maddrip, even if it was just for 15 minutes, they talked a lot about small talk stuff but also managed to get their deeper conversations down on days when they had time. But they were nothing more and somehow it was enough. For Hyunwoo, friendship with Kihyun sufficed and that was important, since he only wanted to do things and act the way that would make Kihyun feel comfortable around him.

On this cold December morning, Hyunwoo crossed the threshold of Maddrip around 9AM and by the time he reached the counter the barista was already preparing his order and with a smile he handed her his card to pay. She was the regular weekend barista, so he was a little surprised to see her there.

“Good morning,” the girls smiled at him.

“To you too. Study week I suppose?” Hyunwoo greeted her, mirroring her kind smile.

“Yes. How did you know?” she casually conversed with him, while preparing his coffee.

“I’m a professor,” Hyunwoo shrugged and thanked for his coffee and warmed up baguette. He made his way to the table he usually occupied, fairly happy it was free today. There were days when Hyunwoo had to sit at a different table, he never complained but he like having the full view of the café with a wall behind him. It just simply calmed him down.

He hasn’t been there for long, barely managed to read two pages before a frustrated voice came from the other side of the table. “I. Am. _Tired_.”

Hyunwoo looked up from the book and took in the frowned and slightly desperate face of Kihyun. “Sleep more?” he tried to suggest without asking why the man was looking so exhausted.

“Not physically,” Kihyun corrected him, while giving him a meaningful glare and blew on his coffee to cool it off faster. “Mentally. I’m so drained I can’t even. It’s the middle of December and my clients are so freaking demanding right now… _on top of that_ \- the whole book publishing thing. It’s the supposed to come out next week and I thought this would be the easy part, I mean they are in the process of distribution right now, so what do they need from me!” A discouraged groan came out of Kihyun as he dropped his face to his hands and rubbed it continuously for a couple of long seconds, while Hyunwoo remained quiet, knowing there was going to be a follow up to what Kihyun was saying. “And as if _that_ wasn’t _enough_ … Yoongi’s mother is insisting we come over for the Christmas Eve dinner, even though it’s been just the two of us for the entirety of our relationship each Christmas and it was _so_ good. I know that the moment I pass the threshold of that house I will get dissed for just _being_ \- for being Yoo Kihyun, the _man_ that led their perfect son astray from a good _honest_ life, from a good _well-behaved_ wife that could give him good _beautiful_ children. Oh my God! I can already see how that’s going to go.”

Hyunwoo’s book was long forgotten, lying closed on the table. He stared at Kihyun annoyed face as he delivered each emphasized word with a pointing of his finger as if Hyunwoo was his ill-mannered student and Kihyun was scolding him. And even though, Hyunwoo knew this wasn’t easy for Kihyun, he couldn’t but had to ask: “Can you just not go?”

“Oh yeah, I can see how that’s gonna work out. Sorry, I can’t come to the Christmas dinner, because you know… I don’t like you. Great idea, Hyunwoo. Why didn’t I think of it?” Kihyun shook his head and sarcasm dripped from his voice.

Hyunwoo just wanted to make him feel a little better even if he couldn’t provide a straightforward solution to his problem. “Yeah, why didn’t you?”

“Are you smirking at me, Son Hyunwoo?” Kihyun looked appalled, but in a kind of a joking way, but Hyunwoo wasn’t too sure.

“Well, you said you didn’t think of the easiest solution of them all, you know, so… I guessed somebody would have to do it for you,” Hyunwoo shrugged but the small smirk tugging on the corner of his lips didn’t disappear.

“Are you saying I should tell off my mother-in-law?” Kihyun chuckled shortly. “You’re really not much of a help.” Another chuckle came out of him, this time longer than the first one. After a couple more seconds the chuckle actually turned into laughter and it brought a wide smile onto Hyunwoo’s face as well.

“Are you considering it?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I actually am,” Kihyun nodded, still laughing under his breath. He sipped from his coffee and as he set the cup down his dark chocolate eyes came up to stare straight into Hyunwoo’s. “Thanks. I needed this.”

“You’re welcome,” Hyunwoo smiled shyly. “I just wanted you to relax a little. Mission accomplished, then.”

“Yeah, really thanks.”

“I know I’m not being much of a help here, but can’t you say that you’d be going to your parents’ place for the Christmas dinner?” Hyunwoo suddenly became curious.

“Yoongi already told his parents that my folks are going to spend the holiday with my grandma, because she’s really sick and they think it’s her last one. Plus, it’s more that we celebrate the new years, both calendar and lunar rather than Christmas, so I have no idea why they’re pushing it so much,” Kihyun sighed again, thinking back to the traditional celebrations more than to the religious ones.

“Hmm, true. Maybe they finally came around and they decided they would give you a shot?”

“According to what I heard from his mother’s last conversation with Yoongi, it’s more likely they will do everything in their power to break us up this holiday season.

“Guess your only way out is to get a client on Christmas Eve day?” Hyunwoo suggested one last thing before he would say the most ridiculous one, if this one also got rejected by Kihyun.

“None of my clients wants to see me when they stuff their faces with things they’re forbidden to eat, Hyunwoo,” Kihyun replied and gave him a much telling glance, before tearing himself a piece of a flakey almond croissant.

“Then this is my last one, take it or leave it, Ki,” Hyunwoo let out a puff of air, taking up the last ball of courage. “My parents are going out of the country, chasing the warmth of Indonesian islands. I could be your client.”

The response didn’t come right away as Hyunwoo expected, rather there was a small silence during which Kihyun didn’t look up from the cup of coffee he was holding, now more for comfort rather than anything else. “Hyunwoo,” his voice was small as the name of his past lover left his lips. “Even if that’s a very generous offer and I would do almost anything to get out of the grasp on my mother-in-law’s claws, I will have to politely reject.”

“Kihyun,” Hyunwoo leaned towards the table, closer to the man on the opposite side, “it was a joke.” Except it wasn’t really. Hyunwoo would do anything to help Kihyun.

<Kihyun POV>

It was a long day… and a very exhausting one too. Kihyun was so happy that he passed through the doorway of his apartment that had he not been dead tired, he would probably do a happy dance. But not today. He thought the day would only be mentally draining but it ended up being physically difficult to get through as well. The only bright point was him coming home and the moments of laughter he had shared with Hyunwoo earlier in the morning.

The apartment was empty when Kihyun came and even though he loved coming home to his boyfriend, Kihyun was relieved. He had craved some alone time to just simply think about life and the time he had been given or read a book that Hyunwoo hooked him up with. The book was good and the story was gripping, but Kihyun was a slow book reader. He only read when he had the time or mood, which didn’t come all that often.

Kihyun took his shoes off with a heavy sigh, washed his hands and made himself a lemon-ginger-honey tea that always made him feel a little better and a little more energized and after he changed out of his ‘outside’ clothes into his sweats and an oversized old t-shirt with a very stretched out collar that allowed his collarbone to be beautifully uncovered, he made his way to his ‘office’. It was the smallest room in his flat where he had a desk with his laptop, chair and a bean bag.

When he passed a mirror on his way, he back tracked and took a look at the shirt. The logo on it said Swimming Winter Grand Prix. The year was the same as his fourth year of uni. He realized he was wearing Hyunwoo’s old shirt. With another sigh Kihyun kept staring at the shirt emotionless and empty - just stared, evaluating the washed out color and a very oversized fit.

His mind went immediately back to seeing it on Hyunwoo’s body and he remembered that even on Hyunwoo the shirt was far from fitted. The color that used to be a vibrant green was now a very washed out light green that still made Kihyun’s skin shine. A memory of washing the deep emerald colored shirt every week with Hyunwoo’s sports clothes flew before Kihyun’s eyes. He wore it every week to dry land and now the cotton material was so soft even after so many washes. Kihyun never realized he still had this shirt or that it somehow remained in his closet all those years.

After a long moment of just staring at his reflection in the mirror, a calm comfortable feeling started to settle in his mind and he resumed his motion and walked into his office, turning the light on and leaving the door ajar, so that when Yoongi came home, he would know Kihyun was in his office. They made a habit of not disturbing each other if they were working; just leaving the door ajar was an enough of a sign for both. Kihyun worked in his office and Yoongi had his set up on a desk in the corner of the living room.

Kihyun sat down on the bean bag but instead of getting his laptop or the book he promised he would read he pulled out his phone and opened the messaging app where all of his chats were. He clicked on the [Listen Up Gang] icon and started scrolling up, up and up until he reached the early years of university.

His eyes began to read over the chat, smiling at how the banter is almost no different to back then only with current references. There were old pictures of them at parties, many blurred drunk selfies that they tried to take for memory keeping and possible blackmailing of each other. As he went on through the chat, one picture caught his eye. It was their group picture from RapGround when they went to celebrate Changkyun’s and Hanna’s first anniversary, which if Kihyun remembered correctly was on February 27th.

In the photo, the whole gang was smiling widely. Minhyuk was piggy backed by Hyunwoo, who was sporting a red lipstick kiss on his cheek. Kihyun’s lips displayed smile as his eyes slid to look at himself - he had red lipstick smudged around his lips and was in a tango pose with Hyungwon, who had a rose in between his teeth. To this day none of them can tell where the rose came from or where it disappeared to after the picture was taken - it was only in this one picture. Hoseok was kneeling down on one knee and Changkyun was sitting on the propped thigh, assuming a position of a ‘king’ - Hoseok’s idea. Jooheon had his hand thrown over Hanna’s shoulder as she was pecking on the cheek in the spot where his dimple showed when he smiled.

Thinking back to the days of uni as well as the years after, this picture was probably Kihyun’s second favorite picture they have taken as a group. Maybe third place at the worst. The first one was dominantly occupied by their graduation photo that managed to be captured candid as they were laughing at something Kihyun didn’t remember. The second was either this one or the one the group has taken at the beach at the end of the summer after the second year. Kihyun’s memory took him suddenly back to the cold day at the beach, thinking about how much the times were easier back then. Well, for him at least.

There was some noise coming from the entrance area of the apartment and Kihyun was torn out of his trip down memory lane, when he heard Yoongi’s voice calling out that he got home. Kihyun remained quiet know his boyfriend would notice the light on in the office.

Frankly, he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts for a bit.

The morning came with a massive pain in the neck and spine, because Kihyun fell asleep in the bean bag in his office.

“Shit,” Kihyun swore as he stretched his neck, assessing the damage. He then stood up and made his way to the kitchen, checking the time on his phone. Kihyun thanked God it was only a couple of minutes past the time his alarm would go off normally.

“G’morning,” the low sleepy voice of his boyfriend sounded from behind him about a second before a hand wrapped around his waist and Yoongi pulled him into a back hug as Kihyun was standing at the counter, staring at the coffee machine. “You didn’t come to bed last night.”

“Yeah, I fell asleep in the bean bag,” Kihyun responded truthfully.

“A lot of work?” Yoongi spoke to Kihyun’s neck, his lips brushing against the skin, making the good kind of goose bumps emerge all over Kihyun’s body. He stretched his neck as Yoongi’s lips got even closer, gently kissing him on that spot where the neck met the shoulder, knowing very well how sensitive Kihyun was in that spot.

“Mmhm, among others,” Kihyun sighed delightedly at his boyfriend’s advances.

“Is it my mother?” Yoongi asked sympathetically.

“Among others,” he didn’t want to point it out exactly, because it was his mother after all.

“Ki, baby,” Yoongi pulled back slightly, “I told you we don’t have to go. I can refuse, saying we both have a lot of work. I’d make her understand.”

Kihyun turned in his boyfriend’s embrace and looped his hands around his neck, fingers playing with the baby hair at the nape. “And listen to it for the rest of our lives? Babe, I know better than that. I can handle one evening if she’s not going to meddle into our relationship for another year or so.”

“Well, there’s still time if you want to change your mind. I can even make up an emergency with traceable paperwork one day before Christmas if you tell me to,” Yoongi smirked suggestively at Kihyun, who laughed shortly at all of those things his boyfriend would do for him.

“Thanks. I’ll keep in it mind, but as Minhyuk pointedly called me out a couple of times in the past - I’m a chicken when it comes to refusing parents and other authorities. But don’t ever tell him I said he was right about something. I would never live that down,” Kihyun warned him jokingly.

“Your secret’s safe with me, baby,” Yoongi whispered conspiringly.

“Thank you. Now kiss me silly against the kitchen counter before I make sure neither of us leaves the apartment on time today,” Kihyun leaned in closer and before Yoongi planted his lips onto Kihyun’s own with a low chuckle.

The kiss was searing and passionate, exactly what Kihyun needed to get the bad thoughts out of his head. Kihyun’s body burned with desire and lust as he pressed his body closer to his boyfriend’s. Both of them must have realized Kihyun’s threat was very real by the time Yoongi was walking Kihyun back to the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Hyunwoo and Kihyun became good friends again and they even meet pretty often... what are your thoughts on this? 🤔 Kihyun took a trip down memory lane while wearing Hyunwoo's shirt - what do you think went through his mind to do this? 🤷♀️
> 
> Please share your thoughts and opinions with me in the comments. I love having the chance to interact with you and know what you think of the story! 🤍🤗🥰
> 
> Next time, Kihyun goes for Christmas dinner to Yoongi's parents' house and that's going to be something. And Kihyun will need to call someone to pick his mood back up a little. Who could this person be?
> 
> I really hope you liked this chapter, even though it's not a full rollercoaster just yet. But as I mentioned in the beginning, we will get there. ✊🤞 Until the next time see each other again, please take care and stay safe in the crazy, crazy world. 🤗🥰🤍 （づ￣3￣）づ Bye~Bye


	24. Gingle Bells!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, there! Happy yo see you again! 🤗🤩 Do you like the name of today's chapter? I hope you enjoy the 24th piece of this story! 🤍

**~2 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS, DECEMBER - 6 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Kihyun POV>

All of Kihyun’s Christmas preparations were over and finally, at very fucking last, he and Yoongi could head out to Hyungwon’s and Hoseok’s place for the gang’s Christmas party. They went to Yoongi’s friends the day before. His boyfriend got considerably drunk and Kihyun understandingly carried half of his weight when they made their way back home around midnight. He knew this act would be reciprocated the following day when Kihyun’s gang would hang out.

“Ki? Are you ready to go?” Yoongi entered the kitchen where Kihyun was washing the last of the dishes the two used to prepare the finger food Kihyun promised to bring to the party. Just like all the many Christmas gatherings before, Kihyun supplied the food, while the others brought other stuff they agreed upon.

“Almost. I have to change my shirt, though because I spilled something on it,” Kihyun showed him the spot near his stomach.

“Okay. But we need to leave soon if we want to be on time. That is if we’re still taking the subway even though we have all this food,” Yoongi pointed to the boxes of food packed by the door.

“I want to take the subway, Yoongi. We’ll take the cab back home. And you very well know it’s not because of the money,” Kihyun called out to him as he ran back to the bedroom to take a new shirt from his closet.

“I know, I know… you like taking the subway even though both of us have a car,” Yoongi chuckled.

“None of us is driving to the Christmas party. We’d end up having to leave the car there anyway. There’s no way anyone is completely staying sober,” Kihyun replied sternly. He knew all too well how these things went every single year.

“I know, I know,” Yoongi repeated to soothe Kihyun’s mind. He knew that Kihyun wasn’t all bite-y because of the party with his friends but due to the trip they would have to take in two days to go his parents’ place for Christmas dinner. Yoongi wished that Kihyun’s parents asked earlier than his because even Yoongi himself felt fairly uncomfortable with how the attitude of his mother and father changed when they spoke to him and then when they talked with his boyfriend. Somehow they acknowledged and yet ignored the fact that Yoongi indeed was homosexual and even though they somewhat put up with it, they also never ever discussed it, just as if it was a taboo. But then, Yoongi brought Kihyun over for the first time and Kihyun was the first ever boyfriend that Yoongi took to his hometown to introduce to his parents. And suddenly, out of fucking nowhere, being gay was not okay anymore. But only with Kihyun… with Yoongi everything was fine.

Yoongi heard his mother say that Kihyun was a blasphemy and she didn’t want him in her house, _tarnishing_ her only son. Needless to say, Yoongi hasn’t called home or visited for almost a year, until one day his older sister showed up at his office complaining to him that he should finally pick up the phone and call their mother because she had been crying over her one and only son getting so angry with her and forsaking her and blah-blah-blah. Yoongi didn’t listen all the way till the end of his sister’s rant, because what for? That night he called his mother, listened to her profuse apologies and unfulfillable promises. And as the good son he was, he forgave her. Kihyun and Yoongi have visited a couple of times and it didn’t get better, but every time Yoongi didn’t pick up the call from his mother, he would get a nagging call from his sister - and he could for sure live without that.

“Okay, I’m ready,” Kihyun came out of the bedroom, interrupting Yoongi’s train of thoughts and smiling brightly. “Let’s go! I can’t wait to see the guys. We haven’t all gotten together since Halloween this year. I have no idea how that’s even possible.”

“Yeah, you’ve said that a couple of times,” Yoongi replied with an adoring look. He loved when Kihyun got excited like this for the ‘simpler’ things in life such as being able to see all of his friends in one room that wasn’t the chat room.

The gathering was merry, filled with laughter and jokes as always. In the last 10 months the good mood rarely avoided the group, making it possible for the gang to really just relax in each others’ companies. They were currently occupying Hoseok’s and Hyungwon’s new apartment, the one they helped them move into during the summer.

Hoseok’s and Hyungwon’s contract was expiring in summer and instead of wanting to extend it by another year, just like for the last 4 years, they decided to go bigger, since the couple wished to spend another 5 years at the same place, maybe longer, but they weren’t ready to buy just yet. Their savings allowed it and they spent 2 months looking for the place that was right for them. Kihyun has seen many, many pictures from them from potential apartments, considered pros and cons, but he wasn’t the only one. All of the members participated in the help of finding the right place, even though ultimately the decision was up to Hyungwon and Hoseok themselves. In the end, they picked a high-end apartment building in a great location in the city that even had parks around and thanks to the high floor number, the noise from the streets was unnoticeable when the windows were closed.

“Can I just say how much I love this thing?” Minhyuk said with his mouth full, holding yet another toothpick that held together some high quality finely cut and twisted prosciutto, sliced parmesan, a small nest of rocket leaves and very minimalistically drizzled with high quality olive oil that Kihyun ordered specifically for today from a small farm a little north from Verona, Italy. Kihyun truly wanted to step up his game with the finger food this year.

Hyungwon laughed at Minhyuk, but in the end he had to agree with him. “You really outdid yourself this year, Ki.”

“Well, it’s because your flat’s new. Next year we have ramyeon,” Kihyun falsely promised. Hoseok’s head turned around from the competition that was going on at the TV where Jooheon and Changkyun were playing a fairly old game on the Play Station. It seemed that the gang only really played these at Christmas anymore, when all of them could feel like kids again.

But Kihyun’s heart and mind were still a little weighted down by the upcoming dinner at his in-laws. Tonight was the last bright point of his Christmas holiday before he got to see his parents or his friends.

Kihyun turned around to look for Yoongi and he found him talking to Hanna and Hyunwoo at the kitchen counter huddled closer together. They were out of earshot and Kihyun got curious about what their discussion could be.

“What did you talk to Hyunwoo and Hanna about?” Kihyun asked Yoongi, when he woke up the next morning pretty late and with a banging headache after a larger consumption of alcohol. These parties usually went down the wrong way the moment Kihyun began to drink with Minhyuk, however Kihyun couldn’t seem to be able to help himself out of these situations, so most of the time he subdued to Minhyuk’s more than evil pace of pouring the alcohol into once emptied glass.

“Why?” Yoongi answered, while pouring some chicken stock into a mug Kihyun made knowingly in advance for the both of them a couple days ago.

“Just curious,” Kihyun shrugged, “seemed like it was a rather serious conversation.”

“Well, I asked them how to deny something to a parent, since… you know… I’m more of the ‘good son’ rather than that kind of a kid that doesn’t bend under the pressure. I just really hate those guilt-tripping phone calls from my sister. And you once mentioned that Hanna and her dad had a very shitty relationship, so…” Yoongi explained with a heavy heart. Kihyun knew well that his boyfriend didn’t want to go against his own mother.

“Baby, why are you still bothered by this? I can handle one evening…” Kihyun whined a little because he definitely didn’t want to put Yoongi into the position where he had to choose one of them.

“Because… we can still say no.”

“Yoongi, no. We are going. I can get over your mom insulting me for one night because when it all comes down to the bottom, it’s the two of us that are important. I plan to spend the rest of my life with you… _not_ with your mother,” Kihyun told him sweetly, the love dripped from his voice and he stared into the eyes of his boyfriend with utmost adoration.

Yoongi walked over to him and pulled him into a loose hug, worried that he would spread the head ache that Kihyun was suffering from. “I love you.

“I love you, too.”

The couple has arrived at Yoongi’s parents’ house couple hours before the dinner, so that they can help out with last minute preparations or spend quality time with Yoongi’s family. Kihyun understood he wasn’t very welcomed so instead of dressing up like he normally would, he only wore black slacks and a white button up. He styled his hair cleanly to not catch anyone’s eye and except BB cream, he had no other make-up. Kihyun would put on his quiet demeanor and hope to remain unnoticed throughout the evening.

The drive there was rather silent and filled with tension. Kihyun could sense Yoongi’s worries but decided not to comment as he thought it wouldn’t help anyway. They were greeted at the door by warm smiles of Yoongi’s brother-in-law, who as the only person in his boyfriend’s family liked Kihyun, so he ended up being pretty happy that was the first person he saw. It gave him just a tiny bit of encouragement that he would get through the dinner in one piece.

“Yoongi, my beautiful son!” Kihyun’s mother-in-law hugged Yoongi tight, looking him up and down to see if his body has changed at all, especially if he lost any weight in case Kihyun wasn’t giving him enough food, even though he wasn’t his wife. It also wasn’t Kihyun’s responsibility, although he loved taking care of his boyfriend as much as it was the other way around, both of them were adults, who could cook and take care of themselves on their own if the other was busy. “Kihyun, welcome,” she shot him a condescending glance and Kihyun breathed in through his nose, holding the reins on his feeling of annoyingness. He really didn’t want to cause any problems for himself or for Yoongi.

The first couple of hours went well, Yoongi took Kihyun and his brother-in-law to the side, where they talked about each of their businesses and work they have been going through and it really was a good conversation, but then the part Kihyun feared the most came - the dinner. At first Kihyun was quietly eating the food he was given, smiling and humming in delight even though the food he would make, or his mother for that instance, would have been better, however this was the easy way out for him.

“So Kihyun,” Yoongi’s father began with a heavy voice, in which Kihyun heard the reluctance to even speak to him, “how is your business going?”

 _Oh, it’s the obligatory question,_ Kihyun thought. “It’s blooming a lot. My client base is still getting bigger and more prominent. These days I mainly only work with celebrities. My book has been published about 2 weeks ago and according to the publishing house the sales have been going very well too,” Kihyun said in a neutral voice.

“A book?” Yoongi’s mother-in-law asked in a surprised manner. “Oh my, they really let everyone write a book these days, hmpf.”

Kihyun bit his tongue very painfully to stop himself from saying anything and fought very hard for his smile to not go bitter, but he guessed he must have failed when Yoongi spoke up for him. “Mother…”

“Yes, sweetie,” her smile turned sweet.

“Kihyun is _not_ ‘everyone’. He’s worked _very_ hard on this book and I’m _very_ proud of him. So if you could stop making these comments that would be _great_.” Yoongi’s stare was hard and uncompromising. Kihyun reached underneath the table to give Yoongi’s thigh a squeeze.

“Of course, he is not everyone, sweetheart. It was a… a m-mere comparison,” his mother tried to defend herself but they all knew it was a direct jab at Kihyun. No one at the table was stupid enough not to recognize something like that.

“Well, then… _please_ _don’t_ make these comparisons. They make me very angry,” he told his mother off in a fairly polite way and a warm feeling of love has spread around Kihyun’s insides.

The rest of the dinner was quiet from Kihyun’s side. He wasn’t asked any questions nor asked any himself. And that was okay with him.

When the dinner was finished and Kihyun helped all the others bring the dishes to the kitchen he overheard a conversation between his mother-in-law and sister-in-law. They talked about him and it was nothing pleasant, so rather than appearing in the kitchen and saying something sarcastic to both of their faces, he made the decision to keep the malicious comments in the bag for when he might need them once. If they get to the point that is.

Kihyun made his way to the hallway, where he had his coat stored and in the coat his phone. From underneath the coat he picked out his sweater and threw it over before pulling out the phone. He changed the slippers he was given out of politeness to his shoes and walked out onto the porch of the house.

There was snow in the fenced front garden and as soon as the door silently closed behind him, Kihyun was enveloped in silence and peace. Somehow the snow made everything feel softer and the world was quieter than without it.

He lit up the screen of his phone, thinking about whom he wanted to call. His mother would probably chastise Kihyun for not talking back, because she ‘ _taught him better than to let some awfully behaved woman stomp all over him_ ’. He considered Hanna but she would just do the same and Mihyuk fell out of equation because he was at Jooheon’s parents’ house for Christmas this year and Kihyun knew that his best friend was really looking forward to it.

Minhyuk and Jooheon were so happy ever since they got together and really brightened up the group even more, if that was even possible. It was very obvious that the two really belonged together.

So Kihyun reached the conclusion to call one person that he knew would always be there for him, no matter when he needed to have someone to talk to. That someone always made him laugh and relax - in the past and now, too. He clicked the phone icon next to the caller ID and brought the phone up to his ear to listen to the ringing tone that somehow already made him feel a little better.

“ _Ki, hi! What’s up?_ ” he picked up a couple of rings later. The voice was uplifted and Kihyun insides fluttered a little bit.

“Hi. Not much,” Kihyun sighed a little too heavily and spoke in a quiet voice that the other person must have realized the ‘not much’ stood for ‘not much of the good stuff, really’.

“ _Wait… weren’t you supposed to be at Yoongi’s parents’ house for dinner tonight?_ ” the voice on the other side of the line asked with a little confusion in the tone.

“I am… yeah,” Kihyun huffed a small mist with his exhaled into the icy air like a small child. He watched it dissolve into nothing.

“ _You don’t seem very happy_ ,” the voice came over the phone. “ _What happened?_ ”

Kihyun didn’t feel very confident, so his voice remained small. “I just wanted to hear a familiar voice, Hyunwoo. That’s all,” he swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the bulge that started to grow in his throat. He wasn’t going to cry, he kept telling himself; that would give way too much pleasure to his mother-in-law.

“ _Ki… what happened?_ ” Hyunwoo questioned again. “ _Is it going as bad as you predicted?_ ”

“Worse,” Kihyun scoffed a little at being discovered by his friend. Hyunwoo knew him all too well, but Kihyun guessed that was exactly what he needed right now. Someone, who’s known him for _years_ and someone, who was always on his side no matter what. Kihyun realized that maybe he turned the pages of the ‘hurt’ chapters a tiny bit too fast, but he hated holding grudges because it never brought him anywhere really. It never gave him anything. This way, giving Hyunwoo a chance for friendship again, he gained a great friend back - a friend, whose opinion and advice he valued, with whom he loved spending time and could talk about anything. And Kihyun was so happy he had made this decision.

“ _I’m sorry about that, Ki. I really am_ ,” Hyunwoo said, his voice was sad and Kihyun could imagine a small frown forming on the professor’s face.

“I was just thinking that I should have taken you up on that offer you made me, you know, to be my client for the holidays,” Kihyun chuckled. It actually milled over his mind during the dinner. He really should have made some excuse and this one was a pretty good one.

“ _I told you it was a joke_.”

 _I wish it wasn’t though,_ Kihyun thought to himself. “With how much of a shit show this was…” Kihyun sighed, lightness once again coming back to his voice, “I really should have considered even if it was a joke.”

“ _You don’t mean that, Ki_ ,” Hyunwoo told him in a soft and fond tone that oozed nothing but kindness.

“Yeah, I know. I’m just trying to escape reality for a moment, I guess” Kihyun confessed truthfully.

“ _Well, if you need, I’ll be the escape. I got this great book from my parents so…_ ”

“Are you at your parents’ place?” Kihyun was surprised. “Weren’t they supposed to be in Indonesia?”

“ _They were_ ,” Hyunwo confirmed, “ _but some smaller tsunami hit the surrounding area of the resort and they had to stay and re-plan the trip again. And they didn’t want me to be alone, even though I told them that Kyun and Hanna offered to take the poor stray me in for dinner, my mom convinced me that it would be better to leave the couple alone, but I’ll stop by their place on my way home, so…_ ”

“Can you say hi to your parents or me? And that I wish them a merry Christmas?” Kihyun asked of Hyunwoo and a wave of nostalgia hit him. Hyunwoo’s parents were the kindest hosts ever.

In fourth and fifth year of uni Kihyun went there for one of the after-Christmas-day family meals and he was so welcomed, showered with compliments of the foods he brought, he was asked questions about school and about how his own parents were doing. Kihyun has always felt so good, warm and welcomed and now that he thought of the two holidays, tears pricked him in the corners of his eyes. They really were kind and great people.

“ _Of course, wait_ ,” Hyunwoo promised without taking a beat. Then Kihyun heard some moving around sounds and rustling of clothes. “ _Mom, dad, Kihyun wishes you a merry Christmas._ ”

“ _Aww, that’s so sweet. Say thank you and same to him_ ,” Kihyun heard the voice of Hyunwoo’s mother and he smiled when her warm tone brought even more peace and calm to his current state. Then there was more moving sounds, probably of Hyunwoo moving away from the company of his parents again to talk to Kihyun. “ _Did you hear?_ ”

“Yeah, thanks,” Kihyun kept the smile on his face and maybe it even grew a little wider.

“Ki?” Yoongi voice came from the door and Kihyun turned around to see his boyfriend searching for him.

“Yes, I’m coming,” Kihyun told him with smaller smile and then spoke to the phone again. “Remember, stay away from carbs. You’ve over-reached your macros. One cheat day is fine, but try your best to stay within you macros tomorrow, okay?”

“ _Did you go out under the excuse of a work call?_ ” Hyunwoo understood quickly and laughed amused.

“Of course,” Kihyun’s tone was all business-like as if he was confirming a dietary restriction question.

Hyunwoo laughed some more and Kihyun almost laughed himself as well. “ _Merry Christmas, Ki.”_

“Merry Christmas to you too,” a much softer toned wish came from Kihyun and inside he was grateful for having this conversation. He hung up and followed Yoongi back into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... I mean Yoongi's mom in this story... are you as speechless as I am? And when you compare her to Hyunwoo's mom... 🙊Were you surprised when Kihyun called Hyunwoo so that he can have a breather? 🤔 Or maybe by the fact that he kept the receiver of his phone call hidden even from Yoongi? 🤫 
> 
> Please share your thoughts and opinions with me in the comments! I love having the chance to interact with you and they motivate me to keep going with this story! 🤍🥰🤗
> 
> Next time: someone picks up an old habit and Hyunwoo and Hoseok discover there might be something up with one of the gang's members... 🤫
> 
> I really hope you liked the chapter today and until next time, please stay safe and take care. See you! 🤍🤗ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	25. Picking Up Old Habits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I don't have much to say today, so... I hope you like the 25th chapter! 😊😊

<Kihyun POV>

When Kihyun and Yoongi came back home, they were both exhausted from the 3 hours long drive and it was midnight when they got home, so they understandably did nothing else besides their night time routine of shower, dental hygiene and skin care routines. The duo went to bed together, but as soon as Kihyun’s head hit the pillow his eyes were as big as plates and he felt awfully wide awake.

He turned from his back to his side, facing away from his sleeping boyfriend and shut his eyes tightly, hoping for the sleep to come. But even long minutes later it didn’t… Kihyun’s mind was working with the speed of light. And since he didn’t want to wake up Yoongi, he got up from the bed and made his way to the living room, where he turned on the TV so quietly he could barely hear it. Then he walked to his study and brought his laptop out to sit there in front of the TV, wishing that a little blog-writing would help him get sleepy.

Two and a half long blog posts later (pre-written of course), sleep was still nowhere to be seen. Kihyun had absolutely no idea why this was happening. So he finished the third blog post, knowing well he would have to proof-read all three of them the next day and laid his body on the couch hoping that the sounds and flickering of the TV would lull him to sleep.

“Kihyun, baby,” he felt someone gently shake him and with a sweet voice, but the first name that came to his mind wasn’t Yoongi. There was a very small and shallow fleeting feeling of disappointment when he opened his eyes and saw his boyfriend. “Why are you sleeping here?”

Kihyun looked around him a little confused in order to find the answer to that question. “Uhmm, I couldn’t fall asleep and I didn’t want to wake you by tossing and turning, so I got up, thinking some working would get me sleepy, but… surprise… it didn’t. So I put something on in the TV and lied down. I must have fallen asleep eventually,” Kihyun explained with a sleepy voice while rubbing his eyes.

“Yeah, I turned off the TV before waking you up. Are you okay?” Yoongi still seemed worried.

Kihyun nodded and sat up on the couch with a groan. “I’m fine. Just… I have no idea what happened last night. I was so tired and yet I simply could not fall asleep. Other than that I’m fine.”

“Okay. Are you up for coffee or breakfast?” Yoongi asked standing up, making his way to the kitchen.

“Coffee, please,” Kihyun said and laid his head into his hands, sighing softly. He took a moment for himself and to rest his storming mind. Thoughts were flowing through as if there was no tomorrow. A minute later, he made himself get up from the couch and join his boyfriend in the kitchen.

He sat on the bar stool that was at the breakfast bar, watching Yoongi work his way around the kitchen. On any other day Kihyun would feel peace and warm feelings of love flow through him but today was not that kind of a day. He was confused from last night as well as the feelings that hit him right after waking up.

“There you go,” Yoongi set a cup of deep dark colored liquid that his best friends often called the ‘dark gold of life’ and after the first sip Kihyun once again confirmed this statement with a small pleased hum.

“Thank you.”

“So what do you want to do today?” Yoongi stood next to Kihyun, sharing his body heat and leaning his chin on top of Kihyun’s head lovingly.

“Let’s just stay in and watch some TV under the blanket,” Kihyun suggested tiredly. “I don’t feel like going out of doing much.”

“Okay. We’ll find some movies to watch.”

<Hyunwoo POV>

When Hyunwoo called Hanna that he would visit them the day after Christmas Day because he was at his parents for hours upon hours after ending the call with Kihyun, she said only Changkyun would be home since she has taken up a shift at her mom’s bakery, saying she wanted to spend some time with her.

Changkyun said Jooheon and Hyungwon were coming to work on some music together but Hyunwoo was welcomed to join if he wanted to, but after going through it once in third year, music making process was not much fun for Hyunwoo.

So he called Hoseok, who mentioned he would mind going for a run, to which Hyunwoo whole heartedly agreed, especially after all of the food he had eaten the day prior. The meeting point they agreed on by the river was a 15-minute jog from Hoseok’s place and Hyunwoo had to take the subway for about 6 stops and then walk a bit but he didn’t mind since he like the riverside after the city did the reconstruction and basically made it into a leisure time area for people to do outside workout or meet up and enjoy the lights that came from the other bank in the night time.

It was still an early afternoon after Christmas Day but many people apparently had the same idea as Hyunwoo and Hoseok. People were strolling, biking, jogging along the river, some were with kids, some were couples on a lovely sunny but freezing cold walk.

When Hyunwoo reached his meeting point Hoseok wasn’t there yet, but he still took out his earphones and turned them off. As per usual the two got used to just running next to each other and depending on their pace they would talk.

“Hyunwoo!” a voice sounded from behind him, so he turned around to face his friend. “Sorry I’m late.”

“I just came here, too,” Hyunwoo replied truthfully and without breaking Hoseok’s pace they fell right into the jog.

“Set the pace I’ll follow,” Hoseok told him, which was unusual for Hyunwoo since he was the faster runner out of the two but he didn’t really mind. He put on a comfortable mid-pace in which he knew both would sweat but could run a considerable distance in.

“How was yesterday?” Hyunwoo asked after about a minute of silence and took a quick glance at Hoseok, who began to smile brightly.

“Well, you know… for the first time ever since we began dating we had our own Christmas. We didn’t go to Won’s or my parents and,” Hoseok sighed in a happy way that made Hyunwoo feel like it was really good, “it was amazing, awesome, freaking great. Don’t get me wrong, though, I love my parents, I love going to Hyungwon’s parents, they’re wonderful people. But something about having the day to us, doing everything at our own pace, having the time to do whatever we want - that’s something we can’t have elsewhere than our place… Like, Won gave me this beautiful watch, maaan… that watch… just beautiful and as soon as I’d seen it, I kissed him silly. And I can’t imagine doing it in front of his parents or _mine_. We didn’t have to hold back on any kind of skinship and it was just exceptional. I don’t have any other words for it.”

“Sounds perfect for you guys,” Hyunwoo’s lips spread it a delighted smile. He was so full of warm and fuzzy feelings for Hoseok and Hyungwon.

“What about you?” Hoseok asked as they passed under one of the big city bridges.

“I went to my parents’…”

“Indonesia fell through?” Hoseok turned to him confused.

“There was a tsunami,” Hyunwoo explained plainly.

“Oh yeah, I’ve seen that on the news. I didn’t think it was the area.”

“It was, but they re-planned for another time and they’re happy and all. But Kihyun called me,” Hyunwoo said the last part lowly as if he didn’t really want to admit it out loud.

“Kihyun called? Why? Did something happen?” Hoseok was surprised and his eyebrows shot up almost all the way to his hairline.

“He went to Yoongi’s parents’ for dinner and they treated him like a shoe insole again. Okay, maybe he didn’t say it directly, but I know when and how Kihyun speaks in between the lines. I’ve known him for long enough to be able to say,” Hyunwoo reasoned his statement to Hoseok.

“What happened?”

“You know how Yoongi’s parents are, right? Did Kihyun ever tell you about it?”

“He mentioned that they would be happier if Kihyun was a ‘she’ and _not_ a ‘he’, but he never took it further,” Hoseok answered, trying to recall times when he spoke about this with Kihyun but the nutritionist always just brushed it off, saying that not everyone can be as lucky to have understanding parents.

“He said he should have taken me up on the joke I made about having me as an emergency client, who wouldn’t allow him to leave the city because he needed supervision or something. And when he called me after dinner, it was under the excuse of a work related call, too. So, he might not have told me anything directly, but yeah… Kihyun’s been in my life long enough for me know what’s going on in his mind,” Hyunwoo talked with a heavy voice. He felt bad for Kihyun, even though he knew the man loved Yoongi to the moon and back, but he never deserved any kind of treatment his in-laws were giving him. Yoo Kihyun was a good human to the bottom of his heart.

“You guys grew pretty close in the last year,” Hoseok stated, pointing at something else that Hyunwoo must have meant in between his lines.

“Well, I love spending time with him as much as I love spending it with you or any other member of the gang. He’s a very valuable friend to me. We have great conversations whenever we meet up, whether it’s by chance or we have set up a meeting, or when we’re hanging out,” Hyunwoo shrugged it off. After all it’s been like that before they got together and apparently it’s working now as well.

“Yeah, you two were a team at uni back then. Honestly, there are still days when I get sentimental and think about the times when we met for the first time in the cafeteria at uni and Minhyuk won the shy Hyungwon over instantly. I’ve never seen Won react like that to someone new. Even Jooheon and Changkyun were surprised,” Hoseok chuckled at the memory. Those times seemed like they were at least a century ago and not only a little over 11 years. Hyunwoo has lived through so much in that decade that has passed since the first lunch when they became a ‘gang’ and they didn’t even know about it.

“I think back to that a lot too. Mainly, I wonder how the hell we were able to drink so much, almost every week, be sick, throw up, swear we would never touch alcohol again, then drink Kihyun’s magical broth from mugs because there was no way any of us would succeed in holding a spoon and a bowl, only to go through all of it again the next week, or two weeks later in the latest. We were some crazy bunch,” Hyunwoo joined Hoseok in having the uplifted mood.

“True. But I still feel like students are like that and will be like that forever,” Hoseok uttered knowingly. “Although you would know that better than me. You still meet them.”

“I only see them in class or library, I have no need or desire to go to student parties. Even though I know that TAs usually go. But then again… I’m not a TA.”

“True.”

“How about we pick up the pace a little bit,” Hyunwoo suggested after realizing they’ve run quite the distance since the beginning and they were well past the warm up stage.

“Sure, but what do you say, we pick up the pace and run all the way to Hanna’s mom’s café to get coffee and cake?” Hoseok altered the suggestion with a devilish wink.

“Why did we go for a run to burn calories if you want to eat cake?” Hyunwoo laughed at him, but he himself could eat some warm cinnamon bun and coffee as well.

“Don’t tell me you won’t have any!” Hoseok saw right through him, smirking like a Cheshire cat.

“Let’s go!” Hyunwoo sped up and headed toward the bridge to run onto the other side and towards the familiar café.

They arrived at the café, sweaty and exhausted. The quickened pace was a killer for both and they felt like they definitely deserved that aforementioned cake and coffee. The café was quiet and Hanna could be seen through the big glass windows.

The running duo entered the café and Hanna turned to the door. Her face was slightly bloated and lacked any and all make up. She looked a little worn down and Hyunwoo’s brows scrunched a little bit.

“Hey, guys. What’s up?” Hanna greeted them with her normal cheery voice but it did seem a little tense. “You look sweaty. Where did you go?”

“We went for a run,” Hoseok explained with a tired sigh and a smile. “We began at the river, where the new work out path begins and came all the way here. This guy sped up like half way through and I somewhat barely kept up.”

“You said you wanted cake,” Hyunwoo laughed again.

“And I still do,” Hoseok called out, not even defending himself.

“So what can I get you?” Hanna asked them.

“For me, coffee and a warm cinnamon bun,” Hyunwoo smiled delightedly already knowing what’s awaiting him.

“I will have a coffee and a strawberry quark bun. That one’s my favorite,” Hoseok admitted and licked his lips. “Where’s your mom?”

At the question Hanna’s smile remained on her face but it went stale. “Oh you know…” she waved her hand towards the door and this flustered state was a tell tale sign of hers when she was coming up with a quick lie that was supposed to be bulletproof but wasn’t. “She went out to get something. You just missed her. She said she would be gone for a while.”

Hyunwoo wanted to call her out on such an obvious lie but Hoseok was faster. “Bullshit. What’s going on?”

“Nothing is going on,” she turned to the coffee machine and began her practiced hand work.

“I think I can safely say that I know when someone’s lying. And this has nothing to do with my degree, right now. But if you want I can pull a plethora of studies that will support my claim in this moment,” Hoseok pushed on.

Hanna sighed heavily and continued to work on their coffees, while the bun was in the small heater oven. When everything was ready, the two were still standing at the counter with serious, yet worried faces waiting for the answer from Hanna.

“I don’t owe you any explanations,” she told them in a cold voice. “Enjoy your drink and buns.”

They were in awe at how cool and standoff-ish she was to them but when Hoseok wanted to prod further, Hyunwoo nudged him with his elbow and pushed to a table on the farthest side of the café from the counter.

“What is with her?” Hoseok asked himself confused, still looking at her worriedly. “Do you think she fought with Kyun?”

“Well, there is a way to find out,” Hyunwoo pulled out his phone and sipped from his steaming coffee a bit. He dialed Changkyun’s number and waited for the other to pick up.

“ _Hyunwoo. What’s up? Did you decide to come after all?_ ” Changkyun’s voice sounded all happy and as if there was not a single problem in the world.

“Actually, I went for a run with Hoseok, so I might skip,” Hyunwoo laughed it off.

“ _The guys say hi_ ,” Changkyun said for Jooheon and Hyungwon, who were with him in his home studio.

“Same to them. But, Kyun, we went to Mrs. Kang’s café and Hanna’s really off? Did something happen? Did you fight?” Hyunwoo got curious and Hoseok motioned for him to put it on the speaker phone so he did and moved the phone in between them.

“ _We didn’t fight, no. But if Hanna didn’t tell you what’s up then it’s really not my story to tell_ ,” Changkyun replied, his voice sounded serious and it was obvious he wasn’t backing out. “ _I also suggest you don’t push her unless you want her to lash out at you. You remember last Christmas when you didn’t want to stop swimming? Well, I hope you learned your lesson back then, Hyunwoo_.”

Hoseok’s eyebrows travelled all the way up his forehead and Hyunwoo was shocked as hell too. If Changkyun was warning them off this seriously it was a big matter. And it was the truth that they would do better if they waited for Hanna to come around.

“Okay. I heed your warning,” Hyunwoo nodded his head. “Talk to you later?”

“ _Sure. Come around sometimes for dinner or something_ ,” Changkyun agreed and hung up after saying a short good-bye.

“Wow. What is this all about?” Hoseok still seemed stunned about the whole situation.

“I don’t know,” Hyunwoo shook his head and took a bite of his cinnamon bun. “But let’s wait it out, I’d say.”

“Okay, sure.”

<Kihyun POV>

The next day Kihyun felt considerably better. The one day of just pure resting, eating take out, watching Nexflix and a little chillin’ along with that, soothed any kind of problem Kihyun might have had during the morning. It was truly a much needed resting period for both him and Yoongi.

However, even though they have had a day like this, Kihyun didn’t feel like going out with Yoongi’s friends at all. He didn’t have any kind of real reason, rather it was a superficial feeling of ‘I’m not feeling like it’ but Kihyun hated using that as an excuse, which Minhyuk has taken many opportunities to diss him for.

“Baby, I don’t think I can go today,” Kihyun told Yoongi when he started getting dressed in the afternoon. “I’m not feeling too well.”

“Then I should stay home too. I don’t want to leave you alone when you’re not feeling healthy,” Yoongi replied sweetly, a worried expression settled on his face.

“No. You should go. You said you haven’t seen Jimin in ages, so why wouldn’t you go?” Kihyun tried to persuade him to go without him.

“But I can see the guy at any time. What if something happens to you?” he kept worrying.

“What could happen to me?” Kihyun asked with a small chuckle, but it was in an adoring way.

“Vertigo might happen. You could fall in the kitchen and hit your head on the tiles,” Yoongi gave him a scenario while still clutching onto the shirt he was about to put on.

“I just feel a little under the weather. You go and have fun with the boys and say hi to them for me,” Kihyun pushed on.

“Are you sure?” Yoongi questioned him further.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Kihyun confirmed with a small smile.

“Are you absolutely sure?” Yoongi tried one more time.

“Yes, I’m absolutely sure-sure,” Kihyun smiled at him lovingly.

“Okay. But call me if anything, okay?”

“Yes, I will,” Kihyun agreed.

When Yoongi left the apartment Kihyun sat on the couch and listened to the silence of the living room, which wasn’t silence at all with all the whirring of electronics, sounds and voices of the neighbors, but it somehow made Kihyun calm and agitated at the same time. His mind was spinning on 150%, thoughts buzzing and flying around in quick succession. Kihyun had been in this state before. He began to feel a pit in his stomach deepen and a bad feeling he never thought he would feel again came back. He hadn’t felt this even when Hyunwoo and he broke up, so why did it come back? Kihyun didn’t understand his own thoughts at all.

And so, he did the same thing he used to do 9 years ago and he promised, not only to himself but to Minhyuk and Hanna too. He said, he swore even, he would never do so again.

However he knew it would silence the bad thoughts so there was very little hesitation. Kihyun went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of white wine and a glass from the cupboard. He sat on the couch and poured himself some wine… way more than was polite to have in a glass actually.

After 9 years Kihyun drank alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun began drinking alone again - what could be the trigger for this? Any guesses? 😔🤔 Hyunwoo and Hoseok went on a little trip down the memory lane... do you guys remember how the gang met? It was a long time ago, right? 🥺😊 What could be going on with Hanna if she was on edge like that? 😧
> 
> Please share your thoughts and opinions with me in the comments. It really makes me happy to read them and reply (even though I know some of you probably get angry with me often 😅)! 🥰🤍🤗
> 
> Next time Kihyun wakes up with hangover and after a little time skip he decides to pay a visit to one of the gang members. Who could he be going to? 🤫🤫
> 
> I hope you enjoyed today's chapter and that you're staying safe wherever you are in the world. Until next time, please take care. See you! 🥰🤍🤗ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	26. At the Bottom of the Bottle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome to a chapter that might make you sad, might make you angry but don't you worry - still not the worst one yet 😅😓  
> From now the chapters might become emotional rollercoasters, so I hope you guys will like them 🤍🥰🤗

<Kihyun POV>

Kihyun woke up to the sound of the electronic keypad going off. He laid sideways on the couch and the TV was now playing the morning news. He checked the time in the corner of the TV and it read 8:06AM. His head was pounding with a headache and he tried to remember as to why that could be. Then, he saw the two empty bottles of white wine on the coffee table in front of him along with an empty glass, from which he had drunk the previous night. Kihyun put that 1 and 1 together rather quickly and groaned in pain, frustration and annoyance.

He heard Yoongi bustle around in the hall with his shoes and his keys and Kihyun told himself to think fast. He was thankful for being a smart person for buying these really thick and voluminous blankets when he was decorating the living room. Kihyun grabbed the bottles 5 minutes to 12 and hid them under the blanket along with the glass so that Yoongi wouldn’t see it. Then he laid back and fluffed the blanket around him to make it look as seamless as possible.

“Ki, hi. You’re up. Are you feeling any better?” Yoongi walked around the couch and kneeled by his boyfriend huddled under the blanket. He reached out and caressed Kihyun’s cheek.

“Hmm, not really. I have a terrible headache,” he hummed, trying to make it look as if he could just be sick or something.

“I’ll go get you some medicine, okay? But you should eat something first. Painkillers ought not to be taken on an empty stomach,” Yoongi stared deeply into Kihyun’s glassy eyes, while his own looked a little cloudy.

Kihyun stomach turned at the mention of food. “It’s okay, baby. You look like you need some yourself. Did you have fun last night?”

“I did. It was great. The only thing that would make it better was if you came,” Yoongi replied sweetly.

“I’m happy you enjoyed yourself,” Kihyun smiled at him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come home sooner. I fell asleep on Taehyung’s couch,” Yoongi apologized.

“It’s fine. Seriously… stop worrying,” Kihyun said pulling the blankets a little tighter. But the expression on his face must have tipped Yoongi off.

“Hey, what’s going on?” he asked interested, searching for a sign on Kihyun’s face.

“I don’t know. I just don’t want to talk about it,” Kihyun answered and broke eye contact with his caring and loving boyfriend.

“Ki. I’m always here for you. But maybe if you don’t want to talk to me… do you want me to call someone? Minhyuk or Hanna? Or maybe Hyunwoo? You quite enjoy your café talks with him,” Yoongi tried to pry the words out of Kihyun, but Kihyun’s lips were tightly shut.

“No. No… I just want to be alone for a bit. I think I’m gonna go work around 8:30, it always clears my mind,” Kihyun told him hoping to get it off his back. He knew he somehow needed to get rid of the bottles under his blanket without Yoongi seeing it. “Go take a shower and sleep and rest all you need. I’ll just do some blog editing and then we can watch a movie or something.”

“Alright. If you won’t give in any other way,” Yoongi bent under the pressure and stood up from the floor by the couch and headed towards the bathroom.

As soon as the shower was on, Kihyun shot up from under the blanket. His world spun as if he was on a ship on a stormy sea and he had to catch himself on the backrest of the couch. Once it was all more or less a straight line, he made his way to the recycle bin. The glass bin was full of various bottles, so Kihyun breathed out relieved that two more wouldn’t look suspicious. He placed the bottles quietly into the bin and the glass into the dishwasher. Then he made himself a quick coffee and while he waited for the coffee machine to produce the liquid of life and gods, he went to turn off the TV and tidy up the sofa.

After the coffee was in his cup and a big glass of water in the other hand, he padded barefoot over the wooden floors to his study, where he found the first minute of the silent solitude behind closed doors rather deafening and from the second one only calming.

Kihyun spent the whole morning doing actual work, but once he was done with his socials and blog, he caught up with emails and end of year invoices that needed to be paid and then he sighed heavily and moved from his office chair to the beanbag on the floor.

For a couple of minutes, he just filled out the silence with the sound of his breathing, watching the ceiling without an aim. Then he reached for the phone lying on his desk and before he could think of anything else he unlocked it and opened the cloud app, where he stored the pictures from past.

If you asked Kihyun which picture he was looking for he wouldn’t tell you. Not because he wouldn’t want to, but because he didn’t know, he really truly didn’t know what he was searching. Mindlessly, he opened an old folder and by the date found one picture that he still cherished so close to his heart but haven’t seen in many, many years.

Kihyun stared at the picture and the people in it. They looked completely different to the people he knew today. Their worries and concerns laid in a totally different place and time. Out of those 8 people in the picture he was pulled to certain two, actually. These two were smiling widely, holding each other lovingly close in the midst of their friends.

Those two were no longer a couple nowadays, their love ended long ago, but Kihyun kept staring at them and a feeling he couldn’t identify was spreading all over his insides. It was a mixture of nostalgia, a tiny little bit of old pain and some regret, however, along with all of these dark, cold feelings there was a small cloud of a warm fuzzy spark of a fond feeling that had the corners of Kihyun’s lips turn upwards in the teeniest smile. There was happiness and fondness in the smile as he kept his eyes trained on the widely grinning couple.

It must have been evening when Kihyun finally snapped out of it. It was dark outside and the only reason, why he was forced out of his position in the beanbag was that his phone claimed to only have 5% battery left and Kihyun’s empty stomach growled at him a couple of times.

When he left his office, the apartment was quiet and Kihyun found prepared for on the kitchen counter with a note from Yoongi that read: _Don’t work too hard, baby. ^^ I made you something to eat for when you come out. You should eat something to get the headache to go away, ok? I had to run to the store because our water filter broke. I hope I won’t be long. -Yoongi <3_

Kihyun smiled upon reading the note and uncovered the bowl of rice congee; it was still warm when Kihyun touched the bowl, meaning Yoongi hasn’t left that long ago. He took the bowl and set it on the coffee table in the living room along with a spoon to eat it with.

He didn’t know why, but he made his way to the cold balcony only in his hoodie, sweats and a pair of slippers. Kihyun looked out to the city, which bustled with life. Not as much as on regular days, but there were still lots of cars and people milling around.

Pulling out his phone, Kihyun clicked on a familiar contact name and brought the phone up to his ear. The call rang for a while and Kihyun breathed out a small puff of misty air in the cold evening.

The voice that belonged to one half of the pair that Kihyun has been staring at for hours picked up on the other side of the connection. “ _Hi_.”

“Hey, Hyuwoo.”

“ _Is everything alright? You don’t sound too good_ …” Hyunwoo noted.

“Just a little under the weather, I would say,” Kihyun played it off.

“ _So why you’re calling?_ ” Hyunwoo asked.

“I… uh… I forgot,” Kihyun stammered rubbing his forehead with his free hand. The fact was that he had no reason to call Hyunwoo at all. He just did something his brain told him to do and he didn’t give it a single thought. “Sorry.”

“ _It’s fine, Ki. Don’t worry about it_ ,” Hyunwoo laughed it off with a chuckle so beautiful that Kihyun’s heart almost broke all over again. “ _It happens to me too sometimes_.”

“Yeah, I know,” Kihyun recalled a couple of past happenings.

“ _Well, if there’s nothing I can help you with this instant then I gotta go. I was about to jump into the shower when you called_ ,” Hyunwoo told him with a sigh and Kihyun’s memory conjured an image of shirtless Hyunwoo and his chest constricted.

He rubbed over his eyes as he responded to what Hyunwoo told him. “Yeah. Of course, sorry to disturb you when I totally forgot what I wanted.”

“ _Seriously, no worries_ ,” Hyunwoo reassured him. “ _When you remember what it was I’m just a text or a call away, alright?_ ”

“Yep. Thanks,” Kihyun said, but he didn’t feel any better for calling Hyunwoo when he actually didn’t have a ‘why’ for reaching out like this. They both said their goodbyes and Kihyun went back to the living room to eat the congee his boyfriend so caringly and kindly made for him, so that he didn’t upset his stomach any further.

**~TUESDAY, MID-FEBRUARY - 6 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

Kihyun woke up with a terrible headache _again_.

The last couple of weeks had some of the worst mornings Kihyun has ever lived through. It didn’t matter how many times he told himself he wouldn’t, he still did. He didn’t drink every day, but once a week was still enough to get him a throbbing pain inside his head with the power of a horse.

This morning was probably the worst he’s had so far. Two days ago Yoongi went to an out of country conference seminar his company sent him to. He was to come in three days and Kihyun has been alone in his apartment and he never felt freer than the last two nights. He loved Yoongi so much, but something in him felt a little suffocated, as if he needed a getaway from people - yes, people in general.

Kihyun rarely took time off from his work but he decided that the time that Yoongi wasn’t home would be the best for him to get some proper rest a leave his mind alone to deal with his own thoughts and process what the fuck was going on his life. He didn’t understand himself in the very least and no matter how much he thought of it, he couldn’t find the trigger for him lonesome drinking habit coming back.

Feeling a certain need to quit this stupid behavior Kihyun decided to stop meeting Hyunwoo for 2 weeks because it seemed the man always saw right through Kihyun’s protective walls and he couldn’t have that, right? There was a thought that flew through his mind that maybe, but just _maybe_ , his meetings with Hyunwoo were the trigger - but no. He still felt the need to open the bottle on certain evenings. Except, he got crankier, when he didn’t meet any of his friends.

So, with the thought that this habit needed to be gone, he headed to the hospital in the afternoon, hoping to find Hanna there. She was the first one, who knew about this nasty thing back then at uni and he knew that this time she would help him too.

He entered the hospital and went to the orthopedic ward, where the receptionist told him to wait, while she called Dr. Kang, because she was currently with a patient in her office. After her fellowship ended just before Christmas, she managed to get the office after the oldest doctor in the ward and her direct senior went to retirement. For 6 weeks now, Hanna was successfully running the office, taking most of his patients along with surgeries as head surgeon. Kihyun didn’t understand this whole thing, so he really only plucked the important parts from the conversation - and that was that Hanna was heading down the successful path, which was the right way for her. Now, she worked night shifts only once a week and had a more proper daily schedule.

“Mr. Yoo,” the receptionist woke him from his thinking process, “Dr. Kang will come out of the office once she is done with this patient. Please wait for her over there,” she showed him a spot in the waiting room and smiled kindly at him.

“Thank you,” Kihyun returned the kind smile and moved to the chair he had been shown.”

No longer than 10 minutes later, Hanna came out of one of the doors and glanced around searching for her friend. Once she spotted him, she walked over. “Hi, Ki. Is everything alright?” she asked him curiously, looking him up and down, probably checking for injuries.

“Hey. Well… physically I’m quite fine, but I need to talk to you, Han,” Kihyun admitted and with a certain feeling of shame turned his gaze to the floor.

Hanna sat next to him and wrapped her arm around his shoulder. “I have one more patient to check over. It shouldn’t take more than 20 minutes. Then, I get dressed into my clothes and let’s head somewhere to talk. What do you say?” she suggested with a caring voice. She must have recognized something was bothering Kihyun to the marrow of his bones.

“Sounds like a plan. I’ll wait for you here, then,” Kihyun responded, pushing a smile to his lips, but the way Hanna was staring into his eyes, he knew the smile didn’t reach there.

“Nonsense. Come sit in my private office. Do you want to drink anything while you wait?” she squeezed his shoulder and pulled him up from the chair, leading him down the hallway to her private office.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry. Go work,” Kihyun told her with a stronger voice than the one he used to admit his downfall.

“Okay,” she said with uncertainty and left him alone in the room as she went to deal with the one last patient.

About 30 minutes later the door to Hanna’s private office opened and Kihyun’s best friend rushed in. “Sorry, it took longer than I expected,” she apologized first thing after coming in.

“Don’t worry. You’re doing your job. It’s me who’s disturbing your schedule,” Kihyun said, trying to get her to calm down.

“Okay, I’m dressed,” she changed he clothes quickly. “Let me just shoot a message to Kyun that I might not be home when he gets back from work.”

The two ended up going to a small 24h café near Kihyun’s place. Hanna decided on the place with reasoning they would not close on them when they were in the middle of the conversation. Both ordered and waited by the counter to pick up their drinks and went up one floor to the seating area.

When they sat down Hanna didn’t let Kihyun begin. “Ki, I didn’t want to say anything in the hospital, but you look very down. I think you’ve lost some weight, too. Your cheeks look really sunken in. Whatever this is, it seems to be dragging with you since the New Year’s. What’s going on?”

Kihyun stared into her eyes, still debating whether or not to play it off but then decided it would be better to come out with the truth that was plaguing his mind. “I’ve had the worst Christmas in my entire life. And you know how much I love Christmas,” Kihyun sighed heavily and Hanna nodded in acknowledgment of that statement. Kihyun loved all holidays that he could celebrate with his friends or family. For him those were important memorable moments. “This Christmas was worse than the first one without Hyunwoo.”

“You were at my place pissed drunk,” Hanna remembered with a small whisper. Those really were terrible and Kihyun was definitely not proud of himself for how he ended up then.

“Exactly,” Kihyun agreed. Silence came from Kihyun as he rolled his drink around the pretty mug, telling himself to come here once he’s alone and he might post about this café on his blog in the café section he began about a year ago thanks to Hyunwoo. “Han…” Kihyun breathed out her name, but he couldn’t bring himself to continue with what he was saying.

“What is it? You know you can tell me everything…” Hanna reached over the table and placed her hand on top of Kihyun’s, stopping him from spilling the drink. Her gaze was intense but loving.

“I…” Kihyun swallowed a lump in his throat and told himself: _It’s now or never._ And now was better than any other time. “I drank alone yesterday… again. And it wasn’t the first time either.”

Hanna looked completely taken aback, but her voice remained soft and caringly concerned. “What? Why? What happened, Ki?”

“I don’t know,” Kihyun shook his head. “I really don’t know. I just come home some days and I feel the need to drink. And when I finish the first glass I pour myself another one… and then another one.”

Hanna switched seats and sat down next to Kihyun, wrapping her arm around his shoulder once again. “Ki, where is this stemming from?”

“God,” Kihyun said with a desperate voice, “I wish I knew.” Broken sobs came through his lips and he cradled his face with his hands as he bent down.

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“It’s not like we still live on campus anymore. It would take you so much longer to come over, Han,” Kihyun told her his reason and she clicked her tongue at the utter nonsense.

“When has that ever mattered, Ki?” she squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

“Plus… you were probably tired from you day shift, so…”

It was Hanna’s turn to shake her head. “ _Again_ … when has that ever mattered? You need me, I’m there. It’s that simply, Kihyun.”

Kihyun sniffled and pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes, trying hard to cover the tears that were flowing out now freely no matter how hard he tried for them not to. “I just wish I knew why I went down that road again.”

Hanna pulled him up from his bent position and hugged him tightly. “Ki, unfortunately only you know what’s going on in your mind. But just let me know whenever you need me, okay?”

Kihyun nodded, but kept crying in Hanna’s embrace as he also held her tightly, listening to her soothing words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before Kihyun revealed that the couple he was staring at was him and Hyunwoo, who did you think it was? 🤔 It is said that alcoholics hide away the proofs of their drinking. Should we be worried about Kihyun? 😯 But then again, he sought out Hanna the same way he did in the past. Will this help him? 🥺😓
> 
> Please share your thoughts and opinions with me in the comments below. I love talking to you and they always encourage me to write more! 🤍🥰🤗
> 
> Next time: one of the gang's couples encounters heart(and relationship)breaking problems... who might that be? Will their love come to an end?
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and will come back for the next one as well. Please stay safe and take good care of yourselves! 🤍🤍🥰🤗 and until next time ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	27. Soft Words and Hard Arguments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hi there! Welcome to a chapter that will change everything...
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! 🙏

**~THURSDAY, MID-FEBRUARY - 6 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Hyunwoo POV>

 **~[Listen Up Gang]** chat room~

 **[silent_roar]** : i hate to be that person but

 **[silent_roar]** : dont u guys think its been too long since we have hung out??

 **[still_min]** : i wholeheartedly agree

 **[honey]** : *nods head*

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : since its near hanna’s bday lets do it at our place?

 **[onehanna]** : im not cleaning tho

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : dont u live there too btw?

 **[onehanna]** : was it my suggestion?

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : do u have to answer w a question to everything i ask lately?

 **[onehanna]** : arent u doing the same thing?

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : that is exactly what im talking abt

 **[onehanna]** : are u happy now?

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : idk, do i look like i am?

 **[onehanna]** : idk…

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : what DO you know these days?????

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : bcs ‘idk’ seems to ur answer to everything these days…

 **[onehanna]** : do whatever. idc

 **[yooham]** : guys…

 **[yooham]** : r u ok?

 **[still_min]** : yeah

 **[still_min]** : u’re scaring me

 **[still_min]** : whats going on?

 **[happybunny]** : y r u 2 fighting?

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : hangout at ours on saturday

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : thats all i can say

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : cause i have no idea wtf is w her

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : but shes been unbearable for like weeks now

 **[happybunny]** : kyun, she can read this u know…

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : idc

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : just come on saturday

It would be an understatement if Hyunwoo said he was just shocked by what just went down in the group chat. Of course, he saw the two fight before, but it was about trivial things, things that didn’t _really_ matter - like what they would eat for dinner, what movie they would watch or why Changkyun shouldn’t walk around in Vans during a snowy winter. If they ever argued about anything serious they would have kept it between four eyes and never bring it public like this. Something must have happened that ignited this fight and as far as Hyunwoo knew Hanna (and he could say he knew her very freaking well) this must not have been the first fight the two have had in the near past.

It was Thursday night and Hyunwoo was waiting for Minhyuk to ring the doorbell. Minhyuk felt like drinking wine and talking bullshit about some client he was currently working with and Jooheon was the type of a person, who wanted to solve problems for his boyfriend rather than just listen to endless complaints and bitching, which was exactly what Minhyuk needed and searched for. Kihyun was a little off his game and Hyunwoo didn’t know why, although he was suspecting that Kihyun was avoiding him for some unknown reason. Hyunwoo didn’t want to call or text Kihyun because even though their friendship had been renewed and one could say they were as close as they were before they began dating back in the day, Hyunwoo still felt as if he had to keep himself a little off of his ex-boyfriend if he wanted to keep being in his life. Hanna was busy at work and whenever Hyunwoo saw her during their morning practices, she seemed something was bothering her and after that fight earlier today, Hyunwoo was sure that Minhyuk was going to bring it up somewhere along the night.

The doorbell rang and Hyunwoo walked out of the kitchen, where he was sorting through his fridge to write down a proper list of groceries he would need to go buy on his weekly Sunday shopping.

Hyunwoo opened the door and for once Minhyuk didn’t storm in - _ha! You wish_. He came in like big water and burst out. “What do you know, Son Hyunwoo?! What is going on between Kyun and Hanna?!” he held a pointed finger at Hyunwoo’s shocked face.

Hyunwoo lifted his hands and shook his head. “I know nothing. She didn’t talk much lately.”

“Not even to you?” Minhyuk’s mood dropped to -40°C, he looked disappointed and began to frown in confuision. “I don’t understand this and I fucking hate that they’re fighting like this.”

Minhyuk took his shoes off and walked into Hyunwoo’s living room where he sat the bottles of wine and beer for the two of them on the coffee table. Hyunwoo brought a glass for Minhyuk and himself, sitting onto the floor by the couch.

“Don’t worry. I’m not particularly enjoying this situation either. I’ve seen Hanna had been a little down the last week but I gave it to work and the surgeries she’d been doing. Remember, last week she got a young but talented fencer, who suffered major injuries in a car crash?” Hyunwoo reminded Minhyuk, who nodded in acknowledgement. “I really thought that maybe her mind was weighed down by what was happening. But I guess there’s more.”

“Damn, I wish Jooheon would find out something from Changkyun, but…” Minhyuk was checking the messages on his phone, however he only ended up locking the screen because there were no messages from his boyfriend.

“In either case, Min…. we won’t solve it now and lamenting about it is also not going to help ease your mind about your client, so…” Hyunwoo tried to change the topic and Minhyuk quickly caught up.

“ _Oh. My. God_. _That bitch!_ She thinks she’s all that. Some hotshot magazine editor or whatever. She just got her job like… what?... 2 months ago? And they asked me for some illustrations for a couple of sections they want in the renewed monthly editions. At first, this bitch begged me to work with them and now she’s acting as if it had been the other way. I really, really, really wanted to quit this, but Heonie stopped me saying that I should finish it because after it’s done there’s no one who’s breaking any kind of contract, I get my money, she gets her illustrations and if she ever calls again I just don’t pick up because _fuck her_ , right?” Minhyuk spoke with the speed of sound and with force of water at Niagara Falls. “Can I tell you about the things she actually told me?”

Hyunwoo smiled and nodded, realizing how much Minhyuk has actually changed since he began dating Jooheon. Before he would simply burst out whatever was on his mind when he wanted to talk and now, he was a little more considerate about when he wanted to complain. No one ever told him no, but he still asked and that Hyunwoo saw as incredibly mature. Simply, put… Minhyuk grew up since his relationship with Jooheon began and it really suited him.

Minhyuk talked and talked for about 20 minutes straight, Hyunwoo listened intently and paid attention to everything Minhyuk was saying, after all that was his task for the night, so he was going to do it properly.

When Minhyuk was about to take a breath to continue with another escapade the lady that was editor in chief has put Minhyuk through, the electronic lock on Hyunwoo’s door beeped. There were only two people besides Hyunwoo, who knew the code to his apartment - Hyunwoo’s mother and Hanna. His mother would call in advance and would rarely let herself in even when she was visiting Hyunwoo and he was in the shower right then in that moment she rang the doorbell.

So logically it had to be Hanna. And indeed no more than twenty seconds after the door opened and closed, Hanna walked in wearing jeans and a sweater with a leather jacket - she was very underdressed for the cold weather of mid-February and had a very messy bun on top of her head.

She walked into the living room and dropped her bag on the armrest of the couch.

“Han, what are you doing here? Are you alright?” Hyunwoo asked alerted by the red eyes and dark under-eye bags.

“I need a drink,” she claimed and walked over to Hyunwoo’s kitchen, grabbed a glass from the cupboard and from one of the shelves of his pantry grabbed an unopened bottle of whisky.

Unnoticing, or better said, completely ignoring Hyunwoo’s and Minhyuk’s expressions of shock, Hanna poured herself a _big_ glass and sat on the couch. Tucking her feet beneath her and leaning her head back until it hit the back rest, facing the ceiling.

“Hanna, what’s wrong?” Minhyuk placed a hand on her knee and petted her gently. His face bore a worried expression and Hyunwoo could tell he was genuinely at a loss with Hanna’s behavior. No one has ever seen her like this and for a moment Hyunwoo wondered if Changkyun has ever seen her act like this.

She leaned her head forward again and took a large sip of the amber colored alcohol she was clutching in her hand. “I just need a fucking drink. That’s all.” Her voice was coarse, but both men in the room knew there was no budging her.

And even though Hyunwoo knew that, he still needed to try just one more time. “No, it’s not. Let’s talk about what’s happening.” Hyunwoo wanted to sound authoritative just like he imagined Hoseok would sound when he talked to his patients.

“This is very unlike you,” Minhyuk agreed.

“Well, I ain’t gonna talk about shit, so… I guess it’s going to be a quiet night then,” Hanna tisked and finished her glass. Getting up for another.

Silence spread around the room and Hyunwoo noticed Minhyuk reaching for his phone.

<Changkyun POV>

It was 9PM and Hanna still wasn’t home. Changkyun was so angry. She’s been acting so weird for the last two weeks, but at first he thought it was work or the problems she had with her mom during Christmas, but he knew that got solved somehow more or less, so… Changkyun was lost in the corn maze yet again.

He was sitting on the couch, looking to the door and checking his phone every once in a while. But there was nothing.

He got up to grab a glass of water when his phone went off with a message notification.

~ **Private chat** between users _min_ and _I.M_ ~

 **[min]** : kyun

 **[min]** : hanna is w me at hyunwoo’s place

 **[min]** : she’s drinking her 3rd glass of whisky

 **[min]** : BIG glass

 **[min]** : what happened between you two?

 **[I.M]** : ok, i’ll come pick her up

 **[min]** : so r u not going to tell me either?

 **[I.M]** : sorry min, but this is between us

 **[min]** : ok then :(

Changkyun wrote it was between them, but even he didn’t know what that thing was. One thing he knew, though. Whatever that thing was, he was _not_ letting it destroy them.

Getting a very drunk Hanna in the car wasn’t a problem. Getting her car back was also not a problem, since Hyunwoo promised to drive it to their place on Saturday for the hangout. What was a problem was that the 20 minute nap Hanna took in the car on the way home got her a little sober - enough that she could struggle against Changkyun on the way from the car to their apartment. Changkyun thanked all the Gods that they had an underground parking garage and that they weren’t seen out in the public.

They passed the threshold and Hanna went straight to the bedroom, but Changkyun wasn’t about to just allow either of them to go to bed angry. He grabbed her by the wrist and forced her to look at him.

“Let go!” she fought against him, trying to wiggle free.

“No. Let’s finally fucking talk about this,” he protested with a powerful deep voice.

“I don’t want to say something under the influence of alcohol that I might regret later. If I say something that I might regret I would rather be fucking sober!” she shouted at him. Her cheeks were red, flushed from both anger and alcohol.

“ _NO!_ ” Changkyun roared back. “We’re not going to bed angry! We’re staying up and we’re gonna fight about it!”

“I have nothing to fucking say! Well, yes… other than that I’m happy now that the test three weeks ago was negative,” she said and pursed her lips. Changkyun saw her push her tears back and fight against them before they spilled over the edges of her eyes.

“Are you serious right now?” Changkyun’s voice was low, unbelieving… _hurt_. He began to feel his own tears coming to his eyes and falling onto his cheeks. Hanna followed them with her eyes, which mirrored the same emotions of Changkyun’s.

“Isn’t what I just said enough of an answer?” her words were filled with pain. She has succeeded in hurting both of them and Changkyun wondered, why she felt the need to do this.

**~SATURDAY, MID-FEBRUARY - 6 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

On Friday, Changkyun woke up to an empty apartment. Hanna went to the hospital early in the morning after getting an emergency call. He heard her talking in a hushed voice on the phone in the living room where she slept on the couch after their fight the previous night.

When he came home, the flat was quiet too and there were no messages from her, so he holed up in his small studio and started making songs. Changkyun must have fallen asleep in the chair because when he woke up, it was Saturday morning and the light was streaming in through the windows.

He stood up and stretched his poor body that protested against the movements after being in such a position for so long. There were sounds coming from the kitchen so Changkyun decided to head there.

As soon as he entered the kitchen Hanna lifted her head and looked at him. Her eyes were cried out and there was a lot of pain behind them. “Han…” he whispered but she turned around.

“Let’s just get the place ready for the hangout,” she slid off the bar stool and kicked back her espresso.

The gang arrived a couple past 2PM in batches. All day, every time when Changkyun was trying to initiate a conversation with Hanna, she said she didn’t want to talk or anything that was a variation of this sentence. He genuinely hoped that when the friends come she would cheer up, even if just a little bit. But that didn’t happen.

Not long later after Kihyun appeared, as the last person this time for once, he came up to Hanna and asked her.

“Hanna, what’s up? Why are you looking so down?” Kihyun’s voice was quiet but Changkyun happened to hear it, since he wasn’t far away from them.

“It’s really not my secret to tell,” she replied and something in Changkyun just burst open. A fucking dam if you will. He was so annoyed with her for keeping quiet, never saying anything anymore, even though they used to be _THE TEAM_. The dream team, the one and only Changkyun has ever wanted.

He hated doing this in front of everyone but maybe that would get her to say what’s on her fucking mind. “Don’t you think you’ve been having those quite a lot lately?” Changkyun said loud enough for everyone to hear, but also for them to know it was directed at his girlfriend.

“What?!” she raised her voice as well as she turned to him. “You’re the one to talk, Im Changkyun.”

“What the fuck do you mean by that? You never tell me anything anymore,” he blamed her, his anger coming up, up, up and out.

“ _I_ never tell you anything?” she had the audacity to look appalled.

Changkyun only scoffed at this remark of hers and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Oh please. When I asked you what was going on with you, you kept saying ‘nothing’,” she replied to his scoffing.

“When have I ever responded like that? Tell me _one_ time,” he dared her, because he truly did not recall a time like that.

“Well, I’ll take the one when you came back after a night out and I found fucking lipstick stains on the collar of your only white button up shirt,” she scorned and a memory hit Changkyun, but before he could say anything Hanna kept on going. “You really should have googled how to get a lipstick stain off a shirt before you brought it back home and threw it in the hamper, because _news flash_ \- it can only be done at drycleaners.”

 _So this is what the whole thing was about. She thought I was cheating on her…_ Changkyun thought to himself sorrowfully. The anger in him lessened down, it didn’t disappear but it just slid away to a different corner for a moment. He shook his head as he responded. “That really was nothing, Hanna. Jooheon was with me,” he tried to convince her with a normal voice - no blame, no anger.

“It was an accident, Hanna. I swear,” Jooheon joined in to support Changkyun’s statement.

A disbelieving smirk appeared on her lips as she rolled her eyes. “If it was a fucking accident, you should’ve come and explain right away; and not let me find a shirt among the dirty clothes, smelling of cheap perfume,” she shook her head, her voice became constricted due to the lump in her throat and she swallowed dryly to get rid off it. And again before Changkyun could utter anything in his defense she said: “I really should have had that surgery.”

This got Changkyun fired up. He never regretted a single second of their relationship and he loved her to the underworld and back but this was a low blow and his anger overpowered any kind of rational thinking. “WHAT THE FUCK!!!” he shouted from the top of his lungs, shocking the rest of the gang. He stared at the love of his life in complete shock and ran a hand though his hair in a frustrated manner. “Yeah, you know what…” he smirked evilly, “maybe you should have. It would’ve saved us both a lot of pain now, wouldn’t it?” he spoke without thinking about it first. But so did she, so why care now, right?

The first tear fell down her cheek and she breathed in and out quietly, gazing at Changkyun as the tears continued to fall.

“I think we should leave,” Minhyuk whispered and the stunned people began to move around the couple facing each other.

“To think I almost died for you,” she whispered hurt by the words both of them said in the heated argument. Her breath was shaky and she looked away to get the tears even just a little out of Changkyun’s view.

“Fuck,” Changkyun swore lowly with no force and fell down onto the couch, blocking the view of his own tears with his hands as he cradled his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh... fricking hell! What just happened? 😲 Lipstick stains on Kyun's shirt? Hanna saying that she should have had that surgery - oh, she really knew where to stab, right? But then again Changkyun doesn't owe her anything after saying she should've done it, does he? 😲😠 These two really know how to hurt each other deeply, am I right? Oh my God, what happened with these two? 😯😯 Is this the end of HanKyun? 😢😢
> 
> Please share your thoughts and opinions with me in the comments. I cherish them so much after posting every chapter! 🙏🥰🤗🤍 I love interacting with everyone, who reads my stories. 😊
> 
> Next time: I'm not sure I want to give a teaser for the next chapter but... the gang will be pretty shocked by the outcome of Changkyun's and Hanna's fight. Will you? 🤫🤫
> 
> I really, really hope you enjoyed today's chapter and that you will come back for the next one. Until then, though, please stake care and stay safe! 🥰🥰🤗🤍ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	28. Calm before the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Haven't I told you the last chapter would change everything? Well, I hope you like this one too! 🤗✌

<Changkyun POV>

Changkyun could hear Hanna crying in their bedroom as he sat on the couch, staring at the ceiling and feeling the wet patches on the backrest of the couch from his own tears. They both have said thing they shouldn’t have said. They should have talked a long time ago and he would never understand how she could ever come to a conclusion he would cheat on her, but he could see the point of her heartbreak. He would have been feeling the same way if their positions were reversed.

Many hours later, the light outside faded and the clock on the kitchen wall showed a little past 10PM, Changkyun’s eyes were rough and coarse. He heard the water go off in the bathroom. With a heavy sigh he got up from the couch and began to clean up the never used dishes and glasses.

After everything was put away again, he made his way to the bedroom, where he noticed Hanna on her side of the bed, lying on the stomach, but looking away from the middle of the bed. Changkyun sighed, inaudibly this time, and changed clothes, putting on his sleepwear.

He settled on his side of the bed with his back to her. They laid there in silence, but he knew Hanna was wide awake just like him. Suddenly, he heard the sheets rustle and one second later Hanna’s hand reached over and brushed over Changkyun’s back.

He turned around and noticed that she never rolled around to face him, she just sought after the feel of his body being there. Changkyun moved closer to her tentatively but when there was no sign he would be pushed away he snaked his hand around her waist wordlessly.

The room was dimly lit by the lights of the street outside. Hanna turned her head to face Changkyun and he smiled softly. Bringing his hand up, he brushed some stray hair out of her face.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, but the two words held genuine apology and regret over her actions and words.

“Me too,” Changkyun responded, pouring the same amount of apology in as her.

“Thank you for not being angry anymore,” she snuggled a little closer. Both of them realized they have created dents in their hearts by this fight they had, but Changkyun knew that together they could learn from it. She loved him to bits and beyond… and so did he.

“Thank you for being the smarter one of us,” he said.

Hanna scoffed softly. “When exactly?”

Kyun chuckled quietly and ran his fingers over her cheek. “Only sometimes, hmmm… more like rarely.”

“Any other day, I would but…” she giggled, bringing back their old selves and Changkyun couldn’t be happier, because this was who they were. They weren’t the two people they have been for the last two weeks.

“It’s not worth today, eh?”

“Precisely,” she pecked his lips, quickly and lovingly.

A warm feeling spread across Changkyun and he told himself it was now or never. He had wanted to do it today originally anyway, so… why wait, right? “Question, Han,” she smiled smugly.

“Okay, even though I’m not sure I’m mentally aware enough to go through some deep philosophical debate, I’m game.”

“Will you marry me?” he asked, with hope soaring through him. His voice was soft as he asked that question and he knew it was not the most romantic proposal ever, but it was the right question for him to ask.

Hanna stayed silent for a while and seemingly gave it some thought.

“You’ll leave me hanging?” Changkyun laughed at her.

“Don’t we have the thinking rule?”

“Okay,” he started to pull away jokingly from the embrace they were in.

Hanna chuckled shortly and caught Changkyun mid-motion by his cheek, with a gentle and tender touch she stroked it lovingly. A smile still played on his lips as well. “Aren’t we already kind of married?” she joked.

“Can’t you for once be a little serious and a lot romantic?”

“Would you have fallen in love with me if I was?”

“Most likely not.

“Well, then… there’s your answer.”

“So you will? Just to clarify, you know. I don’t want you to say later that I got you into the marriage without consent,” Changkyun mocked her too.

“Yes, I will, baby,” she smiled brightly, a smile Changkyun has missed more than the Sun after a decade of rain.

“Finally, an actual answer,” he leaned in and kissed her passionately.

After a while of heated kissing, Hanna broke away. “My turn.”

“Shoot,” Changkyun chuckled lovingly.

“Can we have early honeymoon tonight?”

<Hanna POV>

Hanna slowly woke up the next morning with the biggest fucking headache in arms of her boyfriend… no, now… her fiancé. But the headache was a much more pressing matter. She untangled herself from Changkyun’s embrace and checked the clock, which read 7:37AM. She sighed, weighing her options - she could go take a painkiller and come back to bed or she could take a double dose, have a coffee and spend a couple more tears regretting the stupid stuff she told Changkyun the day before. And since, Hanna was the type of a person, who loved to hurt herself emotionally… option 2 it was.

Walking quietly from the bedroom to the kitchen, Hanna reached for a box of painkillers in the cupboard and pushed two pills out of its casing. She poured herself a glass of water and quickly swallowed the prescription painkiller that she prescribed for herself. Normally, she wouldn’t take two, but after the migraines she was having since Christmas that were caused by her stubborn mother, caused her to increase the dosage for a time to time. She could be trusted; she was a doctor after all.

The coffee machine made her espresso and Hanna sat at the breakfast bar with her back facing the living room and bedroom door.

 _I really should have had that surgery…_ the words resonated in her head and guilt and tremendous regret kept spreading through her insides, clutching her with its evil claws. _How the fuck could I say that?_ She sighed heavily and then got startled by a chin on her shoulder and arms wrapping around her waist from the back.

“Han. What is it? Why are you sitting here in such an unhappy pile?” Changkyun asked with a soft voice.

Hanna turned to face him. “I should have never said that yesterday.”

“Ha-“

“No. Listen… it’s one of the things I swore that I would _never_ say, no matter how angry I would get, because it’s just not true and it will _never_ be. And it feels like a stupid knife to twist in both your and my gut. I hurt myself by saying it too, but more than anything I hurt you by everything I’ve been doing these last couple of weeks. And this is so stupid of me to say and I know you might never forgive me for what I’ve said, but hear me out, okay?” she stared at him until he nodded his head, meaning he understood.

In the years of their relationship they learned that ‘hear me out’ meant that you really need to listen and not interrupt to whatever the other was about to say. “Two weeks ago when the test was negative, I know I seemed as if I didn’t care either way, but when my period was late I was so…I don’t know… _hopeful?_ And then a day later, I found that shirt,” a tear fell down her cheek and her voice lost strength. Changkyun hung his head down in shame and then lifted it back up to look at her face. “I know it doesn’t give me any validation to say anything like what I’ve said yesterday…”

“Hanna-“

“No. I said ‘hear me out’-“

“ _No!_ I won’t let you wallow in this. Because… I get it. I don’t know, why I didn’t even think about telling you about the shirt that night. But that woman was all over me, no matter what I did and thank God, Jooheon was there because otherwise I would’ve… kicked her,” Changkyun took Hanna’s face into his hands, making her look at him and pay attention to what he was saying.

Hanna tittered. “Kicked her? You would’ve kicked her?”

Changkyun smirked. “Yeah. I would’ve.”

She chuckled and shook her head at the statement. “Still. I shouldn’t have said that. Because on a ‘holiday’ I truly dislike; you have shown me that I don’t have to say ‘fuck you, world’ every year. Kyun, without you I’d be a very sad human being. Thanks to you I stopped hating Valentine’s Day… and I love you.”

“I love you too, baby,” he pecked her lips. “I love you forever. No one else.”

“Wait until we have kids. Then I won’t be first anymore,” she squinted her eyes.

Changkyun laughed shortly. “Hey, do you think that maybe we could prank the guys that we’re still fighting?”

“Are you joking? Have you seen how scared they were yesterday? _Of course_ we’re pranking them!” she laughed with him and they high-fived excitedly and Changkyun kissed her lovingly.

<Kihyun POV>

Kihyun woke up on Sunday and realized he wasn’t alone in his bed. Yoongi came back during the night. He turned around on the bed and hugged the body of his boyfriend, but the warmth that he usually felt internally didn’t come. The external warmth was there, but that warm feeling he used to feel just would rise up. Kihyun stayed like that for while thinking about the time he felt it the last time, but he kept coming to a conclusion it’s been a while since he felt it near Yoongi. Sighing, Kihyun unwrapped himself from the warm body of his boyfriend and padded out of the bedroom, heading to the kitchen. He pulled his prepared cold brew from the fridge and poured himself a tall glass of the dark gold.

His phone was on the counter and when he checked it there were no new notifications, but Kihyun was bothered by what he has seen happen yesterday, so he opened the chatting app.

~ **Private chat** between users _hyunwoo_ and _kihyun_ ~

 **[kihyun]** : hey, r u up?

 **[hyunwoo]** : just got up, why?

 **[kihyun]** :iI worry about hanna and kyun…

 **[kihyun]** : and minhyuk is still sleeping

 **[hyunwoo]** : even if we talk about it we’re not going to solve anything kihyun

 **[kihyun]** : i know, im just feeling rly anxious

 **[kihyun]** : do u think kyun might have cheated on hanna?

 **[hyunwoo]** : i dont think so tbh

 **[hyunwoo]** : he loves her

 **[kihyun]** : but maybe he started and then stopped himself???

 **[hyunwoo]** : i doubt it

<Hoseok POV>

Hoseok woke up on Sunday morning and checked his phone instantly. There were no notifications from any chat and for a moment he got worried. He looked over at Hyungwon and judging by how he was moving around, he was going to wake up in the next 30 minutes, so Hoseok decided to wait for him to ask for his council.

He wanted to text into the group chat the guys had without Hanna. They haven’t used it in ages, but in times like these it seemed like a good way to ask Changkyun what was going on, while still keeping everyone in the loop.

Some people would tell him and the rest of the group that their relationship was none of their business, but fuck them… it _was their fucking business_.

Walking into the kitchen, Hoseok completed his daily morning routine of a couple of stretching lunges and back stretches before getting himself a large glass of water and downing it in one go.

Not even 10 minutes later, one sleepy Hyungwon padded out of the bedroom as well. “Good morning,” he told Hoseok and kissed his cheek when he reached him.

“Morning,” Hoseok replied. “I was thinking… should we text into the minus Hanna group chat?”

“Why?”

“I wanna know what the hell is going on and if they talked it out…” Hoseok admitted when Hyungwon leaned against the counter waiting for the coffee machine to give him his desired espresso.

“Uhmmm…” Hyungwon’s sleepy mind was just getting around to waking up, so it took him a couple of seconds to process what his caring and adorable boyfriend was saying. “Why don’t you text just Changkyun then?”

“Because I want everyone to know what’s going on, but also in case they haven’t made up yet, I don’t want Hanna to know we’re talking about her,” Hoseok explained his reasons.

“Okay, sure… let’s see what happens,” Hyungwon agreed easily.

**~[Quality Screen Time]** chat room~

 **[buffybunny]** : oh god we havent used this group chat in ages

 **[buffybunny]** : but

 **[buffybunny]** : changkyun what the hell went down yesterday?

 **[big_time_short]** : im also VERY interested

 **[big_time_short]** : and then im changing my name in this chat

 **[big_time_short]** : my god how old were we????

 **[big_time_short]** : this feels like a minhyuk job too

 **[almost phelps]** : i wonder the same thing

 **[almost phelps]** : idk, im okay with my name lol

 **[artistique soul]** : kyun. speak.

<Changkyun POV>

“Han!” Changkyun called out from the living room to his, now, fiancé. “It’s here. They’re texting into the group chat we have without you. Oh God, Hoseok’s name is still buffybunny.” Changkyun laughed staring at the notifications.

Hanna sat on the couch next to him and read the floating windows on Changkyun’s locked screen. He picked up the phone and unlocked it, then he clicked on the group chat.

**~[Quality Screen Time]** chat room~

 **[artistique soul]** : did u guys talk it out????? (joo asks)

“What should I say?” Changkyun asked himself more than Hanna, but she hummed, thinking about it anyway.

“That bitch?” she tried, which only got her an irritated glare from Changkyun

“I would never call you that. No matter how angry I would be,” he shook his head, using his scolding voice. Then he turned his attention back to the group chat.

**~[Quality Screen Time]** chat room~

 **[kyun]** : talk?

 **[kyun]** : im not talking to her unless she apologizes

 **[kyun]** : and even then, i’ll consider it!

 **[kyun]** : how could she say something like that to a person, who loves her to death and beyond

 **[kyun]** : but dont u guys worry…

 **[kyun]** : i’ll find someone else who can and will love me

 **[kyun]** : she can die alone if she wants

 **[kyun]** : idc

Changkyun and Hanna laughed hard on their couch as he typed the messages into the chat, his finger flying over the keyboard in a fast pace.

“We’re terrible,” she said when she could finally take a breath in.

“Yeah, we’re gonna burn in hell for this,” Changkyun chuckled.

Then Hanna’s phone ringed a notification and she picked it up, noticing it’s a private message from Hoseok.

~ **Private chat** between users _hoseokie_ and _han_ ~

 **[hoseokie]** : hanna

 **[hoseokie]** : are you guys still not talking?

 **[hoseokie]** : did you not make up yesterday?

 **[han]** : make up?

 **[han]** : are you joking?

 **[han]** : he cheated on me, hoseok

“I’ll keep a warm spot by the fire for you right next to me in the cold, cold hell, baby,” she smirked as Changkyun peered over her shoulder to see what Hoseok wrote her.

“Thank you,” he kissed her temple, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Wait a sec.” And he walked out of the room, leaving a confused looking Hanna in the living room. He reached the bedroom, picked up the pants folded over the chair and pulled out a small black velvety box. Happily he made his way back to the living room and sat next to Hanna again. “I wanted to give you this yesterday but our early honeymoon was more important at that point so…”

Hanna stared at him puzzled at first, but then he pulled his hand out from behind his back and showed her the small black velvet cube. Then her face was shocked and flashed with regret. “Kyun, I’m so-“

“Don’t. Seriously. We’ve put that behind us, which means that we can have it as a painful lesson that we’ve learned from the hard way. But we’ve been through so much together and we’ll go through so much more together, okay?” he stared into her eyes and dropped the box into his lap as he lovingly took her face into his hands.

She nodded in acknowledgement of what he said and smiled softly. “I love you, Changkyun,” she said as he pushed the simple, yet beautiful silver ring up her left ring finger.

“I love you too,” he kissed her deeply, but only a couple seconds later the two were interrupted by a multiple notification sounds coming from Changkyun’s phone.

**~[Quality Screen Time]** chat room~

 **[buffybunny]** : did u cheat on her, kyun?

 **[kyun]** : r u joking now?

 **[kyun]** : how the fuck could i?

 **[hoenie]** : i was there

 **[hoenie]** : he didnt do anything

 **[hoenie]** : the woman was all over him no matter how many times he rejected her

 **[hoenie]** : and it was many!

 **[big_time_short]** : then u have to try and explain it kyun

 **[almost phelps]** : if u explain she will understand

 **[almost phelps]** : shes not unreasonable

“Oh God! We’re horrible friends,” Hanna claimed and the two laughed again. “But it’s really nice how worried they are.”

“They’re real friends…” Changkyun agreed.

Hanna’s phone went off this time.

~ **Private chat** between users _hoseokie_ and _han_ ~

 **[hoseokie]** : do you really think he would cheat on you?

 **[hoseokie]** : hes not the type han

 **[hoseokie]** : he loves you

 **[hoseokie]** : a lot

 **[hoseokie]** : do you think you could try talking to him, so that he can explain himself?

 **[han]** : idk, he really hurt me, hoseok

 **[han]** : a lot :(

“Okay. Let’s end this, we’ve had our first round of fun. It’ll be some more after they find out the truth,” Hanna decided and Changkyun agreed with her.

He grabbed his phone and turned on the front camera. Hanna placed her left hand onto Changkyun’s cheek and pulled him closer to kiss his left cheek. Changkyun smiled widely and contently, closing his eyes in delight. He snapped the picture and opened the big group chat.

**~[Listen Up Gang]** chat room~

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : also…

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : you guys are all invited

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : [picture]

<Minhyuk POV>

Minhyuk was on pins and needles all morning, thinking of all the ways to make things good again between his the two of his best friends, but he kept being unsuccessful and then the [Quality Screen Time] chat bubble came up and he thanked God for Hoseok’s thinking.

The whole conversation was sad and he felt that Changkyun was not joking and he was seriously worried for the future of their relationship. “Do you think they will break up, Heonie?” Minhyuk asked Jooheon when Changkyun wrote his ‘idc’ message.

“I don’t know. But let’s hope not. Both would be way more miserable than Hyunwoo and Kihyun were I think,” Jooheon replied and places hid chin on Minhyuk’s shoulder as the artist drank his morning coffee in the kitchen.

It was another couple of minutes before the [Quality Screen Time] went off again. This time it was Jooheon, who replied to the chat since he had more to say than Minhyuk. He was there with Changkyun before, when his shirt got the lipstick on and knew it wasn’t meant from Changkyun’s side. Jooheon told Minhyuk the whole story when they came back last night.

There was radio silence for a bit again and then notifications rang on Minhyuk’s and Jooheon’s phones simultaneously. Minhyuk opened the messages and read through them. There was a photo attached and when he opened it he stared for second and then came alive.

“ _MOTHERFUCKER!_ ” he shouted and bolted to the door, where he grabbed his car keys, wallet and took his slippers off, sliding a pair of Vans on carelessly.

“Min, wait!” Jooheon called after him.

“What? You’re not coming?”

“I am, I am. But you’re still wearing your PJs,” Jooheon reminded him.

“ _Fuck that!_ Let’s go, Heonie. Imma chew them up!!!” Minhyuk promised as the two rushed down the hallway of their apartment building.

<Hoseok POV>

Hoseok was just about to try his last argument to convince Hanna to try and talk to Changkyun, when Hyungwon cursed out rather loudly.

“Fuck! Get dressed,” Hyungwon told him and headed to the door, wearing his sleeping sweats and an oversized t-shirt.

“What? Why?”

Hyungwon threw him his phone and Hoseok took one look at the picture that was on and followed behind his boyfriend in his shorts and a t-shirt.

“Are you going like that?” Hyungwon questioned him.

“I’ll wear the long padding coat,” he replied as he pulled it out of the wardrobe in the hallway. “Won, you drive. I’ll text Minhyuk to wait for us outside. I’m sure he and Jooheon are already on their way too.”

“Alright. Let’s go!”

<Kihyun POV>

“Ki? Where are you rushing off too?” Yoongi sleepily peaked out of the bedroom.

“It’s an emergency. I’m _GONNA KILL THEM!_ ” he called out as he slipped into his shoes and closed the door behind him. Yoongi was left standing in the middle of the living room wondering what the hell was going on. He was going to have to ask his boyfriend later when he came back.

As Kihyun ran down the hallway he dialed Hyunwoo’s number. When the other picked up he heard quickened breath too. “Hey, do you need a pick up, Hyunwoo?”

“ _I’m already taking a cab_ ,” Hyunwoo responded apparently trying to calm his breathing down.

“I’m going to freaking kill them!” Kihyun repeated, this time to his ex-boyfriend.

“ _I don’t think you’re the only one with that wish. When I get into the cab I’m texting the others to wait downstairs for us_ ,” Hyunwoo promised him.

“Okay, I’m just getting into my car. See you there,” Kihyun said and hung up, starting his engine.

When Kihyun arrived Hoseok and Hyungwon just ran to the entrance of the building as well. “Hey, guys,” he greeted them. Both nodded and then Hyunwoo appeared next to them.

“Minhyuk and Jooheon?” he asked short of breath.

“They will be here soon.”

“Can you believe this?” Kihyun threw the question to the other three friends and shook his head in disapproval.

“Let’s go!” Minhyuk’s voice came from the side as him and Jooheon turned the corner and as soon as he reached the building he rang the bottom doorbell. “I’ll give them ‘ _you’re all invited_ ’!!! I’ll fucking give them…!”

“ _Hello?_ ” Hanna’s voice sounded through the intercom, there was a laughing lilt in the back of her tone and Kihyun’s insides burned with anger.

“Open up so I can kill you, Kang Hanna,” Kihyun couldn’t curb the raging fire in him.

“ _Good job_ , Kihyun. She’s _definitely_ going to do that now,” Minhyuk punched him in his bicep. Hanna’s and Changkyun’s laugh sounded through the connection and then the door buzzed.

“You were saying?” Kihyun mocked him and followed Hyunwoo through the door. Minhyuk rolled his eyes and the rest walked into the building too.

The silent ride in the elevator was full of irritated huffs from Kihyun and Minhyuk, while Hyungwon and Hoseok just hugged quietly, Jooheon tried to keep Minhyuk grounded and Hyunwoo just stood there watching the floors pass by on the small monitor.

The lift arrived and the group headed towards their friends’ apartment. The door was held ajar by a shoe, which Hyunwoo kicked in and opened the door to enter, but Minhyuk stormed past him, shocking him enough to stay stunned for a couple of seconds.

“You two fucking _pranked_ us?” Minhyuk shouted as soon as he kicked his shoes off and stomped into the living room, Kihyun just one step behind him. “How _dare you_ to do this to us?”

“We actually fought last night. That wasn’t a part of it,” Hanna told him with a calm tone.

“Just this morning,” Changkyun finished for her.

“I don’t believe a _fucking word_ you say,” Minhyuk kept the volume of his voice from before.

“Me _fucking_ neither!” Kihyun crossed his arms over his chest.

“As if!” Hyungwon scoffed fully ignoring the statement of the couple along with Hoseok’s disbelieving stare and raised brows.

Hanna turned to Hyunwoo with the most serious face ever. “I swear on the medal I won when I was 10.”

Hyunwoo laughed and nodded. “Alright, that’s true. They fought for real. It’s a thing we established. I told you about it, remember, Kihyun?”

“Yeah. I do. You two gave me the scare of my life. Are you kidding me?” Kihyun pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I have to give you, it was a good prank,” Hoseok’s face softened and he truly had to give them that one. “You out did even us from 3 years ago.”

“Don’t support them, Hoseok,” Minhyuk turned to him this time with a small whine. Changkyun laughed wholeheartedly at the sight of his friends. “God! I swore I would never again do anything for a bride again… but I guess I have to make one more exception, eh?”

“Weren’t you going to give them hell?” Jooheon accused Minhyuk with a confused yet loving glance.

“How can I when I see that ring!” Minhyuk whined pointing at Hanna’s hand.

“Alright, so we’ve seen all of you in your PJs and in various state of being woken up…” Changkyun said, meaning the sleepy Hyungwon with the last part, “any of you want coffee and/or breakfast?”

“I could eat,” Hyunwoo chuckled at the offer.

“Me too,” Hoseok joined him, sitting down on the couch and pulling Hyungwon onto his lap. “You can sleep now.” Hyungwon nodded and curled up closer to Hoseok.

Kihyun finally calmed down his fast beating heart and turned to Hyunwoo. “Do you want a ride home when we’re done here?”

“Sure. Thanks, Ki,” Hyunwoo smiled at him gratefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The proposal was so HanKyun... thank God they didn't do anything sappy, right? ✊🤍😅 And the prank? What do you guys think - will Hanna and Kyun burn in hell for doing that to their friends? 😂😅 What about the reactions of the friends? Which one was your favorite? 😊🤔
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this chapter. Your opinions and thoughts matter to me A LOT! Like a lot-A LOT. 🤍😊🙏🥰
> 
> Next time: we skip to early May and Kihyun seeks out Hanna to be his companion for his night time drinking but... 😧🤫🤫
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading today's chapter and that you will come back for the next one, in which we dive in into the last leg of this ark! But until then I wish your lots of strength to hang in there every day and stay safe no matter where you are! 🤍🥰🤗 ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	29. Liquid Courage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, hello. 😊 We time skipped a couple of months and I hope you like this one.. 🙊🤭

**~EARLY MAY - 6 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Kihyun POV>

“I wish you didn’t have to go,” Kihyun snuggled closer to Yoongi minutes before his boyfriend would have to leave the bed to get ready to go to the airport. Yoongi had to once again head to the States as the company he worked for acquired some smaller one and transformed into their branch and his boyfriend was one of the leading people, who were supposed help set it up. He would be gone for 3 weeks and Kihyun knew he would miss him.

“I wish so too. I’m going to miss you so much, Ki,” Yoongi held him a little tighter. Kihyun was searching the warm feeling he used to feel in this embrace, but just like a couple of months ago it wasn’t there.

“Me too,” he said and the alarm went off and they both sighed heavily. Yoongi unwrapped his arms from around Kihyun and walked into the bathroom, leaving Kihyun to stare at the ceiling thinking about his feelings. He’s spent countless nights going over and over this matter, hoping to find the solution to his struggles.

He didn’t understand this at all. He loved Yoongi, he always made him laugh, the time they spent together was always filled with great memories, _damn_ … the sex was amazing too. But something… _something_ Kihyun was, as if… missing. He wished he could find out what it was.

Sighing, Kihyun sat up and cradled his head in his hands for a moment. He knew he had to get out of bed on this rainy Tuesday morning. Kihyun strolled into the kitchen and got himself a glass of water, which was followed by a large dosage of caffeine.

Yoongi came out of the bedroom fully dressed and rolling his suitcase. He smiled at Kihyun when he handed him a cup of coffee.

“Make sure to eat something at the airport, okay?” Kihyun reminded Yoongi, knowing well his boyfriend was not going to eat breakfast no matter what. Even years after being in a relationship, he never convinced him to eat breakfast early in the day. He gave up eventually, knowing having peace was easier that fighting about something like breakfast.

“I will,” he kissed his cheek and quickly drank the lukewarm coffee and headed to the door, Kihyun was right behind him. “Ki, I love you.”

“Me too,” he smiled softly and after a short kiss his boyfriend was out of the apartment.

The first couple of days went by quickly thanks to work load and Minhyuk, who was pestering Kihyun about his opinion on a design he was making for a wine company but when Friday came and Kihyun somehow got himself to slow down in the afternoon. He deserved some rest after the long week and when he came home around 6 with his groceries and everything he needed for a weekend in, during which he thought he wouldn’t have to leave the house at all.

Kihyun looked around the apartment, which laid in a quiet atmosphere and mindlessly poured himself a glass of wine before he even began to make dinner. A pang of guilt bit into him and memories of the nights he drank alone since Christmas came to him. There were more and more, even though he promised Hanna he wouldn’t, that he would call her when he felt like drinking. But he never did.

He grabbed his phone and opened the contact list. He hovered his finger over Hanna’s name and considered calling her as he chewed on his lip. This time he didn’t back out and placed the phone on the counter as he listen to the call ring on speaker phone.

The call was picked up on the other side by an unfamiliar voice. “ _Hello, this is phone of Dr. Kang._ ”

“Hi. I’m a friend of Dr. Kang. Is she there?” Kihyun asked politely.

“ _Dr. Kang is putting her surgery gown on right now. If you can hold a moment…_ ” the kind voice trailed off as Kihyun was about to respond ‘of course’. “ _Dr. Kang, you have a call_.”

“ _Hold it for me?_ ” Kihyun heard Hanna’s voice. “ _Hey, Ki. What’s up?_ ”

“Hi. Sorry, I didn’t know you had a surgery, I’ll call later,” Kihyun told her, feeling like backing out.

“ _They brought in an emergency spiral fracture of tibia. I have a couple of minutes before I have to go into the OR. Is everything alright? You sound a little dow…?_ ” her voice was concerned and all-knowing as always and Kihyun weighed his options of lying or telling the truth.

In the end he settled for the latter, knowing that Hanna knew him almost better than anyone and she had some kind of a magical ability of recognizing when he tried to fake his way out. He tisked and then spoke. “I just… I guess I just didn’t want to drink alone. But you have surgery, so it’s okay.”

“ _Oh my God, Ki. I’m so sorry I can’t come_ ,” she apologized and Kihyun could hear the regret and remorse dripping from her voice. “ _But the surgery shouldn’t take longer than 120ish minutes since it’s a couple of screws and stuff, I’ll come right after_.”

“No. It’s fine. Don’t worry, Han. I’ll be fine,” he pushed his best tone forward.

She sucked her teeth. “ _I’m really sorry, Kihyun_.”

“You have an important job. It’s not like you’re on your couch doing nothing. I get it. Go save the fractured bone. And don’t worry about me, hm?”

“ _Uhmm… Ki… don’t get angry with me, okay?_ ”

“About what?” he questioned confused and then the tone of a hung up call sounded through the connection. Kihyun’s brows furrowed but he gave that weird comment to the fact that she had to go do her job in the OR. Finishing his glass, Kihyun turned on the TV and flipped through the channels without an actual interest.

It must have been about 30 minutes later and almost a bottle of wine down when the doorbell rang. Kihyun turned to the hall with a puzzled glance but then decided to stand up from the couch and go find out, who could be at his door on a Friday night.

He opened the door and his eyes almost fell out from the shock. “Hyunwoo? What are you doing here?” The professor has never been in his apartment before, so Kihyun wondered how the hell he even found it.

Hyunwoo smiled sadly. “Hanna called me… said you were drinking alone…”

Kihyun scoffed. _So this was her ‘don’t get angry with me’…_ he thought to himself. “She doesn’t tell other people’s stories, eh?”

“It’s not like that, Ki,” Hyunwoo shook his head, his voice soft, warm and understanding. “She just doesn’t want you to hurt.”

He hung his head before looking back up at Hyunwoo. “Come in?”

“I would love to,” Hyunwoo followed Kihyun inside and the nutritionist noticed the six-pack of beer bottles in Hyunwoo’s hand.

He chuckled and Hyunwoo looked at him quizzically. “Just looking at the beer, that’s all.”

“Ahh, that,” Hyunwoo smirked, “Hanna told me I should get something to drink with you unless I feel like drinking your wine. And honestly, usually I’m not a wine person so…”

“I get that. Not everyone can drink wine the way they drink beer,” Kihyun told him and moved to the living room, where he assumed his position on the floor with his back leaning against the couch. The carpet was soft and warm and Kihyun enjoyed the feeling of having his legs stretched in front of him.

Hyunwoo joined him on the floor, sitting perpendicular to Kihyun so he could see him when they talked and popping the cap of one of his craft beer off. “So what got you to do this?”

“I don’t know. I guess I can deal with stuff this way… or not deal? Whichever you pick out of that,” he chuckled sadly shrugging at not being able to find ‘the answer’. Kihyun felt like he could be honest with Hyunwoo more than he could be with himself.

“Do you have problems with Yoongi?” Hyunwoo asked interested.

“I’ve done this before you and I got together as well, so… Yoongi’s probably not the trigger here,” Kihyun told him truthfully and grabbed his glass to take a big sip.

Hyunwoo nodded his head in acknowledgment and drank from his bottle too.

“What do you want to watch?” Kihyun suddenly turned to Hyunwoo.

“I’m not really feeling like anything. I don’t watch TV that much, you know…” Hyunwoo couldn’t really care for whatever might have been airing on some program. He had an undisturbed view of relaxed Kihyun and that for him was enough for now. The alcohol must have taken his walls down and Hyunwoo couldn’t stop staring. He knew it was dangerous for him to just simply gaze at Kihyun like this but he was willing to risk everything to keep his eyes on Kihyun’s face for a little longer.

“I know. You said so before. I think some good variety might be on tonight. It’s a nice back ground noise,” Kihyun lamented as he flipped through the channels, searching for something without a real aim. The thing was that he felt Hyunwoo’s eyes on him, but he didn’t mind. On the contrary, he loved the fact that Hyunwoo was watching him, looking him up and down fondly. Kihyun felt valued and admired. He adjusted his sitting position so more of his body was visible to Hyunwoo from where he sat.

Couple of hours went by and the two talked on the ground, getting up and sitting down after a run to the bathroom or to the pantry for a packet or two of snacks. They watched some variety neither of them cared for at first but soon found the jokes funny and they laughed a lot as they just simply sat there drinking.

Kihyun didn’t know how but he went through his second bottle and Hyunwoo went to the bathroom. The nutritionist stood up, trying to catch his balance and after regaining it, walked to the kitchen and upon opening the fridge finding out the sad truth that there was only one bottle left. He sucked his teeth and placed two more in, hoping the fridge could get them at least decently cold by the time he would finish the one he just took out.

When he came back to the living room Hyunwoo was opposite the TV (which was right next to his spot) laughing at something the hosts did. For a split second Kihyun contemplated sitting in Hyunwoo’s old spot but the right the next second rejected that idea as irrelevant.

He walked over and with a new bottle sat unsteadily next to Hyunwoo, looking at the TV to find out what got Hyunwoo to laugh so brightly.

“You alright?” Hyunwoo noticed the loss of correct balance in Kihyun and seemed a little worried.

“Just a tad tipsy, that’s all. Nothing more to it,” Kihyun assured him and wanted to pour himself a nice glass from his third bottle but after seeing the wobbliness in Kihyun’s movements, he took the bottle out of Kihyun’s hands and poured the alcohol into Kihyun’s glass himself, not wanting to let his ex-boyfriend spill wine all over him. “Thank you,” he said gratefully when Hyunwoo placed the bottle on the coffee table beside Kihyun, which meant that Hyunwoo had to lean over him and Kihyun got a whiff of Hyunwoo scent. It was a masculine faded cologne but the scent suited the other so much. Kihyun followed Hyunwoo’s movements with his eyes and when Hyunwoo sat back, Kihyun turned back to the TV but he couldn’t really watch it. Not with the thoughts that were currently running in his mind. Not with the warm feeling soaring through his insides, which he had been chasing for the last half a year. And finding it again was so incredibly beautiful.

After staring at the TV blankly for a couple of moments he turned his head to the man beside him. “Hyunwoo?”

“Hm?” He glanced at Kihyun with a questioning look.

Kihyun’s courage was over the roof thanks to the alcohol streaming in his blood, so he didn’t even think… didn’t want to either, about what he did next. He leaned in closer to Hyunwoo in order to kiss him.

Hyunwoo woke up from a trance out of nowhere and pulled away. “Ki… I can’t do that,” he shook his head softly, his voice kind, considerate and understanding.

“What?” Kihyun frown in confusion.

“Ki, you’re drunk. You are in a happy relationship and I am absolutely sure you would regret it in the morning. I don’t want you to feel even worse than I think you already will,” Hyunwoo talked gently and with no force to push him away.

Kihyun scoffed and sat back into his original position. “You know me so well, Son Hyunwoo.”

“Well… I’ve loved only for about 15 years now, so…” Hyunwoo also felt bravened by the alcohol so he couldn’t resist the next honest statement, even if the tone came out a little hurt.

Kihyun’s mind was suddenly attacked by an image of him straddling Hyunwoo on the living room floor and kissing him silly until neither of them remembered either of their names. His insides melted and he felt that burning warmth again, stronger than ever. It felt so good… Kihyun sighed heavily. “I really wanted to kiss you, though…”

Hyunwoo swallowed a little dryly. “Ki, don’t make this hard for me.”

“This?” Kihyun joked and a naughty smirk played on his lips as his eyes traveled down Hyunwoo’s body, slowly checking him out in his tight t-shirt.

Hyunwoo obviously got the joke because he grinned as well. “This _situation_ , Yoo Kihyun.”

They both laugh at the place they’ve gotten to. Kihyun drank again and then bit on his lip before returning his gaze back onto the wall on purpose. “I bet I could get you hard real fast though,” his voice was dark and dreamy, laced with need and lust. He imagined all those ways he could get him and he felt a familiar knot in his stomach.

“I wouldn’t bet against you, you know,” Hyunwoo sighed and his eyes found their own spot on the wall over the TV.

Kihyun couldn’t keep his eyes on the wall, so he decided to direct them back at Hyunwoo. He looked him up and down, chewing on his bottom lip as all those things he would do with him passed through his mind. The ways he would make him feel good and beg him to just get him off. All those positions they could be in if those strong arms supported them. Those beautiful moans that Hyunwoo made, which would still occasionally appear in Kihyun’s dreams and he would always wake up at least half-hard in the morning. Kihyun wanted Hyunwoo to touch every single spot on his body because the man really knew how to touch them to drive Kihyun mad from lust and desire.

“Please don’t stare at me like that,” Hyunwoo warned him with no power to support it, “because I might just let you do all of that what’s going on in your mind right now.”

“I’ll keep staring then,” Kihyun was determined, his mind clouded by lust and any kind of feeling of guilt or conscience lulled to sleep by the warmth spreading from his heart. His courage was supported by alcohol and months of no-end search and chase for something he felt right now in this very moment.

Hyunwoo turned to him, his eyes gazing right into Kihyun’s chocolate brown ones. “Please don’t make this so difficult for me, Ki…” he whispered but contrary to his words, he still leaned in a little closer, his eyes jumping from Kihyun’s own to his lips.

Kihyun breathed in and whispered. “It’s not that difficult, really.”

“Kihyun… we shouldn’t.” And yet he didn’t pull away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And he didn't pull away... (and I cut it of at a cliffhanger... 😅 am I sorry?... ehhh, not really) What do you think of Kihyun's company when Hanna couldn't come because of a surgery? Did she make a good decision to call Hyunwoo? Was it the right choice for Kihyun to not send him away? What's going to happen in the next chapter - any predictions? 🤔
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this chapter. I love reading your comments and having a chance to interact with you! 🥰🤍
> 
> Next time: okay no... today I'm not giving a 'next time'. Sorry. 😉🥺
> 
> I hope you liked today's chapter and even though I gave no hint of the next one, you will still come back to find out what happens! Until then I wish you all the best and take care! 🤍🥰🤗🤍ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	30. Following Your Heart Is Not Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Chapter 30 has arrived and if you have noticed I have finalized the number of chapters. We are coming to an end... but what end will it be? 🤔  
> I hope you enjoy today's chapter 🤗

<Hyunwoo POV>

“Kihyun… we shouldn’t,” Hyunwoo said, protesting against himself more than against Kihyun. It was one or the most difficult things he’s ever said in his life, but the right things in life were never the easy ones, right? He wanted Kihyun back more than he’s wanted anything in his life so far. Even when he’d loved him before they got together, even then, he didn’t want him as much as now. Back then he didn’t know what it was to have him, so there were only things he could wonder about, dream about, think about, but his present self knew what it meant being with Kihyun, being allowed to love him openly and exactly because of that knowledge he wanted him back even more than before.

“You’re right,” Kihyun whispered with a small sad voice. “We shouldn’t. It’s wrong.” Kihyun’s voice at the last word sounded like a direct stab to Hyunwoo’s heart due to the emotion lacing it - pain. He was hurt that Hyunwoo rejected him when it was anything but reject.

It made Hyunwoo juuuust a tiny bit angry because the last thing he wished to show to his ex-boyfriend was that. So he made a quick decision to give the broken-hearted Kihyun a little pep talk. “Okay, Yoo Kihyun, listen to me now. Your feelings aren’t wrong. They are the result of your heart and _I,_ better than anyone, can say that you have a good heart. A golden heart that genuinely loves people. You are the best…” Hyunwoo took a short moment to find the right words and to not sound like an idiot, “good person I’ve ever met, Ki. I’ve got no idea how I, the person who made you hurt so much, deserved to be your friend again. Hell… how have I even deserved you sparing me a glance after what I’ve done to you… I don’t know.”

Kihyun’s face was full of comprehension and his eyes sparkled, making Hyunwoo wonder whether it was from the alcohol or from the words that Hyunwoo have said. Everything he had said, every single word he had spoken was true and honest. He couldn’t straight out tell Kihyun about the feelings in his heart, however what he could do was push Kihyun up from the dark deep pit he had fallen into. He would always be there for Kihyun even if he was never allowed to tell him the three words he loved hearing from him ever again.

“But I know something I’ve learned in my almost 7 years of solitude,” Hyunwoo continued. “Do you want to know what it is?”

“Yes,” Kihyun replied whispering unbravely. He seemed he was hungry for Hyunwoo’s discovery, for something the professor could teach him and that was all Hyunwoo needed to get that one foot in the door of Kihyun’s heart again. He knew very well that taking this path would be risky, that walking down such a rocky road might end up in one of them (or both) hurting again, but just like he didn’t let his swimming career opportunity slip through his fingers he wouldn’t let this one with Kihyun either.

Hyunwoo took Kihyun’s face gently into his hands and stroked his cheeks with his thumbs caringly, lovingly, while staring intently into his dark chocolate brown eyes. “Following your heart is never wrong. It may be painful, it may be difficult but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong, okay? However, I don’t want you to do something you might regret once you’re sober, okay? I would do anything to be the person, who holds you again as you fall asleep, but I don’t want you to make such a decision when you’re drunk, okay?”

Kihyun nodded, Hyunwoo’s hands never left his face as Kihyun faintly whispered his answer: “Okay.”

Only then Hyunwoo released him and pulled away. “Do you want me to stay or should I go?”

Kihyun just shook his head.

“Well… to be honest, shaking your head is not going to help if I don’t know which one you’re shaking your head to,” Hyunwoo chuckled at Kihyun’s reaction.

A small smile appeared on Kihyun’s lips when heard Hyunwoo’s words and as he realized the answer he gave. He felt a tiny bit better after hearing those caring words from his ex-boyfriend. “Can you call Hanna and ask if she could come and then stay until she comes?”

“Of course,” Hyunwoo replied to the request. He stood up from the floor after patting Kihyun’s shoulder reassuringly and went to get his phone from the kitchen counter. As he reached for his phone the door bell rang and suddenly an awoken Kihyun passed around him and walked to the door.

“Hey,” Hyunwoo heard Hanna’s voice at the door. For a second, a thought flashed through his mind that he was grateful that she came at this point and not a couple of minutes ago when Hyunwoo and Kihyun were about to kiss. He thanked God for being able to have that moment with Kihyun.

Hanna then walked into the living room. “Hey, Han,” Hyunwoo greeted her and she turned to him with a smile.

“Hi. Thanks for saving me with this one,” she grinned as she wrapped her arms around Kihyun’s shoulders, which looked pretty funny as she was good 20cm shorter that Kihyun.

“You say it as if I was a petulant child, who needed to be taken care of,” Kihyun whined and tried to escape Hanna’s hold.

“Your brain might not need it, but your liver needs my supervision. As a doctor, I’m saying you shouldn’t get together with Minhyuk or people alike Minhyuk for a while. This is your way to cirrhosis, you know,” she mocked him and that got Kihyun smiling brightly.

“You know that we don’t have another friend like Minhyuk, right?” he reminded her.

“Oh thank God!” Hyunwoo exclaimed. “I don’t think anybody would be able to handle two of him.” The three laughed together and then Hyunwoo sighed happily. “Well then, I’ll go.”

“Bye. Thanks for staying with me, Hyunwoo,” Kihyun thanked him genuinely.

“No problem. See you,” Hyunwoo said and after putting on his shoes, he let the apartment with a good feeling left in his heart on one side and on the other a bad one, because since a year and half ago when he first met Yoongi, the guy became his friend as well. Not as close as any of the gang, but still someone he could call a friend.

Hyunwoo didn’t want to make Kihyun hurt again and he didn’t have anything against his current boyfriend but there was no way he was not going to fight using what he could while at the same time not being aggressive or too intrusive into Kihyun’s life. He wanted to give him time and space to think about it.

**~END OF MAY - 6 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Kihyun POV>

Kihyun went to the airport in the morning to pick up his boyfriend, whom he was looking forward to seeing again after 3 weeks. These last 2 were a hell for Kihyun… again. He was avoiding Hyunwoo once again and Hyunwoo (according to a message he sent the morning after the ‘almost kiss’) was giving him space because he ‘knew that was what Kihyun needed’. Well… _wrong!!!!!!_

What Kihyun wanted was that warm feeling he had been chasing for a while now. The same one, he’d felt 10 years ago, whenever he was with Hyunwoo. It was there that night, when he was sitting on the floor next to him, almost kissing him. He wanted to have that burning fire light up his insides once again just like at that fateful Halloween party 10 years ago.

He wanted all of that and more.

However, at the same time, he was seriously looking forward to seeing Yoongi again. Kihyun missed him crazy, when he was alone in his apartment and him missing his boyfriend had nothing to do with Hyunwoo, by the way - it was a completely different feeling.

Kihyun loved Yoongi, the man made him happy every day. And every single time his phone lit up with a notification from his boyfriend a small light bulb of happiness came alive inside Kihyun as well. Every day Yoongi would send him pictures and lovely messages from the States and Kihyun loved each and every one of them.

So why? Oh, why did Kihyun feel like he was betraying the man he loved…?

Parking the car in the garages at the airport was not as easy as one would expect. Well, at least Kihyun didn’t expect there would be so many people at the arrivals hall. Nonetheless, he managed to snatch a good spot and after checking his watch he headed to the international arrivals hall, knowing he still had time to stop by a café and buy him and Yoongi some coffee before his boyfriend would come through the door and hopefully hug Kihyun out of his living body.

The moment the door opened and a large group of people exited into the hall, where even more people patiently waited for their designated people to arrive was one of the most chaotic ones Kihyun had been in recently. He thought he would be able to spot Yoongi clearly but that wasn’t the case. Only after finding out that Yoongi wasn’t in the first group of travelers in the first place, Kihyun let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

In the next 10 minutes, every time the self-opening door opened to let passengers of international flights out to the arrivals hall Kihyun’s eyes searched for Yoongi’s face impatiently, but to no avail. Another 5 minutes passed during which Kihyun eagerly awaited Yoongi’s return home. Then in the moment when Kihyun’s heart almost gave up on the endless wait he came out.

A bright smile spread on Kihyun’s face without asking for permission and he called out: “Yoongi!”

The man turned in the direction, from which his name was called out, his eyes skipping over people until they settled on a shorter man, who excitedly waved his hands at him. His lips stretched into a smile that mirrored the one of his boyfriend. He hurriedly pushed through the crowd to meet Kihyun. As soon as he reached him he took him into his arms without hesitation and squeezed him tightly. “I missed you so much, Ki.”

“I missed your more. My heart was going to get torn out if you were gone for one more day,” Kihyun hugged him back with as much force as he was given.

“I’m so happy to be back,” Yoongi spoke into Kihyun’s neck, his lips brushed over the skin there and Kihyun shivered slightly.

 _How could I ever think that I might not love him anymore…?_ And yet… still… he didn’t feel that warmth in his gut that was so perfectly drawn out when he was sitting next to Hyunwoo…

“I’m happy to have you back,” Kihyun pulled away, his smile never disappeared from his face. “Coffee?”

“Without a doubt,” Yoongi agreed with a groan and took a cup of lukewarm coffee from the holder Kihyun had set by their feet when Yoongi was about to hug him. “I thought I was going to fall asleep standing at immigration control.”

“Immigration control? Why would they check you when you were returning to you home country?” Kihyun wondered with confusion as the couple walked through the crowds towards the parking garages.

“I read news that some people, who were denied visa due to being banned from re-entry for some reason, tried to enter the country with a fake passport. So they now check everything even more thoroughly,” Yoongi explained. “I honestly thought our security was better than that, but maybe I was wrong.”

“Maybe something went wrong in the system or something. What do I know, I’m a nutritionist,” Kihyun chuckled, closing this topic. “When we get home, do you want to sleep or eat something?”

“How about I nap in the car, then we get into bed,” Yoongi wiggled his brows, showing a suggestive smirk, “then we take a nap together and then we eat?”

“Why do I feel like I didn’t expect this?” Kihyun asked more himself than Yoongi.

“Tell me… why?” Yoongi laughed and the two finally reached the car.

“Shut up,” Kihyun joined him, letting a happy laughter out.

Their drive back home was filled with each other talking about mundane stuff, going over the days they spent apart and information they didn’t text each other or share during a call. There wasn’t a whole lot, unless Kihyun wanted to tell Yoongi about his evening with Hyunwoo. And strangely, even though Kihyun was used to telling everything to Yoongi, this wasn’t a thing he was going to just let out as a casual piece of his day.

The two woke up from their nap in the evening, but Yoongi seemed he still hasn’t gotten over his jet lag, so after having a simple dinner together and watching a couple episodes of a TV show Yoongi missed and Kihyun promised he would wait for him to watch together, Kihyun’s boyfriend passed out on the couch, holding Kihyun’s hand.

Once Kihyun was sure he was sleeping soundly, he pulled his hand out of the gentle grasp and got up from the couch. He stretched his back and limbs and then bent to the coffee table to pick up the remainder of their snacks and dirty dishes. Kihyun’s habit to clean up right away kicked in and he knew that Yoongi wouldn’t be missing him if he was sleeping so happily.

There was no way Kihyun would fall back to dreamland after their 4 hour power nap that followed an amazing ‘baby, I’m finally home’ sex. And yet, Kihyun was walking around the apartment tidying up things that weren’t out of place and cleaning spaces that didn’t need to be wiped down or dusted. His mind was restless because something inside had been yelling at him: _TRAITOR!_

One thing Kihyun would love to know was: who was he betraying?

Kihyun didn’t understand himself, so he wanted to use the time he had now on his hands to think about what was going on in his private life and how to approach a potentially coming disaster.

Unaware of his robotic movements, Kihyun made the apartment look spotless again and then came back to the couch to sit next to Yoongi. He reached for his phone placed on the coffee table and unlocked the screen. His wallpaper screamed ‘happy times’ at him displaying a memory from a day 2 years ago, when he and Yoongi went to Shirakawago in Japan during the prettiest winter season to stay in a traditional Japanese house as a small early December get-away. The two were so madly in love in that picture that for the present Kihyun it felt as if they were a completely different couple than the one on the couch right now. He loved the special short trips with Yoongi, just like he loved the mundane things with him.

However, when he thought back to all the trips now the only thing he felt was the warmth of the memories, the fondness of the times they had together. He felt none of that homey warmth that he was so used to having always present during his times with Yoongi. It was simply gone.

Kihyun was confused beyond. His heart and brain went in two completely different directions, tearing him apart.

He turned to the sleeping man and sighed heavily. Then he directed his attention back to his phone and opened up the messaging app. Searching quickly for Hyunwoo’s contact, he typed a message instantly: _I miss you…_ Then he stared at the 3 words, considering whether or not to text him that. They haven’t talked since the morning after the night he drank with him on the living room floor. Kihyun hasn’t told anyone about what has gone down between them and neither has Hyunwoo.

His finger hovered over the send button, but in the end Kihyun deleted the words and stared at the blank space where a messaged ought to be written. He clicked his tongue an re-typed a different one.

~ **Private chat** between users _hyunwoo_ and _kihyun_ ~

 **[kihyun]** : hey

He didn’t expect to get an answer anytime soon, so instead of waiting and staring at the screen Kihyun decided to head on over to instagram and reply to some of the comments on his posts. His social media was widely known and supported, even internationally. Kihyun was always excited to see people from all over the world following his account and always felt a sense of accomplishment when he received a nice comment from someone on the other side of the world.

Couple of minutes went by that Kihyun spent checking up on ‘his’ celebrities like he did almost every day and liking some posts on travelling accounts and foodies he followed. Then a notification rang and the floating window showed a reply from Hyunwoo.

~ **Private chat** between users _hyunwoo_ and _kihyun_ ~

 **[hyunwoo]** : hi. everything alright?

_I miss you, Hyunwoo…_

~ **Private chat** between users _hyunwoo_ and _kihyun_ ~

 **[kihyun]** : just…

 **[kihyun]** : idk anymore

 **[hyunwoo]** : u forgot again?

_How could I?_ Kihyun asked his ex-boyfriend silently. _How could I have let myself forget what you have always meant to me?_

~ **Private chat** between users _hyunwoo_ and _kihyun_ ~

 **[kihyun]** : yeah

 **[kihyun]** : sorry ^^’

 **[hyunwoo]** : do u need to start taking some ginko?

 **[hyunwoo]** : ur memory is not what is used to be yoo kihyun XD

 **[hyunwoo]** : lol, i expected it to come at a later age tbh

 **[kihyun]** : idiot XD

 **[kihyun]** : why am I even talking to u…

 **[kihyun]** : i should’ve texted Minhyuk

Kihyun threw the phone next to him onto the couch, ignoring the next text that came from Hyunwoo. He groaned in frustration quietly. Why, oh why, did he listen to that stupid piece of his brain and texted Hyunwoo in the first place? Leaning his head back against the back rest of the sofa, Kihyun stared at the ceiling and milling over some important turns of his life that shaped him into who he was today.

There were some that stood out to him. The two that were more than just special, were the days when he met Minhyuk in the first day of elementary school and the second was the first day of high school when he met Hanna. With Hanna’s friendship came Hyunwoo’s presence in his life. As four, they went through life until university when the gang became the most important people in his life. They jumped over struggles and life threatening shit together and even Kihyun’s dream of dating Hyunwoo became true, only to be broken, shattered into pieces so that Hyunwoo’s dream can come true. The times around Kihyun’s graduation from university were still filled with bitter feelings, but they didn’t hurt anymore. What he felt was sadness from being kept out of an important part in the life of his loved one. After that, the last two important events happened in his life - he met Yoongi and finally got over Hyunwoo.

Only now, Kihyun doubted the truthfulness of the last statement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a lot of feeling and a lot of thinking in this chapter? What do you think about Hyunwoo's will to fight for Kihyun, even though not openly? 🤔 Kihyun's mind is working at the speed of light and it almost feels like it will never slow down, right? 🥺 He was so happy that Yoongi came back but at the same time, his mind kept wandering off to Hyunwoo when his boyfriend fell asleep? How is Kihyun going to approach this situation? 😧
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of this chapter. I love reading your comments and they always encourage me to keep on going! 🤍🤍🤍🥰🤗
> 
> Next time: today I'm also skipping the teaser for the next chapter - sorry! I realize that I have always given some hint, but I think it would be better to not do so for the next chapter. Nevertheless, I hope you come back to read it as well. 🥰🤍🥰🤗
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading today's chapter and until the next one, please take care and stay safe! 🥰 ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	31. But I'm Happy with You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! 🤗 Just a reminder for you guys, I know I'm writing here '6 years after uni' but please take a not of the month as well - it is almost 7 years since the ShowKi break up, so if the '7 years' comes from the characters, it's because it's almost, almost 7 years. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy today's chapter 🤍

**~EARLY JUNE, 6 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Hyunwoo POV>

“Hey, Min,” Hyunwoo greeted one of his best friend when the other picked up the call. It’s been a little over 3 weeks since Hyunwoo talked to Kihyun and it pained him. Yes, they had that short texting session, but instead of telling Kihyun he wanted to see him, that he missed him crazy, even if they just sat at Maddrip silently, he joked to cover everything up. He knew he fucked up that night when he drank with Kihyun but he didn’t know what else to do.

“ _What’s up! What can I do for you? You rarely call just to check up on me. Check up on Hanna - yes. Check up on Minhyuk - hell no! Am I right?”_ Minhyuk bit out sarcastically over the phone, making Hyunwoo chuckle. This friend of his always talked a lot and Hyunwoo (or anyone else, not even Jooheon) would admit out loud that they liked it, because quiet Minhyuk meant sad Minhyuk. And no one wanted to see that. However not a single member of the gang wanted to boost Minhyuk’s ego by telling him they actually enjoyed his constant talking.

“You have Jooheon. I don’t need to check up on you, Min,” Hyunwoo said with a smile on his lips.

“ _And Hanna has Changkyun and yet… no one gives a fuck about me_ ,” Minhyuk complained and Hyunwoo imagined the pout settling on his lips.

“ _Heeeey! I do_ ,” Jooheon’s voice sounded through the call connection a little offended. Hyunwoo tittered as he walked down the street on a warm Friday afternoon from work.

“ _I know you do, honeybee. But I need to give him a piece of my mind_ ,” Minhyuk replied with a sense of urgency to his boyfriend muffling the sound coming through to Hyunwoo. He probably covered the phone with his hand. “ _So what do you need?_ ”

“Give me a piece of my mind, eh?” Hyunwoo sucked his teeth mockingly.

“ _Whatever, Son Hyunwoo. I don’t owe you anything. I don’t have to do anything for you if you’re going to be a little shit_ ,” Minhyuk came back to his old self and Hyunwoo imagined him shrugging one of his shoulders nonchalantly, knowing this approach will make Hyunwoo more pliant.

The thing was that he was absolutely right and Hyunwoo hated it. This behavior from Minhyuk always made him want to do whatever the artist wanted. “I was kidding. Jesus, I thought you finally grew up, Minhyuk.”

“ _Me? Grow up? Never. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life_ ,” Minhyuk laughed shortly.

“ _Maybe you should consider it_ ,” Jooheon’s voice sounded once more and this time Hyunwoo couldn’t stop the burst of laughter coming out.

“ _Not gonna happen. If you keep on interrupting, the thing I promised to you for tonight is not gonna happen either_ ,” Minhyuk turned his attention back to his boyfriend with threat lacing his tone. Hyunwoo bit his lip, writing down a mental memo to bring this out in the group chat sometime soon.

“Okay, Min. I promise to stop teasing you,” Hyunwoo claimed with a mocking lilt as he heard Jooheon promise the same. Except, Hyunwoo wasn’t entirely honest about his statement.

“ _I can see right through you, Son Hyunwoo. I’ll give you what you need and then you go right back to teasing me. However, I, unlike Kihyun, don’t mind admitting that it’s my own fault for having you as my friend, so…_ ” Minhyuk joked light-heartedly. And that was the special thing about having Minhyuk as a friend. He was always high spirited and liked joking around as much as making love to Jooheon. “ _What can I do for you, my dear friend?_ ”

“Have you spoken to Kihyun lately?” Hyunwoo got a little more serious even though he didn’t really want to at the beginning.

“ _In the morning, why?_ ”

“Did he seem a little strange to you?” Hyunwoo scratched the back of his head lost in thought.

“ _No. Should he?_ ”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me, but we haven’t spoken much lately and couple days ago he texted me and I don’t know… I guess I was just weirded out a little maybe.” Hyunwoo knew well, very well even, why they haven’t talked much in the last couple of weeks, but he was not going to admit that to Minhyuk just like that.

“ _He sounded completely fine to me_ ,” Minhyuk claimed. “ _You see, Hyunwoo, it might be you that he doesn’t want to talk to. It wouldn’t be the first time now, would it?_ ”

“Honestly, Min…. _ouch_. Right in the gut. Thanks,” Hyunwoo told him truthfully, because Minhyuk’s words really hurt him.

“ _Look, even though you’re one of my bestest friends and longest too, it doesn’t mean that I’m ever going to forget you breaking Kihyun like that. Sorry_ ,” Minhyuk was sincere to the point when no one could argue with him. Kihyun was his oldest friend and no matter how much they teased each other, argued and swore at one another, they stuck together like a fly on honey. For Minhyuk, Kihyun was before Hyunwoo. And Hyunwoo knew this fact, perhaps he just didn’t need to be reminded once again for hurting the love of his life.

Hyunwoo was silent, he really couldn’t utter another word. Minhyuk’s words stung because they were true. Oh, how bad he wanted to turn back time and tell Kihyun about going to London… how much he wanted to fix his mistakes. However then he remembered one conversation he’s had with Hanna when he was in London. He was crying big alligator tears, regretting the fact he never told Kihyun earlier; but she countered saying that they would have broken up anyway in her opinion. That no matter how much they loved each other, a long distance relationship could never work when neither of the two knew when the other would come. Kihyun was building his career - he couldn’t leave multiple times a year to see Hyunwoo in London; it would keep the diligent and meticulous Kihyun off-track on his way to his goals. Hyunwoo wouldn’t be able to come home often, probably not even for Christmas or New Years and also he wouldn’t be able to give Kihyun all of his attention even if he came to see him to UK. So there was truly no hope even if he came to see him to UK.

“ _Why are you silent? Are you okay?_ ” Minhyuk sounded concerned.

“Uhm,” Hyunwoo choked out, his throat closed from the sudden wave of sad memories, “yeah, I’m fine… as I was saying, I’m just wondering if he’s okay.”

“ _Well, if that’s all you needed I’m going to kick Jooheon’s ass in the renewed version of Crash Team Racing_ ,” and his voice was back to his normal cheery tone that Minhyuk was known for.

“ _You wish!_ ” Jooheon shouted laughing at the ridiculousness of his boyfriend because in reality there was no way Minhyuk was going to beat anyone at anything when it came to Play Station games.

Hyunwoo hung up with saying ‘bye’, he knew Minhyuk wasn’t listening to him anymore and his mind soared high up in the sky and swam deep in the ocean of the messy currents of his thoughts. He was drowning in fear of losing Kihyun again and at the same time the part of his brain that loved to shoot merciless words at Hyunwoo kept telling him: ‘ _Well, that’s what you get for playing with fire.’_

Somewhere deep down, he knew that part was right. He shouldn’t have said anything to Kihyun. He should have kept his big mouth shut and not let it water over the possibility that his lips might touch Kihyun’s again sometimes in this life time. He dreamed of things he knew he couldn’t achieve, but wasn’t that why they were called dreams in the first place?

Walking down the street towards his lonely home felt nothing like it used to feel after a long week at work. Hyunwoo felt wrung out emotionally and already could imagine the difficult night he was going to have, unless he got something to soothe the pain down.

There was no denial he was the source of his own pain. Why did he like to make himself suffer so much?

<Kihyun POV>

Evenings that Kihyun gave himself ‘rest time’ weren’t common and that was why they were special for him and Yoongi.

“Do you want to go for a walk after dinner? The wind from earlier has died down and I feel like going for a stroll around the river maybe?” Kihyun asked Yoongi as the two moved around the kitchen preparing their meal.

“Hmm, sure,” Yoongi smiled and brushed Kihyun’s hand with his fingers. The feather light touch made Kihyun’s skin jump to life. “You’ve been quiet these last couple of days. Our walks always make both of us talk. Is there anything you want to talk about, Ki?”

Kihyun sighed and hung his head, biting his lip. “Yeah,” he breathed out in a small voice, “there is, but honestly… I wanna eat something first.”

“Of course,” Yoongi nodded and pecked Kihyun’s cheek lovingly.

The subway ride to the river was filled with casual conversation between Kihyun and Yoongi, discussing the news or things that happened to either Kihyun’s group of friends of Yoongi’s. Kihyun knew all of them well but just like Yoongi wasn’t the core part of his gang, Kihyun wasn’t one of the roots of Yoongi’s group.

They have reached the newly renovated recreation park and instead of walking around, Kihyun picked a spot where he could lean against the protective railing at the river bang and stare out at the lights of other side.

Yoongi watched him with growing concern in his eyes, this side of Kihyun was completely new to him and the deep feeling in Kihyun’s eyes that Yoongi didn’t understand left him uneasy. “You’ve been awfully quiet ever since I came back from the States. Your mood is strangely bad, Ki. I’m worried about you. Is something wrong?” Yoongi opened the difficult topic with care.

Kihyun sighed heavily and shook his head in denial, but he didn’t spare Yoongi a single glance, he just kept on staring at the other side of the flowing water lost in thought.

Yoongi’s shoulders slumped slightly and he knew now for sure there was something very serious bothering Kihyun because he wasn’t the type of a person to stifle something inside, but in the end Yoongi said nothing and just continued to stand there next to Kihyun at the edge of the river.

“I think I need a break,” Kihyun said in small voice, kind of as if not absolutely sure about his statement and yet, his boyfriend could hear the determination behind those words.

“A break?” Yoongi asked interested in the matter, thinking to himself that what had been troubling Kihyun must have been work. “Hmmm, I can get off from work. I’ve been going back and forth between here and the US fairly often now, so they’re going to give me extra holidays if I ask for them. Where do you want to go?”

“I need a break alone, actually,” Kihyun add, still not turning his body to his worried boyfriend.

Yoongi’s stomach fell to his feet and his mouth dried out. “Oh… okay,” his voice shook as he spoke, “but why? If I can ask… have I done something?”

Suddenly a tear fell down Kihyun’s cheek, glistening in the night lights of the city, followed by another as he silently cried, staring out at the current of the river. “It’s not what you’ve done. It’s what I’ve done, Yoongi.” The words, to Yoongi’s absolute confusion, were filled with regret and pain, while Kihyun seemed to become smaller and smaller.

“What have you done?” Yoongi questioned with a caring and loving tone.

Kihyun hung his head and the tears continued to fall, wetting his cheeks with liquid feelings as he whispered just loud enough for Yoongi to hear: “I fell out of love…” there was a moment of silence when more tears spilled out of Kihyun’s eyes as he finally turned to Yoongi and looked him in the eyes. “I fell out of love with one of the most amazing people I have met my entire life.”

Kihyun knew that Yoongi was never worried for their relationship, he was never given a chance to be; that was the truth. The two loved each other very deeply and everyone around could see it. The couple treated each other 3 years into their relationship as if they proclaimed their love to each other just yesterday. Many were envious of what they had…

The initial confusion that had been settled on Yoongi’s face now changed to realization slowly and his own tears began to decorate the skin of his cheeks. He reached out for Kihyun’s hand and held it in his own as his heart ached and screamed in pain for the man he loved. He knew what was coming and maybe, but just maybe he could soften the fall for both of them.

“When we first met, I fell in love with you over time. As I got to know you better and better I loved you more and more. And every time I looked at you, held your hand or hugged you there was this warm feeling in my heart that I knew was love. It wasn’t the burning fire of lust and desire, no. It was the calm warmth of the family fireplace. I was happy with you every single day. Even when we fought, I knew we did so to get better together. But some time ago the warmth faded away. Every day I searched for it high and low, tried to find it in all of the mundane things it was in before. I looked for it in the extraordinary ones, too. But I couldn’t find it anywhere. It was just gone… I hoped it would return if I just tried harder, but it never did. And then I realized that it never would either, because it was not with you anymore. It was someone else that I’ve felt it with,” Kihyun stared into Yoongi’s loving eyes intently, speaking from the bottom of his heart, finding the courage to say the painful but truthful words.

“Hyunwoo?” Yoongi asked after listening to Kihyun’s words.

Kihyun nodded solemnly and started to cry loudly. His heart broke from the heaviness of his own feelings. “I can’t believe that I fell for the same person, who has hurt me so much in the past.”

“I think you never stopped loving him, Ki. Even when you told yourself you did. Remember the night you came home after seeing him for the first time since he left? You were so heartbroken,” Yoongi reminded him softly. He now understood what was going on with Kihyun, understood his heart and what he must have been going through lately. Feelings like these were very difficult to deal with in the first place and considering this was Kihyun, he must have been over-thinking things _so much_. He must have been torturing himself over this for weeks and only now Yoongi has at last found the reason for Kihyun’s bad moods and quiet thinking times in his office.

“That’s because they didn’t-“

“No. That’s what your rational brain thinks. Your heart claims something different,” Yoongi corrected Kihyun’s view of the matter. Kihyun’s eyes sparkled with more tears and Yoongi’s heart ached even more. “Ki, I’d fight for you and your happiness until the end of my days. But fighting for you and fighting for your happiness in this moment are two very different things. I love you so much, Ki and the only thing I want for you is to be happy. And if you being happy is not with me… then… I cannot stand in your heart’s way.”

A heavy sob ripped through Kihyun when he listened to Yoongi’s voice.

Yoongi took him into his embrace and tried his best to take the strength of the sobs onto himself as he held him tightly to his chest, giving him the shelter and haven his was subconsciously looking for. When Yoongi spoke, he made sure that Kihyun could hear the love in his tone as the first thing. “You are the love of my life and I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty, okay? I just want you to be happy.” Even though Yoongi tried hard to keep it down a small sob escaped his lips as well. “If you ever need a place to come back to, you’ll always have one here… in my arms.”

Kihyun’s body now continuously tremored with waves of sobs and he really couldn’t stop the flow of his tears. _Why can’t it be you? Why can’t I love_ you _this much? Why do you have to be so good? Please, God… let this man find everything he’s looking for and please let him have all the happiness in the world; he deserves it more than anyone I know. I wish my heart would beat for him…_

Yoongi’s throat closed a little as more tears streamed out. “I only want to see you happy,” he repeated.

“I’m happy with you,” Kihyun argued.

“But you can be much happier with someone else and I don’t want that guilt washing over me every day,” Yoongi told him in effort to convince him to stop fighting it.

Out of nowhere, all of a sudden, hitting Kihyun like a freight train; he remembered saying something very similar to Hyunwoo 7 years ago as he let him go. He let him go because he loved him and didn’t want him to feel like his biggest dream couldn’t come true because Kihyun ‘tied him down’. And now… Yoongi was saying the same thing and finally Kihyun realized and comprehended how the other was feeling. He’s been there, in that painful position before.

Kihyun looked at Yoongi and saw the glimmer of love in his eyes and he could do nothing else than to hug him even tighter.

While unknowing people passed them on their evening recreation, the two just stood there at the river bank in each other’s embrace, crying both their hearts out for a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admit it - isn't Yoongi one of the purest and most angelic characters you've ever read about? His love for Kihyun is just so... pure. 🥺🤍 What do you think of their beautiful (yet painful) talk at the river? 🥺😧💔 Kihyun had to gather a lot of courage to finally talk about it with Yoongi... 😔 But Hyunwoo's regrets about that evening are also pretty raw, aren't they? He, too, wanted to tell Kihyun that he missed him that night when Kihyun texted. I swear these two are complete mess... 😢😔
> 
> What are your thoughts on this chapter? Please share your opinions, predictions, speculations (anything, really) in the comments. I love reading them and they really help me stay motivated! 🤍🤗🥰🥰
> 
> Next time: Kihyun comes up with a great idea (actually more than one in the next chapter), even though when you look at it, you can't really tell if that's a sarcatic statement of not. 🤫🤫
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed reading today's chapter and that you're staying safe and healthy. Until we meet at the next one, take care! 🥰🤗🤍ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	32. Who Says I Can't Be Single?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi... I think the chapter name says is all... 🤫
> 
> I hope you like the chapter. 🤍

<Kihyun POV>

The morning after their talk at the river was so weirdly normal, but then again it all rooted in how they returned from the river the previous night as well.

Kihyun and Yoongi stood at the river watching the water flow for a long time after their never-ending embrace and crying finally came to an end and they had to break apart when the tears dried from their cheeks but more were falling. The two, now broken-up, walked side by side as they always have done before towards the subway station, except they didn’t hold hands; they talked about random things or showed each other funny videos they found online - completely normal for them… as if nothing has changed.

When they arrived home, the classic night time routine went on the same way it did on normal days. The only exception was the short exchange when Yoongi mentioned moving out of Kihyun’s place.

“I’ll talk to Jungkook or Namjoon about staying at their place until I find something of my own again,” he said while they brushed their teeth next to each other in the spacious bathroom.

Kihyun spit the toothpaste into the basin and gave Yoongi an irritated look. “No. Stay here until you find something. What are you going to move five times before settling for a nice place? Do you even know how long it might take for you to find some place that you actually like and speaks to you?” When Yoongi shook his head after the light scolding in response to the last question, Kihyun continued waving his toothbrush at him while talking. “There you go! So, stop with this bullshit and live here at peace until you come across an apartment or a house, that’s really up to you, which will get you like ‘oh my God, this is it…’ - just like me with this place.”

“Alright,” Yoongi agreed and rinsed his mouth and the matter wasn’t opened again. With Kihyun everything was so easy. And that was probably one of the things Yoongi loved about him so much. Kihyun was a rational good guy, who wouldn’t hurt a fly and yet could have a cutthroat tongue if someone pissed him off. He cared about his friends and family so much that he would give up everything for them. Everything.

The two went to bed together; both sleeping on their respective side of the bed, no longer cuddling and Kihyun would be a liar if he said he didn’t miss it. However, he stayed on his side of the big bed and woke up in the same position he nestled into himself before falling asleep.

When the morning came, Kihyun woke up first and went about his typical routine of brushing his teeth, doing his skincare and pouring himself a very nice tall glass of his famous cold brew that kept most of the gang members alive during uni years. Even now, he would sometimes stop by the hospital where Hanna worked or Hyungwon’s studio just to make a surprise delivery of a cup of black gold, simply to make their day juuuuuust a tiny bit better, even if it had been great all along.

Yoongi woke up not too long after Kihyun has settled himself at the bar, drinking his coffee and thinking about how his life could take such turns.

“Good morning, Ki,” he greeted him with a sleepy smile and a head full of bed hair. It was cute and definitely one of the things that made Kihyun fall in love with him all those years ago.

“G’morning,” Kihyun replied without the same positivity as Yoongi.

“Coffee?”

“In the fridge as always,” Kihyun sipped from his glass, making pleased hums as the sweet-bitter taste of the perfect cold brew hit his tongue on the warm early June morning.

“Why were you sitting here with a slumped back, looking like a sad pile of unhappiness, hm?” Yoongi asked him casually, working through the process of making himself something to eat.

“Just thinking about stuff,” Kihyun shrugged. He didn’t want to give it too much importance.

“What stuff?” Yoongi’s interest got obviously peeked up.

“Like… what I’m going to do now, you know.”

“You mean with your love life?” Yoongi took a big bite of his toast chasing it down with some orange juice.

“Yeah,” Kihyun answered truthfully. After all, there was no point in hiding something from his ex-boyfriend.

“Well, I, for one, think you should do exactly what you feel like doing,” Yoongi gave him a very vague solution to his ‘issue’, but at the same time Kihyun completely understood what he meant. It was important for Kihyun to make decision with a cold head and carefully think everything through.

“I think I want to be single for a bit now… to tidy up the things in my head, you know,” Kihyun gestured around, trying to make sense of his decision and defend his reasoning, even though he knew he didn’t owe anything to anyone, not even an explanation at this point.

“That’s a good idea, Ki. You deserve some me-time,” Yoongi acknowledged Kihyun’s choice with a strong nod.

“I’ll miss the sex, though,” Kihyun sighed heavily and pouted.

“With me?” Yoongi raised his eyebrows up, a smirk pulled on his lips.

“Do you see anyone else here?” Kihyun gave him a look of ‘duh’.

Yoongi put his hands up as if he was giving up. “I was just clarifying,” he chuckled and picked up his glass to get some caffeine into his system.

“Maybe we can be friends with benefits until you leave,” Kihyun proposed a solution to his mini problem.

Yoongi laughed shortly but whole heartedly about how comfortable they still remained around each other. “You know better that anyone how much I would love to, Ki. But being friends with benefits is difficult when one of them has strings attached.”

“Hey!” Kihyun exclaimed in response to Yoongi’s words. “I have strings attached, too. I love you, Yoongi.”

Yoongi let out a sigh and added a sad smile to his lips. “You just love someone else more.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun’s voice was suddenly small and sad, his back hunched as he slouched over the counter with a bitter reminder that he really shouldn’t say those words to Yoongi anymore. He had no right to them beginning yesterday.

Yoongi walked over to Kihyun and stood next to him. “Hey, can I tell you something, Ki?” he asked kindly.

Kihyun couldn’t do anything else that nod to show that he was listening to whatever Yoongi had on his mind.

“You’re a really good guy, a good man, Kihyun. I’m so lucky that I have had the chance to date you for almost 4 years now and I will never regret a single day…” then there was a small silence and a tisk escaped through Yoongi’s lips. “Okay, maybe the one when I encouraged you to become friends with Hyunwoo again is not my favorite because in the end it led our relationship to its finish line, but still… I wouldn’t have changed what I’ve said that day. I love you and forever will, Kihyun. You are one of the loves of my life and I’m so glad to have had someone like you in my life for so long. I really hope the two of us won’t break contact when I move out.”

“I love you too, Yoongi,” Kihyun looked up and offered a small smile. “Thank you for being there for me always. Thank you for being one of the loves of my life and please know that I will never ever let the space in my heart that is yours for anyone else. You are and forever will be someone I won’t be able to forget. So hear me out, when I say that staying friends with you and keeping you in my life to the extent you want to be involved in comes as easy as breathing.”

Yoongi took Kihyun into his embrace one more time, placing his chin on Kihyun head and squeezing him tightly. Remaining in Kihyun’s life wasn’t an easy choice for him, but nevertheless he knew he would never regret it because even if Kihyun cannot be his lover, having Kihyun as a friend was a blessing on its own.

Kihyun hugged Yoongi with all his strength. He realized that from now on his love life might become a very rocky road but he was willing to take the risk for Hyunwoo and if Yoongi continued to be around, continued being Kihyun’s close friend, he knew he would be just fine.

Sometimes life was a twisted thing and Kihyun would say the he knew that better than anyone since he had the unfortunate chance to experience rough hardships firsthand. But thanks to his friends, he also learned that no matter how hard life could be as long as he wasn’t walking on the path alone he would get far because none of them would let him give up and rot in some dark hole.

On Monday morning Kihyun had to visit one of his clients that lived near Maddrip, so of course he would stop by to get a coffee. Truthfully, Kihyun was a little worried about meeting Hyunwoo for the first time after his break-up with Yoongi, but when he shared this concern with Yoongi, the other called him dumb for stalling and named him chicken - and accompanied it with appropriate sound effects.

This exchange between the two resulted with Kihyun chasing laughing Yoongi around the apartment throwing pillows after him. When they both finally came down of their laughing fits they made out on the couch and the physical proximity and touches of Yoongi’s hands had Kihyun thinking about Hyunwoo’s big and always warm hands that used to squeeze him so well. Hyunwoo had always known where to touch him to make him burn and smolder in his arms.

And no matter how hot and bothered Kihyun was left after the session with Yoongi on the floor, the only thing flooding his mind was Hyunwoo. Kihyun was just happy that his stupid mouth kept shut this time and he didn’t say stuff that shouldn’t be said.

So when Kihyun walked into Maddrip his heart was in his throat but in turned out Hyunwoo wasn’t there. Kihyun really, really wished to say that his stomach didn’t drop to his feet however Minhyuk told him that lying to himself was the worst kind of lying.

“Hi,” the barista greeted Kihyun with a kind smile. “Can I take your order?”

“I’ll have just a cold brew, please,” Kihyun replied looking around the café.

The barista must have noticed Kihyun’s searching eyes. “He was here early in the morning. Apparently, it’s exams week, so he had to be in early.”

“Hm?” Kihyun snapped his head towards the person on the other side of the counter, staring at her wide-eyed with shock of getting caught.

“You’re looking for the tall professor that you often used to sit with and talk at the corner table, right?” she smiled at him brightly yet conspicuously.

“Uhmm, yeah… not _really_ looking for him. More like I wondered if he’s here, that’s all,” he tried to play it cool.

“As I said. Exam week,” she nodded with a much telling ‘okay, if you say so’ smirk and Kihyun felt his ears turn red and he thanked God that he hasn’t gotten his hair cut yet, so nobody could see.

He nodded, the barista announced the price and he swiped his card. Once his coffee was done, he received 2 cups of Iced Americano and a baguette packed in recyclable brown wrapping paper.

“Excuse me. I didn’t order this,” Kihyun called out to the barista, pointing to the extra things she pushed towards him.

“I know. But I thought that maybe you have time to stop by at the university. It’s just a 15 minute walk from here,” she winked at him and turned around to serve the next customer.

For a moment Kihyun stared at the extra items bewildered, wondering what he was going to do. He checked his watch to get the time, but he knew even without doing it that he would have enough time to go to the university and then to his client.

When he was deciding what to do the sound of chicken that Yoongi made in the morning went off in his head. And suddenly he knew that he didn’t want to chicken out like this… after all… if he had to hear that sound _just one more time_ he would beat the crap out of himself.

Truly it was only a short 15 minute walk to the university, but once Kihyun reached the campus ground he was left thinking about what to do now. Remembering his old days at university, there should be a reception table that said where your exam room was. There was usually someone from the Student’s Union seated there, who would give other students directions. So Kihyun went to try his luck.

And indeed, he found a desk like that with students wearing purple t-shirts that had a sign: ‘can I help you?’

He approached one of them. “Hi. Could you please tell me where I can find the exam room for Sports Education? The attending teacher should be professor Son Hyunwoo.”

“Oh, hello,” the young woman greeted him. “Give me a second, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Can I see you student ID?” she asked as she went over the papers.

“Uhm… I’m not a student anymore,” Kihyun replied truthfully.

“Sorry, but since that’s the case I cannot provide you with the information that you’re seeking,” she refused to tell him about the exams room.

“Uh, that’s okay. I was just wondering… “ _Great, Yoo Kihyun. You’re such an idiot. Why did you think you would get in? Oh my god, what now?_ “You know, I’m his boyfriend and he forgot to take his breakfast in the morning when he left for work. I just wanted to give him some food.”

She looked flustered for a moment and Kihyun really didn’t want to lie like this but if it got him the information it wouldn’t hurt anyone, right? The mouth of the student formed an ‘o’ and an apprehensive expression settled on her face. “Oh, uhm, uh… it’s down that hallway in the room CG41.”

Kihyun pulled out his brightest smile for the student, making his dimples on the tops of his cheeks come out and his eyes took the form of two crescent moons. “Thanks a lot. You’re a great help.” He waved at the blushing student, heading to the hallway she pointed him to.

Once he turned the corner and was sure no one could see him, Kihyun let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding with a large exhale. He wiped the sweat off of the nape of his neck and sucked air through his teeth. “I hope that lie doesn’t spread out,” he murmured to himself.

Finding the room CG41 wasn’t as difficult as Kihyun would have thought previously even though he went down the wrong hallway once. He reached the door to the room that bore an A4 paper that read ‘SILENCE PLEASE. EXAM IN SESSION.’ Another sheet was stuck just below: ‘Please do not enter without prior permission.’ Kihyun had to thank the supernatural for the last printed paper that had a schedule of exams on it. He searched for today and the hour.

“Sports Education, 2nd year students, professor Son Hyunwoo, exam time - 10:00AM-12:15PM,” Kihyun whispered as he read the information. He then quickly checked his watch and couldn’t believe his luck. It was 12:07PM. He smiled to himself and walked a little down the hallway so he didn’t stand right at the door and leaned against the wall. He could wait eight minutes.

At 12:20PM students began to leave the lecture room and Kihyun came closer to the door to be able to peek in and check how many were left inside. When it seemed that there weren’t many more staying behind, Kihyun walked into the classroom and noticed Hyunwoo with his broad shoulders and an understanding look talking to a trio of students, apparently questioning him about something that was on the exam.

Kihyun took a couple of stairs down towards the group below the projector screen. Hyunwoo glanced up to acknowledge someone standing there waiting, then he turned back to the students but suddenly his eyes went wide and they returned to Kihyun face, his own carrying a shocked expression.

The nutritionist smiled and nodded in a silent greeting.

Hyunwoo’s attention went back to the students and told them something Kihyun couldn’t hear. The group eagerly nodded and turned away to get out of the exam room.

“Hi. What are you doing here?” Hyunwoo asked with a surprised intonation.

“I went to Maddrip and the barista gave me these to deliver to you. She said you are in exams and might be hungry,” Kihyun colored the truth a tiny bit.

“Oh. I guess I have to thank the owner for thinking of me,” Hyunwoo chuckled and started to pack his bag, “I should send her some flowers probably.”

“What about me though? I brought them to you.” Kihyun feigned offense.

“Should I send _you_ flowers?” Hyunwoo teased him with a smirk.

“How about you eat and drink this? Look, I saved mine to drink it with you,” Kihyun showed Hyunwoo his still full cup of cold brew from Maddrip.

“You haven’t drunk your coffee only to drink it with me?” Hyunwoo shook his head. “Who are you and where are you keeping the real Yoo Kihyun?”

Kihyun laughed as the two walked up the stairs towards the exit of the lecture hall. He playfully pushed Hyunwoo with little strength but enough of it to get his message across. “Where should we go? Is there a café at this university?”

“Of course. There’s one at the entrance to the library. Let’s go there,” Hyunwoo led the way.

The small talk flowed between the two with the ease of long time friends. The café that was full of light thanks to the big windows. There were groups of students sitting around, many drinking coffee sitting over last-minute revisions.

“Let’s go there,” Hyunwoo pointed to one of the empty tables.

“Not sure which baguette it is but… I hope you like it,” Kihyun handed the food and coffee to Hyunwoo s they came to the table and sat down opposite each other.

“I’m hungry and a swimmer, I can just about anything,” Hyunwoo chuckled and gratefully took the items from Kihyun. “Is there anything you wanted to talk about since you saved your coffee?”

“Uh? Not really, just… we haven’t seen each other in a while, so I thought we could meet. That’s all.”

“About the last time we’ve met-“

“Don’t. Seriously. I don’t really want to talk about it,” Kihyun stopped Hyunwoo from saying anything more.

“Okay. I just wanted to say I’m not sorry about it, but if you really don’t want to hear anything…” Hyunwoo took a bite out of the baguette, knowing well that making Kihyun listen to something he didn’t want to hear was completely pointless.

“You’re not sorry for destroying two of my relationships already?” Kihyun sneered sarcastically. “You’re really something, Son Hyunwoo.”

“Huh?!” Hyunwoo choked on his coffee when it went down the wrong pipe from the shocked received. His eyes were as wide as plates and eyebrows were pulled so high that they almost touched his hairline.

“Yoongi and I broke up,” Kihyun said with the biggest cool he’s ever had in his life.

“What?? Why? You two? You guys love each other,” Hyunwoo leaned in closer to Kihyun over the table.

“Fuck you, too,” Kihyun trained his squinted eyes on Hyunwoo’s.

“Wait… you broke up with Yoongi because of me?” Hyunwoo’s expression changed to confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imagine having a friend like Kihyun... and an ex-bf like Yoongi. They just treat each other so well, don't they? 🤩 But dang... Kihyun's a little aggressive with Hyunwoo in the end there, no? Do you think Kihyun is in the right to blame Hyunwoo for his break up? What do you think of what happened in the chapter? 🤔😧
> 
> Please let me know your opinions about today's chapter in the comments. I love having the chance to interact with you guys. 🤍🤍🤍
> 
> Next time: the story jumps right back into what this chapter ended with (I can't say more otherwise I would be giving off something and I really just want to keep you on the edge since we are so close to the end of the story... I'm sorry) 🤫🤫
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading today's chapter and that your day is going great no matter what you do. Keep your chin up and back straight, if you're currently getting over some hurdles in your life, trust me when I say: You can do it! This too shall pass. 🤗🤗 Until next time, take care and stay safe 🤍🥰🥰ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	33. Words as Sharp as Daggers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, hello.🤗🤗 Welcome back - just a small reminder, this chapter is directly connected to the end of the previous one~ 
> 
> I hope you like it!

<Kihyun POV>

“Wait… you broke up with Yoongi because of me?” Hyunwoo’s shocked question made Kihyun smirk sarcastically. “Did you tell him about the ‘almost’ kiss?”

“No,” Kihyun sneered.

“Then what happened?” Hyunwoo pressed on for information with eagerness to find out what went down between the couple.

“You know, until you came back I was so happy and in love with him. Everything was going great but then you and I started talking again and meeting more often than at hangouts. And when I spoke to Yoongi two nights ago he made the same decision I have almost 7 years ago,” Kihyun half explained. His voice was heavy and full of emotion that Hyunwoo couldn’t categorize.

“I don’t understand,” Hyunwoo admitted whispering, his eyes begging Kihyun to give him answers that he had no right to demand.

“When I told him I loved him and that I was happy with him, he told me that he would hate living every day of our lives together feeling the guilt of knowing that I could have been happier with someone else, someone I love more than I love him,” again Kihyun answer a little vaguely, hoping that Hyunwoo would catch the same string.

And it seemed he did, because surprise washed over his face and his mouth came slightly agape. “Ki…”

“No, Hyunwoo. I was happy with him. I love him. So why do I have to love _you_ more? Why can’t I have that warm fuzzy feeling with the man who’s never hurt me and that loves me so much that he would rather see me be happy with someone else because he knows I would be happier then than with him?” thick blame flowed through Kihyun’s words and he felt his facial expression harden.

“Ki, I…” Hyunwoo tried to speak again but his voice was too weak and Kihyun didn’t really want to listen to anything the other had to say at this point. He felt miserable for breaking up with Yoongi in this moment, even though just 30 minutes ago he was beaming with good energy because he was about to see Hyunwoo for the first time in a long time. Somehow his mood changed on the drop of a coin.

“I was happy with him, Hyunwoo… and you _destroyed_ it. He saved me from the shits I kept drowning in. He loves me even despite all of my flaws and in everyday things he would always make me smile and beam with happiness. But then you had to waltz back into my life and once again ruin a serious relationship I was in - one that I hoped would last until the day I die,” Kihyun spat out the words that sizzled Hyunwoo’s conscience as a smoldering acid.

It was venom to Hyunwoo heart because he, just like Yoongi, only wanted to see Kihyun have a great life and live it the way he wanted to, be in love with the person he wanted to, find happiness with anyone he wanted to and in anything he wanted to. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t really say he was sorry, because there was no point to it. Kihyun wouldn’t believe him if he said he was sorry that the two broke up, even if that was the truth. There was also no point in trying to tell Kihyun to calm down or to ask him out - that would only badly backfire on Hyunwoo and since he didn’t want to lose Kihyun’s presence in his life again, he decided to stay quiet and hang down his head this time.

“And now you don’t even have the guts to say anything in your defense?” Kihyun barked out, his voice sharp as blade.

Hyunwoo’s head shot up and a sudden wave of anger washed over him. “And what do you want me to say? That I’m sorry that the love of my life broke up with his boyfriend because he still loves me? Because I’m not going to tell you such a blatant lie, Kihyun!”

The unexpected response from Hyunwoo shocked Kihyun to the bones. He would never guess Hyunwoo to spit words like that, but on the other hand, rather than making Kihyun feel a little better, Hyunwoo only added oil to the fire. “But you kept telling me lies 7 years ago and out of the blue just left. You’re such a fucking hypocrite.”

“I’m the hypocrite… yeah,” Hyunwoo clicked his tongue and his facial expression displayed his growing irritation and he squared his shoulders, ready to fight for his own skin. “But you know what?. Not long ago I finally fucking realized what Hanna has meant all these years when she said ‘any other day I would, but today I’m not gonna’.”

“What? You’re not going to say that you’re sorry or that you love me?”

“No, Kihyun. Because you want someone to lash at, not someone to love you and I’m not willing to be your boxing bag so that you can smack me around however you want. In the 5 years that I was gone I had learned what it means to love myself and now I know my own value. And honestly speaking, if you’re going to act like this, then I’m going to seriously reconsider if I even want to be your friend,” Hyunwoo said harshly, meaning every word that came out of his mouth. It wasn’t easy to tell him this, but it was the truth. Hyunwoo wasn’t some rag doll that would keep his mouth shut and jump to Kihyun’s whistle right now. He was a grown up man, who managed to live on his own for years and as he mentioned - he knew what he was worth.

Hyunwoo stood up from his chair in the café walked past the stunned Kihyun staring at the empty seat in front of him, stopping by his side for just a moment to say: “Thanks for the lunch, but I lost my appetite.” _And if you want to be like this, let’s not meet anymore, Ki._

He walked off and Kihyun was thankful that Hyunwoo didn’t have the chance to see that tear fall down onto his cheek. He quickly wiped it off with the back of his hand.

_You’re an idiot, Yoo Kihyun. What have you done?_

Hyunwoo was a person, who rarely got angry and he’s never gotten angry at Kihyun before, so having the chance to live through a moment like this, Kihyun felt like utter shit. Good thing he happened to realized he caused this himself and didn’t really deserve the pity party his heart was about to throw him.

He grabbed his coffee and Hyunwoo’s unfinished baguette and coffee and threw all three items into the bin on his way out of the café. In the doorway, he almost knocked into a person that was walking in, trying to blink away the tears as he tried to find the person he wanted to call.

The call thankfully connected very quickly and the friend on the other side picked up with a neutral voice. “ _Hi, Kihyun. What’s up?_ ”

“Hoseok, can I talk to you?” Kihyun knew his voice seemed closed and constricted, like he was about to cry, but maybe that was because that was exactly what was going on.

“ _Of course. Where are you?_ ” Hoseok was full of concern for the nutritionist.

“Can I come to your office?” Kihyun asked, completely omitting his schedule for the day. He’ll just text the actor that he would stop by tomorrow. He really needed to talk to Hoseok now.

Kihyun took a cab to Hoseok’s office, thanking the heavens for the light lunchtime-ish traffic. He wiped away the thousandth silent tear that fell from his eye, wondering when the hell they’re going to stop pouring out onto his cheeks. The taxi driver looked worried, but didn’t say anything to the young man he transported from point A to point B, after all it wasn’t the first he’s seen in his life.

When he arrived outside the office in the chic part of town, Kihyun thanked the driver for getting him there safely, receiving a warm smile from him. He walked in through the front door and headed to the reception where a handsome male receptionist lifted his head from the desk and landed them on Kihyun.

“Hello, welcome. How can I help you, sir?” the receptionist offered him a polite smile.

“I’m here to see, Dr. Lee,” Kihyun replied quietly.

“Can you please confirm your name?” the man asked of Kihyun looking into the computer screen probably checking bookings.

“I don’t have an appointment,” Kihyun told him with no change in his neutral demeanor.

The receptionist turned his eyes to Kihyun and gave him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, but Dr. Lee is fully booked. You won’t be able to see him now.”

Kihyun sighed and began to stare at the man with irritation growing in him. “Can you call his office and tell him I’m here or should I do it?”

“I would still need your name for that. But he’s with a patient now, although they should be almost done with their session. Maybe you could take a seat and when they come out, Dr. Lee will decide whether to take you in or not,” the man pointed to a comfortable armchair in the waiting area.

 _It’s not his fault. It’s not his fault. It’s not his fault. Calm down, Kihyun. The guy is just doing his job._ He tried to stop the irritated huff coming out, but failed big time. So since he could he added a groan on top of it.

“God give me patience because if you give me strength I will kill this guy… or myself,” he mumbled to himself as he went over to the armchair to wait.

“Don’t even say stuff like that at a psychology clinic, Kihyun. There are people that come here, who actually want to kill themselves,” Hoseok’s voice sounded from behind and Kihyun turned around to face him. Then the psychologist switched his attention to the receptionist. “I told you that if someone comes looking for me, _looking like that_ ,” he said pointing at Kihyun, “that you should send them up right away.”

“Oh, sorry, Dr. Lee,” the receptionist apologized quickly.

“Just please listen to me next time, okay?” Hoseok smiled kindly at him. It was obvious he didn’t want to chastise the guy.

“Of course, Dr. Lee,” the receptionist nodded eagerly.

Hoseok motioned for Kihyun to follow him into his office. “Sit wherever you want,” Hoseok told Kihyun, for whom it was the first visit to Hoseok’s office. He’s seen pictures but the real deal looked much nicer.

It was big room with a high ceiling and big windows that all had dark curtains bound on the side. There were multiple armchairs and a couch to sit on and Kihyun imagined how comfortable they can make someone when they would be talking about their problems.

Kihyun picked an armchair that looked like the reading one he had at home and settled into it.

“That one’s usually mine, you know,” Hoseok raised a brow at Kihyun when he noticed the chair he picked.

“You said wherever,” Kihyun defended his choice.

“Yeah, but I’m gonna sit here,” Hoseok sat down at his desk in the office chair. “Because if I sit in any of those,” he said pointing to the other places in the room, “I’ll have to charge you.”

“What?” Kihyun’s shock came all the way through.

“Well, I gotta make a living, Yoo Kihyun,” Hoseok laughed, completely kidding about what he’s just said at his expression, hoping that making fun would cheer his friend up. “So, tell me what’s up.”

Kihyun took a deep breath in and shook his head gently. “Yoongi and I broke up couple of days ago.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? Is that what I’m gonna get?” the answer from Hoseok shocked Kihyun so much that he couldn’t say much else.

“Well, I supposed there would be more that you wanted to say. Plus, it’s my job to listen to people. And, honestly speaking, Ki… if you and Yoongi broke up, something serious must have happened and I even think I know what. After all, I have been trained and have experience reading people and their behaviors,” Hoseok leaned back in his chair comfortably and spoke to Kihyun in a neutral voice, trying to keep him as calm as possible.

“You noticed?” Kihyun raised his brows in surprise.

“Others might not have _, especially not_ Minhyuk, but Kihyun… you’re one of the easier legible people in the gang. You hung out with Hyunwoo an awful lot, you didn’t talk about Yoongi as much as you used to anymore and you got back to being more than normally busy with work,” Hoseok explained his observations and Kihyun had to give him that he was right… the signs were there and if someone, in particular Hoseok, would see one or two, the other ones would only stand out more.

“Oh, yeah…” Kihyun clicked his tongue softly, hanging his head down with a heavy sigh. “I told Yoongi that I still love him and that I’m so happy with him, but he told me that he didn’t want to live with the guilt of knowing I would be happier with Hyunwoo because I loved him more. In that moment, it only hit me as sad that I have once said the same words to Hyunwoo, telling him that I would feel guilty if I didn’t let him follow his dream in London. I was just sad, you know… sad that I was losing such an important person in my life. However, on the other hand I knew that Hyunwoo’s feelings for me never changed, so I really wanted to give us another chance. Today I went to the café where we usually meet but he wasn’t there. The barista mentioned it’s exam week and she must have noticed us hanging out together a lot, so she gave me an extra coffee and a baguette to bring to Hyunwoo. I’ll be honest now, I was deciding on whether to go to the uni or not, but in the end I did. The problem was that when we sat down I started being bitter about the fact that I broke up with Yoongi and I gave him shit for what happened between me and Yoongi, even though he didn’t deserve it. He never made a move at me, even that one time it was me, who wanted to kiss him… not the other way around.”

Hoseok listened intently, nodding his head as Kihyun poured the words out in quick succession, obviously hoping that he would feel better once they were out. “Do you remember what you told him?” he asked in a serious and even voice.

Kihyun didn’t understand why that would be important, but took a wild guess that Hoseok might have a piece of advice up his sleeve, but needed to know the details. “I called him a hypocrite… and… I also asked him to say that he’s sorry and maybe to say that he loves me but before that I poured down the whole ‘blame parade’ on him. If I may quote: ‘I was happy with him and you destroyed it.’ And some other stuff, but this last one resonates the most. Oh God! I’m so confused right now.” Kihyun rubbed his face in frustration. His heart and brain were giving him mixed signals and he didn’t know what to do.

Hoseok tisked and bit his lip. He gave it a moment of thinking and then looked back to Kihyun. “Alright. I have a couple of things to say, so please listen and don’t interrupt me, okay?”

Kihyun nodded, anticipating what was coming.

“First of all, I get why you’re confused. You found yourself in a very precarious situation with multiple right ways out of this. So, I have three suggestions before I continue with the ‘second of all’… Number one - Hyunwoo deserves an apology. We’ve all known that he still loved you the same but, you said it yourself, he never made a move. He once even told me, he’s only wished to see you happy. And if you were happy with Yoongi and apparently the man treated you right, then there was no reason for him to disrupt what you’ve had with Yoongi,” Hoseok wasn’t the one of the group, who claimed to not tell other people’s stories, so there was no bad conscience about sharing the conversation he’d had with Hyunwoo.

At this point, another tear fell out of Kihyun’s eye. It was silent, no sobbing… just another tear.

Even though Hoseok saw the tear, he couldn’t dial back now. “Suggestion number two - and this one might not be easy for you because of what Hyunwoo’s done in the past, but you should realize that him leaving to London left gaping wound in his heart as well. He loved you back then so much that he would have stayed for you, he would have given up his dream for you, but _you pushed_ him… and you’re doing the same thing again now. But this time, you’re pushing him away,” _and you might break the group for real if you keep this up._ But Hoseok didn’t add the last part out loud, because Kihyun didn’t need the pressure of the gang’s friendship on his shoulders right now and it also wasn’t right to put it there.

Kihyun hung his head and stared at the hard wood floor, tears falling down onto it freely now.

“Since I’m one of your best friends and you’re not paying me to honey coat anything, I’ll give you my, what would one say, brutally honest opinion. So now, I’ll come back to my ‘second of all’, which will connect to my third suggestion, so… Kihyun… _you fucked up_ ,” Hoseok’s voice was so dark and harsh that it made Kihyun head shoot up and look straight into Hoseok’s eyes, which were dark with seriousness and sadness. “Here comes suggestion number three - you are an adult, Yoo Kihyun, and you need to own up to your actions and decisions. You broke up with Yoongi, suck it up. You want to be with Hyunwoo? Then apologize sincerely and hope you didn’t push him too far. You don’t want to be with him? Suck it up and straighten your back, put your chin up and walk with the confidence I know you to have and prepare yourself to lose a friend along the way too.”

The harshness of the words woke Kihyun up from his self-pitying trance and made the tears dry on his cheeks. He knew he had to make a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun... what happened? Did that sudden attack at Hyunwoo leave you shocked? Or angry? Or speechless? Wow, that was somewhat cruel, wasn't it? 😧 However I still think that Hyunwoo defended himself equally harshly. 😟 I am worried... But it's so good that Kihyun went to see help to Hoseok, am I right? And Hoseok definitely did not sugarcoat anything - you gotta love him for that! 🥰
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this chapter. Your thoughts and opinions always make my day! 🥰🤍🤍
> 
> Before I give you the 'next time' I would like to use the corner I call 'shameless advertising'. 😅 You may have or may not have noticed, yesterday I posted the first chapter of a new story that I began to work on, called 'World of Colors'. So if you're up for a little bit of dystopian AU with our 7 boys (this time I don't have an OFC among the main characters), featuring some humor, some romance among other things... maybe it would be worth checking out? Thanks for listening now, end of corner. ✌😄
> 
> Next time: we'll see how Hyunwoo deals with the aftermath of the conversation he's had with Kihyun. And someone very important from Hyunwoo's life will give him the advice of a life time. Who could that be? 🤫🤫
> 
> I hope you enjoyed today's chapter and that you're looking forward to the next one, hopefully you'll check out World of Colors in the mean time. But until the next time, please take care and stay safe! ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	34. Just Keep Swimming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I don't know how... but let's do one more chapter this week, alright? 🤗🤗 In this chapter an old character from Petals of Love makes a cameo - will you remember him? 🤭😉 I hope you enjoy it today! Happy Friday! And also... thoughts on Duality anyone? 🤍🤍🤍

<Hyunwoo POV>

The very last thing Hyunwoo wanted was to go swimming with Hanna that evening after his ‘fight’ (he didn’t know what else to call it…) with Kihyun. Not that he didn’t want to see his best friend but she read people as well as Hoseok, especially Hyunwoo. It was as if she could read his mind and see every single thought, even when Hyunwoo tried so much to remain illegible.

He also couldn’t call off the swimming, because she would also know something was up with him, which would result with her stopping by at his place in the evening - as if she didn’t have enough work at the hospital now. So, there was no other choice than to meet her at the pool and _hope to just swim_.

When Hyunwoo left the university, carrying his pool backpack and headed to the subway, he was so lost in thoughts that he didn’t answer any of the greetings that went his way from his students. He considered whether or not he was in the right to tell Kihyun the things he told him. He wasn’t all that sure if Kihyun deserved that, but Hyunwoo was certain _he_ didn’t deserve what Kihyun told him.

Hyunwoo didn’t understand how it could be his fault that Kihyun and Yoongi broke up… after all he hadn’t made any direct move at Kihyun… yes… he was a little more open and showed his emotions for Kihyun, which ended up with being very friendly towards him, however he didn’t push him into anything.

Somehow, on full auto-mode Hyunwoo arrived at the pool and paid for his entrance with the membership card. He changed into his swimsuit and walked onto the deck checking out the pool, noticing it was a lucky day. There weren’t many people in the pool and one of the coaches even recognized Hyunwoo and waved at him from the starting blocks.

“Yo!” Hanna slapped Hyunwoo’s back playfully.

“Argh… can you please not do that?” Hyunwoo complained, showing his annoyed mood right away even though he planned to keep it hidden for as long as he could. _Oh well… look at me fail._

“What got into you?” she slapped him again, this time with her cap.

“Nothing,” Hyunwoo rolled his eyes and pulled out the bag with his equipment along with his cap and goggles, promptly making his way to the starting blocks. “Hey, Sewoon,” he said to the coach that waved at him earlier. “Is this lane empty? You don’t need it?”

“I only have 4 kids today. Take it,” the guy smiled at him and then turned to Hanna, who walked past their old swimming teammate. “Hey, Hanna. How are you?” he smiled at her. Hyunwoo remembered the guy used to have a crush at Hanna back in uni days.

“I’m good, you? Thanks for the lane, Sewoon,” she began unpacking at the empty lane.

“Not a problem. Talk to you guys later?”

“Sure,” she replied smiling and turned to Hyunwoo. “Alright, Hyunwoo. I’ve had it. What happened?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he answered, avoiding any kind of eye contact, but perhaps that was the mistake because he made it way too obvious for her to see right through him.

“Don’t give me this shit. You can tell that to Minhyuk, but you won’t fool _me_ , Son Hyunwoo,” she snatched his cap from his hands, making him turn his face to her.

“Give it back, Kang,” he reached for it, barking at her.

“Not until you tell me what’s bugging you, mate,” she hid is behind her back and stepped back.

“Just give it to me and I’ll tell you after practice,” Hyunwoo promised falsely but even that must have been pretty see-through.

“Oh yeah, you know it… I’ll return the cap and after practice you’ll run off as if your flat was on fire,” she shook her adamantly and put her hands to her hips. “Tell me the main point and after we swim you tell me the details.”

Hyunwoo let the suggestion mill over his mind for a moment and then nodded his head. “I had a conflict with Kihyun. We both said things that we probably regret,” he explained, reaching behind his friend to get his cap back, but she escaped again.

“What things?” she pressed on for answers she wanted to hear.

“You said you wanted the main point. I gave it you. So let’s just get into the pool, please,” Hyunwoo pleaded with her, slowly losing his patience.

“You know what? Okay…” she threw the cap into the pool and it landed somewhere around the flag line.

Hyunwoo grunted in frustration. “HEY! What did you do that for?” he turned to Hanna. He was so annoyed at her right now. She _knew_ how difficult it was to put on a wet cap.

“If _you_ can be a little shit so can I,” she pulled on her own cap, fitting the stray hair underneath and folding under the edges around her ears.

“How am I being a little shit?” he pushed her into the pool, not giving her a chance to give him a reply.

When Hanna came out of the water she looked to Hyunwoo. “You’re being a sulky little shit because Kihyun broke up with Yoongi and gave you shit about it. And now you’re doubting whether protecting yourself was the right thing to do, huh?”

Hyunwoo watched her hang off of the back stroke starting handles with shock in his widened eyes. “How do you know about it?”

“Does it matter?” she shrugged.

“Yes, it fucking does! Did you speak to Kihyun?” he leaned in closer to her.

“No. I have other resources,” she said as if that gave Hyunwoo all the answers in the world. “Eight 200s for warm-up.” Hanna ducked underwater and pushed off the wall not waiting for Hyunwoo to say anything or for him to get his cap.

“What was eight 200s again?” Hyunwoo asked himself putting the goggles onto his head without a cap, planning to put it on after the goggles since it was at the flag line anyway, _thanks to someone._

“Choice, pull, choice, kick, choice, drill, choice, medley,” Sewoon laughed at Hyunwoo forgetting one of the typical warm ups from their swimming uni days.

“Oh right. Thanks,” Hyunwoo jumped into the water right after Hanna did her flip turn and pushed off the wall. He grabbed her by the ankle and pulled her back with all his strength, skillfully avoiding her kick.

“What was that for?” she called at him once her head broke the surface of the water.

“How do you know about me and Kihyun?” he tried to pry it out of her again.

“You’re not my only friend, Hyunwoo,” she dived back under water to push up from the bottom, but Hyunwoo was faster and bigger, catching her by the ankle now again. “What now?”

“Who did Kihyun talk to?” Hyunwoo connected at least something swiftly, but who in their group other than Minhyuk would be so quick to spill the tea… “Minhyuk?”

“Uh!” she grunted and kicked Hyunwoo’s hand away. “No.”

And this time Hyunwoo wasn’t quick enough to catch her from getting away. Although he was a faster swimmer, he decided to let it go until after warm up.

The warm up was finished and Hyunwoo waited for Hanna back at the starting point (because, yes… he was a faster swimmer, so of course he finished the warm-up set earlier). “So are you going to tell me, who you spoke to or…?” Hyunwoo directed at her the moment she came for air after finishing the last 200.

“Were you originally going to tell me something went down in the first place?” she questioned him back right away and Hyunwoo didn’t even have time to think about his answer.

“Not really,” he blurted out without thinking ahead.

Hanna grabbed her fins and read a prepared practice off of a paper she stuck onto her water bottle. “First drill set - 800 medley drill with fins; two times 400 free drill slashed with main style sprint every forth 25; lastly 4 times 200 medley stroke with paddles mid pace. Everything 10 second rest in between.”

Hyunwoo reached for his fins automatically, but kept on demanding for answers. “So are you going to tell me?”

“No. I don’t tell other people’s stories. Red on top,” she put on her fins, followed by her goggles and pointed to the stopwatch on the wall, noting the next starting time for Hyunwoo. Looking over, he noticed he had 10 seconds to put himself together. He’ll just have to push her after the set.

Not that it worked.

The whole practice Hanna kept her mind solely on swimming, which was so uncharacteristic for her. The last time she was like this was when she got back into the pool in third year after telling Hyunwoo about her Hanahaki.

When Hyunwoo got out of the dressing room, please note that he was rushing as if he had the devils ushering him into hell, Hanna still hasn’t left, according to the receptionist. He nervously paced at the entrance waiting for his best friend.

She came out of the changing rooms, her backpack thrown over one shoulder. Hyunwoo rushed over and took the bag from her, knowing that she would never leave without it. “Oh thanks. Can you drop it at home for me, though?” she surprised him with her words.

“What? Are you not going home?” he stared at her wide-eyed.

“No. I’m going to my mom’s, but Kyun should be home,” she shrugged and headed out of the building leaving stunned Hyunwoo behind.

 _What the hell is with her?_ “Hey! I’m not carrying this to your home. It’s the other way for me,” he called out when he caught up with her outside.

“Oh sorry, I thought you liked going out of your way for your friends… or was it just Kihyun these days?” she bit out sarcastically.

Hyunwoo quickly understood where she was heading. “Look… nothing happened that night. I swear. And… I don’t have to tell you anything in the first place. It’s not like this concerns you or whatever. I don’t owe you an explanation.”

“You’re right. You’re _absolutely_ right… you don’t,” Hanna crossed her empty arms at her chest. “But don’t you think you owe it to yourself?”

“What? An explanation?” Hyunwoo’s face grew confused.

“No… your self-esteem. For a year and a half you’ve been walking around all proud and shit, showing everyone that you _can_ in fact be only a friend to Kihyun, while deep down you still love him. And when he broke up with Yoongi, you could have expected him to be hurt, you know… like… you’ve seen how much they meant for each other. So, of course, he’s going to kick around himself a little bit. But what truly shocked me was that I thought you steeled up during your years alone…” she clicked her tongue and squared her shoulders. Her words left Hyunwoo completely speechless even though at first he felt like opposing… he now only stood there stunned to the marrow of his bones. Hanna truly knew him better than anyone. “So are you gonna mope around or… maybe try manning up and standing up for yourself?”

(A/N: Please look back to the previous chapter if what Hanna just said confuses you. Kihyun never told Hoseok about what Hyunwoo said during their conversation. So Hanna doesn’t have any way to know what Hyunwoo told Kihyun or not. I hope you understand what I meant.)

Hyunwoo sneered, his smirked turned bitter and his eyes hardened as he looked Hanna in the eye. “He was happy with Yoongi and I destroyed it,” he quoted Kihyun’s words.

“Don’t we all make mistakes?” Hanna scoffed at Hyunwoo’s ‘point’.

“Destroying someone’s happiness _is not_ a mistake,” he shook his head in disagreement with Hanna’s stance.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged nonchalantly. “I destroyed my dad’s happiness and I was a mistake.”

Hyunwoo tittered, trying to keep down the sudden wave of laughter. “I don’t think that’s true, Han,” a chuckle still came through though.

“Oh no, mom told me,” she said with the biggest ‘I don’t even give a fuck about it’ voice Hyunwoo has ever heard from her. She was so carefree about it. Hyunwoo remained amazed by the confession. “One time we were drinking wine with my mom and she was further over the line than I was and she told me, of course she didn’t remember she did in the morning but that’s okay… she said that had I not happened my parents would have broken up. But look at them now. They’re living their happily ever after _thanks_ to a mistake.”

“Are you saying right now that I should-“

“Go to Kihyun and tell him that you’re not sorry for protecting your own heart and stupidly big ego even though you still love him the same?” she spilled out so fast that Hyunwoo had to give himself a moment to take it in. “No… you said that.”

Hyunwoo’s brows scrunched in confusion. “What?! No, I didn’t. You just…” he stammered over his words and then reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Why am I even arguing with a pregnant woman?”

“ _What!_ I’m not pregnant!” she exclaimed loudly.

“Well, you definitely gained some weight in your mid-section,” Hyunwoo noted as a matter of fact, his voice casual, laced with mockery.

Hanna’s facial expression turned appalled. “Motherfucker… you will regret this, Son Hyunwoo,” she threatened him, making him laugh out loud at her. “Run.”

Seeing the determination in her eyes, Hyunwoo began to run away from her but towards her car across the opened parking area. He felt lightened by what has happened between him and Hanna in these last couple of hours and he knew he would have to do some thinking at home.

He was hurt by Kihyun’s words, but he also said hurtful things to the other that he wanted to apologize for. However, he didn’t want to be the one who constantly apologized… he thought he deserved one too. Hyunwoo didn’t want to disrupt Kihyun’s life with Yoongi… no, that wasn’t the case. Kihyun made this decision _on his own_. He decided to listen to his heart, Hyunwoo didn’t lead him on with anything - or at least he wasn’t aware of any time he did.

“Thanks for the ride,” Hyunwoo gratefully nodded at his best friend when Hanna pulled up near his apartment building to drop him off after practice.

“Listen, Hyunwoo.” He turned to hear what she wished to say. “You’re still going to pay for saying I gained weight, when I just had a really late big lunch due to a poorly scheduled surgery.”

Hyunwoo smirked and remembered one time he was threatened to pay for something like this. “Just please don’t put salt into my coffee.”

She sucked her teeth and clicked her tongue. “You know me too well.”

Hyunwoo’s grin widened at their antics. “See you on Wednesday.”

“See ya.”

Hyunwoo closed the door behind him and began walking up to the door of the building he lived in. It was going to be along night.

After hanging up the towel and swimsuit, Hyunwoo got himself a cold beer from the fridge and stood by the AC as it was blowing cool air into his apartment on the uncharacteristically warm early June evening. With a heavy sigh he sat on the floor with his back to the wall, staring at this empty living room.

He’d moved in more than a year and a half ago, excited to live alone again, away from his parents. And don’t get him wrong, most of the time it was a fucking blessing but there were times when he missed his parents and the sounds of them moving around their own place.

Hyunwoo reached for his phone into the pocket of his jeans and dialed his mom’s number. “Hi, mom,” he greeted her softly right after she picked up.

“ _Hello, sweetie. Is everything alright? Your voice seems a little tired?_ ” she recognized right away, just from a simple greeting that not everything was going well.

“Uhm, well… if I’m to be 100% honest… it could go better,” he replied, hoping to find solace in his mother’s words.

“ _Do you want me to put you on speaker phone, so your dad can join the conversation as well?_ ” she asked him kindly, knowing how much Hyunwoo loved both of them and how opened they were as a family.

In the past, no matter what issues or decisions Hyunwoo was facing, he could always speak freely to his parents about everything, which was probably the reason he had no problem coming out to them. To this day, Hyunwoo remembers that night. At first they thought he didn’t have a girlfriend because he had been simply too focused on school or swimming and Hyunwoo himself was of the same opinion. But when he met Kihyun and slowly fell in love with him, he came to his parents and told them he liked- _liked_ this _boy_ and he didn’t know what to do in the situation he found himself in. They were a little shocked with the sudden revelation from their son, but the next moment they shook it off and began with telling him that love didn’t know boundaries - if he loved a man, then he loved a man and that… was okay. They told him everything would be alright as long as he was true to his heart.

“Please, mom,” Hyunwoo moved into a more comfortable position on the carpet by the couch, ready for his talk with his parents.

“ _Hello, Hyunwoo. What is bothering you?_ ” his father’s voice sounded through the call.

“Hi, dad… uhm… the thing is…” Hyunwoo didn’t know how to begin or how to continue. He just knew he had to get it out somehow. “Do you remember when I told you one time that Kihyun got over me and is happily in a relationship with a great guy and that I’m happy for him?”

“ _Did you lie to us and yourself about being happy for him?_ ” his mom caught up quickly but Hyunwoo deep down knew it was only a part of the whole thing.

“Not really… I was happy for him, because the man he was with truly suited him and it was so obvious they were really happy together.”

“ _Was with?_ ” Hyunwoo’s dad sounded a little confused.

“Yes. They broke up,” Hyunwoo clarified.

“ _Oh no. Why? What happened?_ ” Hyunwoo’s mom showed compassion for Kihyun.

“I happened,” Hyunwoo’s voice lost its strength.

“ _Did you interfere with their relationship?_ ” his dad questioned him, not sure if he could believe his son would do something like that.

“No,” Hyunwoo assured him as much as he did to himself, “I… I kept being Kihyun’s friend, like we used to be in our high school and early university years… as the two of us have agreed upon…”

“ _But?_ ”

“But,” Hyunwoo sighed heavily, readying himself to say the words he quoted to Hanna earlier, “Kihyun said he broke up with Yoongi even though he was so happy with him because of me… that I _destroyed_ their relationship because Kihyun still loved me more than he loved Yoongi.”

“ _Oh…_ ” his mother’s surprise exclamation came through her lips. “ _Well, frankly… I have expected you to tell us something different but this genuinely shocked me._ ”

“ _Me too_ ,” he father joined her. “ _However, why do you sound like someone has taken all the stars in the sky down?_ ”

“ _Is it because of what Kihyun said? Because if so, I wouldn’t take it too much to heart, Hyunwoo. I think Kihyun himself is quite confused by this feeling for you and doesn’t fully trust you. In my opinion, it is quite normal for people, who are scared of something to throw traps around them, so they can feel more secure, while building their walls up, you know_ ,” his mom gave her opinion on the matter and Hyunwoo must have given it to her that everything she said made extreme sense.

Hyunwoo gave it a moment of silent thinking. “But how do make it through the traps in time to make it inside the walls?”

“ _Now_ ,” his dad began with a heavy sigh, “ _that is a good question that no one knows the answer to._ ”

“ _Yes, Hyunwoo, every person is different_ ,” his mother agreed.

“ _Wow_. That was one great piece of advice,” Hyunwoo chuckled sarcastically, which made his father laugh.

“ _There is one thing I can tell you, son_.”

“What is it, dad?” Hyunwoo grabbed the last piece of straw he could before he might drown.

“ _You know Kihyun better than anyone. Because even after all those years in London and you keeping your departure a secret, he decided he wanted to let you in. Why? Simple reason right there - you know him and he knows you just as well… and he knows he can trust you. Maybe not on the surface at the moment, because he needs to set traps, like your mother called it. But his_ heart _knows yours, loves it_ and _trusts it. That’s your advantage and there goes my advice. Do what you will with it_ ,” his dad gave him a somewhat vague piece of advice but Hyunwoo knew what he meant even if he couldn’t match the exact points that hit him.

“ _I agree with your dad, Hyunwoo. We’ve always told you to follow your heart and to be true to yourself in the first place… and right now, more than ever, I stand 100% behind that statement_ ,” his mom’s tone was strong and Hyunwoo’s eyes pricked with possible tears but he silently pushed them back.

“Thank you,” he couldn’t avoid his throat closing a little as he said those two words, backed by the feeling of love for his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyunwoo's parents are just great, aren't they?🤗 What do you think of how childish the two acted in the pool? If they had a coach I'm sure (s)he would bite them into tiny pieces for being such children! 😅 Did you expect Hoseok to spill the tea so fast? Also, Hanna didn't know anything of what Hyunwoo told Kihyun, so what do you think of her advice? She probably thought he let himself get smacked around before Kihyun went to Hoseok. 😟
> 
> What did you think of today's chapter? Please share your thoughts and opinions with me in the comments!!! 🤍🤍🤍
> 
> 'Shameless advertising' corner - Have you given 'World of Colors' a chance? - End of corner. ✌
> 
> Next time: the chapter's name is 'Middle of the Night', take whatever you want from it... and Hoseok gets an early morning call from Hanna... 🤫
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed today's chapter and we're closing in on that end, so I hope you stick around for the last couple of chapters... 🥰 Until the next one take care and see you then!! 🥰🤍🤗ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	35. Middle of the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, oh man, oh man. We are nearing the end of the story but still not there yet I would say. ✌ I hope you like the chapter today. 😉

<Hyunwoo POV>

Hyunwoo jolted awake to the sound of his phone ringing on the bedside table. It was still dark outside and he reached for his phone with barely opened sleepy eyes. He picked up the call without looking at who could be calling him at this God-forsaken hour.

“Uhm, hello?”

“ _Are you home?_ ” the voice on the other side was soft and quiet, shy and uncertain, but Hyunwoo would recognize it anywhere, anytime.

“I am, Ki. Why?” he sounded heavy from sleeping soundly after his forth beer in the warm evening and on empty stomach. In fact, Hyunwoo was happy he made it through his night time washing routine before he had the chance to fall asleep on the floor of his small living room.

“ _Any chance you could come down stairs to open the door for me? I don’t know which flat to call,_ ” he said and Hyunwoo could barely catch the words spoken due to how quiet and insecure they came out.

It took Hyunwoo’s sleepy brain a moment to piece the puzzle of ‘door downstairs’ and ‘which flat’ to realize that Kihyun was at his apartment building, most likely waiting by the main entrance. “I’m 0904,” he replied, preparing to question Kihuyn about how he knew his address later. “The ride in the elevator will be awkward if I go pick you up.”

“ _Okay. I’ll ring you_.” With that Kihyun hung up on the call.

Hyunwoo boosted himself off of the bed with a heavy grunt and turned on the small lamp he had on his bedside table. He usually used it as a reading lamp, but this time he turned it to the wall to diffuse the bright light and leave the bedroom in a toned down soft warm light.

Half a minute after the call with Kihyun ended the intercom to Hyunwoo’s apartment rang. _So Kihyun really is here_ , Hyunwoo thought to himself. At first it seemed like a dream, but this made Hyunwoo sure it was real.

“ _9th floor right?_ ” Kihyun asked, wanting to be sure he got onto the right floor.

“Yes. I’ll leave the door ajar,” Hyunwoo replied and looked behind him into the apartment.

It was clean, just the beer cans stood on the kitchen counter, waiting to be thrown into the recycle bin. Hyunwoo checked the digital clock sitting among his books. It read 4:06AM. With a heavy sigh he rubbed his face, it was very early Tuesday morning, he’s slept for less than 4 hours and he had to leave his house in the next 4.

The sound of the door opening and closing ripped Hyunwoo out of his self-pitying stage and he raised his head only to see Kihyun in sweat shorts and a loose t-shirt as he padded across the floor to Hyunwoo without a single word.

Hyunwoo listened to his feet tap on the floor and watched him silently, expectant of any action coming from the shorter man. When Kihyun reached Hyunwoo, he wrapped his hands around his waist tightly and laid his head beneath his chin - a space that he used to occupy every time he needed comfort. The hug felt snug and oh-so real.

There was no hesitation from Hyunwoo as his hands too pulled Kihyun impossibly closer, neither of them speaking a single word. The warmth that radiated from Hyunwoo’s naked torso made Kihyun feel as if he had finally come home and the heartbeat he felt through the skin of the taller man was the right one, the one he was always supposed to be hearing - or at least that was what his heart was telling him now.

Hyunwoo’s fingers lazily found their way to Kihyun’s hair and he slowly began to rake them through the dark brown locks. He knew this was something that always made Kihyun feel safe and protected, so there was no doubt he would do it… especially now when Kihyun seemed so vulnerable.

He didn’t know how long they stood there for, but the moment felt like long, long minutes and in a way Hyunwoo didn’t want to be taken out of this moment. He wished to stay in it forever.

“I’m sorry for what I’ve said,” Kihyun whispered so quietly that Hyunwoo thought he imagined him say those words.

Sighing softly, Hyunwoo moved his hand to rest on the nape of Kihyun’s neck, but he didn’t push him away from the embrace. “Me too. I’m sorry I kicked you when you were down.”

This time Kihyun pulled away, but only far enough to be able to look into Hyunwoo’s eyes in the poorly lit room. He removed his hands from Hyunwoo’s lower back and placed the gently onto the cheeks of the taller man. Hyunwoo could see the sparkle in Kihyun’s eyes even the almost darkness that enveloped the room. “Hyunwoo… I’m so sorry… for everything I’ve said yesterday and when you came back, too. I know it’s no excuse but I did it because I never got over you… and… and I-I stupidly subconsciously wanted you to feel the same pain I was feeling.”

“Shhh,” Hyunwoo tried to calm Kihyun down when he noticed the tears spill of the edges of his eyes. He pulled him back to his chest and hugged him even tighter to keep giving off the reminder that he was there and he wasn’t going to leave anymore. “It’s okay. I deserved it. I did such an asshole thing 7 years ago, but now I’m here to stay.”

“You don’t understand,” Kihyun stubbornly protested and shook his head. “I love you but at the same time the thought of being together with you again is ripping me apart.”

“Ki… look at me, please,” Hyunwoo moved his hands to cup Kihyun’s face. The shorter complied and directed his gaze into Hyunwoo’s eyes. “You may think I don’t understand and that’s okay. But please realized this - I know you better than anyone ever has… I know you inside out, every single nook and cranny of your mind. So I also understand how you’re feeling right now, because I’m feeling very similarly. I would give anything for you to be happy, Ki. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

After hearing these words the stream of Kihyun’s tears only intensified but there was also a different sparkle to his eyes than just tears.

“Ki… if I could turn back time, I sadly wouldn’t have changed anything because only thanks to that I can stand here with you like this, giving you my heart, so that you can do with it what you please. You may be asking why in the world would I even consider doing that? And the answer is… because I’m being true to my heart and it yearns for your happiness, whether you find it with me or decide to go look for it somewhere else. But please know this one thing… you are and forever will be the only person I will have ever loved,” Hyunwoo confessed all of his feelings, taking the advice his father gave him and shaping it to what felt right.

“Hyunwoo… can I… can I just sleep here… with you… tonight?” Kihyun asked in between soft sobs, still processing the confession he just heard.

“Of course,” Hyunwoo kissed Kihyun’s forehead gently but instead of leading the other into the bedroom, he bent down slightly and grabbed the other by the backs of his thighs. Kihyun knew this move like the back of his hand. He let himself get hoisted up and he wrapped his legs around Hyunwoo securely.

Hyunwoo carried Kihyun to the bed, where he laid him down onto the soft mattress with utmost care, as if Kihyun was a precious and fragile crystal statue that could break apart at any time. Kihyun didn’t untangle his legs from Hyunwoo, locking him in the position above the shorter man, faces as close as the night Hyunwoo drank with Kihyun.

“Can I kiss you?” Kihyun whispered into Hyunwoo’s lips, who could do nothing else than to nod softly.

The next moment Kihyun’s lips tentatively touched Hyunwoo’s, after the first touch a little more courage appeared as Kihyun pressed his lips against Hyunwoo’s in a soft, tender kiss. It was slow and sweet, soft and shy.

None of them rushed away from the delicate kiss as they tasted each other’s lips for the first time after so many years. Both of them craved the other’s touch more than they would or could admit, but rather than speed through the process the two savored every single touch, because something screamed, a very small part but it was still there, that this might be the last time they get to touch each other like this.

Because if they broke up now… it would be forever.

Hyunwoo pulled back first after pecking Kihyun’s lips one last time. He supported himself on his elbows and stared deeply into Kihyuns shining eyes. “Ki,” his voice was tender and full of love, “do you mind if I hold you as we sleep?”

A small smile appeared on Kihyun’s faintly swollen lips. “I was hoping for it,” he sighed contently and reached up for another kiss after Hyunwoo settled on his side.

This time the kiss had some gently smoldering fire in it, but both of them were tired after a long day and several moments later both of them fell asleep in the embrace of the other… in the same way they used to 7 years ago.

The alarm at 6AM was like a thai boxer’s kick into Hyunwoo’s head - not that he’s ever experienced that in particular but he’s been kicked by a breast stroker before, so he guessed he could imagine how it felt. He was in the same position he fell asleep in, but Kihyun was now curled in a fetal position at Hyunwoo’s chest.

Kihyun’s eyes sleepily opened to the sound of the soft piano alarm. His eyes were adorably puffy from the crying he’s done during the night and they found Hyunwoo’s instantly. The soft gaze made Hyunwoo completely forget about the alarm. Kihyun’s lips looked so plush and Hyunwoo couldn’t help but to close the couple of centimeters of space between them to place a loving kiss against Kihyun’s mouth.

There was a humming sound of approval coming from Kihyun when Hyunwoo’s lips pressed against his own and Hyunwoo felt the smaller’s body melt into his touch. The alarm kept ringing and ringing, getting louder and louder. When it got too annoying for Kihyun, he parted his lips from Hyunwoo’s.

“The alarm,” he whispered against Hyunwoo’s lips.

Before pulling away, he pecked Kihyun’s lips one more time and then rolled away to reach for his phone on the night stand to turn of the 6AM alarm. With a grunt Hyunwoo sat up on the edge of the bed, supporting his head with his hands, rubbing the palms over his eyes.

Then he felt Kihyun press his chest to his back, his hands wrapped around his waist and legs came on each side of Hyunwoo’s. “I’m sorry for last night,” Kihyun murmured against the naked skin of Hyunwoo’s back. “I shouldn’t have barged in like that…”

“I won’t lie, you surprised me by appearing downstairs out of nowhere,” Hyunwoo admitted and placed his hands on top of Kihyun’s. “But don’t feel bad about it, please, Ki. I’m actually glad you came.”

“Okay,” he nodded in acknowledgement but didn’t release Hyunwoo from his hold.

Hyunwoo sighed and continued to sit like that in Kihyun’s embrace, feeling his body snug against his own. He would love to stay like that for much, much longer… however some people had to go to work. “Ki,” Hyunwoo said after a long moment of calming silence, “you can’t imagine how much I want to stay like this with you, but I have to get ready to go to work. I have to attend a test that begins at 9AM, which means I have to be at the campus at half past eight latest.”

“Oh,” Kihyun let go of him so suddenly that Hyunwoo had to catch his hands so that the shorter man didn’t pull away too far.

Hyunwoo turned to Kihyun and took his hands into his hands once again. “Can we talk in the evening?”

Kihyun nodded and leaned in closer, one more time capturing Hyunwoo’s lips with his own in a lazy loving kiss. “Can I stay until you have to leave?”

“Of course,” Hyunwoo assured him and with great unwilling effort moved away from Kihyun and headed into the bathroom.

Hyunwoo took a nice lukewarm shower, washed his hair and face diligently, shaved and applied toner and moisturizer the way Hanna drilled into him all the way back at their mid-teens swimming years when she once saw him after their morning practice.

She completely freaked out when he used the same cream on his face as he used on his body and hands. No matter how much Hanna disliked being ‘girly’, she took care of her skin meticulously and maybe that was the reason she had clear, acne-free skin that glowed even without make-up and ever since Hyunwoo got lashed at for not doing anything about his skin care properly and then began the daily thorough process, so did he.

Coming out of the shower, Hyunwoo heard sounds coming out of the kitchen. It was a very unusual occurrence for him, so he decided to follow the noise even though he was wearing only a towel wrapped around his hips as he used to at the pool.

Kihyun’s back was facing Hyunwoo as the shorter man was cooking in Hyunwoo’s tiny small kitchen. The smell of fried eggs and fresh rice got Hyunwoo feeling nostalgic and he couldn’t hold back the adoring smile that appeared on his lips.

“Smells good,” he said neutrally, not knowing what else to say but feeling he should say something to let Kihyun know he was present.

“It’s just fried eggs and rice. I don’t know what could smell bad about it,” Kihyun didn’t turn around, but his voice was a little more cheerful than when he came at night and that warmed Hyunwoo’s heart.

“I don’t know… you could burn the eggs,” Hyunwoo shrugged, teasing Kihyun about that one time he burned eggs when they made out in the kitchen of their dorms.

Now, this irritated Kihyun enough to turn around and give Hyunwoo an annoyed glare, which changed the next second into one full of admiration of Hyunwoo’s body. Kihyun’s seen it last night, yes… but the light was dim and he was focusing more on the face of the man that kissed his tears away. The body that he was staring at now was ripped, with beautifully shaped muscles, hard pecs and abs… Kihyun could gaze at it all day if he had the chance.

“See anything you like?” Hyunwoo teased him again with a knowing smirk when Kihyun wasn’t replying.

Kihyun scoffed as loud as he could and turned back to the eggs that needed his attention, but he could feel his ears were burning and he thanked God that his hair got long enough to at least cover the tips.

He turned off the stove and grabbed two bowls to scoop some rice in from the rice cooker. Each of the bowls then got topped with 2 fried eggs, chopped scallions, sesame oil and some soy sauce. “Get your knives sharpened, Hyunwoo. You’re more likely to hurt yourself with a knife this dull,” Kihyun scolded him in order to get out of the embarrassing pit he dug for himself.

“Didn’t you tell Hanna, you have that sharpening stone thingy?” Hyunwoo’s smirk still didn’t leave his face. “Can’t you do it for me, please?”

“Abusing my skills again?” Kihyun shook his head and tisked.

“No. I’m asking a friend for a favor,” Hyunwoo took two spoons out from the bucket of cleaned dishes and handed one to Kihyun, then proceeded to move to the couch, fully intending to eat the breakfast there. Hyunwoo couldn’t remember the last time he made himself warm breakfast at home.

“A friend, huh?” Kihyun sighed and sat on the other side of the sofa. He stared at his bowl but wasn’t really looking at it, just absent-mindedly gazed at the food in his hands.

“Well, no matter how much I would love to call you something else… in this very moment that is what we are - friends,” Hyunwoo also lost interest in the bowl he was holding, his eyes directed at Kihyun, whose morning cheerfulness was suddenly gone. “But we promised to talk about it in the evening. Can you please not look this sad until then?”

Kihyun lifted his eyes and looked into Hyunwoo’s. He noticed that Hyunwoo moved closer to him on the couch, but still sat ‘too far’ from him. So Kihyun decided it would be for the best to scoot over so that the sides of their bodies touched. As hungry as Kihyun was for the simple food he made out of that nothing that Hyunwoo had in his fridge, he was hungrier for another kiss. He wished to feel the plump lips against his own greedily as soon as possible. So he leaned in, completely forgetting the bowl he was holding in one hand, the other reached for Hyunwoo’s face as he stroked his cheek when he pressed their lips together.

When Kihyun was satisfied with the kiss, he broke their connection. “Eat before it gets cold.”

“You too,” Hyunwoo reminded him of the bowl he was holding himself.

Not long after Hyunwoo locked the door behind him and walked to the elevator with Kihyun by his side. “Where should we meet in the evening?” Hyunwoo asked when they stepped into the elevator.

“I could come here, maybe… when are you going to be back?” Kihyun offered a solution.

“Five-ish, I think. If nothing unexpected doesn’t come up at uni,” Hyunwoo replied. “But is it a good idea to come here and talk?”

“It’s okay with me.”

“Alright. Can you come around 7, then? So that I have time to take a shower after the long day.”

“I’ll come then,” Kihyun agreed when they reached the ground floor. The two said their goodbyes as they exited the building.

<Hoseok POV>

Hoseok’s phone didn’t ring all that often at 8AM, so he would lie if he said that both him and Hyungwon were startled when it rang as they ate their breakfast and drank their morning coffee.

He picked up the phone noticing the caller ID being Hanna’s. “Hey. What’s up so early in the morning?”

“ _I need someone to talk to, Hoseok. Can I stop by today?_ ”

“Sure, I’ll be home around 6 today. I have a late patient,” Hoseok told her.

“ _No… I mean… professionally talk to_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if that was the 'Middle of the Night' you were expecting but that's the one you get. 🤭 Both Hyunwoo and Kihyun are sorry for saying those things to each other, but how is their 'evening talk' going to end? What more is going to be revealed? 🤔 And what about Hanna's call? What is going on with her that she needs someone to professionally talk to? 😧
> 
> Please let me know in the comments what your thoughts and opinions on this chapter are, I love reading them and having a chance to talk to you guys! 🥰🤍🤗
> 
> 'Shameless advertisement' corner - Have you had the chance to check out my new story 'World of Colors'? - end of corner. 😅🤭
> 
> Next time: Hanna visits Hoseok in his office and Hyunwoo's and Kihyun's talk begins. 🤫
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading today's chapter and we are 3 chapters from the end, so I really hope that you will come back to finish this long ride with the gang. 🤍🤗 Until the next one please stay safe and take care ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	36. What a Cruel World We Live in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, it is the 36th chapter of 38 in total... damn...
> 
> In either case, I really hope you like this one. 🤗
> 
> (Also thank you so much for 2k hits! 🥰🥰🥰🥰)

<Hoseok POV>

“Sure, I’ll be home around 6 today. I have a late patient,” Hoseok told her.

“ _No… I mean, professionally talk to_ ,” she replied with a heavy voice that shocked Hoseok with its intensity.

“As a psychologist?” he knitted his brows together and Hyungwon shot him a worried glance, mouthing a simple: ‘What?’

“ _Yes_ ,” she confirmed.

Hoseok shook his head, meaning he would tell him later. “Okay. Do you want to come by the office?”

“ _I think that would be for the best if I came to your office. When do you have time?_ ” Hanna sounded a little stressed and Hoseok wondered what it could be about. He hoped there was nothing too serious happening.

“I don’t have anyone from 11 until 2PM. Can you come then?” Hoseok offered the 3-hour window he had empty that day.

“ _Yes, I have a day off today_ ,” Hanna agreed with a sigh. “ _I’ll come around 11.30, okay?_ ”

“Yeah, sure. See you then,” Hoseok acknowledged and after Hanna repeated the same ‘see you’ he hung up.

“What’s going on?” Hyungwon asked immediately, looking rather concerned about the conversation his boyfriend had with their only female best friend. He sat his coffee down and leaned closer to Hoseok at the breakfast bar as if that would get the other to speak faster.

“She said she needed someone to talk to professionally,” Hoseok sighed and rubbed his shoulder - a sign that he acquired a couple years ago. It was something he would do when he was worried about someone he cared for.

“Do you think something serious could have happened? I mean, it must be serious if she wanted to meet you in your office,” Hyungwon supposed and it was clear he was thinking about what could be going on.

“Hopefully nothing too serious, but Won, if she tells me she came there as a client, you know I won’t be able to tell even you what is bothering her,” Hoseok reminded his beloved boyfriend in a kind voice.

“Why?” Hyungwon frowned and he pulled back. His voice raised in suspicion. “You tell me this and that about the celebrities that visit you but you won’t tell me something that concerns one of my best friends?”

“It it because it’s Hanna, Won. What if it’s something really serious and she wants to come to my office to keep it secret,” Hoseok tried to convince him to understand, but to no avail. Hyungwon wanted to stand his ground in this.

“Then that’s exactly why you should tell me! So we can all help her. You know how she can be and how well she hides things. Look at her Hanahaki. If the two of us didn’t see that one stupid petal in the bar that night, we would have been in the dark the same way Jooheon, Changkyun, Minhyuk and Kihyun were,” Hyungwon reasoned with Hoseok, obviously not finding it in him to agree with the other.

“Won, please… we don’t know what it might be about. Please don’t freak out just yet,” Hoseok wanted to calm him down, so he placed his hand on Hyungwon’s cheek and stroked it with his thumb. “I’ll see what Hanna tells me, alright?”

Hyungwon nodded but clearly he wasn’t convinced.

It was 5 minutes after half past 11 when a knock came to Hoseok’s office door. “Come in,” he called out.

The door opened and a familiar short haired doctor walked in. “Hey,” Hanna greeted him with a tired smile. It was one he hasn’t seen from her in a while. It surprised him as much as the phone call in the morning.

“Hey, Han. Sit anywhere you like,” he motioned to all of the seating places he had in his office. She nodded and as a strand of hair shadowed over her face Hoseok noticed how make up covered the dark under eye circles.

She sat down in an armchair that looked like one that was in the apartment she lived in with Changkyun. “Do you mind?” she pointed to her shoes and Hoseok recognized the habit of hers.

“Whatever makes you comfortable,” he replied, stood up from his desk and walked over to the chair where Kihyun sat just yesterday.

Hanna took off her shoes and pulled her legs up to sit cross legged in the armchair. Silence enveloped the room and Hoseok wondered if Hanna was going to begin or he should. Normally, he knew what to ask his patients because when they came for the first time they would fill out a questionnaire, which would give Hoseok somewhere to start. But with Hanna, she was his friend and he didn’t know what she would come with.

She was staring at her clean and short cut nails of a surgeon, obviously thinking about something.

“Han?” Hoseok wanted to draw her attention to him. She lifted her head and looked Hoseok in the eye. “What’s the matter?”

“I don’t know what to do, Hoseok…” her voice was full of desperation, an emotion Hoseok has probably never heard from her before. “I am completely desperate and on days when I’m supposed to be strong I feel like I can’t keep on going.”

“What is the root of this?” Hoseok kept his calm attitude, knowing out of experience that this was one of the most important things in this very moment and that she wanted him to help her as a professional, so he wanted to identify where the problem of this state of mind began for her.

There was another silence, but Hoseok decided to wait for his friend to begin again.

“Do you remember that one day during Christmas when you came for coffee and cake with Hyunwoo after your run?”

Hoseok nodded in acknowledgement but said nothing.

“That day I came to the café and my mom told me that 3 days prior she was diagnosed with stage 3 leukemia… and we had a big fight because she kept telling me she wanted to refuse all treatment. That’s why she wasn’t there and why I was rather mean that day,” her sadness crept into Hoseok’s inside as well. Remembering how Hanna acted then, he felt what she felt in the moment. Mrs. Kang was an incredibly wonderful and good person and if right now Hoseok wasn’t about to listen to the rest of the story he would probably want to hide away and cry at the unfairness of the world.

“Can you continue?” Hoseok questioned her quietly when she became silent again.

Hanna sighed heavily, but started talking again. “About 2 weeks later, after constant arguing, I managed to convince her to get chemo and radio. I talked to some specialists in the hospital and they told me that many people live with it for years when they go along with the chemotherapy and radiotherapy and all that ‘crap’… so she said okay, under the condition that if Changkyun proposed I would say ‘yes’. I mean… I would have done it even without that, I love him more than anyone in the world… but if a promise like that… something that was so _certain_ … would make her receive treatment, I took it as a sign that she wanted to go get treatment.”

“Mhm,” Hoseok nodded to acknowledge he was listening when Hanna’s eyes searched for his.

“However, I also knew from my colleagues at oncologic department that she could have 3 years but like this,” she snapped her fingers, “it could be 3 months in the hospital with tubes connected to her everywhere and… and… I can’t…”

“You can’t what?”

“I went with her to receive chemo when I could, other days my dad went. My brother is in the States and both of them said there’s no way they want him to come back in the middle of his internship, because he would. It was all good as long as she was going to the hospital and kept getting treatment... but yesterday Changkyun and I stopped by my parents’ place after swimming and we had another big argument,” tears began to roll down onto her cheeks but she wiped them away quickly.

“Why? What happened?” he asked interested.

Hanna sniffled. “She’s refusing to go to the hospital again, saying she’s doing all of this in vain… that we’re wasting money on her without a real valid reason because she would never get better in the first place and that we should just let her die in peace...”

This surprised Hoseok more than anything Hanna had said so far and he was pretty damn shocked by the diagnose of Mrs. Kang in the first place.

“I can’t even count how many times I came home after going with her to get chemo and Changkyun held me when I was crying, because seeing her so skinny and weak was just so fucking heartbreaking to me.”

“Did something happen during the fight to trigger you into coming to me?” Hoseok started to see the links of the story and knowing Hanna’s character, she probably said something she was regretting very deeply right now.

“Huuuhh, I told her that if she wants to die so much and in that amount of pain when the tumors and metastasis grow into her lungs and eventually her organs fail that she could go ahead but I, for sure, won’t invite her to my wedding… or if she’s alive for long enough, I won’t let her see my children,” Hanna sobbed and her voice broke. She hung her head and placed her face into her hands.

Hoseok swallowed knowing this must have hurt both of them so much. But Hanna had this kind of character, who often said things like these and then regretted them very dearly and deeply. She was a great caring person, but sometimes her tongue was faster than her brain.

“And I have apologized but,” she quickly added, her voice breaking slightly at the end. “It was such a mean thing to even get out of my mouth, for fuck’s sake… she’s _my mom_ … I want to know how to convince her to return to the treatment again. I’m so desperate to get her to at least live as long as possible. Like for now, Changkyun and I are nowhere near having children and I just want her to live at least long enough for her to see her g-grandchild,” up until now Hanna was holding it inside of her but she couldn’t hold back the tears and sobs as she began to cry with full fervor. “ _God_ … I don’t think I can imagine my life without her.”

Hoseok moved from his chair and knelt in front of her, placing his hands onto her knees, wishing he could fix all of what was going on with her mom. A stray tear fell down his cheek and he didn’t even manage to catch it before it fell down.

“I want to be strong for her, keep all of the bad stuff from Changkyun because I know he has other problems to deal with right now… but I’m just… I don’t think I can…” the crying continued to gain power and the sobs ripped through her body when Hoseok pulled her into his embrace, hoping it would calm her down.

He now knew that this was something he would have to keep a secret from Hyungwon and everyone else, because if she tried for half a year to make it look like there was nothing going on in that part of her family then there was no way Hoseok would let go of this secret. This was something she would tell people when the time was right and when she dealt with the pain she was going through… Hoseok hasn’t lost a family member yet, but he could imagine the ache of losing his mother would be more than he would be able to handle.

She continued to cry, but Hoseok decided to reach for his phone and text Changkyun to come help him calm her down if he could. He just hoped Changkyun would have time, because Hoseok knew there was no way he could calm her down entirely. He was too distressed himself.

<Hyunwoo POV>

When Hyunwoo came home that day he felt nothing like having an important and probably long talk with Kihyun. He felt drained and absolutely wrung out from having to be on the high alert during not two, but _three_ exams today. One of the professors, who taught Early Childhood Education called in sick and couldn’t come to supervise his exam and since Hyunwoo had the exact period empty he was chosen as someone, who could potentially supervise such test since he was an Education teacher himself. Therefore Hyunwoo went through three exams back to back to back. He would have never thought how many people would want to cheat at an exam.

Logically ,when Hyunwoo finally arrived at home after having to file 10 documents for cheating rule violation and submit them before end of day, returning to his small apartment shortly after 6:45PM with barely time to take a shower and microwave some food he had in the fridge was something he was darn grateful for.

Doing exactly that took him until one minute past seven in the evening when the door bell rang, announcing Kihyun’s arrival. Hyunwoo went to open the door through the intercom and then returned to his food.

As he ate standing and leaning against the counter, holding a Tupperware bowl in his hand, rushing to eat everything as fast as possible, Kihyun appeared in his line of sight.

“Why are you doing that?” his question sounded concerned.

“Why am I doing what?” Hyunwoo’s on the other hand utterly confused.

“Eating like that. It’s so unhealthy. You ought to sit down when you eat, otherwise your body will get triggered into thinking it’s in a stressful situation,” Kihyun explained and scolded him at the same time.

Hyunwoo sighed heavily and set the sturdy plastic bowl on the kitchen counter. “Ki… I’ll be honest with you right now, okay?”

Kihyun nodded in apprehension and to show that he was listening.

“I’m in no mood for your scolding or your teachings about healthy ways of eating. I just had to go back to back into three tests and failed 10 people for cheating at their exams. It’s not a pleasant piece of paperwork since I have to support my claims with hard as stone facts _and_ it takes time to fill out. I came home less than 15 minutes ago and this is the only thing I ate today apart from the breakfast you made and two bananas I brought into the lunch-time exam. I drank enough coffee to have lasted me for 4 days just to keep my sanity medicated. So I’m terribly sorry if I’m not exactly in the mood for any kind of telling off about the way I eat when I’m as hungry as a fucking wolf,” Hyunwoo told him pretty much in one breath about how shitty his day went and Kihyun seemed to understand and get the feel that this wasn’t one of the easy days for Hyunwoo.

“I’m sorry your day went down like that,” Kihyun sympathized with him. “If you want I can come another day.”

“No,” Hyunwoo disagreed and shook his head. “We really should talk about this. We both very much need to talk about how we’ve been feeling all along. Just please do not mention my bad habits of standing while eating.”

“I can do that,” Kihyun promised softly and showed Hyunwoo a bag he brought. “I also didn’t come empty handed.”

Hyunwoo took the offered bag and peeked inside. The smell hit his nose and he recognized the food right away - pork tonkatsu curry. “You didn’t have to.”

“Yeah… but I know you like the one they make at that place near the World’s End and since I had my way around there I stopped by,” Kihyun shrugged as he took the bag from Hyunwoo and moved around the kitchen as if he already knew it, plating Hyunwoo a portion of one his favorite foods.

“Sorry to take my frustration out on you,” Hyunwoo said with his mouth full of delicious fried pork.

“Do you think you’re the first hangry person I’ve dealt with?” Kihyun chuckled at the apology and he meant it. He understood very well that having something very frustrating and upsetting happen during the day on top of not being able to eat cause a lot of stress on the mind as well as the body. People tended to get more snappy when they were hungry. Even Kihyun wasn’t the nicest person when he was hungry.

“True. Thanks,” he expressed his gratitude one more time with the last spoon of rice disappearing into his mouth. He stood up from the couch and brought his plate to the sink. Upon returning to the living room, Hyunwoo was carrying 2 bottles of beer. He handed one to Kihyun, who gratefully accepted. “Okay. So we should talk about us, then.”

“We should talk about us,” suddenly all of Kihyun’s confidence was just as gone as Hyunwoo’s, both nervously swirled the beer in the bottles eyes flicking everywhere but each other. “It was so much easier last night, eh?”

“Yeah,” Hyunwoo agreed. This ‘talking thing’ wasn’t really his cup of tea in the first place. He remembered the nerve-wracking feelings he’s had when he first confessed in the summer after their second year at university.

“Where do we start, though?” Kihyun asked, genuinely not knowing where this was heading.

“Uhmmm, maybe you could start with why the thought of you being back together with me is ripping you apart?” Hyunwoo suggested, jumping right into the molten hot center of the whole thing rather than beat around the bush.

With a heavy sigh, Kihyun gathered up the courage to answer that question. “Because I don’t trust you… I love you, but I don’t trust you.”

Hyunwoo couldn’t do anything else than nod and hang his head down in defeat because no matter how much they loved each other a strong relationship needed the foundation of utmost trust. And Hyunwoo royally fucked up that aspect of their possible relationship 7 years ago.

“I don’t know how I could trust you to not withhold such a secret from me again. I mean you could promise to tell me everything, but even then… can I trust a promise like that? And okay, let’s say I do and we get do get together - how long it will take until I stop having trust issues even if you’re telling me the truth and never keep anything to yourself? Would I ever stop having them?” Kihyun stared Hyunwoo deeply in the eyes, sincerity dripping from them as he spoke.

“I understand,” Hyunwoo replied quietly. The trust Kihyun had in him had been shattered and could not be repaired without the breaks being visible, making the structure look ugly and barely holding together. “Even if I make a thousand promises, you might never trust a single one although they would be genuine. And I understand that.”

Hyunwoo seemed absolutely ready to accept his defeat but Kihyun was not going to give up this fight because had already lost one very important person to it, one of the loves of his life. “I don’t want to just throw this away though. Hyunwoo, this is difficult for both of us, I know that… but I don’t want to give up because I’ve already been fighting for so long… and if I give all of the fight up now, what will be of the effort I have made in the recent years?”

“So where do we go from now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Hanna's mom is terminally ill... oh, how much pain Hanna has to be going through right now... 😧😢 Even Hoseok himself felt her pain. We saw the beginning of the 'talk' between Hyunwoo and Kihyun - what do you think? It's not looking very good, that's for sure... 😔😧😢
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts and opinions in the comments. I love having the chance to talk to you, especially since we're almost at the end. 🤍🥰🤗
> 
> 'Shameless advertisement' corner - *cough cough* Please check out 'World of Colors' *cough cough* - end of corner 🤭
> 
> Next time: the talk continues... what will be the result? 🤫
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed reading this chapter and I wish you a great rest of the day and see you next time! 🤗🥰🤍 Stay safe until then! ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	37. You Will Find It One Day… Somewhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, alright... the end is here. 🤗🥰
> 
> I hope you you like it. 🤍

<Hyungwon POV>

Before Hoseok arrived at their apartment on Tuesday evening Hyungwon was on pins and needles. He desperately wanted to know why Hanna needed so urgently talk to his boyfriend, professionally on top of that. He was in the middle of reading an email with an official offer to shoot an editorial for a renowned magazine but Hyungwon couldn’t really pay attention to what he was reading because he was just waiting for Hoseok to come home and question him. Hyungwon was just genuinely worried about his friend.

Trying to talk to Changkyun about it during their work related phone call resulted in a simple reasoning from him that sounded extremely similar to what Hanna often said: ‘ _If Hanna doesn’t want to tell herself, then I’m really not the person to ask, Won. Sorry._ ’

The electronic keypad beeped and Hoseok walked in with a grunt. Hyungwon rushed to the hallway and took one look at his boyfriend and knew something was wrong. His slumped shoulders and the way he dropped his gym bag onto the floor were the biggest give away.

“Hoseok, what happened?” Hyungwon came to him and took his face into his hands. His eyes searched for the answer in the ones of his boyfriend. “Why are you looking like this?”

“Won,” he sighed heavily and embraced Hyungwon, who could hear his sad inhales and exhales, “I know what you want to hear from me, but I can’t share it. Sorry.”

Hyungwon pulled away. “Why?”

“Doctor-patient secret. If Hanna comes forth with it on her own it would be for the best.”

“Really? Changkyun said the same! Why? It’s not like I’m going to go around telling people,” Hyungwon protested and walked off into the kitchen, anger bubbling into him, feeling like his boyfriend didn’t trust him.

Hoseok followed Hyungwon determined to get Hyungwon to understand. “Won, listen. There are some things that shouldn’t be shared by other people that the one, who is the owner of the secret. You know, I’m all about being honest and not hiding anything, but this one is not our business. Hanna needs to deal with it on her own. Please don’t be irrational, baby.”

Hyungwon let out a huff and shook his head, crossing his hands over his chest.

“It’s nothing life endangering and it doesn’t threaten any person in the gang or their relationships,” Hoseok tried to reason with him one more time. “I think Hanna will tell us soon too.”

“Okay,” Hyungwon said quietly acknowledging Hoseok’s words. “What should we eat?”

“I’m not sure. After today, I don’t even feel like eating.”

“Well… alright then. I think I’m just going to make ramyeon then,” Hyungwon decided to make his boyfriend’s comfort food when he saw Hoseok sit on the barstool with his shoulders down and slouched back.

<Kihyun POV>

“I don’t want to just throw this away though. Hyunwoo, this is difficult for both of us, I know that… but I don’t want to give up because I’ve already been fighting for so long… and if I give all of the fight up now, what will be of the effort I have made in the recent years?” Kihyun’s voice was rather desperate. He didn’t want to just chuck the whole effort but he was at a crossroad and he had no idea where to move from there.

“So where do we go from now?” Hyunwoo asked the very difficult, yet obvious question.

“I don’t know,” Kihyun shook his head unknowing of what to do.

There was a moment of silence before Hyunwoo spoke again. “If I can offer my honest opinion…”

Kihyun noticed Hyunwoo’s raised brows so he only nodded for him to continue.

“I think we deserve another shot, Ki,” his tone seemed somewhat unconfident but Kihyun understood his hesitance. “The thing is… you and I have gone through a lot together. Our story is long and not an easy one to get one’s head around but _we know us_. We know what we are and what we feel. But at the same time… we are not the same people we were 7 years ago. Maybe it would be better _if_ we do start dating; we treat it as a new relationship and not as getting _back_ together. As I said, I get where you’re coming from about trusting me but I also think that it’s worth the shot for you to let me try regain your trust-“

“It’s not that you need to regain it or anything. You have it, I’m just suspicious and aware of the past a little too much, Hyunwoo,” Kihyun corrected him, wanting the other to know the truth about his stance.

“Okay,” Hyunwoo acknowledged, “but I’m not going to back down on my opinion that I think we are worth giving it another chance. And I’m guessing you’re of the same thoughts, am I right?”

Kihyun nodded softly, agreeing with Hyunwoo wordlessly. “So what are we now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Oh my God… why are we so awkward?” Kihyun laughed nervously at their situation, leaning back into the couch, sinking into the cushions a little bit. He took a sip of his beer and chanced a glance at Hyunwoo, who was smirking amused at Kihyun laughing so awkwardly.

Then Hyunwoo got an idea of how to alleviate this weird tension.

He set the bottle of beer he was holding in his hand onto the coffee table, while Kihyun watched him move with cautious gaze. Hyunwoo leaned in closer to Kihyun and out of nowhere pushed his lips against Kihyun’s in a passionate kiss. The two pairs of lips caressed one another with a synchronization that could only be owed to years of practice. Hyunwoo and Kihyun knew each other so well that they didn’t need to speak words or warm up to each other.

During the kiss, Kihyun felt himself relax in Hyunwoo’s hold and even though he was at first slightly taken aback by the sudden intimacy, he understood that Hyunwoo did it so that the awkwardness would go away. And Kihyun had to give it to him - Hyunwoo totally knew what to do to get Kihyun all pliant.

As minutes went by, the pair on the couch didn’t separate even for moment to take a breath. Only when the kiss began to get painfully hot, Kihyun found the familiar knot in his stomach forming as the desire he’s been holding started to bubble up to the surface, which resulted in Kihyun pressing closer to Hyunwoo’s heated body and moaning in the back of his throat rather wantonly.

That made Hyunwoo tear his lips from Kihyun’s and pulls away after giving the bottom one a light bite.

“Oh, why did you stop?!” Kihyun groaned in frustration

Hyunwoo chuckled as he lovingly stroked Kihyun’s cheek. “I just wanted to get you to loosen up. That’s all.”

“Well, you’ve loosened me up and then tightened me up all over again. So, you better have in plan to finish what you started, Son Hyunwoo… _or_ I’m leaving,” Kihyun threatened emptily.

“Then, if you leave you’ll never find out if I had the intention to bring it to homerun or not, will you?” he teased him with a smug smirk on his plump kiss-swollen lips. Hyunwoo knew all too well that the man wouldn’t just go like that.

However, Kihyun also had a small inside intel about the love of his life - when he teased Kihyun like so, he would let his guard down, thinking he stunned the other. So, Kihyun quickly took the reins into his hands and switched their positions from sitting next to each other to him straddling Hyunwoo’s lap on the couch. It was the one position Hyunwoo had always had a massive weakness for - Kihyun on top.

Hyunwoo’s hand automatically went to Kihyun’s hips, his big hands and long fingers reached to the middle of each of his globes and he squeezed lightly. Since Kihyun was in control now he responded to the squeeze by grinding his hips against Hyunwoo’s and this motion was reward by a low groan of lust coming from Hyunwoo.

Hyunwoo felt that both of them were half-hard in their pants, clearly he wasn’t the only being turned on by how Kihyun controlled the situation. There was that very familiar tug of scalding fire in Hyunwoo’s stomach that told him exactly where this evening was headed.

“Ki,” Hyunwoo panted, his mind beautifully clouded once Kihyun released his lips, only to attack the spot on the very back of his jaw, “we have all night. No-ah… no need… to rush.”

Kihyun ground his hips against Hyunwoo’s again and then one more time, while nibbling at his earlobe before moving his lips just a little up to whisper ever so quietly into Hyunwoo’s ear. “I’m not rushing, baby… I just can’t get enough.”

Hyunwoo’s insides twisted at the mention of his old endearment. He wished to hear it fall from Kihyun’s lips for so long and he couldn’t wait to get more. “Well, I don’t know how about you, but I’m definitely not a fan of having our first sex in almost seven years on the couch,” he said with a husky voice from which Kihyun could hear love and lust combined and then suddenly stood up from the couch, picking Kihyun up in the process. He wrapped his legs around Hyunwoo’s waist and clung onto his shoulders, but he wasn’t worried the man of his life would drop him. Kihyun had way too many memories of Hyunwoo carrying him like this when they fucked in the shower during their university years. As the image flashed through Kihyun’s mind, he knew he would be getting that soon… and that he would do anything to get it.

Before another mischievous thought could cross his mind his back hit the surface of Hyunwoo’s bed and no time was wasted before Hyunwoo pushed Kihyun shirt up and gently took one nipple into his mouth, teasing it as if his life depended on it, ultimately turning Kihyun into a moaning writhing mess.

Even though Kihyun slept for maybe about 4 hours this Wednesday morning before Hyunwoo’s alarm went off at 6AM again, he felt as thoroughly rested as if he slept for his typical 7 and a half. After the first round the two went to take a shower, which later turned out into the fulfillment of Kihyun’s earlier ideas. Then the two didn’t feel all too sleepy and Hyunwoo was still a little hungry so late night snack time it was and this in turn resulted in a hardcore make out in the kitchen. And when the two finally got back into bed neither wanted to go to sleep so they talked in quiet voices about complete nothings and the next thing Kihyun remembered was that it totally lulled him to sleep when Hyunwoo began to stroke his hair as Kihyun laid with his head on his arm.

Kihyun felt that every single part of his body had been properly worshipped and he stretched like a cat when he felt the body next to him begin to stir awake. When the sound of the alarm disappeared Kihyun felt an arm being thrown over his body, locking him to the mattress and then pulling him closer to the embrace of the person he spent the night with… and hopefully would spend the nights with until the end of his days.

“Mmmm, don’t you have to get up?” Kihyun murmured into Hyunwoo’s naked chest, enjoying the loving a little too much.

“I do, but I don’t care. I only care about holding you now,” Hyunwoo confessed his morning feelings with a sleep laced voice, making Kihyun chuckle adoringly.

“You can hold me in the kitchen after you take a shower and get ready,” Kihyun suggested. “I have to get back home too, you know. I have business to run.”

“I know. Just 5 more minutes,” Hyunwoo begged him and Kihyun imagined him pout as a little kid asking his mom to let him sleep for just a little longer on Monday morning.

“Okay,” Kihyun let him, because let’s be honest - he was going to suggest 10 more minutes rather than 5.

When both of them met in the kitchen again, Hyunwoo pecked Kihyun’s cheek upon his arrival and proceeded to make the coffee for both of them.

“I noticed you don’t make the coffee here too often,” Kihyun stated after seeing the coffee machine pristine clean for the last two mornings he’s been here.

“Actually, no. On weekends or if I home in the early afternoon. I go to Maddrip every morning,” Hyunwoo replied honestly as he went about all of the processes making the liquid of life.

“Not that it should be any of my business, because frankly they make killer coffee, but do you know how much money you would save if you made your coffee at home?” Kihyun turned to Hyunwoo with an inquisitive glance.

Hyunwoo nodded in acknowledgement. “I know, but if you have no one to spend it on but yourself, you tell yourself it’s worth it. For me, meeting the people there every single day is a type of detox, so I’m going to go even today. I’ll just drink the coffee later and eat the baguette for lunch, not breakfast.”

“I get it. I could make your lunch, Hyunwoo,” Kihyun offered with a shy smile that he didn’t know where it came from. “I used to do it pretty well back then, too.”

“Ki. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You have so much cooking to do already. On top of that, I think it would be more fun if we cooked together. I picked up some stuff when I lived in London,” Hyunwoo smiled, remembering his terrible beginnings in the small kitchen he had in the UK.

“Oh really? You never said anything,” Kihyun was surprised by the revelation, but suddenly his eyes dropped to the floor as he almost forgot about one fact.

“What is it?” Hyunwoo asked concerned, seeing how Kihyun’s mood dropped.

“I… the thing is… we… shouldn’t really come to my place,” Kihyun slowly let out the words, worried about what they may cause.

“Why?” Hyunwoo’s brows knitted in simple confusion.

Kihyun averted his gaze and even turned half way, so that he wasn’t completely facing Hyunwoo. “Yoongi is still at my flat. And he will stay until he finds a place that he really likes. I promised it to him.”

“Okay,” Hyunwoo’s responded nonchalantly and returned his attention back to the coffee.

“Okay?” Kihyun exclaimed utterly surprised. “Are you… are you not angry?”

Hyunwoo shook his head, smiling softly. “Angry? Angry at what? Kihyun, I don’t think you would stage your break up with Yoongi, just to get into a relationship with me, only to still sleep with Yoongi when you go back to your place. Don’t you think that’s a little too complicated?”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right. It is,” Kihyun didn’t even have to give it a thought to agree with his new-old boyfriend.

“I’m not jealous, Ki. I trust you,” he reached out with his hand and caressed Kihyun’s cheek, love dripping from his eyes as Kihyun leaned into his touch.

**~SATURDAY, MID- JUNE - 6 (almost 7) YEARS AFTER UNI~**

Hyunwoo and Kihyun planned to arrive at the last-minute organized hangout at Hyungwon’s and Hoseok’s separately as they wanted to keep their relationship between the two of them just for a little while longer. They wanted to enjoy each other’s sole attention without having to answer weird questions from Minhyuk or getting jabbed at by Hanna and the Hyungwon/Hoseok duo. These three could be absolutely unstoppable and if only Changkyun was in the mood to join them (which was like 99% of the time), someone (namely Kihyun or Hyunwoo… or both) would be the targets for the evening.

It wasn’t that Kihyun and Hyunwoo didn’t speak to each other, they interacted in the group chat but not when they arrived too much. And somewhat Kihyun was getting a bad feeling about this.

It must have been about an hour after everyone had arrived when there was a frustrated groan so loud that all the neighbors must have heard it coming from Hanna that the whole gang turned to her and the living room stayed silent waiting for her reason. “ _That’s it._ I’ve officially had enough.”

“I know right,” Minhyuk sighed, shook his head in a disapproving manner and took a big sip of his wine.

“Enough of what?” Hyungwon asked feigning confusion but Kihyun didn’t miss the small smirk playing on his lips.

“Those two,” Changkyun complained motioning towards Hyunwoo and Kihyun with his hand in an annoyed way.

“Oh yeah!” Hoseok exclaimed, slapping his forehead theatrically. “You mean, like, they think we don’t know they’re fucking again?”

“No, no, no, no,” Jooheon straighten his back, eager to correct the mistake in Hoseok’s sentence. “They’re not fucking. They’re _together_.”

“Hoseok, how could you make such a mistake?” Minhyuk turned to Hoseok, clicking his tongue.

“My bad, my bad,” Hoseok apologized to Minhyuk and Jooheon mockingly

Hyunwoo and Kihyun were left completely and utterly speechless at the acting of their friends. Kihyun’s mouth was left ever so slightly agape as he stared at his best friends. Hyunwoo’s expression likewise bore shock and his eyes jumped from one of his friend to another.

Changkyun made a sound that was right on the division between and titter and a scoff, raising his brows at the couple. “You guys really thought we wouldn’t notice right away?”

“Do you think we’re dumb or something?” Hyungwon continued after Changkyun with mockery in his voice.

“Sometimes,” Hyunwoo shrugged because at this point there was no other thing to do than retaliation.

“More like often,” Kihyun joined his boyfriend in the small and shy attack.

“Hey!” Hoseok exclaimed half-loudly but intensely. “Don’t speak like that about Minhyuk. That’s mean!”

“ _HEY!_ ” Minhyuk shouted right back over the roar of laughter that soared through the room in the relaxed atmosphere.

Kihyun laughed from the bottom of his heart, enjoying being surrounded by his best friends and the man he loved so much that he was willing to give up another of his deep loves. _These_ were the moments Kihyun would cherish until the day he wouldn’t be able to remember most things.

His heart felt the warmth he was seeking so keenly and he knew that even though he’s searched for a very long time, he finally found his way back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think of the ending? Did you like it? Did you hope for it to end this way? 🤗 At that one point ShowKi were just awkward, don't you think so? 🤭 Won will love Hoseok no matter what - just look at him making his comfort food 😍 (missing hyungwonho hours opened)... The gang saw right through them and they 'ganged' up Hyunwoo and Kihyun like that - that just shows how tight the friendship there is, am I right? 😄
> 
> So what did you think of the ending chapter? Did I do the story justice? Do you think it ended well? Please let me know your thoughts and opinions in the comments. 🤗 I would love to read about what you think and have a chance to talk to you 🤍🤍🥰🥰
> 
> 🙃 Also... I was browsing through my documents and found, by a complete chance, what I planned to be the *actual* first chapter of Find My Way Back, which I wrote back in October when I started writing it. The story was supposed to begin on the day of Hanna's surgery but from ShowKi POV and it covered a couple days after it too. It was finished and all, but then I decided to scrap it.🤷 Would you guys like to read it as a special chapter after the epilogue? Or should I just chuck it and never return to it? 🤔 Please let me know. 🤍🤗🥰
> 
> Next time: *epilogue* that's all I'm gonna say. You can take your guesses + a thank you note 🤍🤍🤍😉🥰🤗
> 
> 'Shameless advertisement' corner: 'World of Colors' will be updated in the next couple of days 😊 - end of corner.
> 
> Well, I hope you enjoyed reading the ending chapter of Find My Way Back and I hope to see you all in the epilogue in the next couple of days as well. Thank you for coming this far with the story, for kudo-ing and commenting. At the end of the epilogue I'll write a proper 'thank you', so please until then stay safe and take care. 🥰🤗🤍ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	38. Seek and You Will Find

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the epilogue is here. I hope you like it! See you at the bottom for my ending ment. 🥰✌🤗

**~WEDDING DAY, SATURDAY, END OF FEBRUARY - 7 YEARS AFTER UNI~**

<Kihyun & Hyunwoo POV>

“Come on, Hyunwoo! I don’t want to be late!” Kihyun shouted for the 5th time at his boyfriend that morning, who was still lazily moving around the apartment, slowly getting dressed into his suit for Hanna’s and Changkyun’s wedding. Kihyun has gotten dressed a long time ago and nervously walked there and back in his kitchen.

Hyunwoo hasn’t moved in with Kihyun yet, even though they’ve been together for over 8 months now, the professor said he enjoyed some of the nights when they were apart and Kihyun didn’t push it because so did he. They somehow silently agreed that when Hyunwoo’s apartment contract ends this coming summer, he will move in with Kihyun. They spent 4-5 nights together per week in both apartments, not arguing about going to one or the other. Some way it just worked out.

Kihyun realized that in September, couple months after they got together - Hyunwoo and him just flowed together so well. They had incredibly deep understanding for each other and even though they have had one or two small fights already it was nothing that could break them up. They grew together with the way they fought and Kihyun did have to admit that he was happier than before… even before when Hyunwoo and him were a pair back in the years of their university.

Back then both of them (compared to now of course) were too immature and too much, _way too_ _much_ , in love to oppose one another, to have a solid discussion. They wanted the relationship too much to fight or to do something to disrupt it. Of course, Kihyun didn’t forget the London secret but he somehow told himself that this Hyunwoo was no longer that person, as well as he was a different Yoo Kihyun compared to the one of his university years and that was a thing he was grateful to Yoongi for.

Mentioning Yoongi, he moved out at the end of summer after dragging Kihyun apartment hunting with him until his feet hurt so much that Kihyun didn’t want to talk the next day, only to move to the States for another three months at the end of December (which reminded Kihyun he would be back in a month and he should probably invite him over for dinner). Yoongi was one of the biggest supports in the early days of Kihyun’s new relationship with Hyunwoo and Kihyun himself was pleasantly surprised how chill Hyunwoo was about Yoongi.

“Will you hurry up, please!” Kihyun called out again, this time a little more frustrated that before.

“We have _enough time_ , Jesus Christ. Chill out, Kihyun!” Hyunwoo shouted back this time, annoyed more than 5 minutes ago when Kihyun told him he didn’t want to be late. They had way too much time still. If they got on the road now, they would arrive at an empty venue for Christ’s sake.

“No! There might be traffic. We need to go,” Kihyun reasoned with the same thing once again and if Hyunwoo could roll his eyes more loudly he would probably turn them to face his brain.

“There’s no traffic, it’s Saturday morning!!!” Hyunwoo was so done with this conversation they had last night as well, while he was buttoning his crisp white shirt up.

“How would you know?!” Hyunwoo seriously felt like Kihyun was trying to piss him off with these questions. He must have been because this really wasn’t real.

Hyunwoo checked the traffic app just 10 minutes ago when he was shaving and there was _nothing._ But of course Kihyun wouldn’t know that, because he was already walking out a hole his hardwood floor from his weird impatient obsession that there might be heavy traffic on a completely normal Saturday morning when the city wasn’t even snowed in. It was a bright sunny albeit freezing day. The best kind for a winter wedding.

“Just check the fucking Internet, Yoo Kihyun!” Hyunwoo yelled back when he buckled his pants, biting his lip before saying something else. Oh, he loved Kihyun so much but this was one side he wished Kihyun would have shaken in the years they spent apart. Hyunwoo calmed down in his years in London, his occasional hot-headedness dissipated into his cool-headed thinking processes of a professor. And these days the only thing that could bring out this side of him was this exact Kihyun, who was currently pacing back and forth in the living room as Hyunwoo was getting ready.

The feelings for Kihyun never lessened, only grew to be bigger and stronger but they were two adults, who tried _and tried hard_ to go through life together, so it was expected to see them argue from a time to time… after all Hyungwon and Hoseok fought too. Changkyun and Hanna are not even worth mentioning - they must have quarreled _every freaking day_ since they began to plan the wedding and not because they couldn’t agree on the color of the invites or the menu for dinner. No, they both didn’t care all that much so they would say things like: ‘you decide’ or ‘whichever you like’ et cetera, so they ended up fighting about the other not caring about a certain aspect when either of them didn’t give that much damn about anything.

In the end, Kihyun, Minhyuk and Hoseok took over because they couldn’t watch those two fight over the littlest things because they just didn’t care for a ceremony. They wanted to be together, to love each other and they didn’t need some fucking ceremony to prove it to other people. The papers also only made legal actions easier for them to make together. Changkyun and Hanna didn’t need a piece of paper to prove ‘I love this person’. And that’s why once the trio took over some of the planning and preparations, Changkyun and Hanna stopped fighting about stupid stuff, unless you count what they were going to watch on Netflix and which restaurant they would order from.

Hyunwoo walked out of the bedroom almost dressed, his tie hanging untied around his neck. “Did you check the app to see there’s no traffic?” he couldn’t just let the issue go, although maybe he should… but no.

“Do you have to keep being an ass? Kihyun shot him an irritated glare.

“So you did and there’s no traffic,” Hyunwoo smirked victorious.

“Shut up.”

Hyunwoo chuckled and moved closer to the mirror that was in the hallway next to Kihyun’s office and proceed to tie his neck tie. “I can’t believe I’ll see Hanna in a dress.”

“Yeah, me neither. I have to take pictures because that’s a once in a life time occurrence,” Kihyun agreed, his voice back to calm. Both of their attitudes gone and their shouting forgotten.

The ceremony was fairly normal, but the moment that Hanna walked in her white dress, everyone’s breath hitched but what Hyunwoo noticed wasn’t as much of Hanna’s bright smile but Changkyun’s.

The way Changkyun’s eyes awaited her coming through the door and then once she did, his eyes filled with love and slow smile began to spread across his face until it reached one that had the shining power of the Sun. He stared at her walk towards him, watching her every move as her father handed her over and Hyunwoo was sure that he’s never seen anyone happier than those two in his life so far. Or if he has, this moment has definitely over shadowed every other that he could remember.

When the ceremony was over the guests moved for the group picture and after a couple of pictures of the bride and groom as well as the congratulatory handshake or hug from everyone present, everybody moved to a nearby five-star hotel ballroom (courtesy of Kihyun’s booking abilities) for the reception.

Before the dinner began it was speech time. The first speech from Hanna’s father was beautiful as he spoke about seeing her grow up, while he worked so hard that he missed the years when she did so. He thanked her for being the best daughter he could imagine, for being so strong for going through everything she did, because she was so set on doing things on her own. He also apologized for times he wronged her during her teenagehood and hoped that she had forgotten the mistakes he’s made and moved on. But he also praised her for learning to look for help and support in Changkyun had she needed it. Hanna’s father then directed her attention to Changkyun and begged him to never give up on his daughter no matter how unbearable she would get, because they both knew she could be the most agonizing person in the whole world. The guests laughed and Changkyun’s mother made her speech, similar to Mr. Kang’s but about Changkyun.

Then it was the turn of the gang.

The gang sat at the table that was the closest to where the bride and groom were seated at a long table with their immediate families. Kihyun stood up, lifting his glass and clearing his throat. The group agreed Kihyun should be the one, who makes the speech, even if the nutritionist didn’t comply at first. He realized that Hyunwoo wasn’t that big on speaking in front of people that are not his class; Hoseok would most certainly cry because he was definitely sniffling during the ceremony; Minhyuk would most like embarrass both himself and the couple; Jooheon outright said that he would rather write lyrics for a love song that do a speech at a wedding so that was that and Hyungwon… well Hyungwon would make it awfully short because he got nervous when he was supposed to speak before a larger number of strangers. So Kihyun it was.

“Good evening, everyone. I have been elected by the Listen Up Gang,” Kihyun chuckled with the others from the group at the name of their group chat that originated to the day when they first met, “to be the person, who delivers the speech today. There have been many suggestions about what I should say and which embarrassing story I should reveal but knowing those two,” Kihyun pointed to Hanna and Changkyun with his flute of champagne, “I think it would backfire pretty badly, so I guess I’d rather skip that.”

The guests laughed shortly and Kihyun lightly cleared his throat again.

“I remember times when it was just Minhyuk and me - for a very long time it was just the two of us and then like a ray of bright _dark_ light Hanna appeared with her weird sarcastic humor that morphed over the years but the savage remained, strengthening along the way and even became double edged and sharper than ever thanks to Changkyun. So yeah… thanks Changkyun… that’s all we ever needed,” Kihyun clicked his tongue and sucked his teeth softly.

“You’re very much welcome,” Changkyun grinned like a Cheshire cat, pleased with himself.

“But along with Hanna came Hyunwoo and the two of us became four of us. And we were inseparable, even continuing to the same university together. One day, thanks to reconnecting with an old friend of Hanna’s and Hyunwoo’s - Hoseok, the four of us met the four of them - Hoseok, Hyungwon, Jooheon and Changkyun. Some stories that the eight of share should never be discussed… not even among us in a private sound proof room,” another short laugh echoed through the room. “But let me get to the point of what I wanted to say… Kyun, Han, you guys have found each other in a world where many people don’t have the chance to meet the person they’re supposed to. And you fit together so well that sometimes I cannot tell you apart anymore. So I wish you all the best in your marriage, if you need to argue than do so. You guys have proven many times how well you can fight, therefore please in the future don’t do so too well that it would get you to a breaking point. Hanna, you like to keep a lot of things to yourself and stew them in, but you shouldn’t go to bed angry. Kyun, don’t let her; make her talk it out with you…. Changkyun, you bear a lot on your shoulders and you don’t like to make Hanna’s heavier with your burden, but that’s exactly what a healthy relationship is - going through the obstacles of life together, so go to Hanna if you’ve reached a hurdle that might be too difficult for you to get over alone. And Hanna… just keep pushing him up the way you do because apparently it’s working. The last thing that I would like to say to you and trust me when I say this one comes _from the very bottom of my heart_ …” Kihyun sighed heavily, maybe a little theatrically, “Having parents like the two of you… I’m already worried for your kids.”

“Thank you, you can sit down now,” Changkyun stood up and pointed to Kihyun’s chair with his hand with a very forced smile. The ballroom erupted in laughter at their interaction and Kihyun grinned like a mad man as he sat down.

After Kihyun was done and the round of applause died down, Hyunwoo stood up before anything else could happen.

“Oh my God, didn’t you say only one of you guys is going to have a speech?” Hanna laughed asking. “Because if not, we’re going to be here for so freaking long.”

“No, just me left. Kihyun was elected to be the main speaker, I just wanted to add something,” Hyunwoo smiled gently, squaring his shoulders.

“Ok,” Changkyun agreed, reciprocating the same smile.

“Hanna, we’ve been friends for so many years that I don’t even remember what my life was before you and I became friends and after all of these years I can only say that I’m proud of you, my friend… because marrying Changkyun was your greatest accomplishment. Not your degree in medicine or your hospital work and neither of all you swimming achievements… No, marrying Changkyun is the best thing you’ve done your entire life,” Hyunwoo made fun of her in front of all the people that didn’t know him and/or their relationship because many of the guests were Hanna’s or Changkyun’s colleagues that had no idea, who the man that was speaking even was.

Hanna scoffed sarcastically and crossed her arms over her chest, but said nothing, wanting to see where Hyunwoo was headed with this.

“Any other day she would…” Changkyun shook his head, smirking at Hyunwoo.

“It’s so nice to have someone, who knows you so well,” she highfived Changkyun.

Hyunwoo chuckled before continuing. “But knowing you and being your friend also kind of came together with knowing people around you. I can safely say that I’ve known your mom as well as I know my own. Had your mom been here, she would be as proud of you as all of us are for everything you’ve done in your life… but especially for marrying Changkyun because as I said - biggest accomplishment of your entire life.”

“Asshole,” Hanna scoffed sarcastically at the last statement with a small sad smile and a tear spilled over onto her cheek as she remembered her mom that would be sitting in the empty seat at their long table.

Changkyun reached over and wiped the tear of her cheek gently and reached for her hand under the table.

“In either case… I hope you guys find solace and a safe haven in your marriage and… I think, most importantly - don’t lie to each other and don’t keep secrets. We all know what the price for it can be,” Hyunwoo finished on a serious note and Kihyun took his hand reassuringly into his and gave it a light squeeze, knowing well Hyunwoo didn’t only mean the long concealed Hanahaki or the lipstick on the collar of Changkyun’s shirt a year ago, but also his mistake of not telling Kihyun about his departure. It’s been a long time since then and he agreed with Kihyun when he said that they were completely different people than those who finished university more than 7 years ago, but there was still a big lesson learned.

The others nodded approvingly and Hyunwoo sat down as he listened to the wedding guests clapping.

After the dinner and the obligatory dances were finished the free party began with dancing and drinking, but the gang sorely promised that they wouldn’t get terribly drunk tonight. They wanted to remember the moments from the wedding party because they sure as hell knew this one was never going to repeat.

Kihyun was watching as Changkyun and Hanna once again danced to a slow song in the middle of the crowd of other pairs dancing, including Hyungwon and Hoseok, who were softly smiling at each other as if there was nothing else in the world than the other. Both of the men’s eyes glimmered with unconditional love and Kihyun felt his lips stretch into a soft adoring smile as well. The two have been together for over 13 years and they loved each other as if it was their first - Kihyun has always known they would last a life time.

Suddenly a hand wrapped around Kihyun’s waist and he turned to the side, his eyes falling onto his boyfriend. Kihyun leaned his head onto Hyunwoo’s shoulder and watched the dancing crowd for a moment longer.

“Do you want to go dance too?” Hyunwoo asked him in a loving voice.

“Give me one more minute, I just find this moment so beautiful and calm. I want to enjoy it just for a little longer,” Kihyun pressed a little closer to Hyunwoo and his boyfriend pulled him in a little tighter.

They stood like this for a couple of long moments before Hyunwoo whispered just loud enough for Kihyun to hear, but Kihyun wasn’t sure if he was supposed to. “Don’t worry, we’ll be there too.”

“Hm?” Kihyun lifted his head up from his shoulder and shot Hyunwoo a quizzical glance.

“Nothing,” Hyunwoo shook his head, smiling softly and kissed Kihyun’s temple adoringly.

Kihyun nodded and returned his head where it rested just a short while ago.

_You’re right… we will._

THE END.

A note from the author:

I would like to begin with a big massive **THANK YOU** 💗💗💗💗💗

Thank you for reading Find My Way Back for 38 chapter, for commenting and kudo-ing, for sticking with the gang until the end, for being their silent friend and supporter, for rooting for them as they went through life. 🤗 Find My Way Back probably marks the end of the small Feeling of You series of 10 years of the gang's lives and I couldn't begin to put my gratefulness into words, so please just know how thankful I am for the support that you have shown and please know that if you come here and read this whenever in the future (a month, a year, or longer) I'll give it my best to get back to you and reply to your comment. 😉💗🥰

At first, I really wanted Find My Way Back to be a 10ish chapter long story and really not give a hard time to ShowKi or actually make it so that only Joohyuk are the ones, who find their way back to each other because simply that's life, but I let my characters live their lives and it just turned out this way, usually I just planned some of the big markers of life for them as the story flowed. 🤷‍♀️ I hope that there have been times when you were frustrated or upset with the story, maybe shed a tear or two or kept on the edge of your seat, wishing to read the next chapter immediately even though it hasn't been written just yet. 🤗 Or maybe you gave shot to a movie or a song that I referenced, as I tried to make this story as close to you, the readers, as possible.

I often forget what I want to, or planned to, say in the ending note but if I was to put into one simple thing - I am incredibly grateful to everyone, who read this story and hopeful to keep meeting you in the other ones that I wrote, am writing or will write. 🥰😊

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know in the comments what you think of the epilogue as it it basically 'the last' interaction with you guys at Find My Way Back. 🥰🤍🤗 and I would love to hear your final thoughts.
> 
> As this story comes to an end I have just one simple question - if there was ever another chapter or a part you'd like to read from this AU, what would it be? I'm not saying that I will come back to this AU in the next couple of weeks, since I'm working on World of Colors and also a small irregular and very casual story compilation, but if there was something you'd like to, please share it with me. ✌😄😉
> 
> Next chapter is technically a 'thank you' chapter - I will post the original first chapter of Find My Way Back that I wrote back in October. So until then please stay safe and take care! ヾ(￣▽￣) Bye~Bye~


	39. Where We Left Off (Special Chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end... or the beginning... I don't know at this point, I'm a little confused 😂 Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy this special chapter as this truly is the end of Find My Way Back. 🤍

**~FEBRUARY 14TH, DAY OF HANNA’S SURGERY - 3RD YEAR OF UNI~**

<Kihyun POV>

Kihyun was dragged out of the hospital room, where his best friend laid with the cause of her Hanahaki standing next to her. He was fuming with anger that he let something so major slip away from his view; that he overlooked the fact that Hanna was suffering so much and the one thing that hurt him more than Hanna keeping this shit to herself was that Hyunwoo was on the same boat as she was.

_How could he do this to me?_

When Hyunwoo, the boy he loved so fucking much, pulled him to a bench to sit down he on purpose sat one spot apart from Hyunwoo, who sighed loudly and moved that one chair down to sit next to his angry boyfriend.

“You knew?” Kihyun gave him an accusatory look.

“Ki…” Hyunwoo tried to begin his explanation.

“You knew it was Kyun,” Kihyun really didn’t let Hyunwoo take the word. He was so irritated, he wanted to let the anger out on someone but at the same time he knew that Hyunwoo didn’t deserve his temper. He was as scared for Hanna as Kihyun was after all.

“Yeah,” Hyunwoo sighed yet again. This moment was supposed to be happy for him, for her, for everyone but the burden of secrets past made it a little difficult. Kihyun felt betrayed by both his best friend and his boyfriend, however he didn’t want to yell at him or make him feel bad.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Kihyun asked turning his eyes to stare into Hyunwoo’s as if he was looking for the truth there.

“You know how Hanna is, Ki. You know how she is and you know I could never betray her by breaking a promise. I already broke one to her today and I know I’m gonna get my stomach cleared for that,” Hyunwoo answered him truthfully.

“But-”

“But you know if the positions would have been reversed you would have done the same freaking thing, Kihyun. We both know it,” Hyunwoo raised a brow to him and Kihyun nodded. He acknowledged the fact that Hyunwoo was right. If Hanna asked him to, he would do the exact same thing.

Laughter sounded from the right of Kihyun and when he looked over Hoseok and Minhyuk were pulling on Joohoen’s cheeks making fun of him. _Well, at least someone is laughing here,_ Kihyun thought to himself.

“C’mon, Ki. Please don’t be angry with me. You know I care for Hanna as much as you do. She’s my oldest friend. We have been there for each other pretty much our whole lives. Please, Ki, trust me when I say I know how you feel. It was so difficult for me to keep this a secret… especially from you,” Hyunwoo grabbed one of Kihyun’s hands and begged him with his eyes to stop being angry with him.

“Okay. I get it,” Kihyun sighed and smiled at Hyunwoo. “I can’t really be angry with you. You know that. I love you too much for that…” Hyunwoo’s jaw dropped and only then Kihyun realized what he’d said. He said he loved Hyunwoo. And it was the first time. “I…”

“I love you too, Ki,” Hyunwoo smiled the biggest, most genuine smile that his face ever got into.

“Awww, aren’t you two just the cutest!” Minhyuk exclaimed from where the four of them were sitting

“Shut up, Minhyuk,” Hyunwoo flipped him off but his face boasted a proud smile. He turned to Kihyun and kissed his cheek tenderly.

“Yeah, don’t pick on them,” Hyungwon nudged Minhyuk’s shoulder, “just because you’re jealous that you don’t get that from the people that don’t even get to warm up your bed with how fast you go through them.”

“Excuse me!” Minhyuk exclaimed feigning being offended so blatantly Hoseok already started to laugh. “Are you accusing of being a man-whore?! Well, I fucking apologize to you Mr. Monogamy and all that shit… but I really fucking like to keep my options opened rather than getting stuck with one dick for the rest of my life. _AND_ must I remind you that my bed gets warm fucking enough ‘cause I’m just that _freaking hot_!” Minhyuk had his best sassy game on and it had Kihyun wiping his tears from the corners of his eyes from laughing so hard. Hoseok was a complete mess along with Hyungwon and Jooheon as Minhyuk flipped his imaginary long hair and clicked his tongue.

The hospital staff members that passed them in the hallway during this special moment gave Minhyuk the weird looks and quirked brows, which made the situation all the more funny.

Changkyun suddenly stepped out of the room with a half sad half happy look on his face, he plopped next to Hyunwoo onto the empty seat with a heavy sigh. All six of his friends looked at him expectantly.

“So?” Minhyuk couldn’t wait to hear any news from Changkyun as he moved to stand above him.

“So what?” he sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose in a frustrated manner.

“What do you mean ‘so what’? What happened? Are you guys going to work it out? Is she getting out of this fucking mess? Or did you fuck up again?” Kihyun burst out into an open flamed wrath that had been calmed down by Hyunwoo previously, but Changkyun dared to wake up the devil again.

“I don’t freaking know… honestly. I know she’ll get better because now we both know about each other’s feelings but like when I asked her about a date she told me to leave the room like right fucking then because apparently she needs to get back in the pool,” Changkyun groaned out the answer, which brought a bright smile onto Hyunwoo’s face and that in turn earned him a punch from Kihyun.

“And why the hell are _you_ smiling?” Kihyun asked Hyunwoo after hitting him on the chest.

“She’s getting back in the pool, Ki! My friend is baaack!” he laughed so happily, which was genuinely contagious to the whole group that everyone ended up smiling brightly. He then hugged Kihyun tightly and even thought it left the shorter a little startled, he happily hugged him back.

That night the seven of them walked into RapGround and walked out at midnight when it was closing… well, _some of them_ walked out… Hyunwoo and Minhyuk got _hammered._ Hyunwoo celebrated two things right away - one: Kihyun told him he loved him and his best friend was getting back to the pool to be his ‘swim or die forever’ as he mentioned it multiple times to equally smashed Minhyuk, who drank just because he could and had someone to drink with. Kihyun did think that he was pretty happy that Hanna was going to be okay, but Minhyuk was Minhyuk and there was nothing that could be done about it.

Kihyun carried Hyunwoo (with the help of the mighty diving team captain Hoseok) to his room, where he laid him on the bed hoping his boyfriend wouldn’t throw up all over the bed while he went to get a deep bowl to the kitchen, just in case he wouldn’t make it to the bathroom during the night. Last time Hyunwoo got this drunk was in the first year after him and Hanna did so splendidly at the Winter Champs.

And tonight they did it on a Wednesday. Kihyun already knew he was going to take a piss out of Hyunwoo and Minhyuk considering they even managed to show up to lunch on Thursday.

Being the responsible human that Kihyun was, he showered, brushed his teeth, washed his face and like his mom taught him, applied moisturizer and went to lie down next to the tall drunk man, who currently occupied the whole bed with his starfish way of sleeping. Kihyun shook his head at the sight and chuckled quietly. He then manoeuvred the limp body to a position that he could hug in his sleep and laid down next to him.

He thought Hyunwoo wouldn’t even move because he sure slept like a log after a rough practice or a night out, but the taller boy hugged the slim body of his boyfriend back, pulling him closer so their body heats didn’t separate during the short night ahead of them. It was sweet and Kihyun found it to be a beautiful loving gesture considering Hyunwoo was _pretty_ drunk.

The morning came sooner than Kihyun would have liked. He was lucky enough not to have a 9AM class and he only had to wake up at 9 to have his 2 hours of morning peace, which was a ritual of his every day. During these 2 hours in the morning Kihyun would make himself a nice breakfast, check some things he had for the day during lectures or study a little if there was an upcoming test, but usually he would read a book, listen to a TED talk or watch some video he found interesting in the morning. This was his almost every day ritual that he’s had since junior year at high school. Every day he would do the same thing, but not really. And then Hyunwoo became his boyfriend and on the mornings after the nights he stayed over Kihyun would spend the time either sleeping in next to Hyunwoo cuddling him if he was still sleeping or like Hyunwoo usually enjoyed their mornings - making out.

Kihyun never thought he would be a fan or a morning make out (or sex, sometimes, when they both woke up early enough), taking into consideration the fact that he hadn’t brushed his teeth at that point, however he came into liking being woken up by Hyunwoo softly kissing his cheeks, nose and forehead.

This time, Kihyun awoke with a jolt to his blaring alarm that he had set the previous morning and completely forgot about it last night. The he heard a terrible groan from next to him, which to his morning ears sounded like a wounded dinosaur. He laughed at that and untangled himself from Hyunwoo’s arms and quickly got out of the bed. He turned the alarm off on his phone and noticed a message in the group chat.

**~[Listen Up Gang]** chat room~

 **[onehanna]** : yo

 **[onehanna]** : is anybody gon pick me up from the hospital or should i walk alone?

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : dude, ask ur bf

 **[onehanna]** : dont have one

 **[Sweet Like Honey]** : that hurt me for u kyun

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : cheers joo ㅠ-ㅠ

 **[onehanna]** : oh please…

 **[onehanna]** : dont fight for it all of you…

 **[onehanna]** : i’ll just walk on my own then

 **[onehanna]** : thank u all oh so kindly

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : omw, just wait a little bit

 **[Chef Ki]** : han, why r u so bitter, so early in the morning?

 **[onehanna]** : ki, tell that traitor to get his stomach ready for some clearing when he wakes up

 **[onehanna]** : im pretty pissed

 **[happybunny]** : he drank a lot last night

 **[happybunny]** : go easy on him

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : hanna told me to reply to that: NOPE!

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : with like a super pronounced ‘p’

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : and that he deserves it and that he knows it

 **[Chef Ki]** : okay, i’ll tell him when he wakes up ^^’

Kihyun chuckled again at his best friend and looked at the man in question lying on his bed still making sounds of a hurt bear. “Hyunwoo!” he called out. The man rolled his head around towards the sound of his name but his eyes didn’t open. “You gotta get up!”

“Hmmmmpf…” was the answer Kihyun got as Hyunwoo reached for the cover and pulled it over his head to block the sun ray coming in through the window.

“Oh no, you didn’t,” Kihyun murmured. “You better be up by the time I get out of the shower, Son Hyunwoo. We both have lectures. It’s Thursday.” On a normal day Kihyun would pull him out of the bed and make him get his ass out of the bed but he understood the difficulty of that morning after the previous night, so he decided to be the nice boyfriend given the circumstances.

Kihyun showered, washed his hair, brushed his teeth, completed the full skin care routine and 25 minutes later after blow drying his hair he got out of the small tiny bathroom in his dorm room and saw that Hyunwoo was sleeping soundly, in the exact same position as the shorter left him in. Then Kihyun got dressed and went over to the bed to sit on the side of it.

“Babe, you have to wake up,” he shook him gently and kissed him on the cheek. He got a soft agreeing ‘hmmm’ as a response. Kihyun kissed the other cheek and another ‘hmmm’. “C’mon. I have to make my 11AM lecture and you have to go eat some soup.”

It took Kihyun the next 15 minutes to get Hyunwoo to get out of the bed. His movements were slow and lazy but he did manage to put on the shoes the right way even though he wobbled around and his balance was slightly unsteady. “Ki, my head’s killing me. Do you have a painkiller?” Hyunwoo asked when they left the room.

“Sorry, I don’t have any on me… plus I think soup would actually do you better,” Kihyun grabbed Hyunwoo’s hand, who in turn interlaced their fingers.

“Oh, why can’t it be cloudy?” Hyunwoo complained when the two exited the dorm building and Kihyun laughed at the suffering of his boyfriend.

Don’t get him wrong though, he felt bad for the pain that Hyunwoo was in right now (after all he’s been there his fair share of times) but at the same time Hyunwoo was quite adorable when he tried to cower from the sunlight coming from the clear February sky. The cold air still bit into the skin of Kihyun’s cheeks, assuring him they would be red later after entering a heated room.

Both of their phones chimed with a notification and Kihyun realized right away it must be the group chat again. Hyunwoo didn’t even bother to reach for his phone - he either realized the same thing or just couldn’t be bothered in his hung-over state.

**~[Listen Up Gang]** chat room~

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : r we up for lunch?

 **[Sweet Like Honey]** : im in

 **[Chef Ki]** : me too

 **[Chef Ki]** : hyunwoo too

 **[Sweet Like Honey]** : i want to see how hyunwoo and min look XD

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : i doubt minhyuk is even awake lol

 **[just min]** : i am awake an u guys r being obnoxiously loud -_-

 **[happybunny]** : lol

 **[Sweet Like Honey]** : hahahaha

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : dont laugh guys

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : i know how he feels

 **[just min]** : aww kyunnie

 **[just min]** : thanks for the support

 **[onehanna]** : yeah

 **[onehanna]** : he feels like the absolute shit for going out drinking w/o me

 **[onehanna]** : thats what u get traitor

 **[just min]** : u know we went to celebrate that u will be healthy

 **[onehanna]** : and how exactly does that exclude me from being a part of the celebration?????

 **[Chef Ki]** : u were in the hospital

 **[onehanna]** : oh idk…

 **[onehanna]** : u could have waited for a couple of days

 **[onehanna]** : or at least one

 **[onehanna]** : SINCE IM OUT ALREADY 

**[onehanna]** : but u guys had to go out w/o me

 **[happybunny]** : changkyun, take ur girl out

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : yeah, take care of ur girl

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : we r out rn, u know

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : thats why only one of us replies at a time

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : *facepalm and head shake*

 **[onehanna]** : yeah

 **[onehanna]** : as of today i only have one friend

 **[Chef Ki]** : lol what?????

 **[onehanna]** : u heard me

 **[happybunny]** : :’(

 **[Sweet Like Honey]** : and who would that be?? XD

 **[just min]** : ofc me

 **[onehanna]** : hoseok

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : looooooool XDDDD

 **[just min]** : WHAT?!

 **[Chef Ki]** : oh what the hell?

 **[Chef Ki]** : he cant even cook

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : what abt me tho? i didnt do anything wrong? :/

 **[onehanna]** : ok ok

 **[onehanna]** : won, u are also my friend

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : YES!

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : lol

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : suckers hahaha

 **[happybunny]** : *hwh high five*

 **[Sweet Like Honey]** : but like, what did I do?

 **[onehanna]** : u’re friends w min

 **[Sweet Like Honey]** : we all are!!!!!

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : omg guys

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : u should see han’s face rn

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : im worried she’ll die from laughing hahahahaha

 **[happybunny]** : classic

 **[Chef Ki]** : see you guys at lunch at 1?

 **[happybunny’s Won]** : isnt that like breakfast time?

 **[happybunny]** : u already ate breakfast

 **[Sweet Like Honey]** : we’re in the same lecture won

 **[Sweet Like Honey]** : we have been for like 2 hrs now

 **[Sweet Like Honey]** : thats totally not breakfast

 **[just min]** : how did u even get u for lecture at 9???

 **[Sweet Like Honey]** : bcs we realized early enough last night that it was wednesday yesterday

 **[Sweet Like Honey]** : and that on thursdays we have a 9am lecture

 **[just min]** : how is it just thursday?

 **[just min]** : i feel like i lived 5 lives since Sunday

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : again

 **[he-is-what-he-is]** : i know how u feel

Kihyun laughed at Changkyun’s last message as he entered his lecture hall. He walked there entirely by heart never noticing that Hyunwoo was still right next to him. “Hyunwoo, are you even awake?” Kihyun chuckled.

“Not really,” he leaned against the wall with tightly shut eyes.

“Text Changkyun and Hanna where they are and hang out with them until lunch,” Kihyun suggested.

“Uh, I’d rather avoid Hanna for a bit until she calms down,” Hyunwoo shook his head but had a genuine smile on his face.

“Don’t you think that would only make it worse?” Kihyun raised a brow at him.

“Maybe, but I’d rather suffer later than right now,” Hyunwoo laughed and leaned in towards Kihyun to give him a soft kiss on the cheek. “I think the best thing I _can_ do right now is go take a shower and brush my teeth.”

“Please,” Kihyun shooed him away and entered the lecture hall.

<Hyunwoo POV>

Hyunwoo really wanted to escape Hanna’s wrath, if it could be called that. She wasn’t a person, who would get angry a lot, she would rather close up and then get drunk one day and blurt it out because there was truth at the bottom of the bottle, right?

But there was no way to get away from it as he sat down at the lunch table shortly past 1PM along with the whole gang - he was the last to join. She was still terribly thin but coughed only occasionally as Kihyun informed him through text on his way there.

There was silence at the table, well almost - the only thing disturbing the kind of silence (because they were in a busy cafeteria after all) was Minhyuk’s not-so-occasional groan and complaint about how sick of a hangover he had.

“Okay, you know what guys?” Hanna started off and broke the silence. “I will get this off the table so we can get back to how we always used to be.” She fell silent for a bit and Hyunwoo lowered his head toward the table even more. “Since you guys have gone drinking without me to celebrate this pink shit disappearing from my lungs in a natural way, you all pay for me when we go celebrate your bachelor degrees.”

“What?! No!” Kihyun exclaimed. “No way!”

“That’s not fair and you know it,” Hyungwon agreed with Kihyun and Hoseok also nodded to express his opinion on it.

“And here I thought you wanted to clear Hyunwoo’s stomach,” Jooheon pointed out and Hyunwoo sent him an angry half-murderous glare as a thank you letter.

“Oh, that too. I just wanted to let him stew a bit,” she answered cheekily and Changkyun laughed lowly, which earned him the same glare at Jooheon got. “But I’ll forget about it if he buys me drinks in RapGround next time we go. Considering the weight I am now, it won’t even be expensive.”

“Is that really all?” he asked in disbelief.

“No. Wait until I’m drunk, my friend. You know I’m not good at this shit when I’m sober. Plus I couldn’t be angry with you when I’m sober, Hyunwoo… duh.”

“So we’re good?” he wanted it to be clear.

“Have we ever not been?” she quirked a brow at him.

“Nah, we’re good,” he smiled at her.

“So, how many friends you have?” Minhyuk asked mockingly interested.

“Six.”

“Ooooh, too bad to be you, Kyun,” Minhyuk laughed.

“She actually meant you,” Kyun stated as a matter of fact and Hanna high fived him, giving Minhyuk the reassurance that that’s exactly what it meant.

And they were back to being the same as ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it and let me know what you thought in the comments about the short re-visit of the university years! 🤍🥰🤗

**Author's Note:**

> That's all folks! I hope you enjoyed, leave a comment with an opinion and a kudo if you like the story please! :) See you in my other stories! Take care!


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